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Found 162 results

  1. You ever go to a pier or some type of gathering and get a caricature of yourself drawn? The artist may make your head comically large or nose extremely small, or anything of the sort. And all that's asked of you is a bit of cash and time. I also understand that people like to get their OCs drawn. Well, why not let ME draw your OC for you? I'll do it for free with a smile on my face! Here's the tiny little microscopic problem: I'm absolutely terrible at drawing. Four year olds might make smarter artistic design choices than I do. And there in, I think, lies the fun. Why not cut loose and let me make a bad picture of your OC for you? Just describe what you think I'll need to know (please keep it somewhat concise; you WILL lose me in long paragraphs), and if you have a suggestion to make it a funnier picture, send it my way as well. Are you a bad artist too? If so, why not volunteer some of your own bad pictures? This is all in good fun, of course! No offense intended on any of the works. So hit me with your best shot!
  2. Go here and post what you got! Here’s my first round guess that makes me the CROOKVID-19
  3. Hey everyone, in this thread I want anypony who can to post all their jokes related to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It can be any length and about any character, format, be it lame, or just silly, good fun... Whatever works! Okay, I'll tell mine: Twilight has just gotten done with a cram-school like session in her library and decides to take a walk around Ponyville to find a friend to hang out with. She stops by Rarity's boutique, Fluttershy's creature-packed home, Pinkie Pie's candy-centric workplace/apartment, and the rest of the gang's usual hanging spots. However, her search goes in-vain until she ventures onto Apple family premises. She looks around, hoping to spot Applejack this time around, but then sees a sadistic Apple Bloom throwing a rock repeatedly against Applejack's favorite tree. On the ground, Twilight sees not to far from her Apple Bloom's Cutie mark crusaders cape and emblem on the drifty dirt beneath their hooves. Troubled, Twilight goes in closer to Apple Bloom, delivering her disgruntled "Hello," to an angry AppleBloom. Apple Bloom replies, "Oh, Hey Twilight--" BONK, the rock hits her on the head and she is disoriented for a brief moment. Twilight consoles her head for a bit, and then inevitably asks, "What's all this Apple Bloom? This is your cutie mark crusaders cape and badge, dirtied up on the ground. What happened?" Apple Bloom resentfully turns around and begins throwing her rock again, taking her rageout on the tree. With moderate success, she knocks another object onto her head to choke away the rest of her luck. "What's zit' to you, Twi--" she grunts, stomping the remnants of the torn drapery and then throwing them again. "Did something happen between you, SweetieBelle, and Scootaloo?" Twilight pressed on, squaring her jaw while once again sampling the cloth. "Yeah, maybe... Let's just kindly say that I am no longer "a-filly-ated" with the girls and their crusadin' jive." Twilight: *Blink*
  4. Humor is one of those quirky things that makes humans so different and interesting. As far as we know, no other creature has such a wide spectrum of types of humor as we do. So from anti-jokes to one liners, slapstick to spoonerisms, tell me what you prefer and why! As for me, I am not above making puns, even intentionally bad ones. Literal humor is my bread and butter (someone asks for a hand, I ask left or right). Dry humor gets me the most excited though, because it never acknowledges that the situation is humorous even though it clearly is. Case in point:
  5. Let's try and come up with the corniest pony pickup lines this side of Sweet Apple Acres. Go.
  6. i consider myself kinda funny even though none of my friends seem to get my humor, which tends to be situational instead of jokes and that. What about you?
  7. Goooood morning merrymares and gentlecolts, and welcome, once again, to the world-famous readings courtesy of the Golden Oaks Library project! Now, as you may or may not be aware, it just happens to be the World Friendship Day, and what better way to do that in this fandom build around love and tolerance than to read a story about someone utterly intolerable. I am referring to a dapper stallion by the name of Schadenfreude and his place in life - making everypony annoyed. And yes, I am pulling a Tarantino and starting from the second part, because it's also circumlocutiously Princess of Friendship day, so here we go! Enjoy and see you in the Discord!
  8. I haven't been on this forum in, like, five years, but I wanted to come back so I can spread the word about this ridiculous set of stories on (I hope it's okay to share stories by other people.) What I'm talking about are the works of an author known as 'jakkid166'. Whatever circle of hell this guy came from, he brought with him one of the strangest senses of humor I've ever seen. And yet also one that makes me consistently laugh. See, this guy's fanfics all star his self-insert, Detective jakkid166, and are written completely terribly, but in an extremely entertaining way. (And I'm pretty sure it's that way on purpose.) Detective jakkid166 himself consistently claims to be the best detective in the world, even though he never solves any mysteries. Still, all the characters love him for some reason. But Gikkleslick, doesn't something being "bad on purpose" kinda defeat the point? Usually, but not here. These read more like straight parodies of the HiE genre, but in a weirdly endearing, good-hearted way. Like I read on his TVtropes page, "This, in itself, allows him to get across a rapid-fire brand of humor that wouldn't work in any other format - almost every line contains a joke of some kind." ...Yeah, you heard me right. Someone made a TVtropes page about him. And a wiki. And a Phoenix Wright game. Anyway, I strongly suggest checking him out, starting out with his first story: Detective jakkid166 Go to Equestria Now. Heck, check out his sweet self-portrait.
