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What if your gf/bf didn't want to be intimate?


CosmicHooves

What if?  

70 users have voted

  1. 1. What if your girlfriend didn't want to be intimate?

    • Continue the relationship
      49
    • End the relationship
      21
  2. 2. What if you boyfriend didn't want to be intimate?

    • Continue the relationship
      49
    • End the relationship
      21
  3. 3. What if your girlfriend didn't want to be intimate until marriage?

    • Continue the relationship
      48
    • End the relationship
      16
  4. 4. What if your boyfriend didn't want to be intimate until marriage?

    • Continue the relationship
      45
    • End the relationship
      19


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I don't think I'd just decide to end the relationship. But over time, it could indeed prove to be problematic and in turn, lead to a break-up. You can say that it's selfish, but just as one might have reasons for abstaining from sex, another also has reasons for wanting it. No, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship. What's important can only be determined by the people in it, either separately or mutually.

 

Feel free to debate me on this. I think it's a pretty interesting topic that should be talked about :)

Edited by LatinoChurro
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I'd have to end it. I'm definitely not the type of guy to rush a woman into anything, but a relationship would be not be very fulfilling (for me) if there was absolutely no chance of eventually becoming intimate with my partner. 

 

Again, I'm perfectly fine with being reasonably patient, but if my partner let me know right off the bat that she would never be interested in sex, I couldn't see the relationship going forward. 

Edited by MasterCombine
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A sexless relationship? As in, loving another human being in a way that does not involve physical intimacy? That...sounds familiar, but I can't seem to place it.

 

Oh, right!

 

 

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It gave me the following error message when I tried to vote

 

"You must cast your vote in each question of the poll."

 

On a slightly more on topic note some of the responses are a tad judgmental saying that sex is important to you and you want to have an sexual intimacy as part of a relationship is not selfish anymore than wanting a relationship without it or not caring one way or the other. The people in the relationship have to decide together how important that as well as other things are to their relationship, there is going to have to be some compromise on some things but if they can't meet in the middle on something like that than leaving isn't a selfish decision but a smart one. It is not fair to yourself or anyone you are in a relationship with to pretend that something is not important to you or you are okay with something when you are actually not.

 

If all someone wants is a good screw than they should be honest and same with someone who is a little more situational and someone who has no interest whatsoever no matter what. I myself as horny as I am do want something a bit more than a good screw, I don't think I would comfortable with things like one night stands or anything like that but "fuck buddies" is more of a maybe though I am still not sure on that one. But I think we should all respect the decision of others even if we may not agree.

Edited by EarthbendingProdigy
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Sexual intercourse, for the majority of people with functional bits and a sex drive, is a necessary and sought-after component of any healthy, long term relationship lol.  If it's with someone that you genuinely love (which is ideal), then it is a further expression of that love and a form of incomparable physical intimacy.  I'm not saying you should expect (much less demand) sexual intercourse after week two. xD  Or any set period of time; every couple is different.  But remaining in a relationship, long-term, without so much as the possibility of that expression of love...  Probably isn't going to work.  Unless neither of you is attracted to the other, in which case...  The hell are you two together?

 

And btw: I'm thinking of things in terms of years.  Not in terms of, "Hey wanna go steady for an undertermined period of time?  At least until we both graduate or your dad has to move for work??"  People still say "go steady," right?  No one should ever feel obligated to have sex, and no one has the right to force you to have it.  But if you plan on being with the same person for any significant period of time OUTSIDE THE IMAGINARY WORLD OF HIGH SCHOOL, then you're probably going to have it at some point.  And if you genuinely can't see yourself ever, under any circumstances, having sex: BE UP FRONT ABOUT IT.  That's a dealbreaker for sooooo many ppl.  Not because they're shallow and tirelessly [insert unicorn pun here].  Because, at some point, one or both of the people in a relationship is going to want to have it; it's natural.  And if you want it to be meaningful to any degree whatsoever, you want it to be with someone you love.

 

^ The above is largely free of BS.  It is a reality.  I'm not a "bad guy" for saying it.  But just in case anyone wants to quote me and attack my morals (which I'd completely ignore anyway - so have fun lol): *I* do not believe I'd be able to have sex with a human-type individual.  I am severely obsessive compulsive and suffer from an aversion to human contact (among other things).  Though I still feel desire, so yes - a very strange joke has been played on me by fate.  Were I not currently in a relationship with an animated winged equine (my girlfriend's got wings), I would unabashedly inform any potential romantic interest that sex is not in the cards for us.  Because allowing your partner to believe otherwise is, in my opinion, wrong.  Don't put someone else in a position to be the "bad guy."  Or "bad girl," which would be the case with me.

