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Goal and Mentors Thread


Kyralina

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(edited)

Thread finished.  It is broken down into these categories in bold writing and underlined.

 

Intro

Guideline for Mentors

Guideline for Mentees (people sharing their goals)

Application for Mentees/sharing your goals

Application to be a Mentor

 

Hey everypony.  Have you ever made a goal, but have never stuck to it, because there was nobody around to keep pestering you on how you're doing.  You only relied on yourself and it was easy to say "I can't be bothered to yourself?"  But when you're being held publically accountable it can make it easier to achieve goals.

 

I want to make a thread that requires help from the whole Brony/Pegasister community, where you can fill out an application form for any goals you can achieve.

 

Anyone who wants to be a mentor for someone will also fill out a form.  I'd prefer it if you became a mentor for the first person who posted that doesn't have a mentor yet. But if some other person has a goal in an area you specialize in, say "They're studying for a physics exam, and you have a degree in physics" then you can choose to have them as a mentee instead.  So whilst I'd prefer you to just take first in first serve, I think it's also important for you to mentor someone who you have the full capacity of skills to be able to help.

 

A mentors job is simple.  To check up with their mentee once a week or once a month in PM, and ask their mentee to give them a written report on their goal.

 

Before I give you the applications format.  Underneath is the guidelines for Mentors to follow. There is also a guideline for Mentees to follow.  This is just to ensure that everyone gets the most out of this.

 

Guideline for Mentors

 

# 1 You're responsibility is to ask your mentee once a week or once a month, depending on what both of you agreed too for a written report.  To make sure the written report isn't made up.  It's best to establish some parameters.

 

The parameters you arrange depends on the mentee and their goal.   So lets look at some examples.  The mentee has an exam coming up in 30 days and he has 30 concepts to learn.  He could learn one concept a day, and after a week give you a report on 7 concepts.

 

Ask them what they had trouble with, what they found easy.  Help them if you can.  And if you can't tell them to check out this homework thread for homework help.  The thread was created by

Bronyette

https://mlpforums.com/topic/72627-homework-help/page-16?hl=homework+help#entry3769787

 

If the goal is longer, say a weight loss goal that spans over a year. They might only want to report to you once a month.  Now regarding weight loss, it is very normal and common to only lose 10% of your body weight in 6 months.  When you follow the tried and true method of exercise and moderate healthy eating.  Keep a track of your calories etc, then don't be surprised if a whole year goes by and you have only gone from 100 kg to 81 kg this is realistic.  Also you are allowed to eat junk food in moderation.

 

Regarding weight loss goals, go see a doctor and dietician, so that you have a plan you can follow before you apply to have a mentor. As a mentor check with them regularly. Like say once a month.  Because losing weight realistically and healthily is a slow process. It might be better to ask them to give you the foods they ate over the week, their calorie report, praise them over the smallest amount of weight loss even if it's only 1 kilogram after a whole month, and maybe ask them to give you a report on anything else that means something.  Say "lower blood pressure" "lower blood cholestorol" or even "a lower resting heart rate" which means they are getting fitter.  So in other words don't put all the focus on their weight loss, but in the whole scenario that leads to their health and wellbeing. And praise them for that.  So if they can run a kilometre longer than they used to but haven't lost much weight, jump up and down in the air for them and tell them they're on the right track.

 

Regarding exercising for health and fun.  Again check with your doctor if you don't feel confident and eat healthy.  As a mentor you should ask them questions like "How much can you lift now?" say if they're weight training and then when they check back in with you "Ask them how much they can lift now?" And ask them for their reps.  If they are doing cardio training ask them for how their resting heart rate has improved over time, or whether they can run longer than before.

 

These are just a few examples and the questions you ask depend on your mentee and their goal.

 

#2 Be honest but kind.  Be fair but strict.

 

This means that if your mentee fails to report what they said they would report.  So if they said they'd get back to to you with x number of reps or x number of blah blah or even a food diary or something like that or whatever but they don't..then ask them what the situation was:

 

If the situation was stress, sadness, feeling depressed and unmotivated and lack of self confidence in themselves to to achieve their goal.  Then give them encouragement.  Give them advice, ask them if they would like to restart their goal from where they left off. And maybe send them regular encouragement beyond the reports.

 

If it's a case of "I just couldn't be bothered" then you need to give them tough love.  You don't want to be too fairy fluffy, because you don't want them to feel like they don't need to push themselves.  So just be politely honest. You could say "As your mentor I expect you to try your best in achieving your goals.  You might not care, but I care about your success.  And you made a public commitment to me, and so I would be grateful if you could keep it."  Like in a "Screw it not even my priority moment" you want to be straight up no beating around the bush with them. Because that's what they need.  If you act too fairy fluffy they won't be motivated because they know you'll just come back with "A

 

If they're pushing themselves to far and their goal is unrealistic, give them advice for how they can tweak their goal.  And even if you think their goal is too easy and that they can do better than that, then tell them straight up

 

So it all depends on the mentor and mentee and the persons individual goals.