  9. Author's note: The final season of MLP:FIM is announced. Spike has worries, like many fans here, and Twilight reassures him. She tries herself in literature as well. The question is: whose writing is... stronger?! This story is a one-shot response to the [not so]recent news about Season 9 being the "swan song" of the show and specifically the hype it caused in the community. After watching tons of posts: from adequate and reassuring ones (saying that FiM is now more the community than the official show) to panicking or even trollish (in scare-mongering style). Obviously, I couldn't let it slide past me and decided to provide mine own insight. The story [ab]uses the "noosphere concept" introduced in The Guardian book, adding some new perspective to it. But it can freely be read as a separate thing. I admit, I had a fair dose of spiteful fun All similarities with the real persons, living or dead, are entirely coincidental. --- The Final Season “Twilight! Twilight!” Spike was to repeat his call a couple of times, as usual, to finally get the princess’ attention, which was entirely devoted afore to the book she read. “Yes, Spike,” the girl turned to face her faithful aide, hesitantly staggering in the doorway of her study. The worried expression on the face of the little dragon made her smile fade; seeing his serious concern, Twilight prepared to treat the question with all possible care. “You look… puzzled, mildly neighing. What’s bothering you, mate?” She remembered Spike looking pensive ever since their visit to Canterlot Castle, they were invited for the weekend. He was deep into his thoughts during their ride back to Ponyville Sunday night, answering absently and monosyllabically. Back then Twilight thought Spike got simply tired and tried to avoid bothering him much; she carried him to his room, when he dozed off into his restless sleep, muttering something quietly. Now it was about noon, Monday, and Spike’s face expressed the same degree of unrest, if not worse. “Come in and tell, the books can wait, when my friend is in trouble.” “Sorry, Twi…” Now a fair portion of embarrassment mixed added to his mien, even after all those years Spike didn’t like to bother reading or studying Twilight; he nested at the very edge of the free chair. “That’s about our visit to the princesses… You surely remember the Sunday evening. You played chess with princess Luna, I must admit lately your progress is significant, she was troubled a few times… or maybe it’s because she just woke,” a sly smile slid across Spike’s face, but the concern regained positions quickly. “Princess Celestia doesn’t like chess as much as you two. She offered me to have a peek through her magic mirror, while you both were thinking deep for a long while.” “And?” Twilight watched Spike with growing interest, guessing what could unbalance her usually calm and unflappable companion. “You know that among other functions it can show the other worlds, right? Specifically so-called Earth,” Spike squinted, as if the recent memory was far from soothing. “The princess thought that a few scenes of human life could be interesting…” “Quite so,” Twilight sported a smile. “As long as you don’t focus on the news, or politics, or stock reports.” “Well, they were to the certain moment…” Spike blinked, the joke passed, but didn’t provide the desired effect, making Twilight worry a bit. “That refers to that “noosphere concept” or how it is called… As we know, humans have some knowledge about Equus and even making an animated show… miraculously precisely describing some aspects. Even strikingly precisely, I say.” Twilight nodded, turning her whole body to face the dragon, now she was overly interested in what he could spot in Celestia’s magic mirror. “Among the rest, I saw the news that the show authors plan to end it… going to air the final season. Whichever they plans are they won’t be telling about our current life anymore, even if still keeping the general Equus theme!” Spike hurried to voice his concerns, fiddling nervously on his seat. “To my mind, we can safely admit the interconnection and influence between our world and Earth…” He took a breath, Twilight kept polite silence, not catching yet the route of his conclusions. “…I thought,” continued Spike quietly. “What if the door opens in both directions? What could we probably expect if…” he fell silent, stifling a nervous sigh. “Oh!” Twilight suppressed the unwelcome in that situation smile and glanced at her little aide with all the possible seriousness, despite catching up to his concerns amused her inwardly. “I think I know where you are extrapolating, mate.” Spike nodded doomedly. “I’m sure it’s not that simple, Spike,” Twilight put her fore hoof over the mouth pensively, at the same time sending him the most reassuring glance. “And not nearly as menacing as you dread!” She allowed herself a little smile, noticing that Spike’s strained posture relaxed a tiny bit. “We know about that show – yes, and we know where it started from, right?” Spike nodded again, raising his eyes at Twilight hopefully. “What about Starswirl then, about the princesses’ life before Luna’s banishment, their parents, the great wars of the past?” Twilight stared at him inquiringly. “About all the Equestrian history at the end of the day? Those events existed even without the show mentioning every moment of them!” She raised one eyebrow meaningfully, making the collocutor think her expression looked quite like Luna’s at that moment. “Well…” Spike inhaled, Twilight arguments provoked thoughts. Moreover, they promised reasonable safety of the mind. However, something still bothered him. “I… didn’t witness those events either…” added he barely audible. “Spike, Spike!” with a smile Twilight brought her fore hooves together. “Okay! Let’s take something… more recent, if you say so. I kept some track of