I work at a hardware store, and they recently hired a new coworker (we'll call him Brad).
One day, I'm eating my lunch in the break room when Brad walks in.
"Hi Brad!" I say politely.
Brad stares at me for a second, and then begins to shift his eyes across my body, as if he's inspecting me. A smile creeps across his face.
"You're a virgin, aren't you?" he says plainly.
"...what kind of a question is that?" I reply.
"You don't have to be embarrassed." he says, still grinning from ear to ear.
"Even if I was, how could you even tell?" I replied, shifting uncomfortably in my chair.
"Eh...you just have a way about you." he says. "I can almost guarantee you that Ryan is virgin, too."
"You barely even know Ryan."
"I know enough." Brad says decisively. "I know that he doesn't make eye contact when he talks to me."
"So?"
"So, he's f*cking whipped. He's got absolutely no game. Trust me, I know the type. Goes home, eats dinner, watches TV, goes to bed. Nothing goin' on in his pants. Unless..." Brad motions towards his left hand, wiggling his fingers back and forth. "Unless little lefty here is putting out."
"Whatever." I reply. At this point, I'm feeling ridiculously self-conscious. I mean, everybody masturbates...not just me and Ryan. I'm normal, right? There's nothing wrong with me. I make eye contact with people (mostly). I've had a couple girlfriends. Never really got sexual ever, but---
"You don't believe me, do you?" he says, still grinning.
"Trust me, once you get a little pussy...you'll know what I'm talking about."
Brad winks at me, then leaves the break room.
My head is spinning. I know that most of you are thinking that Brad is just a gross pervert who's trying to get under my skin, but...is it true that some men are able to identify whether somebody has had sex or not? Is he taking a wild guess, or did he prematurely come to that conclusion based on how friendly I was to him? Does he perceive friendliness as a sign of weakness? Is this some sort of "wolf pack" male initiation ritual that I'm unaware of? Do guys regularly size each other up by suggesting that one of them gets less sex than the other? I've never had somebody talk to me that way, not even in school.