The Adventures of Feld0

[Akemi Homura 7,680]

Ary, I love you. In a totally platonic way.

 

There goes my plan for an Arylett x Feld OTP fanfic.

 

Also,

 

F-f-f-f-f-f-friendzoned!

[Flow 1,619]

Episode titles to The Adventures Of Feld0 (ACCORDING TO NARUTARDEDSCUM)

 

Episode 1: The introduction

Episode 2: To Cloudsdale! The Banhammers of Feld0!

Episode 3: Distraction! It's dinner time Feld0!

Episode 4: TBA

[Zalgo 593]

Oh god, why didn't I see chapter 2 yet.

 

This one was even more hilarious.

 

Especially all the Klopp puns xD

 

And dat ending XD

[MVC NVMXD JVRXD 2,406]

Are we allowed to make fanfics, based of a fanfic? hmm....

[Pinkazoid 3,493]

I needs nexxttt chhhhaaapppptttterrrr.....

[Page Turner 607]

(speaking as a new member) What have I gotten myself into?

[Pinkazoid 3,493]

(speaking as a new member) What have I gotten myself into?

 

This is the story of Feld0, the forum master, and in this fanfiction the forums are an actual place, if you ask me, this is my Utopia, and the world is perfect, but then there's the spammers, so Feld0 and the Admins are gonna banish them or something, while I stay tuned for every chapter in the fanfiction

[Dave247 568]

I like this story, it gives me a good warped some sort of idea about who the staff are and how they deal with trolls. Always a important thing to know

[Arylett Charnoa 4,919]

Chapter 3: The Nicoadventures of Feld0

Feld0 was really damn bored.

He had gone many weeks without adventures, because Arylett Dawnsborough, that ridiculously femaled moderator had been too lazy to continue writing a Kloppfic to power the Helikloppter. Plus, without the Helikloppter, not even his alicorn powers could shield him from the might of his mother. She had the ability to take away his computer, which was the source of his Feldian abilities!

Therefore, he had to do something to get her to continue the Kloppfic. The alicorn had called her into his ominous and never well-lit office which he used to keep his faceless presence to intimidate everyone. She yawned blearily as though she had just woken up, and simply went to a lamp across the room and turned it on.

"No, you feminine fo-" Feld0 was about to admonish the ridiculous mare for her female concept of "appropriate lighting," when he realized that he had to try to get in her good graces to get her to write more Kloppfic. She was the only one who could continue his adventures as none of the other modponies, not even, mystifyingly enough, the super mods OR Klopp himself (as he was too busy grinning and bribing Feld0 to "put more smiles" on the forums to do so), had her special power in weaving a Kloppfic kloppy that it could power the Helikloppter for days on end.

"I mean... please. Go ahead and... feel free to do anything you'd like." He cringed as his appearance was finally revealed: a large and tall blue alicorn with a cutie mark resembling a computer and some stars, for the moment outfitted with royal paraphernalia such as a crown to represent his glorious emperoritude.

The mare gasped in awe at his appearance for a moment, basking in its wonderful Feldish awesomeness. This was the first time she had laid eyes upon him, and he had to admit he was enjoying the attention. He puffed out his chest with pride, until she spoke, that is.

"Oh my GOSH, is that a special limited edition Nicoscone on your desk, vectored only VERY RARELY by Nico with Yoshi on it?!" She exclaimed as gazed at one of Feld0's prized possessions in amazement as his chest deflated. Why did nobody appreciate Feldian beauty when they were staring right at it?!

"Erm... yes."

"Can... can I have it? You did say I could feel free to do anything I'd like."

Feld0's Feldian eye began to twitch, but he could hear ominous hoofsteps in the distance which sobered him up. His mother was probably lurking about. He had to hurry and convince her to write the next chapter of the Kloppfic.

"Uh.. ye-ye-ye-yes. Yes, you can keep it."

"Oh my Feld0, this is fantastic!" She did a happy ridiculous dance which involved flailing her backhooves around and then falling face-forward on Feld0's Holy Feldian Desk, knocking several priceless jewels to the ground. Including the Duke of Swoop's prized kangaroo-made Australian statue of a Yoshi, which shattered upon impact. Feld0's eye continued to twitch as he suppressed a snarl.