 

And most importantly respect your mentee. Only be straight up and strict if you really have to be.  Some excuses are genuine, and some are not and as a mentor you need to be wise in what you decide is or is not a genuine excuse.  If your mentee disagrees then speak over it politely.

 

Just be supportive, honest, fair, but strict when you need to be.

 

Guidelines for mentees

 

Make sure you have specific goals you want to achieve.

Make sure you have date deadlines- but leave a healthy amount of room for social life, fun stuff, and family emergencies etc

Make sure you have a plan of mini goals that you must complete each day leading up to your goal.

Make sure you respect your mentor.  Your mentors job isn't to sugar talk you.  So if you fail to complete job due to a "I can't be bothered attitude" then expect to be told very honestly by your mentor that they expect better from you.

If you disagree with your mentor, discuss this and come to a solution in a civil manner, or agree to disagree.

 

Applications for goal achievement

 

What is your goal?

 

Please be very specific.  Tell us what you want to achieve. Tell us what the deadline is. 

 

Your goal plan?

 

What mini steps are you going to take each day to achieve your goal? This is also so your mentor knows what questions to ask you whenever they check in PM with you.

 

Make sure your goal is S.M.A.R.T 

 

Specific:  What are the exact things you will do each day to lead up to your major goal.

Measurable:  Did you complete your mini goals for that day

Achieveable:  Make sure you are not selling yourself short or going in way over your head

Realistic: Don't make a goal that your going to be able to run a marathon in a week when you've been a couch potato for 20 years

Time frame:  I.e by setting mini goals

 

Why is this goal important to you?

 

People who know the why behind something are more likely to achieve it.

 

How often would you like your mentor to check in with you?

 

Once a week? Or Once a month?

 

Will you keep in contact with your mentor?

 

To let your mentor know if you had to change a part of your goal plan because it was unrealistic.

Or to let your mentor know if you're struggling or whatever.

 

The goal promise

 

I think it's important that you type up the promise below instead of copy pasting it.  Because when you feel like you've made a promise to somebody you are more likely to stick with something.

 

I (fill in your Brony/Pegasister username here) promise anyone who wishes to mentor me that I will stick to my mini goals and my mega goal as best as I can and report to you once a week or once a month.  I promise that I will strive to do the best I am able and minimize excuses.  I also promise that I will strive to meet my deadlines and if I am unable to do so then I will see if the goal needs to be adjusted, or if my motivation and attitude needs to be adjusted.

 

Application for mentors

 

Do you promise to be honest but strict.  Fair but kind, and supportive?

 

Like if they're depressed be supportive

If they don't believe in themselves be supportive

If it's hospital visit or something be understanding

 

But if you think it's just a bad attitude, then don't hesitate to be polite but honest.

 

Do you promise to give help and advice.  Praise and discipline.

 

Do you promise to ask your mentee for a report once a week or once a month, and if you don't want to/are unable to do this anymore do your promise to let your mentee know?

 

How many mentees do you think you can handle?

 

1? 2? 3? You can have up to 5 mentees max

 

Will you PM someone to let them know you would like to be their mentor?

 

The promise

 

Remember writing the promise is better than copy pasting it.  As most of us are designed to keep promises as best as we can.

 

I (insert brony/pegasister username here) promise to check in with my mentee(s) once  a week/once a month depending on what they asked for.  I promise to be supportive, encouraging, honest, strict, fair, and kind.  I promise to let my mentee(s) know if I can no longer mentor them.

 

For everyone:

 

If your mentor can no longer mentor you.  Then just ask for a new mentor and give a link to the page your application post is on.  So your new mentor knows your goals and how to help you.

 

I hope this helps everypony.

 

 

 

 

 

.

Edited by Kyralina
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I think, while this advice is helpful, you are making it into a very structured persuit. Mentoring doesn't have to be making date deadlines or only having 5 mentees. Mentoring can be a nice encouragement or loving rebuke.

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(edited)

@@Kyralina, I actually rather like this idea. I've heard there's a decent bit of merit to like, making a pact with someone and making yourself accountable to someone else as well as yourself, that way it's harder to justify letting yourself slip.  :wat: I think it works off of similar logic as the bit about when you work out, it's generally best to do so with a partner, that way you're less likely to skip or slack.

 

I dunno, I'm honestly all for this on the grounds of setting goals and trying to reach them. I think we don't really challenge ourselves enough to stick to our plans in general. There's so much more we could do in my mind, if we learned to be legitimately good at making and following plans.  :huh:

 

Heck, even if it was simply a 1 on 1 rather than mentor and mentee bit, like the workout example (or even something like: I draw you write, lets hold each other accountable kinda deal), could potentially be pretty cool.

