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Hearth's Warming Helper

Found 1 result

  1. yayayayayala :3

    Probably the hardest entry I'll ever write...

    Please read all of this! It's important! (tl;dr note: I won't be off constantly, I'll still get back on every once in a while. But I'm just kinda taking a break. ) I'm taking a hiatus. There. I put it bluntly. I'm sorry, guys...I just need to take a break from the Internet for a while. There are these two projects that I'm working on right now, namely art for an amazing contest thing [insert link] and my mom's Christmas book. But the past few days, I've been completely stalling on those, preferring wasting time on MLPForums and deviantART doing basically worthless little things to getting any of that done. (And no, I don't include talking to my friends in the category of time wasting!) I've also had this problem for a long time, but I've never been candid about it like I should have been...I'm homeschooled. And I've been skimping on my schoolwork, doing it shoddily or not at all in order to get on the computer faster. I've been avoiding bringing up doing the stuff my mom and I should be doing in the morning for the past few weeks so I can get on the computer as soon as possible. It's really irresponsible and terrible of me, really. I should never have started shirking my schoolwork just to get on the Internet...but once I started I just kinda couldn't bring myself to start up again. My single focus became getting in my room as fast as I could, with the least amount of work to do, so I could get on the Internet. And this started about a month before my relationship with Nathan. I don't know if this seems bad to you, but in my life, it is bad. It's actually really the worst thing I'm capable of doing at this point...so...yeah. So now I've just made up my mind that this is no longer acceptable. Basically, I just need to eliminate all Internet-related distractions from my life so I can focus solely on the things I really need to get done. My mom and I are gonna be changing up my school schedule soon, and I want to be able to start the new way of doing that with a new mindset. A new way of life, if you will. And I also need to start learning things again. :/ For most of my life, I haven't shown much emotion (as long as my hormones weren't going crazy ). Sometimes at night, I would quiet my mind and just try to feel if I felt anything at all, and afterwards I joked that I had a heart of stone. But in the past couple months, someone named Nathan singlehandedly opened the gateway, breaking the stone wall between me and my true emotions. If this was six months ago, I would probably not be writing this right now. I wouldn't feel anything about what I've done. But now I actually feel guilt, in an oddly matter of fact way. I tell myself what I've been doing the past few months and I wish I hadn't done it. There was no reason for me to start not doing much school just so I could have an hour more of time on the Internet. No reason for me to start getting on the computer at night when I should be in bed (which led to me almost getting caught last night - luckily I managed to convince my mom that I was turning my computer off!!). I'm tired of telling her I'm not on the Internet all the time, I hardly ever have to turn my computer off late, yeah I've been doing all my schoolwork when none of those are true. As much as I'll miss you guys, I just feel that this is the right way. And unlike all the other times when I've said I've been leaving on deviantART and have come back a few days later, I know in my heart [and that's NOT a cliche!!] that this is the right thing. I also know why I always did come back a few days later...so that Nathan and I could find each other, and so that he could break down that wall and help me to stop joking and believe fully that I am capable of loving. And I will always be grateful, to my Heavenly Father for the role he played in this, and to Nathan for his role. I will forever be indebted to him for destroying that wall. So, basically, this is the last time I'll update my status for a while. I'll probably get on here for a few seconds on Wednesday to wish partywithpinkie a happy birthday, and I will get on every so often. But I won't be on all the time, and I probably won't post any new statuses. I don't know exactly how long I'll be (mostly) gone, just that it'll probably be a while. I won't be on deviantART either, or any other website. So...that's basically it. I don't know what else to say, except thank you. Thank you, Nathan, and all of you for giving me the happiest time on MLPForums I could ever have. I hope that you all will stay well and happy, and I hope to see you all soon! yayayayayala, signing off. ;U; And remember: Never stop smiling!