Kyoshi

For me it's just a case if knowing that anything could happen. I could be shot by some psychopath tomorrow and everything could end there. Very unlikely but anything could happen. Things could randomly get better too, but realistically there are no signs of that ever..I want to be happy, I want to enjoy the stupid things I like, so I do care, but everything else makes it so hard..Depression, self hatred, and anxiety are the main issues I think.

All those issues are interrelated and feed from one another. And really, if you do magically overcome all that in one day, it's probably just a high and it won't last. In my experience, all of that built and faded over a period of time of several years. This fandom has practically been a Godsend that's helped me overcome most of it, though I still have depressing thoughts on occasion.

The fandom helped me at first, until I started to feel inferior to every person on this planet including the fandom. It's amazing how those feelings can annihilate any and all enthusiasm. My life is pointless and not worth anything, but I still try to enjoy the simple and little things in life since there isn't much else, even then I just feel trapped and alone, it's how I feel on the inside. Of course there is also the fear of the future entirely but that's just always there.