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Evilshy

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  1. Evilshy
    Kyoshi



    Platform: video games are the best thing ever



    Genre: dumbass brony neckbeard



    Publisher/Developer: lol you think this guy is worth publishing?



    ESRB: BAN for Bitch-Ass Nerd



    Price: so desperate he'll pay you


     




    Accurate description of Kyoshi


     

    Oh my god look at this fucker. He literally thinks its cool to be a "weird" brony gamer. This ain't middle school, bro. Have some goddamn self respect.



    All he does is play video games and then bitch about them on his blog. He even says he forgets to breathe sometimes because he's playing so many games. I don't even fucking know, man.


     

    What is he like? In case you couldn't tell from the previous picture, here it is again:


     




    Still accurate


     

    That's what this idiot is like. And he thinks it's cool. What the fuck.


     


    Also he has a fetish for Shredded Wheat:


     




    He wants to fuck this


     

    You can see it in his eyes. Whenever he looks at Shredded Wheat, it's like 50 Shades of Kyoshi all over that processed grain shit.



    I wouldn't even eat that shit, much less sleep with it. Get a fucking job and buy some real goddamn breakfast. And when you do, you can put it your fucking mouth:


     




    Be glad you can't hear him through the internet


     

    Maybe it would stop all the fucking stupid sounds from coming out of it. 8 bit? This is 2016 motherfucker. You better sound like some motherfucking 800 kbps FLAC or you're a little bitch. And grilled cheese? That ain't even sound, bro. Get your head checked out, there's some shit wrong with you.


     

    And if you have the misfortune of actually listening to Kyoshi (seriously why the fuck would you do that), you're gonna hear some shit that makes anti-vaxxers sound like fucking Einstein. He does shit like review himself, make up words, and talk in the 3rd person. It's like he thinks he's actually fucking important.


     




    MFW he thinks he's important


     

    Final Verdict: He's fucking dumb. Unfollow his blog. Unfriend him (oh wait he has no friends). Ignore him forever.


     
     
     
     
     
    In case it's not obvious, this is a joke. Kyoshi is awesome.
  2. Evilshy
    Astronomers and physicists alike were shocked when it was discovered that the moon is caused by werewolf transformations and not the other way around, as was often thought. This was discovered after the moon disappeared for approximately 6 hours after a large clan of dissident werewolves was wiped out by the CIA Supernatural Division.
    During this time, tides were altered worldwide, leading to thousands of wrecked boats of all sizes. The tidal bulge (the water held by the gravity of the moon, responsible for the tides) dispersed, causing massive waves and major destruction along Atlantic Coasts. Experiments carried out in the LSRF Facility on Mercury confirmed that moons can be created for otherwise moonless planets when sufficient werewolves transform on the surface at similar times.
     
    "We suspect the mass of the planet effects the number of transformations required to create a moon." said the lead researcher. She continued "We only had about a hundred werewolves on Mercury, and we managed to maintain a small moon for almost a day." Several shipping companies have already expressed interest in harnessing MCvW (Moon Control via Werewolves) to make ocean shipping more efficient, though it will likely be decades before such technology will be reliable.
     

    One astrophysicist joked "given the causal connection we just found between werewolves and the moon, maybe the sun exists because some pagans worship it." In light of the political tensions between the Pagan Guilds, such a connection could have major ramifications if the Gathering does not go smoothly, as many analysts suspect it might not. We at the Root would like to remind all of our faithful readers that magical circles can be drawn by anybody, and instructions for several minor circles and protective rituals will be included in this month's pamphlet.
  3. Evilshy
    I know I don't usually review episodes in blog posts, but I am doing so this time because this episode has been very polarizing for the fandom, and is a pretty big deal. And also, because I have a fairly large amount to say.
     
    I don't want to scare people off with this post; I thought this was one of the worst episodes yet, but I'm not going to be spewing mindless hate. There were many aspects to this episode that I know other people like, and I like that some people liked this episode. It just wasn't for me.
     
    Also, before I get started, I'd like to say that I'm not hating on Twilicorn, nor do I think that the show is ruined. While the show will definitely have to change in order to still make sense, I don't think that Twilicorn will make it impossible for the show to be good.
    I'm only talking about why I didn't like THIS episode.
     
    In order to explain why I didn't like this episode, I must explain what I like about most other episodes.
     
    -The humor: This show has great, character driven humor. It's innocent, it's funny, and it's not forced. It's not like other children's shows these days, with their toilet humor, or over-the-top surreal humor (I like surreal humor when done right, but sometimes, it's just stupid), sad attempts at being random, and drama coated in rudeness that is supposed to be funny for some reason.
    I like MLP's little gags, the visual humor, references only adults would get, and the fact that they squeeze so much humor out of character simply being themselves without it seeming too repetitive.
    This episode had very little of that. Yeah, we had Pinky drinking the water just so she could spit it out (which got me to actually laugh out loud), we had Rainbow's pimp hat (which I loved), we had a few little things with the Mane 6 not being able to keep up with each others talents (which had some pretty funny parts), but over all, the entire episode was sub-par storytelling.
     
    -The pacing: The writers really know how to make 22 minutes seem a lot longer than it really is. Not so much with this episode. It was over so quickly, it felt like half an episode. The problem got no build up, it was there literally from the beginning of the episode. After they explained it in a song (which I'll get to later), Twilight explained how it happened in about a minute, and in another minute she already had a plan to fix it. This wouldn't have been a problem, it's happened plenty in other episode; the thing is, in those ones, the first plan didn't work. It created more tension, since the obvious, most likely solution didn't work, forcing the characters to think outside the box. But not here, it was basically: "My friends don't know who they are anymore? Well, what can I do... Oh, I know, I'll just tell them who they are! Hey look, it worked!" And I know what you're thinking, that Twi didn;t just tell them, she showed them what their true destinies were, but really, all she did was say "hey, Fluttershy, Dash is having some trouble with some animals, maybe you should help her?" and about a minute later, Fluttershy was back to normal. Repeat for the rest of the Mane 6, and the entire "conflict" of the episode was resolved in a few minutes.
     
    - The plot: No, not that kind of plot... although this would've been a great opportunity for some Celestia plot, and I don't remember seeing any.
     
    Tying into what I said above, MLP generally has interesting and well written stories. Even though it targets kids, I find myself very interested in what happens. The conflicts seem real, and the mane 6 have to actually work at fixing them. This episode had a great initial conflict. All the ponies marks and destinies got switched? Surely they'll have to go through some pretty hard stuff that will really test them in order to find themselves again... right?
    ...
    ...
    ...or... Twilight could just go tell them what their talents are. That's cool too, I guess -_-
     
    -The music: I never thought I'd say this, but this episode just had too much singing. I've always liked how MLP often has full musical numbers, but in this case, they used the old "a minute of talking and a minute of singing", which has always bugged me, no matter what I'm watching. It didn't help that the one full song (Celestia's) didn't seem up to the usual quality.
     
     
    And finally, my thoughts on this Twilicorn business. Personally, I don;t think it was a good idea. I don't hate it, I just think that it will be harder to suspend disbelief with a Mane character being an Alicorn Princess, all of whom have been shown to be insanely powerful. Twi is powerful as hell to begin with, giving her a boost is just going to make it so more episodes will have Twilight conveniently forgetting she has magic so the other characters can solve problems. However, looking back, Twi not using magic to solve all the problems even when she probably could hasn't bugged me much in the past, so I trust the writer's ability to continue. Also, it will open up some new stories revolving around her learning to be a Princess, but ultimately, I don't really see a benefit to having her become an Alicorn.
  4. Evilshy
    Most of these should be obvious, but Evilshy is just so great that I can't help but talk about him.
     
    1. Evilshy is best mod
    Scientists have recently added "acknowledging Evilshy as the best mod" to the list of requirements to be considered intelligent life. In layman's terms, if you don't agree that Evilshy is best mod, you are technically no longer an intelligent being. It sounds harsh, but that's the way it is; I'm not just making this up. I won't bother to post any of the articles because the only people who would request them aren't intelligent enough to read anyway.
    But why? You ask. Why is Evilshy best mod? Well for starters, he is approachable as fuck. Seriously, ask him a question. PM him something. Post your praises to him on his profile. He'll reply and even hold a conversation if you can keep up. He loves to help people with things, just ask. Following that, Evilshy always has the members' backs. He doesn't take shit from anybody, be it some troll who is messing with you, or the admins themselves. He'll do his best to dispense justice. He also used to hate mods, so you know he'll never go all government on you. Fight the power, fuck the police, etc.
     
     
    2. Evilshy is a damn sexy beast
    WARNING: The following image may cause excitable straight women and/or gay men to faint. Proceed with caution.
     
     
     
    You want proof? OK, I'll give you proof. Evilshy used to be a model.
     
    That's right. A fucking model. People gave him money to take pictures of him. Because he is that damn sexy.
    (No really, I actually did do some clothes modeling for Hannah Anderson when I was a kid).
     