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It would be better. Sex is the reason it's hard to get a girlfriend. one, I hate my body. It's not right. If you were in my situation, you would understand. two, it's hard to find a girlfriend who is willing to see me as a male even though I lack a penis. 

 

So I prefer a nonsexual relationship until I get surgery. 


I do find this to be heteronormative. What if someone is gay? Also, there aren't many bigendered people. I think you should take off the poll because we can't answer it. 

 

Or perhaps change it where both questions are not gender specific.

 

1. What if your partner want to be intimate? 

 

2. What if your partner does not want to be intimate. 

 

That would be better and not make you look like a homophobe. (Which you probably are anyways.) 

Edited by Visual Spectrum
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That would be better and not make you look like a homophobe. (Which you probably are anyways.) 

 

That's uncalled for.

 

I do agree that the questions need to be non-gender specific though so I can answer the poll without having to fill out the questions directed at women.

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It would be better. Sex is the reason it's hard to get a girlfriend. one, I hate my body. It's not right. If you were in my situation, you would understand. two, it's hard to find a girlfriend who is willing to see me as a male even though I lack a penis. 

 

So I prefer a nonsexual relationship until I get surgery. 

I do find this to be heteronormative. What if someone is gay? Also, there aren't many bigendered people. I think you should take off the poll because we can't answer it. 

 

Or perhaps change it where both questions are not gender specific.

 

1. What if your partner want to be intimate? 

 

2. What if your partner does not want to be intimate. 

 

That would be better and not make you look like a homophobe. (Which you probably are anyways.) 

 

Well that escalated quickly. 

 

While your suggestion for the wording of the above questions makes a lot more sense, your attack on the OP, as Gangsta Dash said, is just uncalled for.

 

Just because someone forgot to include your situation does not mean they are discriminating against you. Nor does that make them homophobic/transphobic/whatever. 

Edited by MasterCombine
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That's uncalled for.

 

I do agree that the questions need to be non-gender specific though so I can answer the poll without having to fill out the questions directed at women.

Sorry. I make assumptions all the time which is why I never make any friends. That and I complain about everything and can't take a joke. 

Well that escalated quickly. 

 

While your suggestion for the wording of the above questions makes a lot more sense, your attack on the OP, as Gangsta Dash said, is just uncalled for.

 

Just because someone forgot to include your situation does not mean they are discriminating against you. Nor does that make them homophobic/transphobic/whatever. 

 

I'm not gay, and it's not transphobic. It's more anti-monogender. 

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Sorry. I make assumptions all the time which is why I never make any friends. That and I complain about everything and can't take a joke. 

 

I'm not gay, and it's not transphobic. It's more anti-monogender. 

 

I didn't say you were gay. You said the OP was probably a homophobe. 

 

And sure, nothing that the OP has done would indicate that he is "anti-monogender". 

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Sorry. I make assumptions all the time which is why I never make any friends. That and I complain about everything and can't take a joke.

 

We all make mistakes and we all make assumptions. You just gotta hold those assumptions back and not mouth them off or else you come off lookin' like an ass. There is nothing to indicate that Big Smoke is a homophobe or anything else of that sort. (Though there is plenty to indicate he's smooth as hell)

 

On-topic, intimacy is a huge part of a relationship to me and a girl who feels the same way is ideal. If she didn't want to be intimate at all, something is up and I'd try to talk to her about it. Barring that, I'd break it off and we could remain friends. Knowing your partner intimately during a relationship is kinda important because if you end up marrying them, it's nice to know what to expect for the long haul.

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It would be better. Sex is the reason it's hard to get a girlfriend. one, I hate my body. It's not right. If you were in my situation, you would understand. two, it's hard to find a girlfriend who is willing to see me as a male even though I lack a penis. 

 

So I prefer a nonsexual relationship until I get surgery. 

I do find this to be heteronormative. What if someone is gay? Also, there aren't many bigendered people. I think you should take off the poll because we can't answer it. 

 

Or perhaps change it where both questions are not gender specific.

