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Showing results for tags 'lonliness'.
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This is mostly in general. I tend to feel alone a lot. I think this may have something to do with having a huge family. I have six siblings I grew up with. I have my parents and when I was little we would go visit my grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts. In school, I always had someone to talk to and find someone who I loved to talk to... but now I'm an adult. Out of school. Out of a job. I still live with my parents, but they are still so busy. My siblings are almost all gone, but the ones that are here are introverted. I'm not. I am very not introverted. I don't get energized by being on my own. Boy, I learned that I do not. (I am not making much sense, I'm sorry.) I like to be around people. I like to see that they are having fun. I like to watch them be active even if I'm not active myself. But that sometimes is lonely. If all I'm doing is watching, then I get bored. I feel invisible. ~~~~~~~~ Okay, so I took a small break to fill out applications for Nanny positions. I'm trying to just find work, but it is really hard. It's hard for someone like me who does not really have the same... I guess "work quality" that other people have. I like to take care of people. I love to take care of children. I guess that is what is bothering me the most at the moment. I don't feel needed or wanted. Mostly not wanted. I don't feel important. I have trouble seeing my skills and worth because a lot of the time, it isn't something tangible. It's not something people really think about or care about. At times I don't feel inspired or motivated to do anything. I can't write. I can't draw. I can't finish a planned project. I get frustrated at myself and feel even worse when I can't figure things out, or I think things are too hard to deal with. I guess I'm just having a problem just finding a purpose for myself. I suppose one of the hardest things is that I KNOW I have a purpose, I just don't know what it is. If I knew what it was, it may be easier, but my map is missing a marked destination. I guess a problem is I am having a problem trying to figure out what destination I want to go to. Sorry if I'm going a bit metaphoric on everyone. I do that.
I dealt with a lot of difficulties while I was growing up. I was extremely lonely, I didn't have much fun and most people made fun of me for being the outcast. Eventually the pain got so great that I exploded; I wanted everyone to know how much they hurt me. I felt so used, so... dead. I felt that I deserved respect for all I did. The problem wasn't in the physical, but in the spiritual. I was looking for something that was eventually going to turn to dust. I was attached. I look back and understand why I was so upset, but I know I really had no right to be. To be fully conscious means that there is a sympathy towards those who are asleep.