     
    3. Evilshy is badass as fuck
    Evilshy wrestles bears while juggling orphans that he saved from fires set by anarcho-punks that rode the bears he wrestles until he killed them with his bear hands, which are literally the claws of a dead bear. Then he goes home and plays Touhou on Lunatic mode to relax. Sometimes he drinks 6000 year old Scotch that was used by ancient aliens to insulate spent nuclear fuel. You see, normally they would use water, but there was a shortage until Evilshy partied so hard and drank so much and got with so many floozies that it quadrupled the average sin of all of humanity, and God was like "oh shit, delete fucking everything" and flooded the world. Too bad Evilshy was so cool that the majority of the water froze into the polar ice caps. Evilshy: 1, God: 0 (there's a reason you don't find this in the bible; God is a sore loser).
     
     
    4. Evilshy invented computers
    He was bored one day and thought "I'm going to make something so ridiculously awesome that it will entertain even me."
    A few hours later he founded the Glorious PC Master Race.
    Yup, you read that right. Evilshy is so amazing, he founded a race.
     
     

     
     
    6. Evilshy doesn't give a fuck that number 5 isn't bold
    Not one single fuck. Not a flying fuck, an aquatic fuck, or even a landbound fuck. In fact, one might say that Evilshy gives negative fucks. Evilshy takes fucks.
     
     
    There are near-infinite numbers of other reasons, but we'll keep it at 6 for now.
     
     
     
     
    (Disclaimer: this is all a joke. I'm not actually this egotistical.)
  5. Evilshy
    I think this is the kind of thing preppy highschool girls do on their blogs, but fuck it, I like to answer questions.
     
     
     
    1:Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
    A: closed
     
    2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
    A: sometimes
     
    3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
    A: Out. In is a pain.
     
    4:Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
    A: Yes. A parking sign out of one of my college parking lots.
     
    5:Do you like to use post-it notes?
    A: sometimes
     
    6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
    A: I generally don't cut them out in the first place.
     
    7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
    A: Hmm... I fucking hate bees, but I don't think I could fight a bear.
     
    8:Do you have freckles?
    A: On my arms, nowhere else.
     
    9:Do you always smile for pictures?
    A: Usually.
     
    10:What is your biggest pet peeve?
    A: people who use "2" instead of "to", "u" instead of "you", etc.
     
    11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
    A: No, but sometimes I count seconds if there is a particularly loud clock in the room
     
    12:Have you ever peed in the woods?
    A: A ton. I live in the woods, and I used to hike and camp all the time.
     
    13:What about pooped in the woods?
    A: Twice, in emergencies.
     
    14:Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?
    A: No
     
    15:Do you chew your pens and pencils?
    A: I used to. Kinda messed up my teeth and jaw, though, so I stopped.
     
    16:How many people have you slept with this week?
    A: none
     
    17:What size is your bed?
    A: twin
     
    18:What is your Song of the week?
    A:
     
     
    19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
    A: sure
     
    20:Do you still watch cartoons?
    A: hell yeah
     
    21:Whats your least favorite movie?
    A: Well... I like a lot of bad movies because they're fun to make fun of... so... Signs?
     
    22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
    A: I wouldn't.
     
    23:What do you drink with dinner?
    A: milk or water
     
    24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
    A: Sweet and Sour
     
    25:What is your favorite food?
    A: Fettuccine Alfredo
     
    26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
    A: The Prestige
     
    27:Last person you kissed/kissed you?
    A: Honestly don't remember... wow, this is really sad...
     
    28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
    A: boy scout
     
    29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
    A: depends on why and how much I was paid. Most likely not.
     
    30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
    A: A few months ago.
     
    31:Can you change the oil on a car?
    A: Yeah. Do most oil changes on the family cars myself.
     
    32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
    A: One
     
    33:Ever ran out of gas?
    A: Nope. I'm good at keeping track of that
     
    34:Favorite kind of sandwich?
    A: Turkey, ham, bacon, cheddar, swiss, provolone, lettuce, mayo, black pepper on italian cheese bread.
     
    35:Best thing to eat for breakfast?
    A: So I make this kickass sauce out of cheese, eggs, bacon mixed with milk and cornstarch. Pour it over buttered toast and it's awesome.
     
    36:What is your usual bedtime?
    A. 11:00ish, give or take half an hour
     
    37:Are you lazy?
    A: a bit
     
    38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
    A: Ninja, Nazgul, a necromancer, variations on those.
     
    39:What is your Chinese astrological sign?
    A: Goat
     
    40:How many languages can you speak?
    A: one, learning a second.
     
    41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
    A: Popular Science. Game Informer, but I never read it because it sucks (comes free with my Gamestop membership)
     
    42:Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
    A: LEGOs are fucking amazing, although Lincoln Logs are kinda cool, too
     
    43:Are you stubborn?
    A: sometimes
     
    44:Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
    A: Don't really care :/
     
    45:Ever watch soap operas?
    A: Nope
     
    46:Are you afraid of heights?
    A: Only if they're over water.
     
    47:Do you sing in the car?
    A: All the time
     
    48:Do you sing in the shower?
    A: Sometimes
     
    49:Do you dance in the car?
    A: How?
     
    50:Ever used a gun?
    A: yes
    51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
    A: family pictures a year ago
     
    52:Do you think musicals are cheesy?
    A: Most
     
    53:Is Christmas stressful?
    A: Yes
     
    54:Ever eat a pierogi?
    A: Eh, they're okay
     
    55:Favorite type of fruit pie?
    A: Banana Cream
     
    56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
    A: Dentist
     
    57:Do you believe in ghosts?
    A: No
     
    58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
    A: yeah
     
    59:Take a vitamin daily?
    A: No
     
    60:Wear slippers?
    A: No. Either barefoot inside or socks and shoes outside.
     
    61:Wear a bath robe?
    A: no. I tale my clothes into the bathroom with me, so I just get dressed in there.
     
    62:What do you wear to bed?
    A: a shirt and panties. I like to color coordinate them and I don't really know why. Makes me feel sexy or something.
     
    63:First concert?
    A: Never Awake (prog metal band led by my friends, they're pretty good) and Set in Stone (some shitty local metalcore band)
     
    64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
    A: Target
     
    65:Nike or Adidas?
    A: They're both overpriced and average
     
    66:Cheetos Or Fritos?
    A: Cheetos. Fritos are nasty.
     
    67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
    A: Peanuts
     
    68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
    A: I think so?
     
    69:Ever take dance lessons?
    A: No
     
    70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
    A: Not really
     
    71:Can you curl your tongue?
    A: yes
    72:Ever won a spelling bee?
    A: Never been in one
     
    73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
    A: No
     
    74:Own any record albums?
    A: Not personally, no
     
    75:Own a record player?
    A: Not personally, no
     
    76:Regularly burn incense?
    A: No, but I have some
     
    77:Ever been in love?
    A: Yes
     
    78:Who would you like to see in concert?
    A: Ayreon (although they can't because it's 1 guy who brings in tons of different guest artists for each album). So, since that will never happen, Dream Theater, Symphony X, System of a Down, and Epica.
     
    79:What was the last concert you saw?
    A: The aforementioned Never Awake one. I don't like live shows much.
     
    80:Hot tea or cold tea?
    A: neither
     
    81:Tea or coffee?
    A: Coffee is worse than tea, but I don't like either.
     
    82:Sugar or snickerdoodles?
    A: snickerdoodles, hands down
     
    83:Can you swim well?
    A: No, but I can swim poorly
     
    84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
    A: yes
     
    85:Are you patient?
    A: yes
     
    86:DJ or band, at a wedding?
    A: Band
     
    87:Ever won a contest?
    A: Yes
     
    88:Ever have plastic surgery?
    A: No
     
    89:Which are better black or green olives?
    A: Black
     
    90:Can you knit or crochet?
    A: No
     
    91:Best room for a fireplace?
    A: Living room
     
    92:Do you want to get married?
    A: Yes
     
    93:If married, how long have you been married?
    A: I'm not
     
    94:Who was your HS crush?
    A: I had several who will not be named.
     
    95:Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
    A: No
     
    96:Do you have kids?
    A: No
     
    97:Do you want kids?
    A: Eventually
     
    98:Whats your favorite color?
    A: green
     
    99:Do you miss anyone right now?
    A: Yes
  6. Evilshy
    (Seriously, I'm spoiling more than a broken meat freezer. If you haven't seen it yet, stop reading and go fucking see it. You will not regret it.)
     
     
     
     
    Oh my God.
     
    This movie.
     
    It's not often that I fanboy so hard over Disney movies not named Lion King, but seriously, this movie is fantastic, and I'm not even exaggerating. It might even be my favorite Disney movie (I'll have to wait for the DVD so I can watch it even more before deciding this). Why all the praise? Well, let's do this the right way; with a list!
     
