Cret

Adventure (WIP) The Mirror *Has some language*

The Mirror  

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  1. 1. Should I continue working on this? (Please be honest)

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  2. 2. What needs improvement?

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Hello, this is my concept draft so far of my story, The Mirror. It's a rough draft.

 

Soprano woke up one day, and got up. It was a normal, boring day of going to school. As always, he went outside at 6 to see the beautiful sunrise. He liked this. It gave him peace. He wasn't a very social person; he preferred to sit down and use his computer. All day. Nothing else, just him and the internet.

 

Eventually, Soprano got to school.He was late, again. "Shit, I need to leave home earlier" Soprano thought. If he keeps this up, his grades will go down. A lot. "Soprano, you're late. Again" his teacher said. He wanted to say something, but the teacher continued his lesson before Soprano could say anything. He just sat down, and listened.

 

Soprano was very unhappy with his life. Sure, he had lots of stuff, but he had barely any friends. Sometimes, he wishes he could just escape from it all, and go somewhere without worry. Yeah, he knew it wouldn't come true, but he hoped.

 

After school, Soprano decided to walk home another way, crossing through a forest. He needed change. As he reached the beautiful, green forest, with trees everywhere, with rubbish non-existant, he decided: "I need to explore this place!" The place was too good to pass up. As he explored the beautiful forest, he found a big cleaning, with many small, unusual bushes. The bushes were nothing like he had seen before; it had small, green berries. He picked one of the bush, and smashed it. Nothing. Completely hollow. "Strange..." he thought. "I've never seen these before" he continued, before seeing a bright, rainbow coloured beacon about 600 meters (1968 feet) away. Soprano was very curious about the big, rainbow colored light, supposedly a beacon. The rainbow-coloured trail of light shot straight into the air, and disappeared into the void of the sky. He was both curious, and scared by the mysterious figure. He started to run towards the figure's source, only to discover a mirror-like object in the middle of the field. He took a picture of the object, and walked towards it, having no expectations.

 

                                                                   CHAPTER 2

 

As Soprano walked closer and closer to the object, it started to glow more and more. He took off his backpack, opened it, trying to find something un-important to throw at it. Unless he wanted to lose his first aid kid, his camera, his Japanese textbook, or his iPod, he had nothing. He checked his satchel. Only food. "Crap!" he thought, discovering a nearby pebble. He threw it at the mirror. Gone. It disappeared, making the mirror ripple. "What the f**k is this?" Soprano thought. He normally wasn't so vulgar, but this was an oddity. He started going closer to the mirror. It glowed, and an object came flying out, startling Soprano, causing him to fall over, and hit his head on the mirror's frame. It knocked him out cold.

 

"Hello?a mysterious voice said. The voice was a harsh, hoarse feminine one. Soprano felt the pain in the back of his head, and something touching his right foot. He turned to his side, and opened his eyes. He saw his bags on the ground next to him, and the 'Mirror', broken. "Are you going to look at me, or what?" The voice said again. Soprano turned his head, to discover a pony of some kind. Her mane was rainbow-coloured, and her fur sky blue. Soprano had no idea what he was looking at. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't. In stead, he simply looked surprised. "Why are you looking so surprised, you're the weird one here!" she said. Soprano looked around, to discover more of them. Purple, Orange, White,  these technicolour ponies were over-saturating his eyes. He was flabbergasted; he had no idea what was going on. "What... are you?" Soprano asked. The obnoxious, blue one laughed. "We should be asking you!" she said, yelling. Soprano looked at his hand. A hand. A normal, ordinary, 5 finger hand, as dry and dirty as always. "Where am I? Who are you?" He asked. "Equestria, of course." she replied. "What's... Equestria?" Soprano thought, sitting up. "Only the ultimate party center!" the pink one replied, acting like a 5 year old with ADD and 10 grams (0.3 ounces) of caffeine in it's blood stream. "Who are you?" Soprano demanded. "I'm Rainbow Dash, and these are my followers!" she gloated. "Who said you were the leader?" they all said. Soprano was extremely confused. "What are you?" "Pegasi, Unicorn, Alicorn, and Earth ponies." a big, royal-sounding voice said. "Princess Celestia!" they all said, bowing. 

 

That's all I got so far, but i'm going to add to it!

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