that show, which worried you so much. Do you remember, what happened after your hatching and till our first day in Ponyville?” “I do, mostly…” Spike looked at her still not getting the drift. Twilight nodded and continued. “How you grew and how I took care of you? How I studied at Celestia’s School for gifted unicorns… and you helped me as you only could? How you cracked your baby tooth on the gem? How I spent whole days between the heaps of books and fell asleep there, and you learned to cook to keep my oblivious self nourished?” Twilight listed and with each question the smile returned to Spike’s face, which regained usual expression little by little. “How we found out you can… burp mail? Even how you called me “mom” once, shortly after hatching…” the girl giggled and Spike flushed like ruby for a moment. “So… You think it’s not that serious or… fraught with consequences,” overcoming the confusion Spike glanced at her with hope. “Of course, Spike! Just look outside,” Twilight’s aura enveloped the handle, opening the window and letting the fresh April breeze in. “It’s spring, pal! Cheer up! The world is not going to end because somepony somewhere stops writing something! We can return to that topic later, if you want. When you see that life is actually brighter,” added she with a kind smile. * The elements went wild, skies darkened in a matter of minutes and the strong wind drove low heavy clouds fast, promising the approaching storm. The lightning flashes went off one by one, making the windows tremble and rattle with thunder strikes each new stronger than the last one. Truth be told the flashes were the only bright thing outside as the dust raised in the air in addition to the falling darkness, making it impossible to see something clearly, except leaves and small twigs the wind dragged past the glass. Rainbow Dash slipped inside the last moment before the storm became especially violent. She took her breath and hugged Twilight warmly. “Thank Celestia, it’s not my shift tonight!” dropped she, sneezing a couple of times because of the dust. “We issued a weather warning yesterday, yet I failed to get home in time. Mind if I stay for the night, Twi?” “Of course, it goes without neighing,” Twilight welcomed her ruffled friend to have a sit closer to the fireplace. “I really hope everypony stays at home tonight; can only pity those who have a misfortune to work or fall late outside,” she shuddered lightly. However, the fire crackled in the hearth, providing warmth and homely feel, and the tea with cookies smelled of vanilla tranquillity, as if quietly telling all the present, they were safe. “Yeah…” Rainbow flopped into the armchair, folding her wings. “We checked outside a couple of hours before the storm, it seemed nopony was that hay-head to ignore the warning,” she threw a quick glance at Spike, who occupied the next armchair and looked not the brightest. His concerned face competed with his spikes in colour, despite nopony could imagine that possible, and the little dragon listened alarmingly to the cacophony of chaos outside. A new thunder strike ripped so loudly, it seemed the skies were going to crash and bury the castle with all the inhabitants. Spike twitched and swallowed convulsively. “It sounds like the whole Tartarus broke loose!” squeezed he, meeting Twilight’s glance; the girl noticed the familiar fear and concern in his eyes. Spike squinted, holding onto his stomach. “Miss Sparkle, I don’t feel so good…” Suddenly Twilight recalled the almost half a year old talk, Spike’s expression and anxiety became explicable at once and the young princess smiled delicately. “That’s because you shouldn’t have eaten so much ice-cream, Spike,” sighed she, shaking her head slowly. “You know, you always suffer from the excess of it, yet each time it’s the same. Save your stomach for the Nightmare Night treats, mate, it’s only two days to the celebration.” “It’s the whole two days…” muttered Spike meaningfully, but Twilight heard him well. “Spike, it’s just a storm, don’t be a scaredy-dragon! Better go to sleep, tomorrow there will be another day.” Still frowning Spike headed to his room indeed, muttering something under his nose. Rainbow Dash followed his receding back, then turned to Twilight in surprise. “Which fly bit him today?” chuckled she, shaking her colourful short mane. “It’s just a storm, sorta… We issued it specifically tonight, to guarantee the hundred percent good weather for the Nightmare Night. I will so go bonkers with pranking this year!” she stretched dreamily. Twilight looked at her friend fixedly, raising one eyebrow. ‘Don’t even ask!’ told her glance. * He was awakened by the sunlight hitting his eyes all of the sudden. Spike shook his head and barely open one eye to see Twilight cheerfully opening the curtains. There was no sign of yesterdays cataclysm outside, the Sun was shining brightly on the clear sky and the weather looked perfect for the late October. “Oh, come on!” groaned Spike squinting and trying to hide from the rays, impudently sneaking into his eyes each time. “Can I once have a bit more sleep. Especially after the yesterday’s troubles…” the gurgling of his stomach signaled about less than perfect condition. He fiddled for a short while, then gave up and sat in his bed, rubbing his eyes. “What are you working on?” wondered he, finally shaking off the remnants of sleep; Twilight levitated a few sheets of paper and a quill. “Errmmm… Remember I was writing a story about a human,” Twilight’s nose got pinkish. “A common human… well, not overly common, I made him a movie director, bringing into the story business troubles, marketing shenanigans, typical corporate everyday stuff, studios competition and…” seeing Spike’s eyes dilating involuntarily, she stopped, then continued closer to the point. “I thought it could be interesting for the egg-heads