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Spider's Claw

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Everything posted by Spider's Claw

  1. I actually wasn't updating because of the metric fuckton of work I had to do the past week. But due to lack of interest, I am probably done and this is probably discontinued. I would like to thank the two of you for sticking around though. The both of you are pretty gosh darn awesome.
  2. Kurtiss made me cry

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Scootaloo1

      Scootaloo1

      He did everything

       

    3. Ezynell

      Ezynell

      That makes perfect sense.

    4. Fghik

      Fghik

      b-b-but Kurtiss would never! He's probably just having a rough day... Nopony (besides me) has made their burnt offerings to him yet!

  3. You tell Jack that there's somebody outside that probably wants to kill everyone. Maybe we can put off the whole "revenge and regicide" thing and figure out what's going on? He agrees. He says he was expecting stuff like this, but the voice was distinctly not that of his partner. In fact, it was the opposite gender! Unless those wizardry rings allowed her to swap genders or something, and he would hate that because... no. Wait. Stop. You all hop into the same party and run outside Solitaire. The streets have been cleared. A single pony stands in the road, if he could be called a pony. Some hide remains. Most of his legs, though? Robotic. He's only about 20% pony anymore, 80% robot, and 1% German bastard. "Helloooo, mein little ponies!" You notice Doctor von Ponington has some new robot eyes to replace the ones you took out with your hoof. Party:
  4. Winter asks why Fantasy would be related to you, seeing as though she's a princess and all and you're not. You mention that you were just curious. It's not like you actually want any shipping or anything, you're fine with having an enormous and unrequited lesbian crush on Morning. You don't need anypony else. Regardless, Fantasy should get here quickly. You suspect Igor or a revived Doctor von Ponington is up to no good, and you know it's going to get dangerous. Fortunately, you're inside the SOLITAIRE CAFÉ and are perfectly safe! Or at least safer than you would be outside. Another pony walks into the cafÉ, coming up to your table. "Why, Natural Harmonia, I don't believe I've properly introduced myself! The name's Jack Daniels." God you hate that guy. You ask why he's here. He say for two reasons: 1) There is lightning out there. 2) He wanted to let you know he'll be having his revenge soon. Lightning strikes dangerously close to the cafÉ. Ponies walking in the street are all scattering and running back to their homes. You think you can hear a pony with a very exaggerated and equally poor German accent calling for you all to come out, but you can't be too sure. Natural Harmonia Condition: Fine Talent: Lvl 2 Protagonist Inventory (1/4): Broken Earthquake Rings Morning Glory Condition: Fine Talent: Magic Inventory (1/3): Plastic fangs
  5. I giggled. I love how some people have so much history and meaning behind their names. I'm the sort that uses different names most of the places I go to, or else I'm boring and just use my name or some variation thereof. Spider's Claw comes from a number of things: this, a general fixation on the character that theme belongs to, and my own love of spiders. Kind of boring in comparison! I wish I had a cool story to tell, but alas. I do not.
  6. Winter clarifies that Fantasy is female. Winter goes back on her communicator and asks Fantasy what she's inventing. Winter hangs up. She says that Fantasy does not want to disclose that information. Lightning strikes somewhere nearby. Strange, it's an otherwise sunny day... Natural Harmonia Condition: Fine Talent: Lvl 2 Protagonist Inventory (1/4): Broken Earthquake Rings Morning Glory Condition: Fine Talent: Magic Inventory (1/3): Plastic fangs
  7. "Ooooh yes, you can bet there will be quite a bit of shipping. Lots and lots of shipping. Copious amounts of shipping. In a variety of rooms. All over the castle. Every day." He says just show up whenever. He then leaves Solitaire. Winter takes out her communicator, presses a few buttons, and then asks the person on the other end what they are doing. She hangs up and says that Fantasy is too busy "inventing something" to come to the café. Natural Harmonia Condition: Fine Talent: Lvl 2 Protagonist Inventory (1/4): Broken Earthquake Rings Morning Glory Condition: Fine Talent: Magic Inventory (1/3): Plastic fangs