"Whoopsy! Sorry... did I break anything important?"

"Oh n-n-no! Of course... n-n... nnnnn..." The clopping (sadly not Klopping) of hooves in the distance grew louder. His Feldian mom senses were tingling. It was time to get to the point.

As soon as she got off of his desk and knocked over a perfect glass replica of Feld0 himself crafted by the delicate bald head of Zoop, which made Feld0 twitch even more profusely, he addressed this horrid mare.

"So... Ar-ar-arylett... there's something I'd like to ask of you."

She tipped her head curiously which caused her magic to erupt a small spark and make yet another priceless and rare item explode. He tried his more valiantly to ignore it.

"You remember that Kloppfic you were writing that made Klopp's Helikloppter go to fight the trollponies?"

"Oh yes, that... I've been trying to write it. But I've been too damn lazy and I don't wanna anymore because I don't feel like it. Maybe later."

He began to quiver furiously in anger, feeling a massive urge to use his Feldian Smite on her sorry flank. But no, he had to restrain himself. That blasted mother of him was drawing near to tell him it was his bed time, and he was up beyond hours that any sensible ponies would be. He needed that felddamned Helikloppter!

"Well, it's just it's highly necessary... all of the members are getting antsy of being deprived of their Klopp, and I need the Helikloppter's Klopp Kloak to protect me from the clutches of my mother..."

"Yes, yes, I know! But I don't wanna because I was going to go to a party with my boyfriend and Nico and everyponymod else!"

"A... party?"

"Yeah, you weren't invited because... well, I didn't want you to come and scare everyone with your power. Also, I didn't feel like it. I had sent out like a million invitations and one more would be too much effort, man," she said in a rather cheerful tone as she took out a rather huge chomp out of his vectored Yoshi scone, adding more insult to injury. That was the LAST STRAW. She could break a million priceless items, but NOPONY took a careless bite out of Yoshi's sacred and disproportionate dinosauric head like that.

"You lazy, self-centered... MARE! How DARE you have the GALL to disrespect the holy order of Yoshi which promotes all things FELDIAN?! PREPARE TO FEEL MY FELDIAN PUNISHMENT POWER!"

As he was about to deliver a sound ass-kicking to this lady, he was suddenly pulled away by a powerful magical force and the sound of an older mare yelling in a foreign language loudly in rage. His mother had struck again!

He struggled as much as he could, but he soon disappeared in thin-air. Clearly, he was no match.

___

Arylett just stood there gazing at the Feld0-shaped hole for a moment, before she shrugged like a shrugpony and trotted away as if nothing had happened into the elevator until she reached the room of the mod cubicles. That is, until a certain bald-headed pony stopped her clean in her tracks.

"Now, wait a second, my dear Arylett. I just heard everything that happened... surely with what just happened to our great overlord, you'll write a chapter of the Kloppfic to at least power it for a few days?"

"Eh. Nah. My boyfriend and I have partying to do. It's all Nico's fault that the Kloppfic hasn't been written. Remember that everything is his fault, Zoop? I had nothing to do with it!"

"That may be, but-"

"But nothing! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be late!" With that, the only female trotted off into the distance and disappeared from sight.

The debonair Zoop was left with quite the predicament, and called a meeting in the absence of Feld0 to determine how they could keep the forums running without their mighty overlord's alicornic magics. Most of the mods were asleep and snoring rather loudly as their drool permeated throughout the table.

"Now, those of you who are STILL AWAKE," yelled Zoop loudly over Nico's snores as he came to in surprise and blushed embarrassedly. "We have a problem. Arylett refuses to write more of the Kloppfic and we must find a way to motivate her or Feld0's mother will possibly imprison him forever."

"Why, my auricious and most drempulated sir, that is to say the miniature equine sentient being riven by the nastellician equation of the universe, can you not rather simply resolve the malcience by applying thine equinic appendage to portions of phaellus nostrosae visa vi in accordance to creating a motion that would therefore be most suitable to a facial expression onto the satiated grinalance of thineself which lends itself to an aural concoction?"

Zoop's translation: "Can't you just Klopp to give the Helikloppter enough power?"

