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Dimitri Hammer

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Blog Entries posted by Dimitri Hammer

  1. Dimitri Hammer
    Well I am happy in my life. Last time I was this happy was eight years ago. I am married, I am doing good, I have a home, I have money for food and entertainment, I am living a life most people do not live. I am happy, I am.
     
    But, I also have this short temper. I so easily angered, and I get so angry. People anger me so much. Never my brother or my spouse though. I never angry at them, but other people are making me pissed off. To the point at which I am either becoming depressed, or wrathful. I want to hurt people so badly. This temper is such a crutch. It lingers in my head, and my reasonable thinking is becoming lost. I used to go to a therapist, and it helped, but I figured my problems out on my own. This though, I having a hard time getting over.
     
    I keep thinking "Maybe if I move out of America I feel better..." But I not know. Try to sell my home, and move to Iceland would be nice. America is really becoming a burden on me. Most American people I have met just seem to be ignorant and selfish. I not know though. All I know is that in the next ten years I will be leaving this country.
  2. Dimitri Hammer
    Woke up from a nightmare, and tripped getting out of bed. What a great start.....so....
     
     
    Another year gone by. So much happened between last year and this year. Good things, bad things. Another addition to my age. Twenty-seven years old. Pretty much seven years of borrowed time now. Borrowed time, you ask? (Though I doubt anyone asked that...) yes, borrowed time. My stupid, depressed self, still believes I should have died in 2006 on December 14th. A part of me still wishes I died then. Would life have been better? Maybe. Would my wife have been alive, and better off than how I lived my life? Whatever I guess. The past is done, nothing I can do to change it now....
     
    Well, three more years and I will be thirty. Amazing how time seems to move so fast. On Wednesday I will be leaving the forums for a week or two. For my birthday I will be going on a "spiritual journey" to the 'Magic Bus' on Stampede trail. Where Chris McCandless died on August 18th, 1992. (American dates are hard for me to write sometimes....not know why...) but I will be headed there with a backpack, a gun, and some supplies. Live in the wild, and hopefully find myself through this.
     
    My friend Daniel keeps wanting me to not go, and that really hurts me because I not want him to be afraid of me leaving. Just have to reassure him I will be fine. My brother says he knows I will do excellent out there. He is always so supportive.
     
    Alright....yeah....is my birthday. Born November eleventh, 1986 in Leningrad to two wonderful parents....well more like one wonderful parent. I guess the good thing about this year is the fact I got over my major depression. I do sometimes feel some pain, and the feeling of wishing to stay in bed and just never get up, but I feel so much better still. Better than I did. No longer wishing to kill myself.
     
    Happy birthday me. Hope when another year goes by, it will be good.
     
     

  3. Dimitri Hammer
    Well, after my birthday....which is tomorrow ;-; ....I am going into the wild to camp for preferably two weeks on the stampede trail. Same place where Chris McCandless passed away. I just want to do it. See if I can live by myself for that long in a rugged environment. It means a lot to me emotionally. It will help with many things in my own mind.
     
    Then on my Christmas, which is in January, I will say adieu to you all on these forums. I am departing the Internet, just because I can. I have grown increasingly weary on here. Bleak, monotonous, just losing the luster it had when I first came here. Is probably my fault I am feeling like this, but whatever. I still be here for Western Christmas though. Who knows maybe I change my mind to leave, but I doubt it. I not care anymore.
     
    So to all those who care, which I am sure is less than a handful, I will wish the best and give a fine adieu. So, let us see how my mind, and emotional state change over the next couple months. Who knows, maybe I not will even go through with it. Just give up like the failure I have been. That will most likely be the outcome!
     
    So, you know I probably not going through with this....just ignore what I have said or whatever. Yay emotional states!
  4. Dimitri Hammer
    "Where were you when I was lonesome
    Locked away in this freezing cold
    Someone flying, only stolen,
    I can't tell, this night's so old,
     
    I don't want to swim the ocean,
    I don't want to fight the tide,
    I don't want to swim forever,
    When it's cold I'd like to die.
     
    What was that, my sweet sweet nothing
    I can't hear you through the fog
    If I holler let me go
    If I falter let me know
     
    I don't want to swim the ocean,
    I don't want to fight the tide,
    I don't want to swim forever,
    When it's cold I'd like to die.
     
    I don't want to swim forever,
    I don't want to fight the tide,
    I don't want to swim the ocean,
    When it's cold I'd like to die."
     
