What if your gf/bf didn't want to be intimate?

[__Duck-Quack__ 151]

For question 1&2 I imagine I already love the person *uncoditionaly and I fell head over heels for them, that being together is beyond good enough.

 

For question 3&4 I imagine it's our first date, I'm bisexual but I definately prefer women so I would try to make that relationship work. For a guy well I can still love a man, just theres not alot of men my type so if he didn't want to have sex I have to question whether I even wanted a long term relationship with him in the first place, I mean my eyes don't light up whenever I see him do they?

 

I have no idea if this represents what I believe, only that is what I think as I write this.

 

*typo I don't want to fix.

Edited September 9, 2014 by MaybeRepunzel

[MasterCombine 316]

I have no regret saying that if you can't control sexual desires until marriage, then you sir are very weak.

How would you think that would make her feel?

You'd only be thinking of yourself and what you want.

You want to have sex, she wants to wait, and you'd break her heart because you'd let hormones do the talking instead of your heart.

This makes me sick.

 

Your sexual state doesn't matter when it comes to relationships.

You have sex when she allows you to.

 

And I have no qualms in saying that's a very judgmental point of view. It's not a matter of controlling my desires. Could I not have sex with someone until I was married to them? Yeah, of course. Do I want to? No, not particularly. 

 

I (personally) believe that sexual intimacy is an important and natural part of a fulfilling relationship. Chances are, therefore, that I would not be involved in a serious relationship with someone whom I had not been intimate with. If I began dating a girl and she revealed that she was not interested in having sex until marriage, then I would more likely than not stop dating her. Cutting off the relationship that early would mean that either party being "hurt" wouldn't really come into the equation. But I will still address your other points. 

 

Yes, I realize that ending a committed relationship because of that would likely make my partner feel hurt, but a relationship does not center predominantly on either partner. It takes them both into account equally. Just as I would respect her decision to wait, she should respect my decision to end the relationship because I don't want to wait. 

 

Of course I'd be thinking of myself. But I'd also be thinking of her. Maintaining a relationship in which either party is unhappy is unfair to both people. That does not make a healthy relationship. Relationships are about compromise and understanding one another. 

 

In doing all of this, I would be listening to my heart as well. 

 

If you don't agree with what I have to say, that's totally fine and understandable. But there are a lot of other people out there who are of the same mind. If that makes you sick, I'm sorry.

 

And yes, your sexual state does matter when it comes to a relationship. It absolutely does. I think most people would agree with that. Both partners have sex when they each allow themselves to. You seem to be of the opinion that only one person's feelings (in your case, the girl's) matters in a relationship. Again, this is not true. 

 

If they don't want to 'get it in' then you have to respect their decision. Sex is a very serious thing and there are people out there who are saving their 'innocence' until they are married. I'm one of those people. I think couples who breakup because one of them don't want to be intimate are stupid. Like seriously?! Are you only dating him/her for the sex? If your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't want to 'do the deed' then don't force him/her and continue your relationship like he/she never rejected your 'love making'.

 

Of course you have to respect their decision. I absolutely never advocated for not respecting their decision. The only thing is, they have to respect your decision, too. That's how a relationship works. I know there are people out there saving themselves until marriage, and if you're one of those people, that's great! As long as it's making you happy and you're doing it because you want to. But you have to understand that there are also people out there who don't share that point of view, and you have to respect their opinions, too. 

 

And for the love of God, I'm am definitely not advocating any "forcing" of any kind. If you don't want to have sex until you're married there is absolutely no one who has the right to make you do otherwise. At the same time, if someone doesn't want to continue dating you because you don't want to have sex, you have to respect that as well. And that fact alone does not make them a bad person. 

[Invincible 2,090]

I probably couldn't keep up with a girl who doesn't want to get at least a little bit intimate at times. It might depend on what her reasons may be, but i'd feel a bit insulted and undesired at that.

[Samurai Equine 45,828]

Oh wow! Heh... I always get nervous about talking about this kind of stuff in public or with others. I just feel like these should be private matters between you and your significant other, and no one else except for maybe a therapist if you need it. I'm not sure if I should answer this... Help?!

 

Well, I will say this, I'm not going to vote on the poll options. They are too black and white, and sometimes there isn't a straight forward answer when it comes to relationship issues. Especially not for me...

