AmberDust

Offering OC help!

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IMPORTANT NEWS SECTION

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Firstly, You can now PM me if one of your friends is in need of an OC intervention. I'll contact them and offer my help while keeping your identity secret, unless you'd rather be part of the intervention. This concept is still experimental.
Secondly, If you don't want me to critique your OC publicly, write in your comment that you want me to reply in the form of a PM. Or, if you don't want anypony else to have access to your OC's info, simply write a comment saying that you PMed me. This way, the thread will stay alive but you can keep your privacy. 
Thirdly, I'll be critiquing your OC's under the assumption that you want them to be able to fit into the realm of canon. So, basically, I'll assume they're an mlp fim OC, and not, say, a Resident Evil OC in the shape of a pony. Make sense?

Okay, read on.

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Hello everypony. I'm offering to help you with the creation of your OCs!
I can help you with names, personalities, back stories (maybe), design, and cutie marks, or I can give a full critique of your OC, if you just want a second opinion.
 

So go ahead and post your OCs and whatever you need help with. ;)Make sure you are specific as to what you want me to help with.

Thank you! And I hope I can help.

Edited by AmberDust

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Hi!! It would be great to get some help with my oc, first at all the pony maker didnt maked it as i want it but close at least, what about everything about it? Do you think its a stupid idea? its on my signature :3

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Hi!! It would be great to get some help with my oc, first at all the pony maker didnt maked it as i want it but close at least, what about everything about it? Do you think its a stupid idea? its on my signature :3

It's certainly an interesting idea. I'm not sure how well it would fit into the lore of mlp... But I like the origin rumours you've come up with. :)

The design is mostly good, but the mane colours are too saturated for my taste. You should try drawing her yourself.

I admire her character! I like the curiosity she holds and her positive attitude regarding her less-than-stellar life. Are you writing/planning a story about her? Because I don't know how we'll she'd fare in roleplay. :/

Also you ought to check your spelling--I know it had nothing to do with her character, but it helps to keep readers reading.

Overall I'd say its a nice and creative character situation-wise. You could afford to develop her personality a bit more, and I hope you have a backstory prepared, even if you aren't revealing it. :D

 

Would you help me with my character, too, as I requested? :3

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I have not skills on drawing at all thats why haha. Ow okay i will check could you mark me where are the errors so i can fix it faster please?
Thank you yep maybe i have one, maybe i dont :o
:o Your skills on drawing are good, could you help me? even with the colours. I loved option 2.

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say, i've been wanting more critique of scaredy cat for a whole now

feel free to go after the entire character, from her design to back story

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/scaredy-cat-r7475

 

here's her character profile

thank you!

 

Starting to look it over. I like her colour scheme mostly, but the make-up is a little much. Even if it is supposed to look silly, it's a little saturated. Okay, time to get reading...

Okay, so, design is good. I'm not really a fan of batponies or other non-pon OCs, but that's just my preference. It just seems too much like a novelty put in place of personality-- but again, thats just my preference, and your character is more than just that, don't worry. :)

The backstory's nice--albeit a little ambiguous--you could go into her personality more, since we don't know much about her other that that she's an ex-snob scaredy cat. I like the adventurous spirit, although its opposing her personality...know what I mean? Also, I'm not sure how well it fits in with mlp lore...since there's never been any real ghosts in the show. But I guess that's fine so long as you weren't planning in using her in canon-based roleplay or whatever.

Edited by AmberDust

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Starting to look it over. I like her colour scheme mostly, but the make-up is a little much. Even if it is supposed to look silly, it's a little saturated. Okay, time to get reading...

Okay, so, design is good. I'm not really a fan of batponies or other non-pon OCs, but that's just my preference. It just seems too much like a novelty put in place of personality-- but again, thats just my preference, and your character is more than just that, don't worry. :)

The backstory's nice--albeit a little ambiguous--you could go into her personality more, since we don't know much about her other that that she's an ex-snob scaredy cat. I like the adventurous spirit, although its opposing her personality...know what I mean? Also, I'm not sure how well it fits in with mlp lore...since there's never been any real ghosts in the show. But I guess that's fine so long as you weren't planning in using her in canon-based roleplay or whatever.

ah yes you're correct, i should of gone into more detail on personality when it comes her back story and all that other stuff along with it.

but on the mlp lure thing, if you're referring to just fim, then i think there hasn't been one shown in show.

because there was an unused ghost dog asset from season two. (according to equestria daily.)

but im still not sure if its actually a ghost or not?

anyways

if its not just about fim, then yes, there has been a ghost in the mlp series, mostly gen 1.

so if i was to put her in a rp, it should hopefully be a cross of both gen 1 and gen 4... just so it would be fitting for the lady.