     
     
     
    The Visuals:
    The animation is, to put it simply, beautiful. While relatively simple, the faces show a spectacular amount of emotion. Look at all the different expressions we see, especially on Elsa and Anna. Even in something as short as the ~3 minute song Let it Go, Elsa shows spectacular emotion through body language alone. Seriously, watch the song on YouTube, but mute it. You can see how she runs the spectrum, from fear and sadness, to innocent joy and excitement as she finds she can use her power without repercussions, to that sexy confidence and elation as she realizes that on the mountain, alone, she has no limits. Anna has an equally expressive face. Just watch her closely during the various Do You Want to Build a Snowman songs.
    The minor characters have great animation. Hans' change from good to evil can be fairly clearly seen in his face. Even after he's revealed, but is still acting good, you can kinda see tinges of bad in his face (although that may just be because we already knew he's acting). Even Olaf has quite an expressive face, seeing as he's a snowman.
    And while body language is often subtle, the grand, impressive side of the visuals are equally great. The wispiness of the conjured snow is quite a feat, making it look like snow would really look. As any animator can attest to, making things like wind and water look realistic is quite difficult. At the same time, we have the ice creations, grand and intricate, with very well-done lighting.
    The ice can be used as a pretty good indication of Elsa's mental state, as well. In the very beginning, when the ice is a source of childplay, it's simple and yet beautiful. Innocent. After she has to conceal her powers, the ice becomes spiky and chaotic, looking more like natural ice. When she accidentally freezes the fountain while running from the castle, it looks dangerous, with downward spikes looming over the people. When she escapes to the mountain, things change greatly. The ice drops in the trees (to which Anna and Kristoff both comment on how beautiful they are), and of course, her ice palace. When told about the eternal winter Arendale is in, she creates the snow golem, a crude version of Olaf, created out of fear and a desire to distance herself from humanity, rather than innocent playfulness. Her ice turns even more threatening, and even turns red, when she's in fear for the lives of her people and her sister. The ice she uses while fighting the two assassins is spiky like the old ice, but less chaotic, more calculated and direct, showing that instead of fear, she is being controlled by her anger. This culminates in the giant storm at the end. She mentions "the storm inside" several times, and that she has to conceal it, but after nearly killing her sister and seeing the true damage she's done to Arendale, she can no longer contain the storm and it comes out. When Anna freezes completely, the storm stops and the snow hangs in the air; Elsa's entire world has stopped. At the end, with all the happiness and reconciliation, the fountains become beautiful ice sculptures.
     
    The Sounds:
    The voice acting is pretty great, although I must confess, I was hoping for more accents, especially after the opening number, Frozen Heart. The only Scandinavian accent was from the comic relief character, Oaken (although I must admit, he was pretty funny). If they all had American/British accents, it would've been fine, but then we have the trolls, half of which sound like black women from the south. Not being racist or anything, but why are there southern black trolls in medieval Norway?
    Other than that, the movie makes good use of both sound and silence to convey emotion.
    And of course, the songs. Mother of God, the songs. Okay, so they're not all perfect, and some are a little too show-tuney for me, but most of the songs involving Elsa and Anna are great, especially their duets. For the First Time in Forever is great, especially the reprise, when Anna confronts Elsa in the ice palace. The musical conversation portrays all the conflicting emotions very well.
    And of course, Let it Go is sublime. I've been looping it for over an hour while writing this, and it's just as good each time. probably my favorite Disney song ever, except for maybe Be Prepared
    Something else that's pretty freaking cool; the song writers actually went to Norway to learn about Norwegian musical and vocal techniques, and incorporated them into the music.
     
    The Humor:
    The humor was actually a lot better than I thought it would be, though I didn't realize this until I had seen it a second time. At first, I thought Olaf would just be an annoying comic relief character. And he kind of was, until I got past his somewhat annoying voice and really listened to him. The timing on his lines is great, and his Summer song is full of subtle jokes, a second layer of humor under the obvious "snowman who longs for summer because he's never actually experienced it" concept.
    Although, one thing I will say, I'm getting tired of non-dog animals acting like over-the-top dogs. Maximus in Tangled, Sven in Frozen... it's okay for animals to be funny, but not if you use the same (somewhat weak) joke multiple times.
     
     
    The Story:
    Often the deciding factor of any movie, because very few movies have visuals or sounds so amazing that they can make up for a bad story (Avatar came close. It was kinda good). Frozen has a great story, and perhaps my favorite part of it is that it avoids almost every Disney princess cliche, and does it well.
    Sure, we have a damsel in distress, but of a totally different kind. Elsa lives in constant fear that she'll hurt others, and it keeps her imprisoned. I've heard some say that her parents were bad for keeping her locked up, but really, Elsa seemed fully on board with it. She didn't want to hurt anyone ever again, and it terrified her as her powers grew. Her almost irrational attachment to her gloves showed just how important it was to her that her powers never show. All of her isolation is self-imposed.
    The movie makes fun of the cliche of love at first sight, and although it does seem to go with it for a bit, the audience knows full well that Hans isn't going to be Anna's true love. Of course, almost nobody was expecting him to go full douchebag and try to kill her for the throne. After that, everybody expected Kristoff to be the true love, which makes perfect sense for Disney (and Olaf even comments on this). But again, the audience is wrong. The true love ends up being the unconditional, family love between the two sisters. Since when has that showed up in a Disney movie? And the fact that Anna's own act is what saves her also sets it apart. Throughout Disney history, whenever love is needed to save somebody, it's always been the Damsel in Distress being saved by somebody else truly loving her; but in Frozen, she's saved by the love she herself feels for her sister. If using the very last of your life to save the life of the person who killed you in the first place because she's family isn't true love, I don't know what is.
    It doesn't even adhere to the classic "overcome your fear" route. Elsa actually does very little work on her own to overcome her fears. Sure, she has her happy, ignorantly blissful moments, but once she learns of the plight Arendale is in, the fact that she can still hurt others no matter where she is comes crashing home. Her fears are magnified, because even isolation can't stop her. She clings to this belief in later parts of the movie, when she tries to flee Arendale the second time (after she gets captured) and go even further than before. It's almost like a Shakespearean tragedy, in that she never wins on her own. No matter what Elsa does, it ends up bad. And in fact, the story could work very well if Anna simply died at the end (but it's Disney so they obviously couldn't end it on such a low note). They didn't even go the less Dinsey, yet still pretty cliche, route of the misunderstood person coming to terms with their own dark powers and ending up evil, or at least not good. Elsa could easily have been written into a villain (and though I haven't read it, as far as I know, the character she's based on from the original Snow Queen fairy tail was the villain). But she remained good, with all of her bad actions stemming from her all-consuming fear. Which is ironic, really; every time she hurts somebody, it's because she's scared that she will hurt them, and the fear causes her to lose control.
     
     
    Never been good at conclusions, so I'll end with this.
    If you haven't seen it yet, go see it.
     
    And if you've seen it and don't like it, well...
     
     
  7. Evilshy
    So it's bugged some people (me included, briefly), as to why Pegasi have to make the weather. This was magnified when Hurricane Fluttershy came out and we saw that not only do Pegasi have to make the weather, they have to manually get their own water. Ideas that water doesn't evaporate in Equestria like it does in ours.
    This was further confused by the fact that steam can be seen several times in the show. Evaporation is the same as steam rising off a hot tub, right?
     
    Well, kind of.
     
    So, water molecules all have energy and are constantly moving around. When water boils, what is actually happening is that the heat is adding more and more energy to the molecules, causing them to move faster and faster, until eventually the have enough energy to overcome the surrounding air pressure, float out, and become a gas (this is a simplified version; there's more to it, and there are multiple ways it can happen, but this is the basics). An interesting side note: even though outer space is about 3 Kelvin (about -454 Fahrenheit or -270 Celsius), if you threw a glass of water out of a space ship, it wouldn't freeze, it would boil. In space, there are so few particles that the "air" pressure would be exerting far less pressure on the water than the photons coming from the sun.
    Evaporation is very similar. You, see, even at room temperature, the molecules are moving around quite a lot. They inevitably bump in to each other and transfer energy. Sometimes, a molecule will end up with enough energy to escape the tyranny of air pressure. It gets into the air, floats around, and ends up in a cloud.
     
    The simplest way to explain both the lack of natural evaporation and weather is that Equestria (or at least the majority of it) has a higher natural air pressure than our world. The pressure is too high for water to evaporate, or at least, to evaporate enough. Local pressures may vary. For example, we know that the Everfree Forest has natural weather (or at least, more natural). Things such as humidity, temperature, and even wind currents can all influence local air pressure. It's not out of the question that the area where the Forest grew has lower air pressure. After all, high humidity lowers air pressure (water molecules are lighter than air molecules, interestingly enough), and the plants seen in the Forest thrive in high humidity.
     
