She'd have been better off. I'm the reason she was murdered.
I don't want to kill myself, but I know for a fact that some people in Russia want me dead. Therefore I think I'll go back to my homeland in a couple months.
You need to stop blaming yourself, you aren't responsible for you wifes death, only the murderer. I really wish you wouldn't leave, but if you do make that descision, I guess no one's stopping you.