 

once again, thank you so much for the critique! c:

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@Psycrow, would you then kindly contribute to my poll? As mentioned in my initial post? :3

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@Psycrow, would you then kindly contribute to my poll? As mentioned in my initial post? :3

oh, yes sure!

in all honesty, the blue/mint greenish one is the best out of them all. even if purple/blue and yellow/orange is my favorite color combo, it just for some reason doesnt work as well as like the blue/mint green one... and i cant put my finger on why...

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oh, yes sure!

in all honesty, the blue/mint greenish one is the best out of them all. even if purple/blue and yellow/orange is my favorite color combo, it just for some reason doesnt work as well as like the blue/mint green one... and i cant put my finger on why...

I personally think the purple one is too bold and doesn't suit her personality. :) she's supposed to be a sort of explorer, so I want her design to indicate solitude, mystery, and magic. :D

But still, @Psycrow, I'm unsure of how well the colours suit her. :P

Bu anyways was my advice helpful at all? Do you still need help?

Edited by AmberDust

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I made Dusk for my story, but i'm not sure if she will be convincing enough yet. I can characterize her pretty good, but people said they just can't imagine themselves as that character.

 

Here is the link for Dusk: http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/391328/equestrias-last-hope-dusk

Okay. It's a good start, but by no means a finished character. She seems a little too much like a Twilight Sparkle copy--her name, her colours, her hobbies, her residence--but you can avoid this by giving her a little more of a personality and maybe changing some things up.

So far all I know about Dusk's (is that her full name?) personality is that she's stubborn and doesn't know if she has any friends (that part really confused me...something about asking if Candy was her friend? I don't reall get it.)

It's kind of strange that you said she was really friendly to customers. It's seems to contradict the rest of what you said.

Aaanyways, there's a lot to be added. Like a backstory! Where did she come from? Why does she study magic so much? What does she like? Why does she have a hard time making friends? Basically, what events in her life made Dusk the way she is?

Dusk will be a lot easier to relate to if you give some context to her struggles.

 

What you have so far is a good starting point, but to flesh her out you need to make her more interesting and relatable--and don't try too hard to make her like Twilight Sparkle. ;) It'd do her good to be her own pony!

Was that helpful? I can be more specific if you'd like.

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I'm having trouble making an OC in general.

Where did you get the inspiration to make your OC? 

Did you try to model it after your personality/who you'd like to be, or did you just think of a character that would look neat in pony form?

 

I'm having writer's block here.

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I'm having trouble making an OC in general.

Where did you get the inspiration to make your OC?

Did you try to model it after your personality/who you'd like to be, or did you just think of a character that would look neat in pony form?

 

I'm having writer's block here.

That is such a great question! Nice! I'm goin to try and answer this to the best of my ability...

 

♦ How I developed my OC ♦

 

First of all I'm goin to say that I'm more of an artist than a writer, which helps.

My OC started as a ponysona--as in, it was based on me. Since I already knew my own personality, I started with some sketches, experimenting with mane and eye styles (my end result included bangs inspired by Coco Pommel and eyes inspired by both her and Twilight). I've taken personality quizzes and ended up deciding that she would be best as a unicorn, since she would be an artist.

She was easy to accessorize when I knew she was based on me--so her braided tail and freckles came naturally. The earring happened when I decided her mane lacked impact.

 

After I had pretty much decided on her appearance, I tried to figure out how she'd fit into ponyville- this is where she started becoming less like me. I decided that maybe a friend of hers misunderstood her dream and introduced her to Rarity to become her apprentice. (As in, "oh, you wanna be a designer? There's a designer in town!", when she really wanted to be more of a graphic designer.) Thinking of this awkward situation helped me develop her personality when I tried to think of how she'd react--I decided she would be a little shy, nervous, but very curious and a little bit of a daydreamer, etc.