like me only, but it was so dissimilar to the ponies’ everyday life that… surprisingly got accepted quite well. I even managed to win the certain audience, not that broad like A.K. Yearling,” Twilight let out a giggle. “Still I wrote and published a few amateur… errmmm… seasons for my readers.” Spike made an effort to suppress his initial awe, he knew about his friend’s literary exercise, but could hardly imagine it gains such momentum throughout a few years. He blinked a few times and cleared his throat, forgetting he was going to leave the bed. “So what’s the problem Twi?” Spike realized that she was expecting some reaction from him, guessing which exactly. “You see,” the alicorn writer hesitated a little. “Despite the benefits and interest, I think that the idea wore out itself and it should be the end of the story. I am in certain trouble henceforth.” “What do you think, Spike? How could I “get rid” of the main character finally, not giving the readers any hopes for any continuation of that plot?” elaborated she finally, flushing again. Spike scratched the back of his head puzzledly, huffed, then smirked slyly. “Well, Twi, you need something trivial, pretty common in “human style”, yet unequivocal for the readers. As you put it, he isn’t a young colt… maybe a sudden heart attack or something along these lines. So, you can mention his heritage briefly and… round the plot.” “Don’t you think… it’s a bit… much?” Twilight stared at him surprisingly; she didn’t forget to make quick notes though. “Hmpf, it’s not the death in the claws of Manticore at least!” huffed Spike. “You asked for something simple and at the same time leaving no ambiguity, right?” he jumped off the bed. “Know what? You’re right, Twi, it’s another day and the weather looks awesome. Let’s go for a walk: you’ll get your idea fleshed out and I… I prepare myself for the upcoming Nightmare Night,” Spike winked, rubbing his stomach. * The hum of voices and car horns mixed in the air, warm totally non-autumn-like, as usually in the big cities. The silhouettes of people and vehicles trembled in the heated air tainted by gasoline and other typical urban scents, looking dark against the lower October sun. It was the business centre of the city: office buildings, shops, restaurants, the omnipresent mass of people, cars slowly making their way through filled streets. A crowd started forming in front of the large shop façade, skirting around the parked automobiles and growing fast. The distant siren announced the ambulance arrival, which tried to pierce the quickly gathering traffic jam, the root of which was a large car clumsily blocking the road diagonally. A cyclist passing by stopped and watched the incident with growing interest. Not going to deepen into the crowd he addressed the man coming his way from the scene. “Excuse me, sir, do you know what happened? What’s all the fuss about?” “Some chap felt bad out of the blue,” the passerby stopped and shrugged, telling the story briefly. “He exited the shop, got into his car and suddenly his own “engine” got jammed,” he sighed sympathetically. “Thankfully the poor guy managed to hit the brakes. He blocked the street still,” the man pointed at the car. The ambulance slipped through the jam, using some “magic” only the experienced ambulance drivers possess; medics slid the stretcher inside at the moment and the face of the sufferer was clearly visible. “Hmm… He looks strangely familiar to me,” muttered the cyclist, fixing his helmet. “No wonder. The guy is some TV show director or something like that,” dropped the man.
  10. I wrote something for April Fool's on Fimfic, and thought I might as well post it here, too. Feedback is appreciated. I'd love to improve. And Then it Rained for 40 Days and 40 Nights Rainbow Dash glanced back at the pegasus trailing her for the fourth or fifth time. Normally she didn't mind fans following her so they could see how awesome she was, but she was doing something rather important. That, and this particular pegasus didn't seem to have her head screwed on straight. Rainbow sighed and stopped mid-air to turn and face the grey pegasus, letting the cloud she was pushing float slowly away. "Derpy, can't you fly in literally any other direction? I've got some place I really need to be, and I can't have somepony following me," Rainbow said. Derpy flared her wings out to slow down, but instead ended up tumbling head over hooves, nearly crashing into Rainbow. "Especially not somepony as accident-prone as you," Rainbow thought, raising an eyebrow at Derpy after she cannoned past. Derpy managed to right herself and shook her head vigorously. She turned to Rainbow and beamed at her. "I've got a letter for you. Twilight said it was super urgent," she said, stretching a hoof to rummage through her mail bag. "Couldn't you have called out or something? You've been following me for a while." Rainbow glanced at the cloud, which had drifted quite a ways away. If she wanted to pull off this prank, she had to act quick, or else she'd have to start all over. Derpy raised her hooves in a shrug, holding a crumpled cream colored letter with an elegant red wax seal on the back. The name 'Rainbow Dash' was written in careful calligraphy on the front, with the word 'URGENT' neatly underneath it in bold letters. "I was eating muffins," she said. Rainbow turned her head to look at the objects that had fallen out of Derpy's bag when she pulled the letter out, and were now plummeting towards the ground. "You mean those?" Derpy looked down at the falling muffins and let out a gasp. "My muffins!" She suddenly shot downwards after the muffins, leaking more muffins out of the still-open bag. Rainbow shook her head at the departing pegasus and grabbed the letter that was floating in her place. She brushed the muffin crumbs off the wrinkled paper and looked it over. She