"I can't... because Klopping doesn't make me smile enough! And if I don't smile, my Klopp will die and the Helikloppter will explode." Klopp almost frowned, but his muscles unconsciously stopped themselves in time as he returned to his usual manic grin.

"Most indubitably, that is to say that what this is in the state of existing-"

"Thank you, Swoop. That really sucks, Klopp," said Zoop simply and succinctly.

"Well, what the hell else are we going to do?"

"Oh, shut up, Nico. This is all your fault," chimed in Apple Bloom in one of his rare moments of being awake, before going back to inactivity to have merchandisegasms in his sleep. They all ignored the sounds he made.

Nico growled indignantly.

"Actually, no. Don't shut up, Nico. Since this IS your fault, I'm going to leave you in charge with solving this whole thing. Especially since you're late to our party with Arylett."

"Wait, that was now? Oh dammit... I totally forgot! Aren't you guys late too by holding this meeting?"

"We'll just blame it all on you. I'm sure Arylett will understand. Anyways, we've got to get going, Nico. Good luck resolving the situation! You're NOT allowed to go to the party until you figure out something GOOD~" Singing that last word on purpose, Zoop's horrendous and ear-killingness which was what happened when a voice so suave and debonair as his attempted to display musical talent roused all of the mod ponies, who left the room to go to the party and left Nico all on his own.

Nico, after shaking the tears from Zoop's awful singing out of his eyes, groaned in his exasperation as he set off on a Nicoquest to Nicosolvetheproblem. He swore if they blamed him ONE MORE TIME after he had managed to save the entire day, he would quit being a modpony. Who cared about being all (semi)-powerful when one was blamed for so Nicomuch?!

So he set off for possibly his final modquest to the forums, leaving the invisible Star Swirl Tower to enter the sprawling metropolis of buildings and cottages. The stars and crickets of the night glimmered (yes, because crickets glow at MLP Forums) as he heard the usual whispers that defined Luna's misunderstood and rarely appreciated invention.

As he Nicowalked along and felt the grating need to narrate all of the actions in his mind that he was doing by adding "Nico" to the beginning of them, he Nicospotted an unconscious trollpony that Feld0 had thrown out of Cloudsdale being poked with a stick by a purple pegasus pony who was reciting poetry about the beauty and eery movingness about this ugly being which had revealed itself to be a Changeling in being defeated.

"Who the Nicohell are you?" Nicosaid Nico bluntly. "I'd get away from that if I were you."

"But, but, but! This creature was clearly brought from the heavens to inspire the most AWE-INSPIRING poetry! The way his mouth foams... the way his insectoid wing twitches... the cartoonish x-symbols in its eyes. Ugly by beauty, beauty wrought from this creature. A tragic demise! At the hooves of a God, shining armor, beautiful cadences of the night!"

"Um... yeah. So... your username?"

"I am Inkfeather. Also known as Lamii."

"Right-o. So do you know a place where I can get some advice, preferably from some world-wise and ambiguously ethnic barkeeper or beverage server who actually cares about your problems in a stereotypical trope that probably fits this world? There's something I need to resolve."

"Ah, you'd be looking for Java Jive's Hip Funky Fresh Boogy Coffee Shindig! Alas, the place is right behind you! How poetic, how ironic!" He put a hoof over his face dramatically as Nico turned around to see a huge flashing sign in funkadellic neon letters that looked more like they were more in place in an era of hippies and afros than the now. Huh. How did he miss that?

"Um yeah... right. I have to go now."

"And so leaves the demi-god, having graced us with his presence! Off to the land of neon and lights, advice is due, take it and leave me to rust and die." He left the insane rambling stallion, making a most perturbed Nicoexpression. This is way he preferred to stay behind the scenes and make the huge Nicobanners that spanned the skies... the forums had quite some characters in them.

And he'd find out it only got worse with the extremely conveniently placed and not all contrived coffee shop he had just entered.

Loud jazz and somehow also disco music blared out of the door the moment Nico opened it, with flashing neon lights as he heard what sounded like a female voice shrilly sing and deafen him more than Zoop. His entire body was forced into a direction by unseen hooves and he was suddenly tossed onto a stool. The boring earth stallion wiped his eyes with his hooves. Those flashing lights slowly dissipated and he heard the shrill voice sing:

"OOOH, LET'S GROOOVE~ Let's DAAANCEEE! TELL ME YOUR GROOOVY COFFEE ORRRRDERRR~"

"Erm... I want a Nicolatte..."