Basically, the more situations I drew her in, the more her personality was fleshed out. Some of her personality was developed because of her name--

I had initially just named her Amber because I liked the name, but in my research I discovered blue ambers, which glow blue under blacklight, and it inspired me to make Amber Dust more mysterious, curious, and someone with a love of discovery--somepony who wasn't quite what she seemed, just like her namesake.

Then I tried to figure out what her cutie mark would represent. Sure, she was an artist, but was that going to be the one thing that set her apart? No. Remember that cutie marks aren't strictly about talent--just a unique characteristic that sets them apart. look at Rarity for instance.

I decided on this glowing amber as a mark, and her personality developed more from there. After listing some possibilities of what it could mean, I decided on a "light in the dark". More simply, "hope".

 

This is where her backstory began and she was definitely no longer a ponysona. I had to fit this image of hope into her backstory somehow, and I was inspired a bit by the song "The gypsy bard" and "the orphanage song", since id been listeing to them a lot at the time. But with that in mind, I didn't want her backstory to be too melodramatic, and neither do you! So I worked around it. Bing bang boom, her best friends were foster children. She inspired them with hope by telling them stories of magic and mystery from the wide world of Equestria to keep them happy.

Her mysterious, adventuring spirit came into existence when somebody on these boards was asking people for OCs for his fighting game-- she needed a reason to be there, so i decided that when she grows up, and her friends move away, she decides that she wants to discover all these wonderful things she talked about as a child and becomes something like an explorer/archeologist...then I was brought back to how she got to ponyville to begin with--her friend who introduced her to Rarity had sent her a letter telling of all the interesting things in ponyville, from the Everfree to the destroyed library. And there we go! Full circle. I had her entire character and a little extra (fighting style and adventurous spirit, which probably wouldn't be necessary for a story, but were nice to have it I ever needed a little extra personality).

 

I realize that I made my character backwards--usually you're supposed to start with personality and end with appearance, but this is what worked for me. The important thing to remember is that inspiration and ideas can come from literally anywhere. Surround yourself with inspiration and give your OC time to bloom--don't turn it into work! This is supposed to be fun. ;) the more you think about it and write and draw and daydream without setting anything in stone, the more the character will come to life. Sometimes, you might just have to start in the middle and work your way out, like me.

So I ask this: what have you already figured out about your OC? What are you having trouble with exactly? I COULD give you advice, but you might find it better to just give your OC a little room and time to grow instead of forcing her out in one afternoon. :P

 

 

I hope I was helpful, and this wasn't a tl;dr situation. >.<

 

 

@@draconictome and basically everyone else...

Here's another important thing to remember.

Somepony's personality isn't only developed by big life events, but by aspects in everyday life. Like family-- Being the oldest child, youngest child, or only child--having one parent, two, or none. are they the only of their species (pony type) in their family or friend group? Do they feel like they fit in? Do they think they're better/worse than anyone else?

Everything can affect the way ponies and people act and see themselves and others. Take from real life patterns. Little daily things can make a big impact on personality! Anthropology, Sociology, Psychology...culture and sub-cultures, where they live and how... Et cetera.

Edited by AmberDust

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I feel like I would have trouble creating an OC that was my ponysona. I'm only 17 and my future is undecided- in the pony world I would have probably gotten some form of cutie mark by now. I think the best idea for me is just to take one aspect I'd like and expand on it. I have had some experience in writing, and I feel I should be able to do it. Thanks for the help AmberDust!

I'll get back to you guys if i think of anything.

Edited by draconictome

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@@draconictome sorry if I wasn't very helpful.

I made my OC when I was 17, too (this summer).

I'm not saying you need to start with a ponysona, just that its good to be flexible with your character when you're still making it, and let if develop itself naturally. Don't force it. Anything specific youre stuck on?

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I was mostly having trouble choosing what this pony would do. I think I got a good idea of it now and if I come up with anything big I'll get back to you on it.

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Is my OC really as bad as Silverwisp says? -.-

I'll need a but more context than that. ^^' what did Silverwisp say?

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I'll need a but more context than that. ^^' what did Silverwisp say?

 

 

Design:

Well, there don't seem to be any changes from last time, so I'll just refer you to my former post.

5/10

 

Backstory:

Again, the points I have pointed out before have not been addressed and what has been added doesn't really help; with all the stuff you've heaped on, Essence is one cape away from being a superhero.

I do approve of the name change for her team.

