I originally thought about contacting each person privately about this, but there's so many of you that I felt it'd be easier to make this blog and simply send the link to those that I felt should read this. Of course, I can't quite remember every single person that I wronged in some way, so...if you're reading this and feel this applies to you and I didn't send you the link to this blog, then I'm sorry. But, either way, this is a general apology to a fair amount of people. I won't give names for privacy sakes, but hopefully you'll recognize when I'm referring to you.
I made a lot of friends here...but I left a lot of the ones that mattered the most to me for rather terrible reasons/excuses. I perhaps came on a little too strongly to some friends, too, caused them emotional distress, and brought a rather awful end to what was at first a great friendship. In some cases...I even had friends that I had great relations with, but abandoned because at the time I sought out things in my friends that were not present in some of the ones I got close to. Least to say, I'm not a particularly great person I believe I made myself out to be.
I'm sorry to all of you, to all these people that I hurt, took advantage of, and/or threw away for no good reason. I don't think sorry cuts it at this point, but whether you choose to accept my apology or not, I felt awful for the things I did. I still do not feel good about them, and never will. So, at the very least, I wanted to come clean with all of you.
Clinginess, stubbornness, depressive behavior, obsessive behavior, temper, and an overall unstable personality...these all played a great role in the things that happened with my past friends. I hope you can understand that these are by no means excuses for what I did, but honest truths. I had issues, lots, and no matter how many times I said I felt better it was never true. However, recently I believe I've finally begun to grow out of these emotions a little more. I'm not gonna say I've healed of all these things, not entirely, but they're better. I waited a fairly long time to tell all of you this for that reason, in fact. I wanted to be sure I was at least mature enough to come clean and mean it. I hope even some of my oldest friends that saw my worst days can see at least a hint of improvement in me.
Now, I'd like to delve into a bit more detail, to make sure that the people I have affected can truly pinpoint where in this blog I'm apologizing to them specifically. I'd like to start with something I've said already: Obsession and clinginess. There is one person on here that I impacted greatly, and really dragged down with me, and I can't ever forgive myself for that. I clung to them like nothing else, and the moment I felt them slip away, I clawed into their arm. A month or so after I started doing this I made things incredibly difficult for them, and so I would like to say that I am truly sorry for bringing you down the way I did. I was even worse when you gave me two extra chances, but the second time you were around less. I was clearly obsessed, and I couldn't let go. I think I was at an all time high of being mentally disturbed, and I wish you hadn't been in the crossfire.
There's a few people I'm apologizing to that I did something else to. I abandoned them, gave up on them, or just straight up stopped caring about them because they didn't give me what I wanted from a friend. One specifically chose to...unfriend me for a time because of content in my avatar. I let them go from that point on, as I had simply stopped caring about them. It's been months since I even talked to you last, and I'm sorry it took me this long to apologize to you. I don't know how much my actions hurt you, but whether they did or not, you were a great friend, and I'm sorry I sort of...just left you that way. As for other people, I pretty much straight up abandoned you all. Some of you were clearly upset, and though at the time I felt like I had reason for my actions, they were simply terrible excuses to rid of you all.
One other thing...I got very close to someone on here, and after some extensive emotional complications, I found that one day said person had started to a show a side of themselves that I didn't see before, and I left them rather instantly because of it. It was unfair of me to judge them so quickly, and I hope they can forgive me for that.
Guys...anyone reading this...you all deserve an apology. Whether I caused issue with whoever is reading this or not, I had the tendency to post several status updates or things that clearly showed I was having...troubles. I recognize that doing that did no good, and I made myself a bit of a minor reputation that some people I never even interacted with saw and...well that's probably why I never got along or talked to them much.
I hope I was able to make small amends to those that I affected in all of this. I don't expect forgiveness nor I do expect I can be friends with those individuals again, but at the very least, I hope you all read this.
Thank you.
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