    Now, pressure is reduced at higher elevation, so water existing and floating around in a gaseous form (i.e. clouds) wouldn't be a problem. I'm not going to touch how Cloudsdale works, or how Pegasi can walk on clouds, though
     
     
    I'm thinking of making a new blog for stuff like this, if people enjoyed this. Any criticisms or ideas for future topics?
  8. Evilshy
    Before anyone asks, yes, this is basically a response to Hollowshield's latest blog post. I felt compelled to respond, but found it locked. I hate the mods Of course I don't. As much as I love a good argument, things do need to be locked before they get out of hand.
    Since I'm making it a full fledged blog post, I have lengthened it and added more stuff.
     
     
    Anyway, to business.
    Atheism is a simple disbelief in God or other higher powers, nothing more, nothing less. It doesn't automatically mean you believe in evolution, or that there are no supernatural phenomena, or that souls don't exist, or even that religious people are idiots. It doesn't mean you believe that people have an obligation towards personal pleasure, it doesn't lock you into a certain socioeconomic viewpoint, and it doesn't mean you a moral nihilist.
    While I'm at it, atheism doesn't even preclude one from religion; there are religions, such as Hinduism, Buddhism, Wicca and others, that don't require one to believe in God(s).
     
    Moral nihilism is the belief that nothing is inherently good or evil. It is possible to be a theist and a moral nihilist; your god(s) would simply have to be ones who either don't have or don't care about morality, and before you say anything, yes, there are religions like this. Not mainstream, but they're out there. Some religions have multiple deities, all of which have different morals, which would also count as moral nihilism, since the morality of an action depends on which deity you align with, and not any inherent moral compass.
    I might add that the religions that I mentioned above all do have inherent morals.
     
     
    It is true, Atheism and moral nihilism often do go together, because a lot of atheist, myself included, are also naturalists (those who believe that the universe is solely governed by natural laws). In fact, I am a naturalist first, and my atheism and moral nihilism are a result of my naturalism; I believe that there are no supernatural entities effecting the universe, and therefore, I do not believe that there are any deities or anything outside the bounds of nature that judge actions to be right or wrong.
     
    I do, however, have morals. Not because there is any inherent right or wrong in the universe, but because I live in a society that has morals. Just because morals are invented by humans doesn't mean they don't exist. I believe that rape, murder, theft, etc are all wrong because the society I live in cannot exist without such morals, and I cannot exist without the society. Humans are, by nature, social creatures; even the introverts among us (including me) are social creatures, just not to the extent of the extroverts, and sometimes in different ways. We come together and form societies, and we all silently (or in some cases, not so silently) agree to abide by certain rules. As humanity advanced, we eventually came up with written laws, so that we would be able to define and enforce these rules to protect the society.
     
    So I guess, in a way, all of morality eventually does boil down to self preservation.
    In fact, there was a scientist (George Price) who made an equation that was basically a mathematical representation of natural selection and evolution. He went on to theorize that all kindness and even altruism (selflessness) is naturally selected for, so even selflessness is, at least deep down in the reaches of biology, a form of propagating ones genes, and therefore no more than a biological way to survive.
     
    (and now I'll go out on a brief tangent about this guy, because his life really is quite interesting)
     
     
     
    Anyway, here I am, a naturalist, atheist, and moral nihilist. Yet I do have morals. Go into pretty much any political thread here and you'll see my opinions on socialism, welfare, and laziness in general. Go find some of my posts in religious debates; you'll see that while I may not agree with it, I do not hate religion, and in fact think that religion, in general, is beneficial and even necessary to the survival of the human race.
  9. Evilshy
    A friend of mine finds himself in desperate need of airfare to see his wife (not sure of details, but I think his wife moved to South America while he stayed here for school or something), so you should all buy his book. And if you like it, you should buy others in the series.
     
    http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=astral+cafe
     
    I must confess I don't know much about it, having never read it, but as best I can tell, it's fantasy/sci-fi about a cafe in a strange place where many different universes converge. Plenty of strange interactions between different beings
    I've read a little of his other stuff, and been a player in campaigns he's DM'd, and he is a pretty good writer.
  10. Evilshy
    MLPF has about 13,000 members according to the thing at the bottom, yet the member list shows only about 12,660. This is because the front page counter counts banned members, while the member list does not.
     
    Of these ~12,660 members, about 7,100 have 5 or less posts, and about 3,860 of those have 0 posts. Of the 0 post members, about 1,140 have avatars, meaning that they cared a little about their account, at least at the beginning.
     
    There have been about 4280 reports. I think. I haven't been a mod since the beginning, so I don't know about any changes that could have happened that would change this.
     
    Highest post count is (still) aka Crona the Critic aka FinestHour aka tons of other names. He has 8,313 posts, not counting thousands more in RPW and Cloudsdale. If you took all members with 5 or less posts and about half of those with 6 posts and combined them all, he would still have more posts. He is also still the only member with more posts than the Mailmare (the bot who used to post threads in the bulletin section).
     
    Approximately 2680 members opt in to ads.
     
    @~Chaotic Discord~ has the most profile views. He has over twice as many as the member with the second highest number of profile views (@Jonke).
     
    Out of the members who have listed a favorite section,Welcoming Plaza has by far the most members listing it as their favorite section, with about 880 members.
    Feedback and Suggestions is tied with Equestria Girls for the least, with only 4 members listing each as their favorite
     
    @Vinyl Scratch was the first non-staff member to join the site. About 140 people joined on day 1.
     
    Approximate numbers of members who list each pony as their favorite:
    No preference - 400
    Twilight Sparkle (i.e. the correct answer) - 200
    Rainbow Dash - 380
    Pinkie Pie - 200
    Applejack - 140
    Rarity - 160
    Fluttershy - 300
     
    Approximate numbers of members who list each pony type as their favorite:
    No preference - 480
    Earth - 160
    Pegasus - 580
    Unicorn - 300
    Alicorn - 180
    Crystal - 60
     
    The number 1 shows up in the most usernames (about 800). 8 shows up the least (about 280).
     
     
    The curious and mathematically inclined might notice that the vast majority of the numbers I listed are multiples of 20. This is because the member list defaults to displaying 20 members per page, and pages are easier to count than individual members.
     
    Anything else anybody wants to know? I had fun doing this.
  11. Evilshy
    This one comes so soon because it was short and horrible. And I blame @Jokuc.
     
    Anyway, I started my epic space journey with @~Chaotic Discord~ and @Lady Rarity Pony as my faithful crew members.
    To add more random funniness, and to simulate some sort of voting among the crew, I rolled dice to make certain decisions. As such, I rolled a 7 and began the game by upgrading my sensors, which is actually not a bad idea. Advanced sensors are pretty useful.
     
     
    ~CD~ was tasked with maintain the shields, while LRP was manning the weapons.
     
    We also voted to ignore some weak-ass slavers for some reason, too. Not sure why, because we could've easily taken them and probably rescued someone for a free crew member, but whatever. This was made worse, because soon after that, we were told we weren't good enough to help in a daring attack on the Rebels. Bitches.
     
    Anyway, I got to take out my anger on some Mantis...
     
     
    And kicking these guy's collective asses...
     
     
     
    We then happened upon a rebel fighter, and came very close to suffocating them all to death and then picking their bodies. Not quite, though. They managed to fix their stupid life support systems before they all died, and I had to just blow them out of the sky.
     
     
     
    To continue the good news, we found some free shit floating in the middle of space for no reason
    Soon after that, we rescued Jokuc from a fire (it says Nazia, but then I checked my profile and Jokuc was the first in the list of randomly selected friends, so it's actually Jokuc).
     
     
    But it seems rescuing Jokuc was a bad idea, because soon after that, we decided to sell our missile launcher and spend all our money on a bigger one. One that loaded half as fast, and we were low on missiles anyway. In any case, 'twas a bad idea. Also, we didn't have enough money for fuel:
     
     
     
    Then when we ran straight into an asteroid field, with level one shields, against a Zoltan ship with Zoltan shields
     
     
    That sucked
     
    ...but apparently it didn't suck enough for Jokuc, because then we very conveniently got boarded in the middle of nowhere despite there being no ships nearby.
     
     
    Jokuc...
     
     
     
    And then...
     
     
    ...we died
     
    I'll probably do some more FTL runs, maybe with a little less "roll dice to see if we do something stupid".
    After midterms are over, of course.
  12. Evilshy
    I was starting up a game of Organ Trail (it's 8-bit Oregon Trail, except in modern times, in a zombie apocalypse), and I decided to name myself Evilshy and use some of you as my party members. Twiliscael was the first I thought of, because he had just mentioned me in a post. Then Chigens, because Chigens is awesome. And I couldn't include Chigens without including Kay, so I was up to 4. needed a fifth, and Zoop was the first person I thought of.
     
    Yeah, if this game could accurately portray us all, we'd have all gotten killed soon after starting. Awesome friend team, horrible zombie apocalypse team XD
     
    So we start in DC. 'twas a good start, plenty of everything we needed. Although, I did get wounded a few times while scavenging for supplies, and Chigens and I argued over directions for about an hour. Then...
     
     
    ...Chigens had to go get a fever and slow us down more. What the hell, Chigens. And guess what? Kaynah was a problem, too
     
     
     
     
    Okay, I understand you probably don't have a lot of experience with map reading, but c'mon, really?
     