frowned. "Urgent? Couldn't she just send Spike or teleport over here and tell me herself? That would be faster than sending a letter. Not to mention more reliable," she said, glancing back at Derpy, who had only just realized the rest of her muffins had also escaped. "Eh. I'm sure it's not big deal," Rainbow said, shrugging and letting the letter float free. "If it were important she'd tell me herself." She turned back to the cloud and flew over to it before resuming her journey. "Besides, this prank is going to make up for anything I'm missing." ~~ Rainbow Dash pushed the last cloud into place, tucking it tightly into the only remaining gap. "Perfect," she said, looking over her handiwork. "Now it's time to let it loose." She glanced at the perfectly clear sky over Ponyville. Nopony there would be expecting the completely insane amount of water that was about to be dumped on them. Rainbow suppressed a giggle behind one hoof. "This is totally gonna be the funniest thing anypony has seen in years." Rainbow flew over to the other side of the massive cloud and scanned for any gaps. Luckily it seemed like all the clouds had completely merged, so she'd be able to push the whole thing without worrying about it breaking apart. She poked the saturated cloud, which made a light squelching sound. Grinning, she flew underneath the cloud and carefully began pushing it upwards, above the peaks of the mountains it was hidden behind. The cloud was as large as the entire town, and probably held enough water to fill the lake two or three times over. She had to be careful not to screw this up. The huge cloud left an equally large shadow on the earth below as it moved across the sky. Rainbow glanced down at the shadow and giggled again. "They are not going to expect this." She maneuvred the cloud carefully above Ponyville, covering the whole town in darkness. "Yes. Right there." Across Ponyville, ponies looked up to the sky as the sun was blotted out. They were understandably confused, considering they were supposed to have clear skies for the next few days. A worryingly dark cloud directly above them was definitely not scheduled to happen that week. A few of them suspected foul play, but none of them predicted what was about to happen. Rainbow flew above the cloud and grabbed onto it, halting its movement. She checked over the edge one last time to make sure it was in the correct position before heading back to the center of the cloud. She bit her bottom lip, her shoulders trembling with humorous anticipation. "And now, for the final touch..." Rainbow's hoof came down sharply on the cloud, unleashing a torrential downpour worse than any Ponyville had ever seen before. Screams suddenly picked up from the town below, and Rainbow collapsed onto the cloud, dissolving into laughter. She could imagine the mass confusion at first, then the probable annoyance that would follow, before everypony finally would realize just how totally amazing of a prank this was. Rainbow wiped her eyes, crying from how much she was laughing. She had her forelegs wrapped around her aching sides, and she was having trouble sucking in enough air to keep up her laughter. "I wonder how they're reacting right now," Rainbow thought, composing herself enough to roll over and poke her head through the cloud. Her laughter died off, however, as she realized just what was happening. While a few of the ponies had immediately ran inside when the rain started, many others were still stuck out in the downpour, nearly shoving each other out of the way to make it indoors as soon as possible. She saw a few ponies running around panickedly, holding sopping papers or trying to shield their bags with their bodies. Rainbow flinched. "Okay, so maybe this wasn't as good of an idea as I had thought." She glanced at the portion of town that was slightly downhill, and noticed some pretty serious flooding that had began. "I should probably move the cloud." As Rainbow went to pull her head out of the cloud, she noticed a bad tempered purple pony stamp through the mud out from the Castle courtyard, flanked by two more equally upset princesses. They were all soaked through, their manes plastered to their shaking bodies. The purple pony glanced up at the cloud and caught Rainbow's eye, her horn beginning to glow. Rainbow heard Twilight's angry, amplified voice that carried deafeningly through the downpour and shook her entire body. "Rainbow Dash!!" Uh oh. Maybe she should have read Twilight's letter after all.
  11. Yes, this is an actual crackfic that I wrote. Believe it or not, there is also a sequel that's twice as long, so enjoy.
  12. Heya folks! For anyone interested, I've decided to do a few themed readings - and the theme this time is humans! Humans in Equestria! Humans outside of Equestria! Humans who can't bake! Humans with a snek! So, to kick us off, this Wednesday I'll be reading a couple of short, silly stories in the Poniverse Discord - first, Adventure Awaits {And Keeps Waiting} by Bok, followed by Every Rose Has Its Thorns... And A Shovel Or Two by Little Big Pony. See you all there! Or, hopefully, some of you there at {in the Library Lounge channel}. And if there's anything you'd like me {or any of the other readers, for that matter} to read, swing by the Golden Oaks Library section of the forums. Cheers! Quinch
  13. Here's another story that I did because the idea cracked me up. If you're a Derpy fan, I'm sure you'll enjoy it! The twins Cloudchaser and Flitter love foalsitting Rumble together. After all, two mares are better than one. But one day, Flitter comes down with the horsey hives and has to spend the day at Ponyville Hospital. Therefore, Cloudchaser decides to find somepony else to foalsit with her. Derpy turns out to be the only pegasus mare available for the job. How many things could go wrong? A lot, as it turns out.