 

I'll just take a risk and ask... What do you mean by being intimate? There are many things that cover that. There is unprotected sex, but there is also protection, there is fooling around without actually doing the deed, there's... Oh my. I'm getting embarrassed again. *tries to hide in a blanket*

My point is, many couples don't have to have sex right away. They can just fool around and do other things until they are ready.

 

Me personally? I can wait. I'd prefer not to date a woman who is a complete prude, but I also want to wait until marriage to go all the way. I want to be a father some day, have kids, give them a better life than what their parents had, show them that the world isn't such a bad place after all, etc. You know, really live the dream. But it can be tough sometimes. Even when you're trying to so hard to do the right thing, things can go wrong or get out of hand. Relationships can be a challenging thing sometimes.

 

And yes, I do believe in true love, and true love should outweigh many other things. But people can have needs and urges too, despite how badly they are trying to maintain some self control. It's part of being human, just like how people can have standards about what kind of person they want to be in a relationship with. If a relationship isn't working out, then it's not working out. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either one of them (at least I hope there isn't), just mean they weren't compatible. I've been in many relationships in my nearly 30 years of life, I know what it's like to be in all kinds of relationships. Dead end, toxic, one-sided, young love; you name, I've been there. I'm just glad I haven't been reckless enough to accidentally ruin someone's life before either of us were ready.

[Starshine 16,330]

Welp, this thread certainly goes weird

 

Personally, I'd wait until the marriage before even talking about sexual intercourse. If my life partner wouldn't want any of it, I wouldn't force it on her. As others said, adoption is still a thing.

[Gone Airbourne 21,969]

I personally couldn't care less. 

 

I don't need a sexual body part to reside in any meaningful relationship with someone,if they don't want sex then okay, as long as they love & respect who i am i wont give a damn. 

 

This pretty much said it for me 

[CosmicHooves 2,705]

And I have no qualms in saying that's a very judgmental point of view. It's not a matter of controlling my desires. Could I not have sex with someone until I was married to them? Yeah, of course. Do I want to? No, not particularly.

 

I (personally) believe that sexual intimacy is an important and natural part of a fulfilling relationship. Chances are, therefore, that I would not be involved in a serious relationship with someone whom I had not been intimate with. If I began dating a girl and she revealed that she was not interested in having sex until marriage, then I would more likely than not stop dating her. Cutting off the relationship that early would mean that either party being "hurt" wouldn't really come into the equation. But I will still address your other points.

 

Yes, I realize that ending a committed relationship because of that would likely make my partner feel hurt, but a relationship does not center predominantly on either partner. It takes them both into account equally. Just as I would respect her decision to wait, she should respect my decision to end the relationship because I don't want to wait.

 

Of course I'd be thinking of myself. But I'd also be thinking of her. Maintaining a relationship in which either party is unhappy is unfair to both people. That does not make a healthy relationship. Relationships are about compromise and understanding one another.

 

In doing all of this, I would be listening to my heart as well.

 

If you don't agree with what I have to say, that's totally fine and understandable. But there are a lot of other people out there who are of the same mind. If that makes you sick, I'm sorry.

 

And yes, your sexual state does matter when it comes to a relationship. It absolutely does. I think most people would agree with that. Both partners have sex when they each allow themselves to. You seem to be of the opinion that only one person's feelings (in your case, the girl's) matters in a relationship. Again, this is not true.

 

 

Of course you have to respect their decision. I absolutely never advocated for not respecting their decision. The only thing is, they have to respect your decision, too. That's how a relationship works. I know there are people out there saving themselves until marriage, and if you're one of those people, that's great! As long as it's making you happy and you're doing it because you want to. But you have to understand that there are also people out there who don't share that point of view, and you have to respect their opinions, too.

 

And for the love of God, I'm am definitely not advocating any "forcing" of any kind. If you don't want to have sex until you're married there is absolutely no one who has the right to make you do otherwise. At the same time, if someone doesn't want to continue dating you because you don't want to have sex, you have to respect that as well. And that fact alone does not make them a bad person.

Eh.

If you put it that way I guess you could say sexual intimancy a way of telling who you're truly in love with.

Personally, I would be the type of guy who doesn't think of myself, my desires, or what I want at the moment.

If you're that way though, good for you.

Edited September 9, 2014 by Big Smoke

[DubWolf 16,604]

There are other ways of being intimate rather than sex, so yeah I wouldn't end the relationship.