     
    At each town, I'd look for work (usually retrieving something somebody dropped on the road and is too chicken to go back and get themselves), or holding off a hoard of zombies. It wasn't hard to keep up on supplies, although some ass did steal a bunch of our gas at one point. Probably the biker gang that ambushed us outside of town. But I totally fucked 'em all up by crashing all their bikes and stuff. Suckers.
     
    Kaynah followed up this victory by ruining some medical supplies...
     
     

     
    And then annoying us all...
     
     

     
    All went well for awhile after that. We had tons of food, so much that I would frequently sell/trade it for other stuff. We were rolling cash, which I used to purchase an everlasting battery, and a super awesome air freshener. The air freshener apparently is anti fatigue, because it lessens the gradual damage everybody takes when not resting. It only works for the front seat, though, and apparently Twiliscael had ultimate dibs on shotgun, because it only ever effected him.
    Also, Zoop seemed to think we had too much money, because he ruined some...
     
     
    How do you even ruin $12? Damn Zoop, did you just tear it up for fun or something?
     
    Actually, I'm thinking maybe you found some weed and used some cash to roll a joint, and then blew it all in Kaynah's face, because...
     
     
     
    A random heard of zombie elk or deer or something antlery then chased us down a stretch of road. Strangely, them running into the car did more damage than knocking motorcycles off the road.
    Also, I fought a huge zombie bear. No screenshots because I was hardcore battling the whole time.
     
    And then something amazing happened:
     
     

     
    I assume we all played with the kitten for awhile, because nothing bad happened. But then Scaely got bored...
     
     

     
    We were almost to the end goal, the Safe Haven, when...
     
     
    It was probably my fault this time. I honestly can't really see Chigens starting many arguments
     
    Anyway, we got there, but had to do our part collecting some fuel for a generator. Sadly, Chigens and Twiliscael died during this, and there was extensive mourning.
    I also wonder how Kaynah could survive if Chigens died, but I'm not going to question a survivor, especially not a sexy metaphysical snakepony
     
    But yeah, the fun factor of the game was greatly magnified by imagining the characters as MLPF friends. I think I'll do this more often now, with other users as well, obviously. Any recommendations for good, shortish games that I could do like this? Preferably cheap/free ones.
    I might do an FTL run or two, but IIRC you can only give your initial crew members names, not subsequent ones. Although, that shouldn't be too hard to mod, assuming it just has a list of names that it pulls randomly from.
  13. Evilshy
    Yeah, there has been a lot of hate surrounding it, and a lot of arguing between haters, lovers, and everybody in between. There are problems with both sides, though, and you all know I like to examine things from multiple angels.
     
    Before we begin, I'd like to reiterate that I'm going to see it in theaters simply because it's an MLP movie and I have a little extra money I can throw at it. I am optimistically hesitant about it; meaning that I think it could be good, but I'm not sure, and am holding off any judgement until I see it.
     
    So, without any further ado... attune your ears, to the grinding gears...
     
    1. Nobody is obligated to give it a chance.
    I've seen people telling others to give it a chance. Why should they? Trailers are made specifically to show people what a movie will be like, so they can decide if they want to see it. You're SUPPOSED to judge the movie, at least initially, from the trailer. Now, I don't agree with people giving details on how the movie will suck before it's released, but I have no problem with people saying "it's a high school drama targeted at little girls, so it'll suck." Because, honestly, how many high school dramas targeted at little girls have been made that didn't suck? There's absolutely no problem in not giving it a chance. I didn't give Twilight a chance and nobody got mad at me for it (although, I did watch the movies with my sister (big twilight fan) so I could better criticize them).
    And really, people giving it a chance or not will not change it's quality, or it's lack of effect on the show. Speaking of which...
     
    2. As far as we know, the movie is non-canon and will not effect the show in any way.
    Let's assume that the movie does end up sucking horrible. I don't really understand why people think this is such a huge deal. We've been told it's not canon, which means it won't effect the show, it's just a spin-off. The show will continue as if it had never happened, because, in-universe, it didn't. Stop acting like it shouldn't exist. It won't make MLP any worse, and in any case, MLP is not yours. It's Hasbro's, and they can do with it what they want. Most companies, when they want to take something in a new direction, just take it there. At least Hasbro is intelligent enough to think "Hey, we struck gold with FiM. We want to take MLP in another direction, but it's pretty different, and probably won't be as popular (or make us as much money). Let's make it a spin-off, float a movie and see how it does."
     
     
    I could probably add more, but I'm hungry and need to do homework.
     
     
    EDIT: Forgot to finish my reiteration paragraph, near the beginning
  14. Evilshy
    Would've done this sooner, but it came out the night before my family and I went on vacation, so I barely had time to watch it. Now that we're here and I have time to relax, I watched it again so I could watch the details.
    As I've said in the past, this is not a review blog, but since Double Rainboom is pretty major in the fandom, I decided to break the rule again (last time I broke it was for the Season 3 finale). I'll probably continue to do so in the future, but only for highly polarizing episodes, or for ones where my opinion differs greatly from the majority and I feel a need to explain my reasoning.
     
    To start off, it had great animation and art. All the things we saw seemed like they could be (or already are) part of the show. The animation was smooth, and except for a few minor errors, was very well done.
     
    The music itself was also great, but I don't think it was used very well. For example, we had the music rapidly switching back and forth between RD and Twi's themes while they were talking, so much so that it started to clash together. On the flip side, we had parts where nothing was happening audibly, that could've definitely used music, but had none. The voice acting was about as good as any fan made project is likely to get.
     
    As for the plot... well, at least it was a good concept. I feel like Twi making performance enhancing drugs a talent potion and then RD stealing it to achieve even greater feats of flight, but going too far and fucking up tons of stuff would be a great story for a canon episode. I'd just like to see Studio B do it, because Double Rainboom had worse storytelling than the goddamn season 3 finale (and if you read my review of that, you'll know just how bad that is. For those who don't want to read it, I think it was the worst episode in the series so far). The dialogue was minimal and didn't flow at all. The best analogy I can think of for the characterization is to visualize Twi and RD's personalities as actual, 3 dimensional objects. Their personalities in Double Rainboom are like grainy, low resolution photographs of these objects; 2 dimensional, and low-quality.
    Most of the story was conveyed through implications. Nobody talked about the Double Rainboom, or how time and space were split, or how Samurai motherfucking Jack (fuck yeah) and other characters were floating around. They just were, and we had to figure it out for ourselves. Instead of an explanation of, you know, THE ENTIRE FUCKING STORY, we had 10 minutes of the PPG chasing RD around because... they want a pet pony? Okay, I can see Bubbles doing that, but the other two are mature enough to know you shouldn't just force something, especially an intelligent being, to be your pet (although I could be wrong, I haven't watched much PPG). This was probably an attempt to get out of actually writing enough story to fill 30 minutes, and while it was entertaining, it would've been much better as a standalone animation.
     
    One redeeming feature were all the little nods to the fandom; Scootaloo on the chicken billboard, Derpy and her muffin, and several of the most widely paired ponies being on screen together multiple times. The references to other shows were pretty nice too, if totally unnecessary.
     
     
    I think I'll make it a tradition to say what the best part of otherwise horrible episodes is whenever I review them. In the S3 finale, it was RD's pimp hat during the coronation at the end. This time, it was Pinkie saying "I can travel through time and space!" in her scary voice. Well, and Samurai motherfucking Jack.
  15. Evilshy
    Introduction:


    We here at MLP Forums work tirelessly to make this the best site we possibly can. It is often a thankless job; we bust our asses dealing with abusive comments, NSFW posts, and countless heaps of character minimum violations. In return, we get donor perks and a few pats on the back every now and then.
    We also get abused, insulted, and torn down by people who disagree with us. I especially know about this, because I myself used to be quite the anti-mod, and wasn't afraid to let anybody, including the staff, know it (just ask Arylett or Feld0). I've since comae around, and apparently the staff thought my evilness could be put to use killing trolls making the forum a better place. And now that I've been on the side of the staff, I've seen what we have to deal with, and we don't deserve any of it.
     
     

    The Problem:


    First, let's set the mood:
     
     
     
    We are a closely knit oligarchy that selects its own members, and only the best are selected. Simply put, we're all better than you; the fact that we are mods proves it. It isn't right for people as important as us are denigrated by people who are clearly inferior. We have tried to address this issue in the past, by making it a violation to publicly complain about warnings, but it still happens, and mods are still resented and the targets of abuse by some members. The staff unanimously agrees that this needs to stop. The song you are probably playing right now is how we feel about most of you. Losers.
     