  8. You suggest shipping. You pull out a piece of paper and start pairing off ponies. Winter walks over to you, slaps you in the face, takes the paper, tosses it to the ground, stomps on it, picks it up, tears it up, and feeds it to a very drunk Tango. You say fine. You suggest blowing up the castle. Moonlight says that's a stupid idea and you're stupid for thinking of it. You say it was just a suggestion. A stallion walks into Solitaire. "An incredibly moronic suggestion, if I do say so myself." Moonlight's eyes widen. She asks what this new arrival is doing out of the castle. He says he heard all of his daughters were out of the castle so he came down here. He says he got into town a few hours ago, but he spent those hours signing autographs, getting mobbed by mares, and getting threatened by stallions who complain that he was caught in compromising positions with their wives. He asks if you are the mare who defeated Doctor von Ponington. You say yes. You ask who he is. He says he is the Emperor, Calico Conga. He then congratulates you on... A waitress passes by. Calico follows her with his eyes, admiring that large... plot. He then congratulates you on killing the doctor. Turns out he was kind of a prick. Also evil. Good work! He then asks his daughters where Fantasy is. Winter shrugs. Calico invites you to stay in the castle. He then comments that you are a very attractive mare. He then once again invites you to stay in the castle. Natural Harmonia Condition: Fine Talent: Lvl 2 Protagonist Inventory (1/4): Broken Earthquake Rings Morning Glory Condition: Fine Talent: Magic Inventory (1/3): Plastic fangs
  9. This totally hot mare is totally attractive, and she's pretty intelligent too. You prefer your mares to be not-so-intelligent, but in this case, it benefits you. If she can help you destroy the royal family and Natural Harmonia, then it's all worth it. You accept her offer. She says great. You hand over the schematics. You ask what her name is. She says her name is Fantasy Foxtrot, and then quickly adds, "did I mention I am not a princess?" You say that sounds like a princess' name. She assures you that it is not. You ask why she has those things around her legs if she's not a princess. She says thanks for the schematics and leaves. You can't help but think you've just been conned. ACT 2 You were unable to move the statue. There was simply too much tape, and probably a layer of plot armor. So, you and your party members and allies and most of the royal family gathered in the SOLITAIRE CAFÉ, founded by Shuffle. You are currently discussing your plan of action. Shuffle volunteers to carry the two of you back to Ponyville. Winter points out that the doctor's body is missing, Igor probably took it, and might be reviving him. With a chainsaw. Tango is busy getting drunk on completely non-alcoholic beverages. Moonlight asks what you want to do. Natural Harmonia Condition: Fine Talent: Lvl 2 Protagonist Inventory (1/4): Broken Earthquake Rings Morning Glory Condition: Fine Talent: Magic Inventory (1/3): Plastic fangs
  10. You once again ask if she's a cop, even though St. Arion has no police force. She once again says no. You walk to your door and pick it up, and then put it back in your doorway. It's not really a functioning door anymore, but hey. You walk back to the mare and put the schematics down on the table. You ask if they make sense to her. She says yeah, they make perfect sense. She could very easily make these Wizardry Rings. But she says she'll make them under one condition: you let her in on the rewards of this quest to destroy the royal family. "Do we have a deal?" Jack Daniels Condition: Fine Talent: Jerk Inventory (2/8): Rifle | Stolen Schematics
  11. HA HA WHAT LIES WHY WOULD I BE TELLING THOSE The mare turns around and looks at you. To you, it feels like she's staring into your soul. "So, those schematics. I can help you with those." You ask how she knew you had schematics. She says she can see into your inventory. She once again offers to build the Wizardry Rings. Jack Daniels Condition: Fine Talent: Jerk Inventory (2/8): Rifle | Stolen Schematics
  12. You tell her exactly that. It's probably a very convincing thing. After all, you're a trustworthy guy. This town counts on you. They think you're a little weird for the whole imaginary friend thing, but it doesn't change the fact that they see you as a strong, reliable pony. You're practically this town's hero. Surely that's why this TOTALLY HOT MARE has paid you a visit. But in case your excuse wasn't convincing enough, you start pouring the family friendly, non-alcoholic beverages so you can both drink until it sounds convincing. Jack Daniels Condition: Fine Talent: Jerk Inventory (2/8): Rifle | Stolen Schematics
  13. Silly Jack, there are no cops in St. Arion! But you ask her just to be safe. She says no. You let her in. You would close the door, but you don't really feel like picking it up and balancing it. So screw it. She's not paying attention to you. Instead, she's looking at your table. "Hey, uh, Jack, what's up with this?" You walk over and look at what she's pointing to. Uhhhhh... Jack Daniels Condition: Fine Talent: Jerk Inventory (2/8): Rifle | Stolen Schematics
  14. You saunter over to your door and prepare to open it in the manliest way you can possibly think of... By using your rifle. You stab the hinges with the sharpened barrel of your rifle until they break. You then push the door and it falls over. The pony outside was smart enough to dodge your falling door. Said visitor then steps onto your door and greets you. Why, it's a hot babe! As strange as it sounds, you usually don't receive visits from totally hot mares. But you know this totally hot mare. You've seen her in St. Arion from time to time, and you were instantly attracted to her. You're not too sure what drew you to her. But the point is she's a totally hot mare. And, more importantly, definitely not a princess. This mare is totally not the eldest of the royal family. Absolutely not. She asks to come in. Jack Daniels Condition: Fine Talent: Jerk Inventory (2/8): Rifle | Stolen Schematics