[Revy ~ Two Hands 862]

I don't want prostrate cancer so no I'm not waiting

[Admiral Regulus 2,769]

Sex and intimacy are two completely different things.

 

A girlfriend without intimacy isn't a girlfriend. So, with that in mind, I would end the relationship immediately. That's pointless. I want someone I can be intimate with, and if I can't have that, then you're not going to be my girlfriend.

 

Sex, however, is different. I wouldn't want to wait, but I would if there's some reason and we have plans for the future. If that isn't the case, I will be expecting sex in a relationship. If that makes you uncomfortable, then perhaps we should split up before things get too awkward and fall apart.

 

There's plenty of fish in the sea. If one of them won't have sex with me, then I'm going to go after another one. Call me shallow, but remember that I am a sexual being and that isn't going to change.

[Nerdy Luigi 2,064]

I would have some issues with it, but I wouldn't immediately get out. I think sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, and I could surmise without it, unless it turns into an affair. Then I'm gone.

 

It would be tougher, but if I and he/she truly loved each other, it shouldn't be the biggest problem.

[ManaMinori 4,143]

there's more ways to be intimate than just sex. And if your significant other doesn't want to be intimate at all- touching, fondling, kissing, cuddling, sex, ect, then you should respect that because you LOVE them, regardless.

[Treble Bolt 1,122]

For one, I would say there are issues that need to be taken care of before marriage if sex was outright unwanted. Usually that's a bad thing (like a traumatic past) or lack of desire. Both of which need to see a professional for the health of the person not wanting sex. Due to our natural biological nature, no desire for sex at all (even masturbation) is not healthy. When you bring another person in for a relationship, things will not only get complicated, but upon marriage (if it's choice prior to marriage), there will be many issues that must be resolved (or continually worked on) early on and throughout marriage. I am coming at this from a biolgical, psychological way. There are many studies out there that show consistantly, having utterly no sexual desire throughout life and in relationships lead to poor health and failed relationships. We are social creatures by nature, companionship in the form of sex is natural to our psyiological needs as human beings.  If my husband did not want to be intimate at all, we would have problems....HIs parents are very good example of what could happen. They worked to have my husband, that's it. They have no friendship, no hand holding, no ANYTHING except the fact they live together. That is NOT a relationship, not even a friendship. They've been married over 30 years, and she stays with him out of obligation, and although he loves her very much, she won't allow any sort of intamacy. They won't divorce because of their son (that and I don't think they have anywhere to go since his mom has no friends and he is living in the house his parents). It's sad to witness their interactions and lack of relationship, but that is the best proof I have towards a pretty sad relationship all because of the lack of intamacy.

As far as choice goes, I can't really answer because I am married. However, I would prefer abstinence prior to marriage due to moral beliefs. I could go into how the Bible actually does NOT go against premarital sex, but has stipulations upon potential consequences, but this topic isn't for that.

[Nine 707]

I'd be relieved. I've had sexual relationships before, and they all ended up dysfunctional because I just don't want to be physically intimate with someone I can bond with emotionally.

[Kassie 2]

I'm not sure how I would feel about this, being intimate is something I enjoy quite alot with partners but if i loved someone enough and they REALLY didn't want to do it anymore then I guess I would support their choice   

Edited September 9, 2014 by Kassie

[Sunny Fox 5,929]

No sex ever would be a deal breaker. I have needs, and I want to have children of my own someday, if possible.

 

No sex until marriage, for religious or personal reasons, hey, I can understand that, so that wouldn't matter to me. If I really thought we could be together forever, I'd be willing to wait.

[ARagY 1,152]

(Assuming intimate in this sense means sex as its pretty much the social definition) Why would I end the relationship because they don't want to be intimate until marriage or not at all? My relationship has its ups and downs and are completely unrelated to sexual activity of any kind. Not going to expand upon that... but if there was ever a reason to end it, it wouldn't be because not having sex.

 

Which goes into my next point, not to get too graphic or anything, but if sex is the only thing keeping you from breaking up, there's more wrong with your relationship than you think. My own relationship has had a lack of said topic for who knows, a month or so now? It's the same as before, the sex wasn't and isn't the make-or-break point of the relationship and it shouldn't be. I'm just happy to see them, especially now that I attend a Uni and my so called 'valuable' time was slapped across my face. I hadn't really thought about it until recently, I had always taken my free time for granted, thinking that it doesn't technically count as free time because I'm doing something with someone else who's important to me. 