 

1. What if your partner want to be intimate? 

 

2. What if your partner does not want to be intimate. 

 

That would be better and not make you look like a homophobe. (Which you probably are anyways.)

 

Homophobia:

an extreme and irrational dislike to homosexuality and homosexual people.

 

So by your logic, since I forgot to make my poll "non-gender specific", I ALL OF A SUDDEN have a strong and irrational dislike for homosexuals.

 

That's uncalled for.

 

I do agree that the questions need to be non-gender specific though so I can answer the poll without having to fill out the questions directed at women.

I guess I can go change it.
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Homophobia:

an extreme and irrational dislike to homosexuality and homosexual people.

 

So by your logic, since I forgot to make my poll "non-gender specific", I ALL OF A SUDDEN have a strong and irrational dislike for homosexuals.

 

I guess I can go change it.

 

I have issues. I shouldn't even bother socializing because this is what happens. I always say something I regret and mess up. 

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I have issues. I shouldn't even bother socializing because this is what happens. I always say something I regret and mess up.

 

It's alright.

We all make mistakes from time to time.

 

post-25645-0-92765500-1410241404_thumb.jpg

Wait a second.

There was actually a person who voted to "end the relationship" for question 3?

*sigh*

My faith in humanity goes down once again.

Edited by Big Smoke
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It's alright.

We all make mistakes from time to time.

 

attachicon.gifimage.jpg

Wait a second.

There was actually a person who voted to "end the relationship" for question 3?

*sigh*

My faith in humanity goes down once again.

 

Wait, I don't get it. 

 

I didn't vote that, but at my current age I'm not looking for marriage. If I were to go into a relationship with a girl and she revealed that she was waiting until marriage to have sex, I would respect her wishes (obviously) but I would also likely end the relationship. Does that make me a bad person? 

Edited by MasterCombine
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It's alright.

We all make mistakes from time to time.

 

attachicon.gifimage.jpg

Wait a second.

There was actually a person who voted to "end the relationship" for question 3?

*sigh*

My faith in humanity goes down once again.

 

I also voted for that. I seriously would do what the guy in the quote below said.

 

Wait, I don't get it. 

 

I didn't vote that, but at my current age I'm not looking for marriage. If I were to go into a relationship with a girl and she revealed that she was waiting until marriage to have sex, I would respect her wishes (obviously) but I would also likely end the relationship. Does that make me a bad person? 

 

No. In fact, good for you. You want to marry the perfect match. It's obvious that if she doesn't respect your sexual deviance, she's not the one for you. At least, that's what I think.

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I also voted for that. I seriously would do what the guy in the quote below said.

 

 

No. In fact, good for you. You want to marry the perfect match. It's obvious that if she doesn't respect your sexual deviance, she's not the one for you. At least, that's what I think.

 

Calling it sexual deviance doesn't exactly make it sound flattering  :lol:

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Calling it sexual deviance doesn't exactly make it sound flattering  :lol:

 

Well, I don't mean to sound rude with that. Think about it. Everyone has sexual deviance. People have to respect that fact. When you are dating someone or married to someone that doesn't respect that the fact includes you, then they're not right for you.

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Wait, I don't get it.

 

I didn't vote that, but at my current age I'm not looking for marriage. If I were to go into a relationship with a girl and she revealed that she was waiting until marriage to have sex, I would respect her wishes (obviously) but I would also likely end the relationship. Does that make me a bad person?

 

I have no regret saying that if you can't control sexual desires until marriage, then you sir are very weak.

How would you think that would make her feel?

You'd only be thinking of yourself and what you want.

You want to have sex, she wants to wait, and you'd break her heart because you'd let hormones do the talking instead of your heart.

This makes me sick.

 

I also voted for that. I seriously would do what the guy in the quote below said.

 

 

 

No. In fact, good for you. You want to marry the perfect match. It's obvious that if she doesn't respect your sexual deviance, she's not the one for you. At least, that's what I think.

Your sexual state doesn't matter when it comes to relationships.

You have sex when she allows you to.

Edited by Big Smoke
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If they don't want to 'get it in' then you have to respect their decision. Sex is a very serious thing and there are people out there who are saving their 'innocence' until they are married. I'm one of those people. I think couples who breakup because one of them don't want to be intimate are stupid. Like seriously?! Are you only dating him/her for the sex? If your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't want to 'do the deed' then don't force him/her and continue your relationship like he/she never rejected your 'love making'. :)

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