Remnants

How do you tend to cope with shame/humiliation?

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Simple question couldn't get more simple. Well, it is one of those things people don't want to talk about it seems but as things turn out, it is something important to be wary of. What I believe is that if this is left untreated somehow, it can accumulate over time. if allowed to reach a certain level, it can really mess with your mind. So then let us all know, how do you cope with such feelings? Or at the very least, how is it that you tend to respond?

 

What's apparent to me is that acceptance is what dispels shame. Finding acceptance in spite of my faults or wrongdoing is how I attempt to dispel my own shame.

 

So how do you do it?

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(edited)

​I never get humiliated... so I never deal with it.

Edited by Han'ei

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I generally blush and try and push it out of my mind and keep going on with what I'm doing. 

 

I know that I have a habit of remembering times where I've been humiliated out of nowhere, though, and those memories are insistent on sticking around for a good 5 or 10 minutes >_> I just had one of those from back when I was in 7th grade the other day. It doesn't feel very good and tends to linger with me for a bit, but I do try and trudge forward and not let it get to me.

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I don't. I let it bury inside me until I get distracted.

 

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I tend to hide immediately upon feeling ashamed. I'd rather not let others see my raw emotion when being shamed and all that. I'd feel embarassed, really. :s But eventually I tend to get over it and move on. 

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Blush intensely and back down from whatever I was doing. I stay humiliated for around two to four minutes and then try to talk myself out of it. Then the feeling returns when someone inevitably brings it up right after I get over it.

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I tend to get angry and lash out, I have ALOT of pride and do not respond well to humiliation. It is not the healthiest way to deal with it I know that but I am not as bad as I used to be.

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Blush intensely and back down from whatever I was doing. I stay humiliated for around two to four minutes and then try to talk myself out of it. Then the feeling returns when someone inevitably brings it up right after I get over it.

What if it gets chronic though?

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I don't have any coping mechanisms. I bottle it up and leave it there and never tell it to anyone. Then I try to forget about it.

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Depends upon how bad it is, if it's with one person or a large amount. It can range from just trying to ignore it to trying to redeem myself or "set things straight".

Most of the time I get that feeling or humiliation or similar when I am speaking to or around the person I like, even when I probably have not embarrassed myself.  

I am also guilty of changing my posts due to humiliation on certain occasions.

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I tend to take them as a learning experience.

 

Yes, shame and embarrassment are very unpleasant emotions. But the way I see it, you can do one of two things. You can bury and ignore them, allowing them to fester. Or, you can look at the reasons why you're experiencing them, accept that what was done is in the past, and grow from your mistakes.

 

(Pretty much what Rafiki lectures Simba about in The Lion King. He had to face his shame before he could take his rightful place in life.)

 

As for immediate humiliation? Laugh it off. Turning your embarrassment into a shared joke not only makes you look like a chill and funny person, it makes you feel way less embarrassed.

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how do I cope you might ask? get a few kills in Quake III Arena with the Gauntlet.

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I get butterflies in my stomach, turn my back, and walk away. My face is probably flushed.

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What is this "shame" of which you speak???  I mean, sure I've felt ashamed and felt humiliated in the past, but I didn't really *do* anything to cope with it so much as...  Live with it.  Or maybe think about / talk about / write about it.  Allow time to go by.  Get over it.  And more recently I've learned to 1. not give too much of a darn about what others think of me (that erases, like, at least 87% of shame right there in many cases), and 2. not do things that I know will cause me to feel shame.  Like things that I personally feel are immoral.  I'm even beginning to embrace the fact that I can and have and will say and do stupid things.  Not like, life-endangering, world-ending things (one would hope).  Not things that will matter a week from when I did them.  Just little things that don't especially matter.  Unless you've gone out and done something genuinely awful, shame is a pretty worthless thing.

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Yes, shame and embarrassment are very unpleasant emotions. But the way I see it, you can do one of two things. You can bury and ignore them, allowing them to fester. Or, you can look at the reasons why you're experiencing them, accept that what was done is in the past, and grow from your mistakes.

And this is why you got a brohoof from me. This is something I've been trying to do for some time now. For some reason it just didn't come to mind. Well, that you're the one saying it might say something about your own struggles whether or not they've been overcome or are still in progress. 

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What if it gets chronic though?

I've only ever had this once... I suppose time and sleep would be my coping mechanism in that case. It was pretty hard getting to sleep, but I felt a lot better after. At least then I could confront the problem with a clear mind

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I can't say I've ever been humiliated before, but if I do I would deal with it and learn from my mistakes.

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What is this "shame" of which you speak???

You stole my line! Now it's not funny if I say it. 

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When I get humiliated, I just stop speaking or laugh nervously.  :blush:

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I don't. I let it bury inside me until I get distracted.

 

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i usually just let is slide, but eventually this happens

 

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I laugh nervously and try to explain myself

But thAt only makes me more embarrassed

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Well, that you're the one saying it might say something about your own struggles whether or not they've been overcome or are still in progress. 

 

I'm pretty good about spotting and working on my own weaknesses these days. I'm something of a perfectionist in a lot of what I do, and I do feel ashamed when I make mistakes. It's all about taking a step back at thinking "Okay, so I messed up that one little bit. Now I know not to do that again." Far more productive than beating myself up over it, which is what I'd do otherwise.

 

Also, Australia has this ridiculous and ingrained sense of shame about anyone who could be seen as 'putting on airs' or appearing overly self-important. Humility is a very valued trait here, possibly more so than any other Western country. ('Down-to-earth-ness' is a good way to describe it.) Which, given the fact that I have an opinion on everything and will often take a platform to share said opinions, can be a fun thing to balance. I worry about seeming too arrogant, about looking like I'm 'brown-nosing', or 'above my station' or any number of other silly things.

 

Because I recognise those things, I can catch myself when I notice them getting in the way and cast them aside. They niggle at the back of my mind, but I don't often let them get in my way anymore.

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It really depends on the state of mind I'm in~

 

If I'm very focused, at a stable state of mind, I can make myself laugh off humiliation. 

 

If I'm already drained from being stressed or depressed, the humiliation can deepen things a bit~ I'd get more down on myself or beat myself up over it~ 

 

Sometimes I find myself still beating myself up over things that happened like, over 10 years ago >___>

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I usually just tend to stay quiet for most of the time I suppose. I try to not let it bother me and just move on but I'll tend to stay to myself most of the time if something like that happens.

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How I want to handle it: Laugh at myself, or maturely take it as a simple mistake.

 

How I actually handle it:Laugh at myself, or try to get out of it as defensively and aggressively as possible.

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