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EqE Character Comments posted by Shift

  1. Hi there, i'm Shift, your critique for the evening.


    First off, you can't use actual ages in the age category. For example, you should change your age to Young Stallion, or just Stallion if you prefer.


    He's cutie mark can't be that he's adopted. His special talent being adopted makes no sense. If you really want his cutie mark to be a cake, make it represent his happiness in...parties? Or something. If not, i'd suggest his cutie mark to be blacksmithing or something that requires no friends. A cake obviously wouldn't be an 'antisocial' cutie mark, but you could make it work.


    The likes and dislikes are fine, but if you added something he really, really dislikes to dislikes, that would help flesh out his character a bit more.


    Really good History, though if you could give a bit more on why he was found outside an orphanage, that would be great.

  2. Hi there! I'm Shift.


    I'm not sure if Swords exist or are OK in EQW, because swords have never been used in the show besides Mystery on the Friendship Express, and that was in a flashback, so i'm not sure if they exist. Normally ponies use spears or such, so i'd suggest changing your cutie mark to just a shield, but technically that's the mods decision. Also, being the captain rank is a little too high, Shining Armor is the captain after all, and as such, he would be on the level on Shining Armor. As such, I would suggest moving him to a high-ranking lieutenant.


    I can see some errors, as the 'Royal Guard' should be capitalized, Canterlot should be capitalized, Crimson and Violet's name should be capitalized, in backstory 'tome' should be 'time', the 'between' in backstory is unnecessary, in your character's name, 'Clash' should be capitalized, Celestia's name should be capitalized in personality and likes, Luna should be capitalized in 'likes', in cutie mark 'shiled' should be 'shield', in 'backstory', the first sentence is a run on, so I suggest fixing that, too many periods after 'training Crimson to join the Royal Guard', in backstory 'mothers shop' should be 'mother's shop', in backstory, tkae should be take, and I can't see his horn in the picture so what's up with that. 


    Yeah, that last paragraph was me being a grammar nazi.