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OOC Country Colt and City Filly (not a romance) (OOC)


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@@Blue,

 

I love how you wrote a poem for TSF. Perhaps it could be something that Blaze wrote between that RP and this one?

 

We'll see.

 

Firstly, I find it rather conspicuously suspicious that "Not a romance" is laid out explicitly in the title. :derp:

 

The reason why The reason why I asked you about possibly critiquing your role-play style is due to how it could be a bit better, in my opinion.

 

 

 

"Thanks," she said as Blaze gave her a glass filled with a liquid redder than her cheeks had flushed when she had accidentally walked into Scribblegroove's rear end.

 

While this is a clear call-back to another RP game, it presupposes complete continuity between your character and other Roleplays in which you've participated. Now granted we are playing one together that, relatively speaking, takes place in the past with respect to CC&CF. However I would advise against using it just anywhere and anyplace, since not everyone [or everypony] will catch the reference, and could be seen as a jarring reference to something very much outside of the flow of the present narrative.

A more approachable method would be using a different analogy. Describe the liquid in the glass being redder than something more general, rather than extremely specific (like your own character's cheeks during this one certain event in the past and in another game).

 

Also, the reference to "drinking an entire pie" is supposed to suggest the intensity of flavor, not a physical sensation. Imagine you tasted all of the sweet and tang of an entire raspberry pie within the space of a few seconds, awash all over the inside of your mouth. Don't imagine the burgundy punch shoves a pastry down your throat. That wasn't the kind of the thing I was trying to go for.

If anything, it needs to be improved because it's too sweet, not because it sensates weird inside the mouth. :comeatus: Though if you don't want to edit that post, we can keep going.

Edited by Blue
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@@Blue,

 

Character development, I suppose. We can throw in a plot change later.

 

(I really should have planned this out more...)

 

Also, the reason Anala called Blaze "athletic" is because it said that last time I looked at Blaze's page. I'll edit it out, and perhaps you can too.

Edited by Rainbow Eclipse
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"Ha! After all we've been through, I'm perfectly happy never wanting to see that thing again. After the train, and the creek, and the dog... sheesh. What an ordeal."

 

Thanks for the spoiler :P

 

BTW, what made you brohoof my post and then unbrohoof it?

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