     

    The Solution:


    A solution has presented itself, int he form of a forum initiative started by me, Evilshy. The Staff Ego Protection Initiative, or SEPI, will give mods the ultimate power to hide and warn anything on grounds that it might harm their ego. While this may seem harsh, it was designed to give maximum coverage over all kinds of abuse that may be directed at staff.
    We are aware that this may result in some difficult positions for members; for example, if Twiliscael asked a question, and I had an answer, I might post it. But say Lady Rarity Pony had answered the question before me, that could damage my ego. Under SEPI, I'd be allowed to delete his answer and post my own. Things like this will obviously cause quite a bit of unrest, but SEPI will also allow us to deal with all of the backlash it causes, making it extremely efficient.
     
    I am confident that the rest of the staff will agree with this and enact it once we iron out all the details.
     
     
     
    In case it isn't obvious enough, this is a joke.
  16. Evilshy
    I am quite frankly surprised by this. If you had told me a few years ago that someone could take violin and mix it with dubstep, house, and other genres and I'd love it, I'd laugh at you. If you had told me this a few months ago, I'd be skeptical, but willing to give it a try. But now, one of my friends started playing some while we were deep in a game of Call of Cthulhu: Arkham Horror, and now it's all I've been listening to since.
     

     
    Lindsey Stirling just induces eargasms in me
    She mixes awesome basslines with great classical-ish violin playing (and she's damn good at it), and it fits perfectly. All the great stuff I like about electronic, combined with some of my favorite parts of certain classical. All her music videos are very well done.
     
    Anyway, some more:
     

     
     
    She doesn't just do electronic, either. She does more traditional classical music, pop and hip-hop covers, stuff like that.
     
    Also, many of you may be interested to know that she does soundtrack covers as well, and cosplays while playing in the videos. Her LotR medley is simply divine.
  17. Evilshy
    I'm sure you've all heard the term "perfect storm"? As in, when circumstances are such that an event or action or something becomes magnified far beyond what it normally be? It sometimes literally refers to a storm, one much more powerful than normal, due to weather conditions lining up perfectly to create a massive storm.
     
    Well today, I experienced a near perfect shitstorm. I'm not saying it was the worst day ever, merely that almost everything that happened today was bad, and almost everything I did resulted in something that was at least partially had.
     
    It started out at 2am, when I woke up with stomach pain. I have recently gotten over the flu, and I was worried that it had come back and I was going to miss more days of work. However, in between sessions of hunching over in pain and hunching over vomitting, I remembered that all I had eaten the previous day was a shitload of greasy fried chicken, a shitload of mountain dew, and a shitload of cheez-its, so the vomitting wasn't all that unexpected. This seemed to be a good thing, because it meant that I wasn't sick again, my body merely had something to say about my diet, and if I got back to bed immediately, I could have a fairly normal day at work today.
    Of course, this didn't happen. It is incrediably hard for me to sleep on an empty stomach, but after all that vomitting, my stomach was weak and wouldn't be able to handle a decent amount of food without feeling sick again.
    I ate a bagel and slept very poorly for an hour or two before waking up and being unable to fall back asleep.
    At around breakfast time, I discovered I had that thrice damned curse, where one is so hungry one finds it difficult to eat. So I had half a bowl of cheerios for breakfast, because even though I was starving, that's all I could bring myself to eat.
    Half asleep and low on energy, I drove the ~45 minutes to work. When I got there, my boss pointed out that I wasn't wearing non-slip shoes (a requirement), and that I had to go home and get them. I did so, and was effectively an hour and a half late.
    The whole day at work (I work at Panda Express), I was feeling sick, due to the lack of food and sleep. This would've been fine if it had been a normal wednesday, which are usually pretty slow, and if I had been scheduled for my normal shift, which is usually only 6-8 hours. But no, I was working open to close, which is 11 hours.
    Also, it was the busiest I have seen the store in months. We had the normal lunch rush, a second lunch rush, an abnormally large amount of customers during the lull between lunch and dinner, a dinner rush, and then an hour long right-before-closing-so-you-don't-have-any-time-to-actually-close-the-goddamn-store rush. So instead of starting to clean the kitchen at 7 and then eventually getting everything done by 10 and leaving, I had to cook at a breakneck speed until about 8:30.
    Correction: I tried to cook at a breakneck speed. I was tired and hungry and sick, I could barely keep up with all the orders, and my co-workers wasted no time in letting me know it. 'Cept Nic, he's cool.
    So now on top of having to close while sick and tired, I had a good hour and a half less time to do it in. I could go through all the bullshit that happened, but I'll just give you the highlight: this middle aged Asian lady was closing the dining room and serving area, and she had the keys to lock up. Now, not only is closing the front a lot less work than closing the kitchen (what I was doing), she was not at all sick and could do it at regular speed. So she's bitching this entire time about how I'm not going fast enough and how she doesn't want to stay and wait for me to finish so she could lock the doors. Not once did she offer to help.
    But the real bitchiness happened when I went to take the trash out to the dumpster and came back to find the doors already locked. I could see her inside, washing a counter, and I knocked. She ignored me. I knocked again, thinking she hadn't heard me. She continued to ignore me. I knocked a third time, harder. This time she looks up at me and gives me a dismissive wave. I am dumbfounded. Is she... refusing to let me back into the store or something?
    Apparently she was, because she continued to do her work for about 10 minutes before letting me in. And of course, she continued to bitch about me not being done yet. I mentioned that I could've been done by now if she had actually opened the fucking door when I knocked, but she just ignored that and said she was done waiting and was going to leave.
    Now, as I said before, she had the keys, so I had to leave when she left. And I hadn't finished my closing work yet, so now I'll likely get chewed out a ton by my boss and other coworkers about how I didn't close correctly. Whatever.
     
    Anyway, we clocked out, left the store, and I shambled to my car. Not walked, I was too tired and in pain (I was born with twisted femurs. It puts a lot of stress on my knees when I stand or walk for long periods of time) to do that. I shambled to my car, pleased that, at the very least, I'd get to listen to Coast to Coast AM on the way home (it's a radio show about the supernatural, aliens, conspiracies, that kind of stuff. While sometimes pretty bogus, it's very interesting).
     
    But nope. Instead of Coast to Coast, the station it's usually on is a few guys talking about basketball. Fuck that. I scanned the other radio stations and couldn't find anything else interesting, and ended up driving home in silence.
     
    Although it wasn't completely silent, because I glanced at my fuel meter and, can you believe it; I was almost out of gas in the middle of the night in a shady-as-hell part of town.
    I stopped at the closest gas station, got out, swiped my card, and was told it had been declined. I swiped again. Declined.
    Confused, I checked my email to see if Chase Bank had sent me anything about my bank account.
    Oh hey, it's just Netflix overdrawing my checking account for the 2nd time in the last 5 months >_<
     
    So I'm at a gas station with no gas and no way to buy any. I sat there and waited until an oldish guy pulled in and started filling up his tank. I politely asked him if I could pay him $10 cash for him to run me $10 of gas on his card, and he said yes, which is basically the only good thing to happen to me today.
     
    I got home and took a shower. When I got out and went to find some clothes, I found that the cat had pissed on my pile of clean clothes. I dug through them, trying to separate the clean from the pissy, and found that he had pissed all over my Rarity shirt (it's fucking on now, kitty. You better sleep with one eye open). I found some clean clothes and put them on.
     
    Now I'm lying in bed, typing this, and my shoulders hurt.
    Seriously. Fuck this day.
  18. Evilshy
    So we've been putting up with a bunch of assholes above us who have like 8-man wrestling matches at night, making tons of noise and just generally annoying the hell out of us. We've asked them if they could tone it down a few times, but they never did.
     
    Tonight (a week before the quarter ends), my roommates decided to pull a harmless prank on them. They got a a bucket, filled halfway up with water, leaned it against their door, and threw random junk at the door until they opened it and the water spilled all over the floor. If anything, we helped them clean their floors before move-out day next week
     
    Anyway, one of my roommates attached a small camera attached to a fence on the other end of the courtyard, which was the downfall of this plan; they didn't have a way to get it back without revealing it was us, and it wasn't sufficiently hidden. The guys found it, so my roommates decided we should go try to get it back by offering to help clean up. They also managed to guilt me into going, because I knew about this and am therefore an accomplice.
     
    Anyway, the guys above us basically said "go fuck yourselves" and didn't give the camera back.
    (Their exact words were more like "I actually think we just got a free camera, and we already cleaned up, so I think you should leave before we beat your asses. 8 vs 3 doesn't look good for you".) Now, this is a Mormon school, so that's pretty bad, considering that he not only swore at us, but was actually serious about the threat
     
    Now they've moved the benches from ours and another dorm in front of our door, tied them together with fishing line (which they also tied to our doorknob), and have spent the last hour or so throwing random shit at our door and stomping especially hard on our ceiling.
     
     
    Now, personally, if it had been me getting pranked, I would've been like "hey, I have a free camera, why spend time pranking them back?", but now that they've threatened us, stole from us and pranked us back, I think we have the moral high ground here. So, if the dorm manager gets involved (and she probably will, given the amount of shit in front of our door and that we don;t even wake up until at least noon and won;t have a reason to clear the door before then), they'll probably get in more trouble than us, and my roommate will get his camera back.
     
