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What are your level/standards for friendship?


kelseymarie805

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Ok so, the title may or may not make much sense lol sorry if it doesn't but, I can't help but wonder, what do you consider your standards/levels of friendship? And by that, I mean like, when do you consider someone to be a close friend of yours (or even a "friend" for that matter)? For me, it's kind of hard to say because recently, I've definitely re-evaluated what I consider to be a close friend/best friend/friend.


 


Mainly, this is because of a friend of mine who, has these "levels" I guess you could call them of friendship like for instance "acquaintance" "light/lite friends" "friends" "close friends" "best friends" that type of thing (I'd like to point out, I was re-thinking more and more about friendship before that but, this really made me consider even more so). Honestly though before the last 3-5 years or so, I hadn't had many friends that were really good friends, that were very experienced in friendship and such so, my standards were pretty low, as you probably guessed. So, at that point, it didn't take much at all for me to consider someone my "close" or even "best" friend, right now, at this point though, it takes much more and, well, it's a little harder for me to measure. (not that you can measure friendship).


 


I'd like to point out that I don't exactly use these levels of friendship that much but, since my friend mentioned them to me, it's made me rethink that type of thing a lot more (as I said before, I really hope I'm not boring you right now lol).


 


And now, in the past hour or so, or however long it's been, I was reading Lumi's profile, and noticed that he does have a higher standard of friendships, not that this is a bad thing, it's actually good, and I think that in a way it's kind of just common sense (well idk) so now, I just can't help but wonder, what all do you consider to be standards, and when do you know when you consider someone to be close friends?


 


I know that for me, I want it to be mutual, I want them to consider us to be close as well, where before that's not something I thought too much about. I want it to be with both of us thinking about each other (and ourselves too of course, but not too much), considering boundaries, needs, etc, being there for each other (I'm not exactly good at being there for people but, I do try!), that type of thing. In the past it's kind of been more me (or the other person) thinking about myself, being selfish, not thinking as much about the other person and depending far too much on them, which I regret, and I really don't like myself but whatever, moving on from that lol, feel free to answer the question asked in my last paragraph, sorry this is so long but, if you've made it to this point, thanks so much for reading all my rambling on lol!  twilight___twitch_by_angelishi.gif  fluttershy_happy_by_angelishi.gif


 


(sorry if this isn't exactly clear what I'm talking about or w/e, I hope that it is, as I tried to make it as clear as possible but I was totally sure!)  rarity_happy_by_angelishi.gif


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I guess my levels of friendship tend to be really high, though with some flexibility.

 

For instance I need a friend that will be there for me as much as I will be there for him. Online wise or physically, I mean I am patient with most of my friends when they go through transitions or struggles (if they don't carry it on for months on end I don't need an emo friend), but I expect to get that same kind of support in return.

 

Friends don't judge, even when they don't like a certain aspect about you, whether that be looks, personality traits, your family etc, friends don't judge or question why you are the way you are, just as I do my best not to do so in return.

 

I guess at the end of the day my levels on friendship is equality and being there for each other.

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The only standards that I have for gaining my friendship on the friend/best friend level are:

 

  • Anyone who is nice to me.
  • We have talked before or for the first time.
  • Our relationship starts to flourish.
  • Someone who respects himself/herself and others.
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(edited)

The most important thing for me is just for when I genuinely enjoy their company, and vice versa. Otherwise there's not really any point in being friends. I also think two good friends should be able to have fun with each other, but also be there for each other when they need it.

 

Honestly, there aren't that many people I feel this way about IRL, but I have met a few people here that I would consider very close friends, which I'm extremely grateful for.

Edited by Frostgage
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(edited)

If I talk to you on a regular basis about any leisurely or personal matters, then I consider you my friend. It's that simple, really. I don't even differentiate friends/acquaintances/best friends or whatever.

Edited by Regulus
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(edited)

I have fairly high standards for who I consider a friend. I can talk nice with a lot of people but a friend is someone who I tend to talk to regularly and naturally, not someone who I feel I have to force myself to stay in contact with.

 

As you can imagine I have very few friends. I can be pretty abrasive and highly obnoxious at times. I simply don't interact well with other people. More often than not I prefer to be by myself.

 

It's not that I don't like the company of others but I just find that most people don't find me very interesting to talk to and just stop talking to me. At that point I'm the only one trying to keep conversation going which is the point it becomes forced.

 

So I guess you could say I have both high and low standards for who I consider a friend. I don't have any specific standards but when neither of us click well enough to just have a normal conversation on a semi-regular basis it's hard to consider anyone a friend.

 

I talk to anyone but whether we continue to talk seems entirely random. I love good conversaton.

Edited by Discordian
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(edited)
And now, in the past hour or so, or however long it's been, I was reading Lumi's profile, and noticed that he does have a higher standard of friendships

Ah, yes; I've read that as well. This is MLPF, though, so not many would recognize that name. He also didn't put any of that stuff on his MLPForums profile. :huh: Just thought I'd point that out. 