     
     
     
     
    My interpretation of this song is that it speaks of waiting for something, or someone. Is like she has been waiting for so long for someone, something to come along that would renew hope and faith in her life. Just been searching endlessly for something to hold on to, and even when she thought she had found it, it was not there when she needed it most, or she is regretting messing that very thing up in her life, so she is just letting everything go because it does not seem worth it to hold on anymore. She has given up completely, comparing life to an ocean. Not willing to swim it anymore. Letting the tide overtake her.
     
     
    God this song is so painful. Is just... haunting. It makes my whole body ache. Gives me chills to hear. I nearly let the tide take me. I was tired of swimming in my ocean. For me, it was regret and pain. "Where were you when I was lonesome?" A question I asked as I looked to heaven. I remember saying words similar to these. Not saying it in a derogatory way, but saying it like "Where are you? Why are you not here anymore?" I felt like she left me because I failed her. Not in any way faulting her, but I was hating myself. Giving myself reasons to stop fighting the tide.
  5. Dimitri Hammer
    http://youtu.be/Z0PMq4XGtZ4
     
    "Act! While in delirium,
    I no longer know what I say,
    or what I do!
    And yet it's necessary... make an effort!
    Bah! Are you not a man?
    You are a clown!
     
    Put on your costume and powder your face.
    The people pay to be here, and they want to laugh.
    And if Harlequin shall steal your Columbina,
    laugh, clown, so the crowd will cheer!
    Turn your distress and tears into jest,
    your pain and sobbing into a funny face – Ah!
     
    Laugh, clown,
    at your broken love!
    Laugh at the grief that poisons your heart!"
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Cover the pain with the façade of happiness. Disguise your suffering with laughs, and cheers. For the covering of it will give the world the view they want to see. Not the real you, the one who is dying on the inside, no! They want to pretend you are happy! Be happy for them, for showing the pain results in nothing but disappointment. Smile through your depression! Laugh through your hollowness, for the world does not wish to see a dying man!
  6. Dimitri Hammer
    Finally, a non-depressing, non-self-loathing rant about myself....
     
     
    I was just thinking of costume ideas for Dimitri. Preferably something to match with Fluttershy even. I not know though. I have some ideas, but I not suoer creative
     
    So, I not know. Tell me if you thinking of something please :3
    I not drawn Dimitri in long time, and same with Fluttershy, and I would adore to draw them both again. Both wearing Nightmare Night costumes
     
    So, tell me if you like a certain costume idea I have, or tell me your own for these ponies right here: :3


  7. Dimitri Hammer
    The human mind is such a complex thing. Emotions, personality, memories, actions. Why? Why are we like this? Why do we possess this? We would be much more orderly and lasting if we possessed the mind of an insect with a hive-mentality, but no. We are human beings, with complicated ways of understanding, feeling, and so on.
     
    What am I getting at? I am just rambling. I ramble often like a mad-man. Mainly to myself too. I think too much, I over-think everything. I go into everything with a too open way of thinking. Watch a film about death, and then I am pondering the question of death for hours to myself. Then I ponder about the meaning of it all, and how none of it matters. We work, and be all materialistic and fall in love, and then we die. Leaving it all behind us, going who the Hell knows where. In my case, hopefully Heaven.
     
    Then I delve too far into morality, and start to hate myself. Morality is gray, but there is a defined lighter shade and darker shade of gray. Seven years ago I purposely picked the darker shade. Then I start thinking more and more about crime and my past, and I hate myself for what I did, but like what I did at the same time. I have no fucking clue anymore really. I am happy, but still have this painful feeling inside me, and I keep thinking and thinking and thinking and fucking thinking.
     
    I am in a relationship with someone now. Finally after seven years I feel somewhat okay to be with another person. I still have feeling of guilt and betrayal though. I feel like I am hurting my late wife, but I know she would want me to move on and be happy, but I still feel a pain in my chest and feel this immense, horrid guilt. Then I think about my past. What if it all ones back to me, and it hurt the people I love? Constant thoughts keep rattling my mind, and plaguing my dreams.
     
    Here is what I think is wrong with me. Let my tell my "symptoms."
     
    First off, I think too much. I already established that.
    I have a terrible temper. Is hard to control myself when people are ignorant and, outright cruel to my friends.
    I have a feeling of guilt and feel like I am betraying my late wife for being in a relationship now.
    I have a feeling of anxiety, and have this fear of my past coming back.
    I am not depressed, but I feel weird inside. Like I am not really here, even though I feel so happy right now.
    I am scared often. I feel like I am going to mess up the life I have here sometimes, and I fear it. I fear myself. What if I do something stupid?
     
