writing My short stories

[AppleLover 146]

(I kinda came up with this when I read The Rainbow Factory. I might put a bunch of my stories on this little thread thingie. Just tell me what you think.)

 

Hello… I want to know something before we start. Are your lights off? Is it dark outside? I ask because I want to set the mood. It’s required for the moment. Don’t worry, you can turn the light’s on when I’m done. But you have to wait till then.

 

Do you remember that story on the news? The one from three weeks ago. No? Well, let me remind you. Three people went missing three weeks ago. All males, all 36, and all had nothing but age and gender in common. One of them showed up today. I know because I found him. He was hanging from a branch, with a noose around his neck. Two knives were stuck into him, with a note taped to his forehead. The note says this. ‘I found him, can you find me?’.

 

You might want to know how I know, well, like I said, I found him. And I found you. Go on, you know I’m here. I see you. You’re at your little computer, typing away on that little My Little Pony Forums thing. I don’t know what it’s about. But I don’t really care. I found someone to take his place, and I want you. Go ahead, try to look outside your windows, close your blinds and lock your doors, they won’t help. I just have to ask you something else. One more thing, then it’s all be over.

I want you to go over to your door. Any door, it doesn’t matter. Put your ear to it, and listen. You can hear me breathing, can’t you? You can hear me scraping the blood off of your present can’t you? I know you can, And I know you can smell the blood. I know you, you know. I know where you live, obviously, otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I know you think that other’s will see me, or that they’ll know you’re gone. But you know what, I don’t think that matters. So come on, back away from the door, I’m about to break it down. You don’t have to worry though, your death will be quick. Maybe you can come to my party. Ton’s of people will be there. But so far, only he other two people are there. My axe is raised, are you ready? I’m coming in.

 

(So tell me what you think. I don't expect to scare anyone to be honest. It's just something I wipped up. But seriously, tell me what you think!)

[SeraphStar 398]

I enjoy creepypasta, and this one is pretty good. I like the killer-POV take; my only real criticism is that it could've been longer, with more detail & suspense (then you'll really scare somepony ).

Edited July 7, 2014 by SeraphStar