"WHAT'S THAT?! YOU LAYING A GASSER ON ME? GIVING ME THE HAIRY EYE BALL? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! DANCE AND GIVE ME YOUR ORDER!"

"Wh-what? No. I can't dance."

"AWWW COME ON! DON'T BE A SQUARE, FOLLOW THE GROOVE IN YOUR HEAAARRRTTT FOR YOUR CUP OF JOE!"

The lights in Nico's eyes finally fully dissipated a bit as he began to get used to this insanely flashy place, and found himself surrounded by ridiculously and brightly dressed mares with mane afros brushing against the ceiling's massive disco balls. Directly in front of him was what he presumed to be the proprietor of this location; a chocolate brown unicorn stallion with an ivory blackly stripped mane. He let out a shrill warble in his song as he leaned over the counter.

"Wassup, you far oooutt~? My name is JavaJIIIIVEEEE and I'm the far-out jive pony who's gonna make you your coffee. My coffee STICKS IT TO THE MAN! Are YOU the man?" As he spoke, he pulled down his sunglasses slightly with a hoof to survey Nico with strikingly mustard eyes.

"I... erm..."

"Yes, yes, you you, he's the maaaan~!"

The dancers around Nico joined in the singing as a chorus, and warbling almost as loudly as JavaJive. Nico noted that in spite of their best efforts, not even these mares could match the high pitch of this "jive pony."

"Listen, I just want a Nicolatte and to tal-"

"I can't hear you, maaan! Sing it, and prove the man is hip to my jive, you know what I'm saying?"

"Sing it! Join the jive!" sang out the chorus around him unison.

"Look, I don't want to sing! I just want coffee and advi-

"Just give her some chocolate coffee and she'll come to her senses and be motivated~ She'll hip to the jive, she'll do it, and get down to boogey~!" He sang out shrilly as he gave Nico a cup made of chocolate holding some strongly smelling coffee in it as the backup singers joined him.

"Wait, how did you know?"

"The power of ethnically ambiguous wise barkeepers, keep on grooving, keep on going! We can hep, awweee sooky sooky! BAAD!" He trotted from behind the counter as he got on two legs and did a disturbing pelvic thrust, which very unNicotically tossed Nico with immense force out of the store and caused him to go flying away for several miles. The earth stallion crashed through a roof and landed quite painfully. Somehow, none of the chocolate coffee spilled a drop. Everypony at the party stared at him as the music stopped, with Arylett being the only one not noticing and still dancing almost as disturbingly as JavaJive had.

Nico stepped forth to confront her when a tall blue stallion with a silly blonde mustache snickered evilly and stuck out his lanky and underfed hooves, causing Nico to trip and pour scalding out chococoffee all over Arylett. She yelped and rounded on him as she delivered a swift punch to Nico's face.

"What in great Feld0's not-Feldbeard was that for!" She exclaimed as all the other modponies watched in silence, with the blue stallion grinning oddly.

"OWW! I'm SORRY, I'm SORRY! I didn't mean to! I just tripped! I just wanted to bring you some... some chococoffee so that you could get the motivation to write the Kloppfic!"

Everything was quiet for a moment, before Zoop tentatively confronted Nico.

"Uh... Nico. As it turns out, Arylett has been writing the Kloppfic this entire time and we didn't realize it."

"Wh... what?" Stammered Nico in shock as he rubbed his hooves on his pained face. For such an absurdly tiny and extremely adorable-looking mare, she sure packed a wallop.

"Oh yeah. I was too lazy to tell the others, so I just lied. I've been writing it ever since Feld0 realized he was bored because of all the weeks I've gone without writing it. JavaJive gave me some chococoffee ages ago to bribe me into writing the next chapter."

As soon as she said this, the Helikloppter came klopping into view overhead and hovered above them as a massive green shield surrounded it. Feld0 stuck his head out the window and waved with a hoof, not having half a clue about what was happening before he, deciding to be a feldass (as in badass, but with 20% more Feld) backflipped out of the still-flying kloppter and landed safely next to Nico.