  14. This is a completely random one-shot that I did because the idea amused me. Enjoy! It's been a while, but Applejack has finally managed to grow another giant blue ribbon apple for the produce competition at this year's Appleoosa State Fair. The problem is, it's sitting atop the highest hill in Sweet Apple Acres, and a rainstorm has weakened the soil beneath it. Sure enough, the apple slides off its perch and starts rolling. Will Applejack be able to stop the giant apple before it flattens all of Ponyville? Let's find out!
  15. Hello. I have decided to try my hand at fanfiction again. It's been awhile. I thought it would be fun to do a MST3K fic again. Presenting Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater! Staring...The Doctor and Ditzy Doo! You can find it here. Today's story is The Moon's Wrath by Dolphy Blue Drake Synopsis: Small Dragons, Big Hearts: Unity is Power: S1E01—In a world where every pony is a dragon, every dragon is a pony, and all genders are reversed, even the most well-known stories of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic can turn out far differently. Join Nightfall Sheen and Wishful Legend—the counterparts to Twilight Sparkle and Spike—to find out just how much of a difference swapping genders and race really makes, even in the story that started it all. Chapter 32 is done. Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those at all. I doing a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. I hope you enjoy it!
  16. until
    This Tuesday, I will perform readings of a couple of BronyWriter's comedies from 8 PM EST to 9 PM EST, including the one-shot "This Day is Going to be Perfect" and the multi-chapter fic "Princess Celestia Gets Mugged." I will be more than happy to take requests as well if anypony has any suggestions.
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    Edit and this is why you don't set calendar events five minutes from going to work. I'm sorry everyone, I thought I set the event for this Friday Don't call it a comeback... After a small delay, what with food poisoning and throat infection, I'm back to read at you, you poor masochistic souls. This week we're continuing the tale of Trixie and Her Amazing Pet Changeling, a tale of the aforementioned two characters teaming up in order to save Equestria against certain doom. Just kidding, they're just out to make some money. The compressed story so far:
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    Edit: I'm sorry, everyone, but it seems like I picked up some sort of throat bug and won't be able to do the reading today. I'll reschedule whenever I don't sound like Darth Vader and HAL's lovechild. A story about Trixie and an unnamed changeling hooking up as partners in... scam? I started reading on a whim and which seems pretty fun so far. The catch is, I haven't read ahead on it, so I have no idea what will be happening either! A handy-dandy countdown! The Poniverse Discord, in the Storytime channel Type in ?rank Listener to join the listeners once you're there - that way you can get pinged by readers when readings are about to start. See you there!
  19. until
    After a self-inflicted baked bads hiatus, I return to continue the reading of Trixie and her Amazing Pet Changeling, a story about Trixie and an unnamed changeling hooking up as partners in... scam? I started reading on a whim and which seems pretty fun so far. The catch is, I haven't read ahead on it, so I have no idea what will be happening either! A handy-dandy countdown: The Poniverse Discord: Type in ?rank Listener to join the listeners once you're there - that way you can get pinged by readers when readings are about to start. See you there!
  20. Pinkie Watches Paint Dry by AbsoluteAnonymous Listen here, in the Poniverse Discord server, in the "Storytime!" voice channel.
  21. until
    Join @Batbrony tonight at 8pm EST on the poniverse discord to listen to him read about Starlight Glimmer overreaction to things.
  22. until
    Synopsis: Foal in need of help? Just burn a letter to Tempest Poppins: she'll show up to set things right.