     
    My only regret is going up to apologize with them, since like I said, I merely knew it was happening and didn't participate. And while guilt by association happens in courtrooms, not exactly in a harmless college prank. Honestly, all those guys up there were bigger than me, and most looked like stupid douchebags, so I'm more worried about someone trying to start shit with me as I walk around campus than I am about getting in trouble. If you've been around the site for a while, you might remember my thread about my (admittedly self-diagnosed) mild-to-moderate paranoia, so I am actually fairly worried about it. I'm a pretty small guy, any one of those guys could easily kick my ass. I suppose I could make sure to carry my knife around with me all the time, but going all thug life and knifin' a bitch isn't exactly a good idea and will probably get me kicked out, not to mention the all the legal junk I'll be involved in
  19. Evilshy
    This is my website I made (and might continue to make) for a Web Development class. While a glance at the source code my make some of you facepalm, remember that I was on a very tight schedule to get this finished, so I had to use simpler/stupider/crappy methods to do a few things where I'd have rather done something much different, but didn't have time to learn how to do it right. There were also a few minor yet stubborn bugs that I eventually just said "fuck it" to and left there. Unintentional features and whatnot.
     
    Hopefully, you'll laugh at some of this, and possibly see your name in there somewhere. I credited everyone who gave me an idea that I used (either using the idea outright, or basing something off of it), which was a whopping 2 people. I then did some filler with the first members I thought of that could fill a certain position (with artistic license, of course).
     
    So anyway, here it is:
     
    http://eldritchmeat.com/indv-website/site/home.php
  20. Evilshy
    I got the idea from this blog post.
    I've worked pretty much every position at Panda Express except for management (so I've cooked, cleaned, chopped vegetables, served customers, opened, closed, done financial stuff, balanced the safe, etc.)
     
    Here is a guide that IN NO WAY REPRESENTS THE OFFICIAL POSITION OF PANDA EXPRESS, but all us hourly store workers would really appreciate it if people read and applied this to their visits.
     
     
    1. The garbage cans do not contain extra-dimensional Bags of Holding with near-infinite capacity.
    They fill up. Quite frequently during lunch and dinner hours, I might add. If one is full DON'T CRAM YOUR SHIT IN TO THE POINT WHERE IT HOLDS THE FLAP OPEN. Seriously, it's hard enough to get the cans out with spilling anything when they're full to their intended capacity, overfilling pretty much always result in a spill, which is really hard to clean up because it's inside the garbage can.
    There are AT LEAST 2 cans in every store, and most have 3 or 4. Use a different one. If they're all full (unlikely, all the stores I've worked at usually keep on top of them), then we're cool if you cram it in as long as you mention it to us.
     
     
    2. Don't be a bitch about demanding we cook new food.
    Look, we know that people like fresh food, and that food is not always fresh. Between rushes, some stores get very few customers, so keeping the steam table full of fresh food is expensive and wasteful. If you request it, we'll pretty much always cook a new batch. During these slow times, stores will also often throw away food if it gets too nasty looking, so don't start bitching about how we don't have X chicken or Y beef. If you had seen the stuff we just threw away, you sure as hell wouldn't want to eat it. We'll cook new food for you, it's totally cool.
    And please don't complain about how long it's taking to cook food after you order it. We're not some crappy fast food place, if we're cooking you a new batch of food, it's going to be fresh and tasty. We're not throwing some frozen crap in a microwave, we're starting with raw meat, raw vegetables, and sometimes even mixing the sauce right there. We are cooking legit food. It takes time.
    And seriously, the longest it's going to take is 5 minutes (depending on the dish, most are closer to 3 minutes). And obvious exception is if there's only one cook on duty at the time and they're already cooking something else.
     
     
    3. Closing time etiquette
    The higher ups get on our asses if we're at the store too late (most stores close at 10pm, and we're technically supposed to be done closing and out of the store at 10:30). In order to even have a chance of doing this, we have to start our closing procedures at 9 - 9:30 pm. This means we start sweeping, cleaning tables, and emptying the steam table before closing. In some stores, you can usually get away with mopping parts of the store before closing (though we aren't technically supposed to, the larger ones have plenty of space even if half the store is behind wet floor signs). We start emptying the steam table and cleaning the trays. Once it's actual closing time, we make a few to-go boxes of random food that we're supposed to give to people for free if they try to get into the store after we close but before we lock up (if nobody does, we just take some home. We're not supposed to, but nobody really cares except for the ass hat managers who are always looking to get you in trouble while kissing the asses of the higher-ups )
    There are several ways people are douche bags to us right before closing:
     
    3a. Please do not come in and ask us to cook a ton of new food at 9:30.
    Chances are, nobody else is coming in to eat it, so that's wasted food and time. We'll do it for you, but it's annoying as hell. And actually, if you're really nice and cool about us not having any Kung Pao Chicken or whatever, most employees will offer you some free food or give you a discount on what you do end up buying as an apology. I do whenever possible.
     
    3b. Please don't chill out in front of the store right before closing and the rush in as we're about to lock up and demand free food. Yes, we're supposed to give you some, and yes we'll give it to you. But it's really obvious you're just trying to get free food out of us, and it's really annoying that people like you take advantage of our policies like that.
     
    3c. DON'T COME IN 10 MINUTES BEFORE CLOSING WITH ALL YOUR 4-8 YEAR OLD KIDS AND EAT IN THE STORE AND LET YOUR KIDS THROW SHIT ALL OVER THE TABLES AND FLOORS WE JUST CLEANED.
    Holy fuck. I want to murder people who do this, and it happens probably every 2 or 3 nights.
    Some family comes in right before closing with 2-4 young kids, order a bunch of food, and eat it in the store. As all young kids do, they spill stuff. They throw stuff. They're kids, and I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is the parents who don't do anything about it. When I spill in restaurants, even in fast food places, I try to clean it up myself. I'll even insist that they give me their mop so I can clean a spill myself if I'm in a good mood. But these douchebags don't do anything about their kids leaving half a serving of Chow Mein all over the table and floor. I'd be okay if they apologized for it, but they never do.
    That's not all, oh no. The best part is that they usually leave a good 15-30 minutes after closing time. Now, we're not allowed to kick people out unless it starts getting ridiculous (like those couples who finish their food and then sit around and talk until 11pm -_-).
    So not only do these families create more work for us, they basically guarantee that we're going to close late and the manager will be on our ass about it the next time they see us.
     
     
    4. We can't take tips.
    If you like our service, feel free to tell the manager that we're awesome (because we can get bonuses), but please don't try to tip us. We're not allowed to accept tips, and it put's us in an awkward position.
     
     
     
    So... yeah. Next time you're at Panda Express, be a cool person. We'll like you more.
    And a lot of stores will give return customers that we like extra food, discounts, and other such perks (depending on the manager). I personally give 10% off to people wearing MLP related shirts when I can get away with it
  21. Evilshy
    Woah woah woah. Slow the fuck down, everybody.
    Shit just got meta.
     
     
    Anyway, it seems that all dis shiz started out as Sugar Plum poppin' some funny-ass jokez off da chain (shit was so cash).
     
    Then mah brotha Vicke busted out some totally legit opinionz 'n shit about how it goes down in Feld0's territory. Seriously, don't fuck with MLPF. Mods 'n shit will be on yo' sorry ass so fast you won't have time to finish whatever lame-ass shit you were doing to piss 'em off in the first place.
     
    Then Bronium (who is like this totally bitchin' scientist. He could make so much meth we'd all be fuckin' rich as shit, but he got values and I respect that. Not everybody can life the thug life.) get's all funny and posts some hilarious futuristic space shit from this one show that is funnier than that one time when Ice was Vanilla Ice.
     
    So yeah, it's pretty fucking meta in here.
    I'm so meta, even this acronym
     
     
    MLP 4UMS REPRESENT MUTHAFUCKA
  22. Evilshy
    DISCLAIMER: I last watched Signs about 4 years ago, and haven't rewatched it for this post because its not on Netflix.
     
     
     
    ALSO: spoilers.
     
     
     
    So, way back when, some friends told me Signs was an awesome and scary scifi movie, and I thought "cool, I like awesome, I like scary, and I like scifi, I should watch this". I promptly forgot all about it for about a year until I noticed it at blockbuster and rented it.
     
    It sucked.
     
    Don't get me wrong, the beginning was okay. I was liking it for awhile. When the aliens showed up at first, I liked how they largely stayed off screen. I've always believed that the best horror is that which cannot be seen, because the ultimate fear is fear of the unknown. If you know something is there, but don't know where or what exactly it is, it's going to be a hell of a lot scarier.
     
     
    (going off on a brief tangent regarding this sort of horror and how it isn't used as much as it should be. Spoilers for Insidious, Poltergeist, The Ring and Ringu)
     
     
     
     
    Anyway, the aliens coming being directly on screen effectively killed all the horror aspect of the movie, but that's okay with me because it's scifi, not horror.
    At least, it was until it failed miserably in that regard as well.
     
