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Hearth's Warming Helper

Found 3 results

  1. Giving my theory on why this ship is teased by the show, and why IMO , they will go with it in the future. Comments are Welcomed
  2. Henny Penny Benny

    What Is Up with Dragons?

    What exactly is going on with dragons in the FIM universe? First, how do dragons age and grow? Are their aging and growing even concurrent with each other? As we saw in Secret of My Excess, dragons can grow significantly in size simply by amassing hoards of stuff, so growth doesn't seem to necessarily have anything to do with age. Dragons do seem to live for a long time, though, as the dragon from Dragonshy was about to take a hundred-year nap. I suppose it would make some sense if dragons grow exclusively by hoarding. Spike grew so quickly because he's surrounded only by ponies, who can't do a whole lot to stop him, but in the Dragon Lands, it would be much, much harder for dragons to amass sizable hoards, what with all the other dragons stealing from them to grow their own hoards. But does that mean that dragons don't grow in size due to age whatsoever? Do they even age at all? Second, where the balls were all the dragons during Gauntlet of Fire???? There appeared to be dozens, if not hundreds, of full-grown, enormous dragons taking part in the dragon migration, but the only dragons who answered the Dragon Lord's summons were "teenage" dragons, and not even all that many of them. So what happened to all the dragons? Do they live somewhere other than Equestria? After all, the Dragon Lord did address the "dragons of Equestria," not all dragons necessarily. Does the Dragon Lord only have authority over Equestrian dragons? Was there some catastrophic event that wiped out most of the dragons? Did Tirek, perhaps, destroy them in the brief time he held all the magical power? Are the full-grown dragons simply too lazy to answer the summons? Were they napping? Did they just not want to leave their hoards? What's going on??
  3. So you know how the Crystalling prophecy talks about a chain of bad episodes that will summon the storm? Yeah, well, let's see, I already said how I thought "May the Best Pet Win!" and "Sweet and Elite" were okay episodes, and I explained my likeness for the popularly hated "The Mysterious Mare Do Well", so I thought everything was fine at this point. But then I realized "Secret of My Excess" is the final review before the storm and, well, we're seriously fucked. This episode is pretty bad. Like, pretty bad. Therefore, according to these Celestianite books, the storm is most certainly coming and will wipe out all non-believers. Now, I myself am not one to be swayed so easily, but let's just say tomorrow I'll be hiding in an igloo. So, let's get this over with. "Secret of My Excess". Spoilers ahead. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - So this episode starts out with some dumb shit and then the title sequence plays. You see, tomorrow is Spike's birthday, and he has fire ruby or something that he's gonna eat for his birthday dinner. That's when Rarity bursts in the door and sees the gem, and while initially coming in for a book on fashion, starts guilt tripping Spike into giving her the gem. Mhm. Great start. I'll pretend like that was in character and await suicide to knock on my door. In return, she kisses him, and he dies....again... Well, at least this time he's smiling....and has a boner. The next day, the festivities began as Pinkie Pie and the other fuckers come for Spike's birthday party. Confused, Spike says he usually doesn't get presents, just a book from Twilight. Hey, purple ponies have budgets, Spike. Don't be racist. Pinkie Pie later mentions that the Cakes have a present for him at Sugarcube Corner. It's probably death. At least, that's what I wanted on my birthday. Instead, I got a knife from my mother as an implication that I should do the good deed myself. Nevermind that, 'cause after Spike leaves Sugarcube Corner with his own special cupcake, he bumps into Cheerilee. She gives him a hat when he mentions its his birthday, saying that "everypony should get fun gifts on their birthday". I'm sure you've got some really fun "gifts" for the kids, aye you pedophile? That's when Cheerilee gets a lady boner. Have I ever made fun of Spike being a pimp? In the series premiere, right? Well, aha, err, that hat seals that joke without a doubt. Discovering he gets cool shit when he mentions its his birthday, he starts running all around town borderline demanding presents from people. He managed to get a ball from some kid, and a series of other presents that include guitars, trophies, foam fingers, and everything including the kitchen sink. Twilight wakes up in the morning to this mess and starts to get angry, but is interrupted when she spots that Spike has grown overnight. Worried, Twilight took him to the doctor, but the doctor didn't know shit. Then she took him to the veterinarian, but she didn't know jack fuck. Finally, she took him to Zecora, who explained that he was maturing due to the dragon's biological prone to greed. Ah, that makes much more sense. ... WHAT?! Let me guess. Steven Moffat wrote this? So...in order to stop Spike from...growing up...Twilight has to stop him from...getting stuff? I...this is the most ridiculous season two plot yet. I can't possibly lie about this. It's so ridiculous I can't even. Anyways, the chase is on as Twilight tries to prevent Spike from getting more shit, but even she can't prevent the dragon from rising within. After trying to shove him in the library, he breaks loose and steals Applejack's apples and virginity tree leaves. He goes on to steal Fluttershy's chicken coop and Pinkie Pie's cakes, and finally, manages to capture Rarity and grow to massive sizes to pull a king-kong reference. Kids, this is why you never eat your vegetables. Everyone attempts to stop Spike. Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Twilight, and Applejack all try their best to no avail. Eventually, the Wonderbolts are called in to stop this mess. However, Spike has grown far too powerful and is able to outmatch them. It seems the only one who can stop Spike is Rarity herself. When Spike sets eyes on the ruby he gave her, which she has made into a necklace, he starts to think back to that selfless act he carried out just two days ago. This is the very thing that somehow turns him back into a baby dragon. So, you can reverse the aging process in this world using generosity? What the fuck? .............Well, it works.... "...We're fucked..." As you can imagine, they survive the fall thanks to Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, but an interesting event takes place in the meantime. See, when Spike thinks they're going to die, he starts to admit that he has a crush on Rarity. However, Rarity puts her hoof over his mouth as if she knows. Huh. Character dynamic improvement. Excellent job. Anyways, they survive and everything's fine and what not, leaving Rarity and Spike to talk about what the fuck just happened. Rarity congratulates Spike for saving himself from himself, and she says that he's her hero. Another kiss is received. Even when Spike's a dick he gets more pussy than me. FML. Boner #2: Alone Time Fuel In the end, Spike learns some bullshit lesson about greed and so concludes "Secret of My Excess" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Now, let me start out by saying, I do like the ending parts where Spike and Rarity's relationship progresses. However, the rest of this episode is bullshit. I can't possibly defend this one. Wonky pacing all over the place, ridiculous concept about dragon aging that they forget about later anyway, stupid resolve, and that's just outside of the out of character moments earlier in this episode from both Rarity and Spike. "Secret of My Excess" is one popular episode to hate that I have to say, "yeah, you fuckers are right". Thought I'd like it, and initially I did, but upon rewatching this, "Secret of My Excess" is probably one of the most awkward episodes to sit through and practically the worst episode of season two. I'm going to give this piece of shit a 4/10, because at the very least, it set up further building upon the Spike/Rarity dynamic. But, again, fuck the rest of it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I guess that's it, huh? The nail in the goddamn coffin. I was gonna soldier through these four episodes, but nothing could prevent the shit storm from happening... ...The Crystalling... ...will soon be upon us. Aw, shit, do you hear that? It's 11:47 PM here, which means I'm going to get the impact first! Fuck me, I've got to get to cover. I'll be back on Sunday once I've devised the tools to survive the Crystalling and deliver my review. Can I save Equestria from the storm, or will we all die? I don't know, I shouldn't care, but I do, so before I go, I have to tell you all, that I've hid the million dollars in th