  23. Ok this popped into my head on the way home and I just spent an hour writting it out so don't expect greatness. I'm also debating if its worth posting it on FimFiction but I think it may be too short/poorly written. For now I have no real plans to continue this but there are a few vauge ideas of where I could go with a sequel. Anyone please share feedback/criticism/comments. Even Alicorn's Have Nightmares, Sometimes waking up isn't enough. Celestia yawned before flopping into her bed a soft giggle escaping her tired muzzle as she thought about how aghast her subjects would be to see their perfect sovereign acting like this. A giggle that faded off into a soft sigh as she reflected for the 519,383,382th time that it’d be nice if more of them could see both the mare and the ruler rather than just one or the other. Still she had Cadence and hopefully that new filly she’d taken on today could be another. Her smile returned as she considered the chaos that foal had caused in just a few short moments and to think the dragons egg hatching had actually been permanent. She really should do something about that child too, tomorrow though they were taken care of for now and she was tired from undoing all that magic on top of her normal duties. Snuggling up to her pillow and pulling the covers over her she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. Celestia dove to the side as an explosion shattered the castle walls behind where she had stood a moment letting in the light of a full moon growling in frustration. ‘Again this nightmare, old friend and bitter foe the only way I can see her even for a moment and yet my greatest mistake.’A nightmare that had been growing more frequent as the years drew closer to the time of her sisters prophesied return. Ah well unlike her sister she had no power to affect the dream only to endure them… Landing she gazed at the monster her sister had become her beautiful blue coat replaced with a black as dark as night, fangs glimmering in the pale moonlight as slitted eyes glared back no trace of the loving sister she knew. “Luna I will not fight you, you must lower the moon it is your duty.” ‘why, why had she appealed to duty rather than love?’ “Luna? I am Nightmare Moon!” ‘oh that cold voice so confused at being called by her name only to throw it back in her muzzle.’ “I have but one royal duty now, to destroy YOU!” ‘and the attack, she could have fought, could have tried to tire her out but no, fool that she was instead....” Flying through the shattered ceiling her body raced for the elements of harmony. ‘what was I thinking back then, was I thinking or merely reacting? I don’t even know any more.’ “And where do you think your going?” Dodging and weaving Celestia flew around the castle her sisters attacks shattering stone until “Ahhhhhh.” the pain of being struck and falling to earth that laughter ringing in her ears. ‘Was that when I decided to use them, her joy at my pain? Was it really to save our subjects or just to lash back at her?’ Dragging herself to her hooves Celestia gazed up the sky “Oh dear sister I am sorry but you have given me no choice.” ‘no, no there is a choice, we, I can find a better way don’t do it, DON’T!’ “But to use these.” Her cursed magic activating the mechanism and gathering the elements of harmony sending them into a defensive spin as she rose to confront her sister. Tears poured from eyes as they had so long ago the elements of harmony channelling her magic overwhelming the attack of her sister, worst of all though they weren’t her tears. She felt them but they were just a dream no matter how much she wished she could truly weep at Luna’s despairing cry. Her beautiful face appearing on the moon as the spell took effect ‘why did I do it when I knew it was wrong even then?’ A sigh, one moment as the dream shifted and then the next cause of her guilt ‘my school, strange such benefit from such a selfish cause.’ she wandered amongst her students paying little attention to the words coming from her mouth as she advised them. ‘even now they believe it to be something I did for Equestria to teach and guide the brightest and most powerful of my little ponies.’ A sad smile as she paused next to an orange pony with a red and yellow mane ‘did I fail you because I didn’t see you as student but a daughter?’ her body moving on to the next pony raising a hoof to prevent her adding too much nightshade to her potion ‘could I have prevented what happened if you’d know the real reason I started this school was to pretend for a time I have that which I can’t?’ and then again the shifting to the last phase of her nightmare ‘the dead world no tree’s, no ponies, no light. For so long I thought it was you that brought us to this dear sister you and your world with no sun.’ her gaze rose to look on a black sky. ‘its not though, instead this is my own fear after so long alone. I love my little ponies but they are so quickly gone, one moment a foal stumbling over their own hooves the next an old mare breathing their last and I go on without them, without you until I have no...’ Her eyes widened as the dream shifted again ‘what is this there is no more, the dreams end under a black sky. WHERE ARE THEY PUTTING THEIR HOOVES?!” She struggled to turn to look at the pony that was running their hooves along her mane but again she could not though she could tell it was a Stallion his breath sending shivers down her spine ‘what madness is this?’ “You know Celestia we really should have chosen a better location for our first date than the castle itself it makes it so hard for me to take you to a place special to us when its the place you work.” ‘first date, what first date I have no stallion, sir unhand my ohhhhh…’ she slumped into a puddle of melted mare as his hooves moved from her mane to the base of her wings pressing and massaging them with a skill she’d only encountered on her briefly stolen visits to a spa every few decades ‘ok I’ll make an exception for now.’ “Really darling I wish you’d let the others take some of the stress off your shoulders you don’t have to handle everything yourself any more.” ‘others, what others Cadence is still...oh ok BETTER than the spa!’ her thought’s dissolved for a moment before coming back to a surge of pain ‘ow what,’ “Now your highness push.” ‘push? Push what? OWWW’ her ears flattened against her head as she realised where the pain was coming from ‘why on Equestria would I be dreaming of giving birth? For that matter is that even what this feels, OW’ Celestia thought’s trailed off as she pushed against the weight inside of her, something that seemed impossible to move until in a sudden spike of pain… She jerked upright her eyes flashing around the room her panicked breathing slowing somewhat ‘ok that was different, must have been a result of that dragon birth yesterday.’ Celestia took a moment to check on how long till she had to raise the sun ‘ok still an hour away goo...’ she froze as something under the covers rubbed against her wing “I swear if the royal rat remover has let another one in here.” she grumbled pulling her wing back and tossing the sheets off preparing to levitate the offending rodent back out into the gardens where it belonged only for her eyes to widen and ears flatten against her head she stared at the impossible creature currently shifting in protest at the removal of her wing “No, this, isn’t possible.” she murmured. A few minutes later she shook herself slightly ‘ok lets review item 1 I am Celestia alicorn princess of Equestria.’ Lighting up her horn she took a moment to examine herself ‘ok yes white fur, golden glow, wings, magic, connection to a raging ball of death known as the sun check.’ Swallowing she moved on ‘item 2 I am currently in the royal bed chambers that are guarded by 2 soldiers at all times.’ her gaze roamed around the room resolutely avoiding the creature that was beside her ‘mirror, bed, door, royal bath chambers or rather the door to them check’ Alright time to deal with the elephant in the room ‘item 3 there is currently an Alicorn foal trying to snuggle up to me.’ Reluctantly she lowered her gaze to the foal in question ‘wings, horn, not more than a year old, pink fur… wait, PINK fur!’ Growling she got out of the bed and stormed out of her chambers pausing only to tell a startled guard “You are not to allow any pony to leave that room but don’t hurt them.” Stormping down the hallway to a nearby doorway she marched in flicking the light switch while snapping at the pony currently coming awake in response to the sudden intrusion “Cadence dear while I understand you like that Shining Armour Stallion introducing me to your daughter by having her crawl into bed with me is not how I want to be told I’ve not been spending enough time with you!”