 

But then I realised that at any point that I'm not in class is free time, whether I'm studying, taking notes over the chapters, practicing exercises, talking to friends, going to a party, going to clubs.. or with my mate. It doesn't make a single bit of difference ultimately what I do with that time, it's still my time to the rest of the world, and I will have to figure out how to manage everything. I was never so involved in HS but now I am, and I appreciate when I can spend time with them. 

 

God, I miss them during the week when we get the least time together, I don't even think about what we could be doing on Friday night. Just talking is enough. Sex is just a nice part of the relationship. You could argue that it's a need for the human race to flourish, but then I'd ask you how many times you'd actually be doing sexual things for children.

 

So to summarise: If your relationship hangs in the balance because of sex, then ask yourself what the relationship even is, because I think it's nothing more than "friends with benefits" at that point. Appreciate the time you have more than the pleasure you get out of that one part. If you aren't unconsciously stating "I am in this relationship so that I can get a free pass to sex", then you should know what I mean when I say there's other pleasure that you can get out of it that's not sexual. 

 

Tl;dr version: No, I wouldn't break up, nor understand why you would unless you were in it for sex in the first place. 

[DubWolf 16,604]

I don't want prostrate cancer so no I'm not waiting

Wait, what ? I don't know how sex is going to keep you from getting prostate cancer... Especially that kind of sex .

[Zoop 8,384]

 

 

No offense meant, but the way you describe it, it almost sounds as though you're implying that everyone who lacks desire for sexual content does so out due to emotional trauma or some other sort of condition. This isn't quite the case, though... while that may be the case for some, just as there are plenty of folks that exist on every step of the heterosexual/homosexual spectrum, there to exist plenty of folks that just aren't sexual at all, or are so in only limited ways. The whole concept of general asexuality isn't all that well known or 'out there', but it is a thing.

 

Having said that though, considering how important sex is to most folks, it is something that would be best off being discussed openly and early on, to prevent any explosions later on down the line. As for myself, I am (and have been for quite some time) in a sex free relationship, and have been quite happy with it. 

[Envy 5,998]

No intimacy on a sexual level, sure! Sure, I really want to get to experience that with somebody super-special, but it's not everything... Nor is it even anywhere near the core.

 

My last ex never even gave off the impression that she was actually even bi. I didn't even care. We had a very strong emotional bond, and that's what matters.

 

Other kinds of intimacy, though? Emotional intimacy is very important to me (but I can't even consider it a relationship otherwise). I also really like cuddling, and I think it would deeply sadden me if we couldn't be intimate in that way. lol But beyond that, it's not that important to me.

[angels_gal 204]

I never thought i'd be back here, but being way older than most of you, i will give my 2 cents.    I have some very strong opinions on this matter.       it's something that should be mutal waited upon until both sides are ready to take that next step,  it's a decision that should never be forced. and ending the realationship because someone won't?  that's absolutely the stupidest thing  have ever heard.    If someone is refusing to respect your personal boundaries by all means get out immediately  because that is absolutely not the relationship for you.  if someone refuses  there should be no begging, pleading, whining,  temper tantrums or anything else of that sort.  a simple 'no'  from either party is the absolute END of that discussion. 

Edited September 9, 2014 by angels_gal

[Jeric 46,834]

Answering this post could land me in hot water cause I am not an island unto myself. I'll say for the sake of your last question ... If I honestly loved my girlfriend I would indeed wait for marriage.

[SparklingSwirls 21,261]

Of course I'd continue the relationship; there are better (in my opinion) ways of being intimate like hugs, cuddling, etc without resorting to more.

 

I think the concept of sex is a little disgusting to be honest .

[Skyfall 14]

If I had a partner that didn't want sex I think I would be pretty P*ssed off at first, however if we had been in a long term relationship it wouldn't put me off too much I guess... but I cant lie and say I don't like getting intimate  

[Hashi 323]

Just saying....

I would happily go into a relationship with an asexual person

as long as we (I'm pretty sure this is the first time ive said "we" in a relationship context) are happy sure!

Not a big fan of intimacy because I personally have trust issues and the amount of people I trust in this world amounts to a grand total of 1

Surprisingly its not me

 

xD

Edited September 9, 2014 by Hazukashii Flux