    Honestly, I not know what the Hell is wrong with me. Am I depressed? Am I crazy? Am I bipolar? I not overly angry, and then depressed. I not think I am bipolar. I just have bad temper control, and let people get to me I think. Am I still depressed? Maybe I feel like the past is still not resolved. I am hoping to correct that some though. I has a plan to hopefully resolve things from my past. I mainly fear myself. I know what I am capable of, because I have done it before, and I not want to lose my temper and "blackout" and do something I will immensely regret.
     
    I am really strange. I am really happy right now though. I mean, I am elated. The happiest I have been in seven years, and I feel awesome. I just think too much, and worry too much. The main problems are my temper, my feelings of guilt, and my fear of ruining my life. I sometimes think if I am insane. I know I am smart, I am a person capable of intelligent thinking, but am I sane? I not know.
  8. Dimitri Hammer
    I am not a saint. I not even consider myself a decent person really. I did a lot of idiotic things in the past. Especially after my wife passed away, but also before that sometimes. Mainly...my temper did it. Put me in bad places.
     
    Crime was fun to me. Though, I will say I regret it all. I horridly regret it now, but at the time I was enthralled in it. I lived the life, I did so many things. Followed blindly. Stole, and hurt, and laundered and more and more. God, sometimes I miss it. Am I messed up? I miss it! Sometimes I miss that life, and then I say "What the fuck is wrong with me...?"
     
    It....gave me something. A sense of adrenaline, of fun. Doing something illegal. It made life fun. My brother recently bought GTA V, and it revolves around three protagonists, as I sure most of you know. Yet, I am talking about their professions. Criminals. Bank robbers. "Heist pullers." That, that would be fun!!
     
     
    Imagine how that would feel! The rush of excitement. I not care about the money mainly, I care about the awesome feelings experienced. Killing, robbing, and then getting away with it. Is a horrid, and immoral thing and I FUCKING hate myself for doing criminal things, but....I think about it....it was dangerous, and bad....but fun sometimes...
     
    God, I am majorly messed up. Good thing for friends, and sane, rational thinking. I never want to do crime again. Bad things come from it. Only thing wrong with me now is my temper. Finding it harder to control it recently. Angrier with ignorant people. Working out more often, trying to relieve stress. Sometimes I think I need to just hit something. Work the heavy bag then.
     
    Still, ignorant people who are mean to me...I finding it harder to stop myself from acting or saying something stupid to them. Maybe when I turn 27 things will relax or something. God, is so close to my birthday....almost thirty...
     
    Here is a song...or something...
     
     
  9. Dimitri Hammer
    People say life is the greatest gift. Greatest gift in the universe. Life is fantastic. Well, except for when they forget to tell you how unfair, disgusting, and brutally fucking evil it is. Oh, I accidentally left that part out...sorry..
     
    Life is awesome right? When things never go your way even though you try your best in it. When you just think you deserve something because you never fucked anyone over, and you never did anything horrid, but life just decides that you are nothing and essentially gives you the big F-word to your face.
     
    When good, understanding, intelligent people get screwed for absolutely no reason. When the government is unfair, and unjust, and will always be like that. When life consists of nothing but working for money just to live. Awesome, right? Makes sense, right? It does not? Oh, I am sorry, but that is life.
     
    Life just toys with you. You think you have a chance in this world, but all you see is unfairness. People getting richer and richer off you, and the government giving them tax breaks because the government loves corporations and rich people more than anyone else.
     
    The judicial system is fair though....right? You go to the trial, and because you are not "well-off" You get assigned a shitty appointed lawyer who could care less about you. While rich people get their expensive lawyers to get them off of anything. Am I saying being rich makes you happy? No, I am not.
     
    Fun right?! Yeah, I sure see many reasons to live....so many....
     
     
     
    Few things inspire me to keep on going. Can I be like Lenin? No. Can I change the face of the world with teachings and try to make everyone equal? No. Can I do anything really? No, not really.
     
    All I have is the people in my life who love me. That seems like the only thing to me. The only thing that keeps me going are the people who love me, and the people I love. Just need to find that one person who I can love. Lost my family years ago. Lost my life years ago. Hey, all I can do now is try and rebuild it with my happiness.
     