3/10

Overall 3.5/10

 

My suggestion: Scrap the princesses out of the story entirely. If you must have a supernatural element to her blindness, make it a forest spirit from the Everfree or someting. Tone her senses down to a more reasonable level.

 

I got a pretty low rating... @ the last bit at the bottom, doing that would make her pretty useless... :-(

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I got a pretty low rating... @ the last bit at the bottom, doing that would make her pretty useless... :-(

Well, the good news is, I'm not here to rate your OC, I'm here to help you improve her.

 

 

 

 

Let's start with her design. Now, like most critics, I'm no fan of pony generator OCs--it's a good starting point, but it limits your options and your imagination...it's responsible for a lot of "novelty" OCs, too. An OC shouldn't start with appearance!

I do appreciate that she's an Earth Pony--there aren't enough of those. What bothers me is that blindness seems to be her theme. I don't think this is terribly realistic... But I'll add more to that later. Her colours are nice, but there's really NO reason to make her mane glow at night. The fewer novelties the better.

 

Next is her personality...which is severely under-developed. All I know about her personality is that she's nice but can get angry. This pretty much describes everyone. In my opinion, personality is the most important part of any OC--far more important then backstory. You should take the time to develop it more. If you're having trouble, just do this--For a moment, forget all her superpowers--put her in a regular everyday situation like one that would appear in the show, and figure out how she would act in it. A character should be more than just a collection of abilities.

 

Okay...backstory. I'm going to be straight with you and tell you that the reason Silverwisp (and most critics) don't like your OC is because she's TOO special. No, that's not a good thing. Because of all of these supernatural powers, she could never fit into the plot of the show unless she was the main character or this season's bad guy. She's ridiculously overpowered and the reason why doesn't really make sense. Sure, she has one minor disadvantage in that she can't see, but that is more than compensated for when you look at her other senses and weird radar ability. She's not really a pony at all at this point.

Silverwisp was right in saying that she's basically a superhero--but the problem is, mlp fim isnt about superheroes, so she doesnt fit into this world at all. :(

 

 

I'm sorry to say that Silverwisp was basically right. Essence is too much of a special snowflake. I understand that you want your OC to be special, but this is NOT the way to do it.

if you want to make your OC special, put specialness in her personality, not her appearance or her backstory! Look at the mane six for instance. Most of them only have ONE "novelty" thing about them. Fluttershy has her stare, Pinkie has Pinkie sense, Applejack is strong, Rainbow's fast, Rarity is a famous designer, and Twilight is Celestia's top magic student--but those aren't the reasons we like those characters so much. We like them because of who they are on the inside. We like them because they're relatable, funny, inspiring and because they're able to overcome obstacles together and admit their faults.

 

To make a good OC, they don't need to be superpowered, or blessed by princesses, or a natural prodigy or anything like that-- they just need to seem REAL. :) somepony we'd want to be friends with.

Having an ordinary life, backstory, or appearance aren't bad things! In fact, I recommend it. The more normal their upbringing is, the more we're able to focus on what really matters--who they are on the inside. Don't feel the need to impress your audience with smoke and mirrors. ;)

 

 

Does that help? If you still need help, I'd really love to. :)

Edited by AmberDust

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So basically what you are saying is, that she needs to be as normal as possible, and that anything more than above average in terms of power is frowned upon? I don't why people keep assuming that she is special to the Princesses, all they did was meet with her and explain why she is what she is, do I need to go into more detail that this is the case?

 

Personality is still a WIP too, I was focusing more on fixing that cutie mark first.

 

I don't know, it actually sounds like I may need to start over with a new one at this point if I am to get better ratings... :-(

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So basically what you are saying is, that she needs to be as normal as possible, and that anything more than above average in terms of power is frowned upon?

No, that's NOT what I'm saying. I'm not telling you to make her super boring or unspecial, but Essence here is WAY beyond "above average". She's SUPERPOWERED. Think about her senses--that is way more power than even the princesses. (And Please don't be aggressive or angry. This is meant as constructive criticism, I'm not trying to insult you.)

If you want her to fit into the actual lore of the show, (which is the whole point of fan-characters) she ought to be more real. What I AM trying to say is that the most important part of a character is their personality. It should come before everything else. She doesn't need to have Super Powers to be special. None of the other mlp characters do. They're special because of the decisions they make (aka their personalities). She should be capable of that, too.