  24. Intro: Just so you know, even though this fanfiction focuses a bit on interactions between Vinyl and Octavia, I'm not shipping them. I don't have anything against people who do ship them, I'm just not much of a shipper, so if you want romance, you might want to look someplace else. With that out of the way, here's the rest of the intro: I was inspired to write this because I love cats but I've seen lots of stereotypes about them and I want to write about someone realizing the stereotypes are not true. Here's the story: One morning, Vinyl Scratch and Octavia Melody were sitting on their front steps, bored. Because they were bored, they were just saying whatever came into their minds in hopes of starting a conversation, when Octavia said, "I'd like a cat." "A cat?!" said Vinyl, "Cats think they're better than us. We don't want a pet that acts all superior!" "Cats don't think they're better than us," said Octavia. "What about Opalescence?" said Vinyl. "Opalescence doesn't think she's better than us, she's just a bit grumpy," said Octavia, "Just like how that griffon Gilda is grumpy, but she's not arrogant. And besides, Opal is Rarity's cat so she's probably all fancy-pants because her owner is." They forgot about cats, until one day, they were visiting Fluttershy. "Do you want to adopt a pet?" asked Fluttershy. "Well, I was thinking about getting a cat," said Octavia. "Really?" said Fluttershy. "That was just a thought Octy had when we didn't have anything better to do," said Vinyl. "Well, if you mares do want a cat, there's always this one. He's a tomcat. Here, kitty kitty!" Out walked a white cat with large eyes and a blue bow on his head. "Hi there, kitty," said Octavia in a baby voice. "Isn't he the one who tore up your curtains and hissed at Rainbow Dash during the cutie mark incident?" said Vinyl dubiously. "Oh, that was just because he was hungry," said Fluttershy, "If you feed him cat food at eight o'clock a.m and six o'clock p.m., he's as sweet as an angel!" "Why would I want a pet who only likes me because of food?!" said Vinyl. "He doesn't like us only because of food," said Octavia, "He just gets grumpy when he's hungry." By then, the cat had begun to rub up against Octavia and purr. "See?" said Octavia, "I didn't feed him and he still loves me. Don't you, schmookie-woo?!" "Don't tell me that's what you want to call him," said Vinyl. Octavia chuckled. "No, I'm going to call him Jeffrey." "So you're keeping him?" said Fluttershy. "Yes!" said Octavia before Vinyl could say anything else. When they got home, Jeffrey was asleep on Vinyl's sofa. "He'll get cat fur all over it!" said Vinyl. "But I can always dust it off," said Octavia. Vinyl hadn't interacted with Jeffrey until bedtime, but then, he jumped up onto her bed and purred. "You're not so bad after all," thought Vinyl.
  25. This is just a short story that I wrote on a whim One day, Sunny Flare was at her locker organizing a stack of books. She was almost done when someone bumped into her and nearly knocked her off balance. She turned around to see Neon Lights, sporting his trademark solid black shades. "Seriously, Neon!" she snapped. "Watch where you're going!" "What?!" Neon shouted. "Who's there? Who turned out the lights? I must be hearing those voices again!" Sunny sighed. "Take off those shades! You've been blind ever since you put those goddamn stupid things on!" She was right. Ever since he bought his shades, Neon had believed himself to be visually impaired, and had no idea what was going on around him. But he refused to take them off no matter what. "Nah, shade-free ain't my style! My shades are a fashion statement. You ought to know that." "I know what a fashion statement is, and those shades aren't one!" Sunny snapped. "And you're not actually blind! Just take them off already!" "Sorry, no can do." Neon replied. "And don't blame my blindness on my cool shades. That's offensive." Sunny Flare rolled her eyes. There was just no way to argue with him. "Fine." she said as she walked away. "Enjoy your self-inflicted visual impairment."