    I might have lost the one person I loved more than anything in the world, but I know being miserable is not the way to be. She would want better of me. I mean, she would have continued on I hope. I just miss her. Miss the feelings we shared, and how everything seemed so perfect back then. Well, that is life. Sometimes, it just screws you. We just have to push on. Fight back. Say "I am not going to give up."
     
    Life is a gift. We just have to determine how we use it. Even when things seem impossible. We have to keep fighting.
  10. Dimitri Hammer
    Ever hear of this term?
     
    Being hurt in someway in the past or even present whether physical or mental, and you are not willing to "show" them, because that would distance yourself from your friends and "ruin" your life. It sticks with you forever no matter what. Talking about it would make you feel so good, but you not want to discuss it to friends or even family. Maybe they caused it, maybe you are too scared of their reaction to it. So you keep it bottled inside. The bruises won't heal, but you never show them. Never seek help.
     
    Everyone has their demons. Some worse than others. There is some things I will never talk about to even my closest friends and family. If my wife were still here, I would not even tell her. Some things you just have to keep inside. Maybe they will haunt you. I wish I could talk about, but no. When I pass on, maybe then I can say things. When I am older maybe, but still I doubt it. Things haunt me that will never go away.
  11. Dimitri Hammer
    Another game review...well....game not really out yet. So no review, but I just want to talk about it. My brother keeps mentioning it too. Every time we talk he always bring this game up. I was never into video games, or anything like that really, but recently I have been trying to play them since my brother is forcing me. They are pretty fun! I not understand how they work, or how to do much, but is fun.
     
    Now, GTA V. This game looks, well, amazing. Unlike any others in the GTA series (Which I only played little of GTA IV, III, San Andreas, and Vice City) this game lets you take control of three protagonists in the same campaign. GTA IV had the other stories with the biker gang and the clubbing, but GTA V lets us control three anytime we desire it seems.
     
    The three protagonists, to me at least, seem extremely likeable and awesome. We have Michael, Franklin, and Trevor. Michael, in his mid forties, rich, former bank robber. Trevor, also forties, drug addict, Michael's former friend, wasted all his money. Franklin, the new guy to the duo essentially. Born into a ghetto lifestyle, went to prison, and aspires for more than just being a gangster.
     
    The "open-world" aspect of this game looks fantastic. Damn, so many activities to do! Random murdering of innocents is nice, but who does not like to take a break and buy a car, clothes, tattoos, houses, stocks, go golfing, playing tennis, biking, exploring, hunting, scuba-diving, base jumping, and well....random crimes too.
     
    In the new trailer, Rockstar showed off the game-play. My brother says it looks "orgasmic." Well, I have to agree, though I have a different word in mind. The world is immense, and the things to do seem fun. The characters seem so cool. All have special traits, and back stories which I happen to like. I love the stories in video-games the most personally.
     
    I mean, pretending to do things is also fun. The game takes place in the same place GTA: San Andreas was, but the map is five times larger than that game, GTA IV, and Red Dead Redemption (Which is another game I played, and is purely awesome) combined. The way the game looks is so cool. Looks very advanced.
     
    Out of the three characters I think my favorite is either Michael or Trevor. Trevor is a crazy, drug addict, and seems like overall a crazy bastard and a fun character to play. Killing and hurting people as him will probably feel like second nature. Michael is a family man. Two kids who despise him, and a horrid adulterous wife. He is not a model husband or parent either though.
     
    I could go on and just talk, but I not want to do that. I bet no one even likes reading what I have to say
     
    Nonetheless, this game looks neat. My brother already "pre-ordered" it. I might even play it. Probably will be forced to anyway, so might as well look forward to it
     
     
     
    Game-play trailer (AS if you had not seen it already...)
     
     
     
    Probably my favorite character trailer.
     
     
  12. Dimitri Hammer
    The tyrannical King Bróen I of Skotland is refusing his vassals to vote on elective succession! My kinsman Steward Ábiǫrn was executed by the king just several moons ago for his act of revolt. I fear I may be next to be unrightfully slain by this tyrant, and I beseech thee for aid. I hold several allies, yet I believe the tyrant king may silence us by completely destroying the holdings of myself and my allies. Bróen's reign of Irland and Skotland has been for too long, and his tyrannical disposition is making his vassals peeved.
     
    I beseech thee for aid. I require several thousand men to hold back the advances of the Army of Skotland. My holdings in Fife are under siege as we speak, and I pray to Odin that Cornwall is not next. If I am to fail, my allies and myself will be offered to the gods in the next Blót. I know that I will escape the persecution, for I am Jarl Dimitri. No mere man can dispose of me. I may be able to slay several thousand of the king's hired mercenaries, but I am one man.
     
