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Found 5 results

  1. Today is the day of my fathers funeral. He passed away December 22. I love my daddy, he was my best friend. He was always there always by my side. I could be so wrong and both of us could know this but he would still support me and my choices. He was funny, caring, loving, a gamer, and he was a fellow pony fan. I never really knew if he was big into ponies or just loved seeing the pinatas I made. Either way the ponies made him happy and he was so impressed with each one. He never could wrap his mind around how I did it and it was so cute to see him so interested and fascinated by what I do. These past weeks have been difficult yet peaceful, I am sure I will be an absolute wreck after the funeral but until then I am ok. I would like to share what happened the day before he died. My dad came over to my house to drop off a Christmas care package. The box had a turkey, all the fixings, deserts, tacos, like everything even like 4 more cans of beans. (no one eats the beans.... I got over 20 cans that are just going to sit there, because my dad thought I liked them and I couldn't tell him I didn't... I really appreciated the care pack and the beans made me laugh.) So I got to see my dad and hug him and tell him how much I love him and I gave him one more kiss. With that he left. It doesn't end there no, it gets better. I got an email a few hours later saying this... "Hi Alaynna, I am sorry to say, i wont be able to give you anymore shifts. You are a very good person, and wish you a good luck for future. You can come coming friday to collect your paycheck. Also, please bring your Tshirt." Yeah, I got fired.... they replaced me with their old white girl... so new white girl was canned. This was great news (crappy I lost my job but this would mean I get to spend Christmas with my family.) So at 10pm I called my mom and dad to tell them the good news! I got to talk to my daddy one last time, tell him good night and I love you. He went to bed a couple hours after that and passed in his sleep. Before he told me I love you he said this. "You are far better than you think. I believe in you Alaynna. Shoot for those stars because I know you can reach them. I know you can go further!" I will never stop shooting for those stars daddy, it kind of makes me feel closer to you... One day I will touch those stars dad, I will accomplish all of my hopes and dreams. One day I will join you in the stars daddy. I love you so much. Forever and always I am your little girl. With much love I wrote this for you. It is a promise, to live my life to the fullest each day. Love always, ~PP For my readers, Please take this moment to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you. You honestly never know when it is going to be your last day. Let my message to my father inspire you to at least not take for granted. Life is too short to do that. ~~~~ A cute pic of me and my daddy at grad
  2. PurplePony

    Anxiety...

    I apologize that my last posts are so sad and disheartened. I am usually not like that. It's just this is a really tough time for me. In all honesty I find it so hard to write these blogs, especially now. These will always be raw unedited emotion. Because since when are we always pretty? I promise to post pretty but if you wanna know me you gotta feel me at my worst. You gotta feel me as I walk back and forth pacing through the kitchen staring at the knives, the bleach, anything my imagination grabs at.. (the rest get sick, those are kind of normal. I wouldn't want to completely gross out my readers lol) I have very scary suicidal thoughts. I haven't self harmed for just about 3 years. But it is so hard to stay loyal to this. So I think that the cause of this anxiety is.. Well there is no nice way of putting this so like everything it will be blunt. *Stop reading this if you are not good with death* So tonight between 7 and 9 I am going to go see my dad. He is in a funeral home all cleaned up by now. I am going to go and say my final good bye's. I am the eldest daughter (no boys except.. dad) I am 19. It was too soon and I am sad. I know what I want to say to him it is about my piggy and such I am going to write him a letter and tuck it in his suit pocket. I just don't know how to take this! I am at peace but there is this ache I feel that is just wanting to come out. It cries and it yells and I don't know what it will do. I don't know what to do or how to feel. Death really freaks the ever living shit out of me. When do you die? After your heart goes? Or your brain? What happens if you are laying there aware of all voices unable to scream and tell them you are alive? (I guess death is inevitable at that point but it would be so lonely and terrifying.) I would like to thank Steven King for scaring me xD well done that doesn't happen often But that is some scary stuff... I am just a wreck after tomorrow will be easier. After the funeral will be easier. I just can't accept he's gone. I moved away and I didn't see what happened.. I still think he's out fixing Grandma's computer. Boy am I in for a shock tonight.. On this sad note I leave you guys. I have to go write something for my dad. Please remember to tell the people you care about because you never know what day will be your last. As always guys and gals (especially my RP boys), I love you all <3 ~PP
  3. I can't tell whether it is a problem or not, But I know it brings trouble a lot. Pain it does not bring for anyone, It feeds from me until I'm gone. Eaten alive I will probably get, By this monster of my mind. If it continues, you can bet, I can no longer be this kind. Nothing but darkness can be seen, With methods to light up this place You won't believe, I am keen, However I still end up in disgrace. This monster inside of me, It just will not let me be, There is no time for me to waste, I must really consider to haste. A friend to talk to is what I require, Get rid of this loneliness is what I desire. But this sweet pain won't let go of me, A misarable fool is what you see. Thus ends my life, hesitation I have none, The one you knew, forever gone, Bear with this burden, bear with this grief, My pain is yours, I received relief.
  4. I'm sure that a lot of people here have played that hot wolf game called WolfQuest. If you have, i'm sure that you have your own story to tell about life as a wolf. What was it like? What was your wolf's life like, and how did you react at some parts? Here's mine as an example. I was a black and brown wolf named Eriu. He was a dispersal wolf (duh) from his pack, and left to find a mate. First, he ran into the forest, and on a stroke of luck, ran into a herd of elk. The elk hunt was not sucessful, but her went on his journey. Now you know all that wolfy stuff they do, and he nearly died after a confronation with a bear. Soon he found a mate named Eliyah. Me and her ran around for a bit, and then we went to Slough Creek. Now you know all the rest. We soon got up onto a den that had a great view of the elk hunting spot, and seemed a perfect place to raise pups. Soon, like all wolves, we had four pups. I decided that I'd make a personality for all of them. I had gone way to far on my sojourn to skip that. They were named Blizzard (albino pup), Hutch, Cobra, and Eriyah; a mix of both our names. Soon tragedy struck, and Blizzard was eaten by a wolfpup- eating bear, and Hutch disspeared without a trace. We soon had to leave, and we took Corba and Eriyah with us. It rained constantly, which stressed me out, as well as the constant preditor alerts. Soon we decided that we would follow slough creek until we got to a good crossing. We got all the way to the end of the creek, and I was getting frustrated by then, and we turned around to go the other way. Leter, an eagle attacked Eriyah (who was a coward) and was an inch away from her when I bit it and it left. Then I found out that soon as we get to the lone tree, we could rest. When we got there, there were so many coyote that we had to leave. Finally, the long waited moment came, and we came to the sandbar crossing. Just then, I was probably so stressed I felt like i was really Eriu and silently promised the pups that they would see the great land of which they will grow up in. And then it happened. I cought both Cobra and Eriyah in the water. I only had time to save Eriyah, but not Cobra. We crossed, me agian silently narrating my wolf. (He was sobbing in the mourning of his last son) We got there, and everything seemed to float away. If you took the time to read this very long post, thank you for giving the time to do so. If you have any WQ memorable moments to tell, please do.
  5. Lament: to feel or express sorrow or regret; to mourn deeply. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XlMgyVC9S0 This song is inspired by the following verses: "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance" Ecclesiastes 3:4 "For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning" Psalms 30:5 Told through the images of wonderful artists, with drawings from MLP:FIM, How to Train Your Dragon, Spirited Away, and Miscellaneous. I felt as though the song has enough emotion in itself, but visuals offer a clearer view of emotion. As always, its been MLP inspired along with other aspects...especially with some things I have been going through...but that's why we write music, right? About things we do, and don't understand sometimes.