 

I don't like having "levels" of friendship, because it may hurt someone's feelings to call them just an acquaintance when they may consider you their best friend. But obviously, not every person/friend I meet means the same to me. For me, it's split into three very fluid categories: acquaintances, people I talk to, but not daily, whom I do not know very well; friends, whom I talk to daily and enjoy many other activities with them; and best friends, those with whom I can let down my formal guard and fool around with, with whom I can tell my deepest secrets without any fear of judgment.

 

My friends online... many of them are great people, but I can't say that they're my best friends. Many times, I feel that I'm not getting as much support as I'm giving them. As Lightning Bliss stated, friends need to be there for you as you are there for them. I understand having your own life, but I don't understand not giving your fair share of support to a friend. Having friendships is a privilege. I'm not expecting people to give me a $50 iTunes card every time I help them with something, but I do expect that when I'm in trouble, they'll be there to help. It shouldn't be a bothersome job, but rather a necessity that comes with friendship. Be a supportive person; you cannot be callous and uncaring when someone you claim is a friend is in trouble.

 

It's not a standard of friendship for me for the other person to reciprocate their friendship to me as equally as mine to theirs. I don't care if I like you more than you like me; not everyone means the same to everyone, and I understand that. However, when I offer friendship, if it's ignored, then I'm going to start to wonder why I wanted to become friends with you in the first place. 

 

I don't often pick favorites, 'cause, y'know, hurt feelings an' all. But I can say with absolute certainty that there is one friend of mine who is supportive, fun, caring, and all of those things I mentioned above. More often than not, he comforted me when I had trouble, even though he has a very busy life, too. Many times, I regret not giving enough support in return. I can't express in words how much I appreciate everything he's done for me. If HIS FACE is reading this, I love you. hug.png

Edited by Akuma Homura
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Anyone who is kind to me is my friend, and I'll be kind to them in return. I wouldn't trust them with anything big though, because kind usually means "Holding the door open for me" or something simple like that. It gets a lot higher for close friends, though. They have to appreciate me being me- and I'm kind of weird- and they have to be able to keep a secret. And they must be of at least average intelligence because I'm not only going to be running to them for emotional problems, you bet I'll be asking them about world history(I never did do well in social studies). And best friends are super awesome people who I can tell anything to- even the strangest things, like me wondering why things are named what they are- and they'll respond in the perfect way.

Anyone who I haven't met yet is someone I consider a friend and I do my best to be kind to them, because they haven't done anything to not deserve it. Though I won't go around telling everyone that we're friends, in case their standards are different.

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If you're cool with me, I'm cool with you, and if you can put up with my crippling anxiety and terrible conversation skills, then you're a friend in my book. I think "Holding a high standard", at least that in the way I see it, for friends is kind of...unfriendly and it's kind of jerkish.

 

"You gotta be like this, or you gotta like this, or you have to do this"...None of that really matters to me as long as the other person is enjoyable and friendly to be around. There are exceptions though, like if someone completely goes against something I strongly hold to be important (i.e, the other person is extremely racist, extremely annoying, is always hostile, they're quick to turn on you, etc.), but in general you can have completely opposite tastes in media, fashion, lifestyle, whatever and I'll still be cool with you

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Once I have stopped being so shy around them and begin to act like myself happy and laughing alot. Same for them to be comfortable around eachother and where you have stopped asking personal questions like what is your favorite color? And when they start to introduce you to other people meaning that they like you enough that there friends will like you :D

V(^-^)V

Peace

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I don't like having "levels" of friendship, because it may hurt someone's feelings to call them just an acquaintance when they may consider you their best friend. But obviously, not every person/friend I meet means the same to me. For me, it's split into three very fluid categories: acquaintances, people I talk to, but not daily, whom I do not know very well; friends, whom I talk to daily and enjoy many other activities with them; and best friends, those with whom I can let down my formal guard and fool around with, with whom I can tell my deepest secrets without any fear of judgment.

 

I mostly agree with this, but I don't even have levels of friendship like that.

 

I'll tell you why. It's not so simple as a best friend being the person to tell all my secrets. The things I tell people depend on the person I'm talking to. For example, there's no way I'd be comfortable admitting to one of my friends that I'm a brony. I just couldn't do it. It's not because he's not a good friend, but it's because such a thing would conflict with his system of beliefs. On the other hand, I can discuss religion and politics with him very easily, because we share similar viewpoints on those subjects. I can crack an inappropriate joke in front of him without being looked down upon.

 

Some of my other friends do know that I'm a brony, but I can't discuss things like religion or politics with them. Some of my friends I'm comfortable talking about love and relationships with, others not so much. Some of my other friends I talk about racing with, others not so much. Some friends are okay with some of my habits, some are not.

 

If I'm talking to you at my own leisure, that's because there's at least one thing I like about you, or something we have in common. But, that said, there is never going to be one person who I'd tell everything to—not even my wife, if I ever have one. All of my friends know at least one of my secrets, but I pick and choose what I tell to who, based on their qualities, beliefs, and so on. There's always going to be something that I have to hide from a person, even if it's for their own benefit.

 

And really... who am I to judge whether or not one friend is better than the other? I hate the concept in and of itself. I don't have a best friend. All of my friends mean something special to me; that's why they're my friends. I will not pick favorites. That's that.