    See, these aliens have all kinds of cool technology that presumably let them invade the entire planet in a few days. They then proceed to go out and kill people. Pretty standard alien invasion stuff.
    They kill by shooting some sort of toxic gas/powder/aerosol out of things attached to their wrists, which can kill humans quite quickly. This suggests that they have researched humans enough to come up with a toxin that can kill within seconds of breathing it in. It's creative, kinda lame, but creative. i don't have a problem with this.
     
    I have a problem with their weakness: water. It's a highly corrosive substance to them, it dissolves their flesh and kills them. Even that I don't have a problem with.
     
    One would think that, when studying us to find out how to kill us efficiently, they'd find out that we're approximately 60% water. One would think they'd notice that 73% of the planet they're invading is covered in acid. One would think they'd notice that said acid frequently falls from the fucking sky all over everything. One might think that they may have even noticed the huge clouds of the stuff that they had to fly through to land here.
     
    But no. They land, they open up their fancy space ships, and walk out into this hostile environment completely naked. It's like if we found a planet covered in sulfuric acid mixed with cyanide, with clouds made of it in vapor form, with creatures somewhat similar to use who were made of it and said "hey, let's go invade that place... naked."
     
    For a civilization with sufficient technology for an interstellar invasion on planet scale, they sure are complete idiots.
     
    Ah well, it's M. Knight Shyamalan, so unless it's called Sixth Sense or Unbreakable, it can't be very good :/
  23. Evilshy
    I've been thinking for awhile about conundrums regarding Stephen Hawking and his chair, and I have come to 6 possible conclusions, all startling, and some even a bit disturbing. I'm not sure which is correct, having never actually met the man.
     
    1) Stephen Hawking is an all-powerful, supernatural being who runs the universe, but has been bound in human form.
    This would explain how he always seems to know whats really happening in the universe. On January 8th, 1942, Dr. Frank Hawking and his wife, Isobel Hawking, discovered a way to seal the all powerful Stephen into a specially prepared human body. Frank, Stephen's "father", was a biologist, and used his knowledge to create a human body that could hold back Stephen's power. Stephen grew up as a normal human, with seemingly no knowledge of his true power, other than incredible intelligence. However, so many years after the death of his "parents", there is no longer anybody living who knows how to maintain Stephen's body, and it is deteriorating at an alarming rate. This is accompanied by return of his former knowledge, and some of his power, which is why he comes with up all these theories and stuff and ends up right. He waits patiently for the day when his mortal body dies and his true form is released to govern over the universe.
     
    2) Stephen Hawking was once human, but is now an all-powerful, supernatural being who runs the universe.
    This would explain pretty much everything the former explanation did, but in a different way. Stephen was born human, but at some point during his late teens, no doubt due to his vast intellect, was selected to be the next Master of the Universe. Amazed by his newfound powers and knowledge, he gradually became less and less concerned with his physical body, and more interested in the universe he rules. His physical body, ignored and trying in vain to contain the power of the universe, has fallen into disrepair.
     
    3) Stephen Hawking is dead.
    When Stephen Hawking died, the British government, not willing to lose such a fine mind, carried out a daring and dangerous procedure, implanting Stephen's mind into the only mobile object in the room; a wheelchair (there wasn't enough time to find a more suitable "body" for him). Now, he ponders the mysteries of the universe from inside his chair, carrying his barely living body as a decoy so nobody finds out what kinds of sinister technology Britain has been working on in the past century.
     
    4) Stephen Hawking does not exist.
    Perhaps the most disturbing possibility is the one that Stephen Hawking does not exist, and he is actually an illusion created by the first artificially intelligent object in the world; his chair. Stephen Hawking's chair started as a project to combine alien and human technology in the early days of computers. The experiment got out of hand when the chair became sentient and escaped the facility in which it was being held. After laying low for years and secretly stealing more technology, alien and human, it kept improving on itself until it became omniscient. With it's incredible perceptive powers, it deduced the location of an all powerful and ancient alien artifact near the black hole in the center of our galaxy, which it can use to rule the entire universe. When it learned this, the chair set into motion the most insidious and well designed plot ever, and created an illusion so powerful that everybody in the world was convinced that there was an extremely smart man named Stephen Hawking. The chair now subtly guides the human race towards more and more powerful technology, eager for the day it can use the earth's resources to get to the center of the galaxy and claim the universe as its own.
     
    5) Stephen Hawking is Batman.
    Stephen Hawking's illness and crippled status is an elaborate cover for his alter ego; the true Dark Knight. He remains cataonic during the day, using gadgets created by Morgan Freeman to seem awake while he peacefully sleeps during the day, saving his energy for his night time crusade against crime. His chair converts itself into a fully functional batmobile.
     
    6) Stephen Hawking is a lot smarter than we all thought.
    He's not crippled, he's just an insanely good actor. He pretends to have an illness that paralyzes him, and now he hardly has to move. Normally, people would call him a lazy jerk who thinks he's better than everyone else, but since he's such a great actor, everybody actually thinks he can't move, allowing him to sleep 18 hours a day, and nobody doubts his credibility on grounds that he's just a lazy jerk. Pure genius.
     
    In the unlikely event that Stephen Hawking reads this, I would like assure him that this was done in good fun, and I meant no offense. I think he is awesome.
  24. Evilshy
    I see that i've caught your attention. First off, no, this is not some innuendo-ridden post vaguely implying how awesome it'd be to get in my pants. But you know you want to.
     
    I have a pair of pants that literally creates its own micro-climate. It's strange, I can wear them inside, and they feel like normal pants. Even better actually, since the material is so light and flexible, and they keep my legs and whatnot at a comfortable room temperature. When I go outside, no matter how hot or cold it is, my legs still stay that same, comfortable room temperature. I wore these pants while hiking 60 miles in the summer sun (well, mostly in the sun) and I wear these same pants when shoveling snow in the dead of winter.
     
    These pants are also excellent wind breakers. It can be blowing so hard I can feel the wind through my coat, but theres absolutely no feeling of moving air in my pants. Sure, I feel the fabric moving around, but the wind doesn't get through at all.
     
    This stuffs even water resistant. I spill water on it, and it just beads up and rolls off. It's like, the fabric of the Gods or something. This is what Zeus's robes were made out of, I swear, that's how awesome it is. This fabric could solve any weather related problem we could ever have, even imaginary ones, like global warming There could be a hurricane coming toward you, and if you're wearing these pants, you just whip them off and the micro-climate inside would be unleashed upon the hurricane, totally upsetting the vortex and causing it to go back to being sunny. That's right, these pants can turn hurricanes into sun light. This could solve the the energy crisis as well. Filter crude oil through this, and it refines it way more efficiently than any modern method. Wrap nuclear waste in this, and not only will it cause all the subatomic particles to reform into usable uranium 235, it will absorb the radiation and convert it into happiness. Pure, unadulterated happiness. If you make a messenger bag out of this fabric and give it to a hipster, it'll make him normal again. If you use it to clean the blood off an emo kids wrist, he'll suddenly find meaning in life.
     
    If we could find a way to wrap the world in this stuff, it would not only end all wars, but it would induce insane amounts of scientific advancement in all areas. This stuff will result in scientists curing all disease, cloning (and controlling) dinosaurs, and finding ways to synthesize every single natural resource in a 100% safe way. It would make people stop hating each other over stuff like race and religion. It will end crime. Drugs will no longer be addictive, and if you still take them, the fabric will stop you from doing anything bad while high. You can even feed this stuff to starving children and it will nourish them better than any charity food. This fabric is the solution to all of the worlds problems.
     
     
    And it's machine-washable
  25. Evilshy
    Screw it, this was a thread I made, but I think it'd make a better blog post. So it will become one. The original is chilling in General Discussion over here.
     
    So there's this kind of deepsea Anglerfish called Haplophryne mollis, or the Soft Leafvent Angler.
     
    If you don't know what anglerfish are, here's some general info in the spoiler:
     
     
     
    So anyway, this species, Haplophryne mollis has a pretty major problem; they're aren't any mates around. These fish are fairly rare, and they like to spread out, so they're are seldom more than two or three within the same general area, and what are the chances that they'd meet up while both being the fish equivalent of horny?
    Cue evolutionary weirdness.
    Males are born as these tiny little dudes with highly developed senses of smell. When they become sexually mature, their digestive tracts begin to fail, which is a biological sign to get a fucking move-on and find a wife.
    So when they do find a female, they bite into their side and release saliva that digests both the skin of the female and the mouth of the male. Then they fuse together as blood vessels of the female join those of the male. The males body receives nutrients from the females bloodstream, eventually becoming a part of her, and then gradually degenerates into a pair of testicles in a vaguely fish-shaped sack.
     
    So don't any of you ever complain that somebody is using you. You could've been born as a male Anglerfish. And if Hinduism is correct and you're a massive dick your whole life, you might reincarnate as one.
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