    I can not stop the men in Irland while I fight in Skotland. If I could I would, but I need aid. Several thousand men to fight in Irland as I handle the troops in Skotland. Once disposed, I will head to the Isle of Man which is the capital, and I will imprison the unjust king. I propose that I become king, for I will be just and not arbitrary to my vassals. Land will be distributed fairly, and the commoners will be treated equally as the nobility. I will stop the English advancements on our holdings too.
     
    To war my comrades! Do I have your hand in battle?!
    (I might still be drunk from yesterday it seems )
  13. Dimitri Hammer
    Is gone. In the world of today, there is no such thing.
     
    The idea of the "green light" is mainly from The Great Gatsby (My second favorite piece of literature of all time.) Jay would looked off of his dock, staring at the green light that shined so brightly at Daisy and Tom's dock. Reaching for it. Desiring it. It represented Gatsby’s hopes and dreams for the future, was the guiding light to lead him to his goal. Daisy. The unattainable dream of being with the woman he loved more than anything.
     
    The money meant nothing. The mansion, the parties....it was all for her. He thought that wealth was what she wanted, and he did everything he could to attain the wealth so he could please her. The green light was what inspired him. He would look at it. She is just across the water. So close, yet so incredibly far. His love for her was boundless. Willing to depart with any materialistic items to please her, because he thought she wanted that.
     
    People not work like that anymore. So very few do. So very few.
  14. Dimitri Hammer
    I enjoy music. Seems like I enjoy music made in America a lot more than in Russia sometimes
     
    But, I usually like oldies more than anything. 1700s up to the 1950s. Yet, I find some songs from now I enjoy. For some reason I like love songs. I thinks is because of my wife. She loved American love songs, and she even knew a little English. In particular, I like these songs too. I cried when I heard them. Yeah, I a little emotional I guess.
     
     
     
     
    They are both from The Great Gatsby, which is a FANTASTIC movie. I read the book thousands of times, and the movie misses a couple things from the book, but all together I thought it was beautiful! Yet again, I cried when I watched it in the movie theatre. I get too emotional over love...
  15. Dimitri Hammer
    I hate liars. I fucking hate liars. I hate people who deliberately lie to my face, even when they know I caught them in a lie. People who I talk to daily, and they look at me in the eyes and lie. I apologize for the language, since I rarely use such harsh words, but I really despise liars. I lied in my life of course. I was involved in criminal things when I was a little younger, but that was different. I lied for different reasons.
     
    I hate when people that I know and talk to all the time lie to me. They say something, make a promise, give you their word, and then lie to you. "Oh, yeah I will do that soon!" And then they never do it, not because they were busy but for other reasons, and then the next time you see them they say "Oh, I had this to do" or "I was busy with this..."
     
    I would rather be told the truth. Even if it was bad, I would get more angry if they lied to me instead of telling me the truth. Like I said, I lied in the past. We all have "white lies" that we have told. Those are fine, is something everyone does. I am talking about large, major lies. People who lie about important things to you. I just can not take that. It really angers me.
     
     
    I hate liars, backstabbers, and bigots.
     
    My "friends" back in Russia abandoned me when my wife passed away. They stabbed me in the back. They said horrid things about me behind my back, and not a single one of them consoled me after my wife passed. They left me. They left me to sit in my depression all alone. If I had one fucking person to help me, maybe I would not have had such a horrible mental breakdown. Not even my family helped me. I do not blame my brother or my mother though.
     
    My brother was in America and we had almost no contact, and my mother tried her best but my father stopped her from seeing me. You know what a desperate, depressed, and angry man does by himself for days at a time? He thinks. "It is my fault she died." "I was not there to do anything." "Is all my fault." Alcohol, and alcohol and alcohol.
     
    Then, I just snapped. Can not even remember the first couple days after it. Two years, and I did really and things. I am much better now. I regret the things I did tremendously, and I am moving on over my wife's death. She would not want me to be a violent, and depressed individual. She would want better for me, and that is what I am doing thanks to great friends I have now in America and on here.
     
     
     
    I hate bigots too. My friend is gay, and he had gotten violently attacked mentally, and physically. What drives a person to hurt another for such a stupid reason? You do not have to agree with homosexuality if you want to, but do not become a violent bastard. Why hurt others for that reason? I do not understand.
     