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I mostly agree with this, but I don't even have levels of friendship like that.

 

I'll tell you why. It's not so simple as a best friend being the person to tell all my secrets. The things I tell people depend on the person I'm talking to. For example, there's no way I'd be comfortable admitting to one of my friends that I'm a brony. I just couldn't do it. It's not because he's not a good friend, but it's because such a thing would conflict with his system of beliefs. On the other hand, I can discuss religion and politics with him very easily, because we share similar viewpoints on those subjects. I can crack an inappropriate joke in front of him without being looked down upon.

 

Some of my other friends do know that I'm a brony, but I can't discuss things like religion or politics with them. Some of my friends I'm comfortable talking about love and relationships with, others not so much. Some of my other friends I talk about racing with, others not so much. Some friends are okay with some of my habits, some are not.

 

If I'm talking to you at my own leisure, that's because there's at least one thing I like about you, or something we have in common. But, that said, there is never going to be one person who I'd tell everything to—not even my wife, if I ever have one. All of my friends know at least one of my secrets, but I pick and choose what I tell to who, based on their qualities, beliefs, and so on. There's always going to be something that I have to hide from a person, even if it's for their own benefit.

 

And really... who am I to judge whether or not one friend is better than the other? I hate the concept in and of itself. I don't have a best friend. All of my friends mean something special to me; that's why they're my friends. I will not pick favorites. That's that.

 

Who said anything about talking? :) Discussion and trusting a friend not to judge me are two completely different things. Myself, I talk about anything that comes to mind with my friends, because most of us have fairly similar interests. It might be different for you, which is fine. With another group of friends, interests usually center on sex, music, popular videos, et cetera. So I talk about those topics with them.

 

I don't have a lot of secrets, but what I consider a friend is someone who I can confide in and they'll understand and keep that secret without being appalled, horrified, or disgusted enough to turn their back on me. I was not saying that a friend is someone on whom I'll dump all the things from my darkest recesses of my mind. I'm saying that, though they may not know the secret, if they do know, they won't cut themselves off from me. In short, it's someone who I can trust. 

 

 

 

And really... who am I to judge whether or not one friend is better than the other? I hate the concept in and of itself. I don't have a best friend. All of my friends mean something special to me; that's why they're my friends. I will not pick favorites. That's that.

Your choice. ;) But my standards are my standards; it's not anyone else's place to tell me who I should consider friends.

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I don't use these 'levels' to define what my friends are to me but, I do have people in my life I consider to be my best friends. The way I see it is your either my friend or my enemy, plain and simple. I don't expect my friends to rely on me to be there for them through the good and the bad but, I always will be, I value all of my friends equally as no one in this world is more important than anyone else.

 

I love all of my friends and would take a bullet for them all if I had to.

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I'm kind of hypocritical when it comes to friends I guess, but for some reason it gels for me. I haven't really had many friends ever, but it's a little more because I'm a fairly cynical person, but the people who are able to get over that are some really great people.

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i can't say "don't be a d*ck", because really, me and my friends are a$$holes in our very own, special way.

I, for one, am stubbornly attached to things from the past and am lovably curmudgeony.

 

Just don't be a complete c*ckbag, and don't be the type of person who labels yourself as "random", and we'll most likely get along.

if my friends aren't constantly insulting me and mocking my decisions, frankly i don't see the point.

+1

This man speaks truths.

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(edited)

Online I prefer the people to be nice or at least helpful and not too hostile to my feelings.

IRL I have no friends to call my own.

Edited by KoGy
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Well, I use to be a bit more picky with who i'd consider close friends, being those who've I've had some kind of conversation with besides just talking about random crap. Maybe something a little deeper, like something I'm going through. 

 

Everyone else usually I consider a friend, I don't really consider anyone to be as low as an acquaintance except if I really don't talk to them much besides here and there. 

 

But it's hard to say, I'm not really sure about it in reality. And it also differs day to day, because honestly, some days I'm really open and loving and I just want to hug and befriend everyone, and other times I feel like I'll only speak to my closest friends.

 

Of course the fact that I've pushed away and lost many friends recently makes it so I might as well not be to picky, i'd be lucky to have people talk to me sometimes honestly with all the crap i've done not to deserve friends at all.

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Anyone who is willing to be nice to me,despite my insanity less than perfect mental condition and my flaws i would consider a friend.

 

I don't really have 'levels' of friendship but i will value people who consistently show me kindness over time despite my issues. :) 

(also if you are a Pinkie fan you are already my friend by default)

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My definition of a friend has changed over the years-it now applies to very few people irl. Many who I would have thought of as friends are now just acquaintances. A friend is someone who I would give my house keys to, who could borrow anything I own and who could call me at any time for any reason. The flip side is that they would do the same for me. Many who I grew up with, and helped to my own detriment turned out to be very good at taking, not so good at giving-hence the switch.

 

Besides all that, knowledge is power. Part of friendship is trusting the person with information about yourself and your family-and there are fewer and fewer people who I find trustworthy these days I'm sorry to say.

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