"Ah, Nico! Good to see you join the party. Arylett has cleared up the misunderstanding with me. She says that her not writing the Kloppfic for so long and not telling me and allowing my mother to pull me away was all your fault!"

All of the other modponies nodded in unison as they began to chant: "Blame Nico, blame Nico!"

"All right, all right. That's ENOUGH!" Proclaimed Feld0 in his extremely regally godly and a plethora of other awesome adjectives Feldian voice which boomed across the area. "We're willing to forgive you for this transgression, though we really think you should stop doing these things." He grinned Feldishly and extended out his hoof as he curiously observed Nico twitching in the same way. He was probably so Nicohappy and speechless to be forgiven that he couldn't speak.

"I... I... what?! This doesn't make ANY sense! None of this! In fact, Arylett, this Kloppfic you've writing right now has just gone in an insane direction. Seriously, disco coffee shop and everyone blaming me for something that is clearly YOUR fault? And all of us somehow going to a party whilst I'm left alone to inconceivably hold up the entire story which Feld0 is supposed to be a main character of even though I'm not a really important mod and only have a big role in this because I'm your friend? What kind of lazy, half-flanked writing IS this?! And don't get me started on JavaJive's scene. That was just... what? Just... Nicowhat. That... that's it. I Nicoquit being a modpony. Call me when the story's gotten less insane."

With that, Nico walked out of the scene and there was silence for several moments as Feld0 stared after him nonplussed. Even in all of his Feldian and godly knowledge, he had no idea what Nico was talking about. Probably because he hadn't ventured past the now extremely broken fourth wall.

"Huh, what's his problem?"

Edited May 15, 2012 by Arylett Dawnsborough

[Dave247 568]

So that's why Nico left...

[Java Jive 440]

While my OC is totally different in RP land, i swear;

 

 

Java Jive's Hip Funky Fresh Boogy Coffee Shindig

 

The moment i laid my eyes on that i had tears of laughter. Some insane mix of ultra James Brown slash jazzed, groovy coffee barkeeper...

 

 

 

Anyways. That was a good laugh Ary.

Edited May 14, 2012 by JavaJive

[NeverNeverland 1,940]

...and then Nico got his own spin off series.

 

Great chapter Arley, I'm curious to see how this continues on.

[Pinkazoid 3,493]

.......Pinkazoid has a kloppfic stack.......

[That One Techpriest You Used To Know 2,286]

... this is strange.

Is this thing even somewhat correct?

[Viscra Maelstrom 3,718]

if i donate 100$, do i get my own spin-off series in this fan-fic?

totally not hinting about something i said ages ago nooooo way josé

[Nightfall 3,950]

Well done, Arylett. Well done.

 

 

I don't like the cursing, though... but what am I to do about it, with his Feldness being so feldawesome?

 

 

[Radiance64 7,051]

Only on MLP Forums could there ever be a hilarious fanfic about its hilarious mods and hilarious(yet very serious) Feldian overlord, by one of those hilarious mods! Props, Arylett.

[Feather Spiral 1,892]

Beautiful, I could only read a few lines from the beginning, but I'll read the rest whenever I find the time.

can i have a cameo in the fic as the super-silly bouncing-all-over-the-place flamboyant gay-mare-for-stallions who seduces everypony with her/his aura of pretty princess-ism? please?

Oooh, make me the hardly-present-and-brainless-but-always-noticeable-and-caring faggot stallion who gets overprotective of Viscra whenever I'm around!

Also Vissy, if you're "all over the place", how can it be a cameo? O.O

Edited May 24, 2012 by Feather Spiral

[Scootalove 10,684]

A very interesting fan fiction about the MLP Forums staff, I wouldn't call it a conspiracy but I call it to be very awesome indeed.

[Edgeworth1001 648]

Just finished reading Chapter 1 and I'm liking the story so far. However, I did came across an error.

 

A boring-looking earth pony let out a particularly loud snore as Zoop threw a can of coffee at his head. He suddenly Nicojumped awake and started at them all, rubbing his head with his hoof.

I don't want to sound rude or nit-picky, but do you mind fixing this part of the story?