 

I don't why people keep assuming that she is special to the Princesses, all they did was meet with her and explain why she is what she is

Yeah except she was also blessed/cursed by the princess, then Celestia took special interest in her and became her teacher AND introduced her to Luna. This IS a special relationship. Pretty much any relationship with royalty is special, but personal ones like this are even more so. Explaining it further won't change this fact. :/

Do you understand why this character doesn't fit into the grand equation of mlp? :( I'm trying my best to explain it...

 

Making an OC from scratch is probably a good idea to be honest... Simply because this character is little more than a novelty at the moment. She's not really a character so much as a video game protagonist, with a story to follow but not much else. Not much substance. It's a nice, cool story, but again, it doesn't fit into the show and the way things work in canon.

But if you're really attached to her, this character can be be fixed. You just need to flesh out her personality and tone down her backstory to something less supernatural. It's always good to observe canon characters and use that to scale everything in terms of whether or not it'd work in canon.

It you scroll up a little in this post, I wrote a long text block illustrating how I made my OC. Maybe it could help you redevelop yours?

 

My last comment it this: you shouldn't just be doing this for the sake of good ratings. Making a character isn't just to impress an audience. You should put your heart into it, make it into something you can be proud of, and something you can relate too. And have fun. :P Your character shouldn't have to be perfect or successful to be likeable and interesting.

Edited by AmberDust

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Hehe, we are not quite on the same page here. :-P

 

I am not getting angry at all about anything, I am simply trying to understand your reasoning is all. lol

 

 

 

Yeah except she was also blessed/cursed by the princess, then Celestia took special interest in her and became her teacher AND introduced her to Luna. This IS a special relationship. Pretty much any relationship with royalty is special, but personal ones like this are even more so. Explaining it further won't change this fact. :/ Do you understand why this character doesn't fit into the grand equation of mlp? I'm trying my best to explain it...

 

Actually you got that wrong.

 

Nightmare Moon had a hand in her premature birth, but the Unicorns that were with her parents also contributed to this birth defect, so it's 50/50 here. Celestia and Luna only wanted to talk with her about her form she takes at night, and why she is able to see the way she does, that's it. She didn't get any special training from those 2, her training came from the academy that they are not directly in charge of, and her unnatural abilities have nothing to do with the academy either. If this isn't clear enough in the back story, should I make it more clear? 

 

But yes, I will work on the personality description, I didn't think about that at the time because I was too busy with my novel and the cutie mark. lol

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Hehe, we are not quite on the same page here. :-P

 

I am not getting angry at all about anything, I am simply trying to understand your reasoning is all. lol

phew! Good to know! :)

Nightmare Moon had a hand in her premature birth, but the Unicorns that were with her parents also contributed to this birth defect, so it's 50/50 here. Celestia and Luna only wanted to talk with her about her form she takes at night, and why she is able to see the way she does, that's it. She didn't get any special training from those 2, her training came from the academy that they are not directly in charge of, and her unnatural abilities have nothing to do with the academy either. If this isn't clear enough in the back story, should I make it more clear?

Once again I state that any relationship with he princesses is a special one. No matter how well you explain, it wont change the fact that she was targeted by a spell (by the way, why? And what was that spell actually supposed to do?) From an Alicorn princess and later on Celestia took interest in her...and this "birth defect" is not a disadvantage at all--it's completely overcompensated for by all the other things she gains.

 

I know this criticism is hard to accept, but the fact of the matter is that Essence is a ridiculously lucky child of circumstance and she raises many red flags in the realm of OCs

1. Magically enhanced (even though she's an earth pony) through unexplained unicorn Mumbo jumbo

2. Immune to magic half the time

3.Ackowledged by both princesses

4. Cursed by a powerful being

5. Has a "handicap" that doesn't actually make her life more difficult

6. Lack of a personality

7. Pointless physical quirk (glowing mane)

 

Yes, these are bad things, especially together.

It's the combination of all these unlikely things that makes her a weak character. :( I mean, if she hadn't been cursed, who would she be?

It's honestly not enough to just ELABORATE on her backstory. It needs to be changed if you want critics to take her seriously. :/

Again, look at the mane six? Who's your favourite pony? And why?

Please read over all my advice once more. You know that I'm not the first pony to say harsh things about Essence, so consider for a moment that I might be right.

Edited by AmberDust

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