    Someone tried to kill him. Can you believe that? Why, why, why? That is all I ask. 2009, December. Someone tried to shoot him in his home. I thank God everyday that I had to go to his house to do construction work. First time I met my friend was that day. Got a call from him couple days before to fix some things in his bathroom, and I drove over on a Wednesday.
     
    Drove up, and looked in the house. Saw him struggling with a older man who had a gun. I did what I had to do. Just was instinct and adrenaline that took over me. Shouldered the door open, and tackled the guy. Fought with him for a couple minutes until I managed to get the upper hand and knock him out.
     
    My friend, who was a stranger to me at the time, grabbed me and just sobbed. The man tried to kill him just because of his sexual orientation. The world is full of sick fucking people. I was one of them. I never judged people, but I hurt them. Since then, I have changed though. Became my old self again. Being considerate and kind.
     
    I called the cops and held my friend in my arms until they got there. It just really hurt me to know someone tried to kill him. I nearly killed the guy who tried to kill him. Got so full of emotions. It just....can not even say really. I still just thank the heavens that I was there.
     
    That is all I have to say really. Other than that, I love this beautiful life we live in. I am over all the things that occurred in my past. Come to terms with certain things I did when I was younger and what happened to me. Love my friends, and my brother. No more depression, or hatred either!
     
    So, yay
     
    Love you guys
  16. Dimitri Hammer
    Sadly it is not a blog about Games, or feelings or my opinions on this or that. This is just a song I happen to really enjoy, and would like to just hear it again.
     
     

    Bedouin Soundclash - No One Moves, No One Gets Hurt  
     
     
    In my opinion of the song, I say it is describing the moment right after a tragic event and all the emotions that pass through your head in that one moment and you try and realize what is happening. In that moment you want everything to just stop. Want no one to move, but time doesn't stop, so there you are, alone, hurting and suffering while everything else moves on around you. A disaster, a death, a broken heart, or any other awful thing that happens to you. You want others to be there with you, and not feel so alone. You want time to just stop so you can figure things out, but you do not get it. everything still goes on whether you are ready for it or not.
     
    Why do I like this? It reminds me of when I heard for the first time that my brother had cancer. My friend was in a serious automobile accident, when I witness my wife dying before me. It is all true to me. Decipher what you want from this, but that is what I think.
  17. Dimitri Hammer
    I am not one for favoritism...I love all my friends equally! Like how I love all of you on here! It might be the Internet (which I am still not used to using ) but I not care.
     
    I love all my friends, but five standout for me in general.
     
    My brother Roman : He is related to me, but I do intensely love my brother as a great friend. He is a caring man, and though he acts immature sometimes I still know he has a good heart. He is always here for me, and I will always be here for him. I really love my brother. I love that idiot
     
    My friend Dan : He is fantastic. Though a little provocative and dirty sometimes. He is understanding, and cares for me greatly. I know him very well, and I live very close to him. Known him since 2009, and he has been the best American friend I know. He might have affection for me, but I do not...go that way. I appreciate him though, and love him greatly. No matter what I am here for him as well.
     
    ~HistoricallyInaccurate~ : My American, history buff, American Civil War loving, friend on these forums. He is fantastic to talk to. Always very funny, and cheers me up whenever I feel down. Has helped me with some problems, and is a amazing person. Great conversations I enjoy with him, and I love "goofing" around with him. I love him as a great friend!! I will help him if he ever needs it too .He helps me with my English sometimes also
     
    TheBronyHeart : He is a deep individual on these forums. Very caring, and smart, and understanding too. He is fantastic, though we do not talk as much as I want...I will hopefully be resolving that soon. He is a great aid, and has helped me just as all my friends have. He has really shown me ways to view life. He is very good. A very good soul. I love him as I do all my friends. I'll be here if he ever needs me as well.
     
    Motion Spark (Эмма): I call him Эмма. More of a affectionate name for me to say but I love him too. He has been the greatest help to me. Has helped with my depression extremely, and he is also a great soul. I can not put into words how much I love him. He is a great, great being. So very kind, and nice and supportive of me. I can not accurately say with words how much I care for him, but I do. Only person I let call me Dim
     
    I love all my friends, but these five stand out greatly. I intensely appreciate them all, and I am proud to say they are my friends. If anyone feels down because I did not mention you, do not feel down. I love all of you, and I treasure all of your friendships! I am looking at you Comrade Airbourne, Zygen, and many others!! :3
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