  15. To be fair they were trying their very hardest to use the Disney formula. It was mostly a botched attempt, but it did give us Rasputin and his villain song.
  16. You're afraid you've been thinking. It's a dangerous pastime, you know. But that... Natural Harmonia and that damn royal family. They're in cahoots. They've tricked the town into supporting this tyranny. You must have your revenge. You will have your revenge. And those Wizardry Rings are exactly how you will get your revenge. But how to get them... you're no inventor or scientist or engineer. You're a hunter. You can't build this. You know! You'll call in your great friend, Buck Norris. He's a great guy. Smart guy, too. The best hunting partner and sciencing partner you could ever ask for. If there's anybody living that can build these rings, it's him. Unfortunately, Buck Norris is your imaginary friend and you've been seeing a therapist to try to get rid of him, seeing as though everybody thinks you're crazy. The therapy seems to have worked. You sort of miss the guy. There is a knock at your door. Jack Daniels Condition: Fine Talent: Jerk Inventory (2/8): Rifle | Stolen Schematics
  17. It just occurred to you that you've never looked at those schematics you swiped from Doctor von Ponington's pocket. You walk over to your table and open them up. Scrawled on the top is "WIZARDRY RINGS: I vill make ze magicks real." You don't understand a single thing about the design, but appearance-wise it looks similar to those rings the late doctor wore around his legs. But you don't hunt mice. The mice are so eager to be hunted by you that they come to you. It's a great honor in the Mouse Kingdom to be slain by the one and only Jack Daniels and his mighty rifle. See, you don't know how to use a rifle. You don't know how a pony could possibly use a firearm. Really you've just been using your rifle as a fancy-looking spear. You sharpened the end and everything. A mouse scurries onto the table. You quickly react and stab at it with your rifle. You miss by about a foot. The mouse seems to giggle at you before running away. Your precious ego has been hurt. Jack Daniels Condition: Fine Talent: Jerk Inventory (2/8): Rifle | Stolen Schematics
  18. Chainsaws are USUALLY dangerous, but when in the hooves of a pony? Seems like it'd be more likely to hurt them. But seeing as nobody's crying in pain and there's still the sound of the chainsaw cutting through things, this pony probably knows what they're doing. Morning knows what to do. Her horn glows as she tries to lift the statue with her magic. Unfortunately, it's held firmly in place by tape! Damn! END OF ACT 1. You're now this jerk. Your name is Jack Daniels. You're taking over for the brief intermission. You've been shamed by that... that... Natural Harmonia. And you'll have your revenge, eventually! But not quite yet. You stormed off not an hour ago, but you realized you kind of need a place to live, so you're back in your home in St. Arion. What will you do? Jack Daniels Condition: Fine Talent: Jerk Inventory (2/8): Rifle | Stolen Schematics
  19. I pride myself in never cutting my hair or getting it cut ever. It's just when there's a comb stuck in your hair you've really got no other alternative.
  20. I too had problems regarding my comb a few days ago. Got bored and started spacing out, wrapped some of my hair around my comb, and then it got stuck. And the more I tried to fix things the worse it got. Had to cut my hair. At least it doesn't look much different at all. As for my day, no matter how terrible it was (spoiler: it wasn't, it was pretty awesome), THREE DAY WEEKEND.
  21. You know exactly who did this. The only pony who would be interested in helping the doctor. Igor. Moonlight thinks Igor is too innocent to do that. You disagree. You charge up the hill and back into the castle, Morning and Shuffle following. Shuffle points you toward the hole in the entrance hall floor, what used to be the secret lab exit. The three of you go down the stairs. The lab proper is blocked by a statue of the doctor. You can hear the sound of a chainsaw coming from the lab. Natural Harmonia Condition: Fine Talent: Lvl 2 Protagonist Inventory (1/4): Broken Earthquake Rings Morning Glory Condition: Fine Talent: Magic Inventory (2/3): Plastic fangs | Bandages x3 Sunny Shuffle Condition: Fine 
Talent: Lvl 2 Aviatrix 
Inventory (2/5): Communicator | MANE CO. Key
  22. I actually have Combat Evolved. It was fun to play around with for awhile, but it's mostly just been collecting dust on my shelf for years now.
  23. IIIIIIIIf you say so, Feld0. But I'm onto you. I know your game.
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