 

I dunno, I'm on summer break for a good while. I'd be happy to join in as either a mentor or mentee if this thread gets some takers.  :muffins:

Edited by SFyr
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(edited)

Hello, Kyralina. I have thought of going on forums and addressing people with this very subject matter. I have created threads like this on Internet forums before. Sometimes I have called it "Encouragement and Accountability Buddies Thread!"

 

...I'm surprised I did not notice this topic. It is only about one day older than this one that I made yesterday: https://mlpforums.com/topic/129165-what-are-some-general-dailyweekly-things-youd-like-to-be-doing-with-your-life/

 

But my thread hadn't touched upon arranging for any system of accountability buddies. I didn't get around to making a part about that.

 

Well, anyone can feel free to PM me and ask me to be their accountability buddy!

(EDIT: about an hour later, here's my contact info, contact me here on MLPForums or at these contacts!

Skype live:d.iverson1990ad my username will probably be something like Daniel Eric Iverson/GuillermoGage

diverson1990@yahoo.com

Kik danielericiverson)

 

I am also willing to be more of a daily accountability person!

 

I am not an everyday poster of this forum website or any forum website.

 

To me, that is sort of the point of doing more enriching things, such as book-reading. Lots of us "read", in the form of spending hours reading people's comments and bored message board posts with casual daily chat, and often that uses up time, and then the day ends and we didn't do something... more with our lives and brains.

 

I definitely depend on forums and chatty-type Internet online things for pretty much all of my socialization at this current era in my life... I don't really know anyone IRL. But at the same time, if someone has access to the Internet and YouTube as endless as their access to water from a faucet... it usually also means that they have access to books, some level of mental enrichment, and the enriching learning aspects of the Internet.

 

So, if anyone needs encouragement to do something with their lives other than watching YouTube Poop and reading and making joke threads, and getting distracted by FunnyJunk thumbnails when like half of them are unfunny or uninteresting, then you can PM me and I'll make it a daily activity for me to try to get online and end you an encouragement PM every day if need be.

 

My goals include:

 

Be personally prepared to take CompTIA A+ and Network+ exam after the end of September  (June, July, August, September). But that is vague to describe right now.

 

I'd like to read actual books everyday. I hate having an actual novel in my possession to read, that I've been renewing from the local library for several months (Tunnels by Roderick Gordon and Brian Williams) and then not reading it.

 

Yesterday I cracked it open and read the first nine pages in 13 minutes then took a nap (I stayed up too late the night before, watching, on my mobile device, JeremyJahns movie reviews for movies I've mostly already seen... largely because I was lonely and the movie reviewer has a very candid, casual way of talking that sounds cool and relatable) 

 

I'd like someone to hold me accountable when I do time-wasting crap online instead , instead of book-reading, Bible-reading, economics book reading (I have a library book called Basic Economics, that gives rather impressive insight about how economies work, and sheds light on the economies of many nations, and why some things are cheap and other things are scarce.)

 

I'd like to read at least five Bible chapters a day. Honestly that is not so hard. Even just a cursory reading of the entire Old and New Testaments in the, uh  "Protestant" canon (altho I'd like to be more open-minded and read all the Catholic canon and study it and question it) can be done in one year. The Bible is not that large. The whole thing can be tackled in less than a year, really. It is inexcusable to be ignorant of it and the other world texts when I have free time.

Edited by GuillermoGage
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Thank you for posting :) I'm sure someone will help you with your goals. And would you like to be a mentor as well or maybe we could collab threads?

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GuillermoGage's idea of accountability buddies appeals to me as it seems like a nice way reach goals and maybe it could create some friendly competition. Personally, my goal would be to learn to compose music, or contribute some other way creatively to the brony fandom, whilst also staying on top of my studies.

I also think the mentor / mentee scheme could be interesting dynamic and I'm open to being a mentor (although maybe I'll wait until my exams are over first for that) or being mentored for something.

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Well. I'd like to use this thread right now to confess that I've allowed the Internet, and largely these forums, to distract me and squander my potential this night.

 

It is 141am right now, and I have had the night entirely to myself since 839pm.

 

I could've used that time for some meaningful stuff, but I got caught in commenting on here about stuff.

 

starting tomorrow, I will try to read actual books.

 

I have Basic Economics: A Common Sense Guide to the Economy, Fourth Edition, by Thomas Sowell

I also have Tunnels by Roderick Gordon and Brian Williams. I read the first nine pages on Friday afternoon after reading it for a few minutes.

 

I also want to get serious about Bible reading, and stop being so complacent about it. I am on 2nd Corinthians. I probably began  with the New Testament months ago.

 

 

It would be fantastic if I could arrange some buddy (I wouldn't mind several) to bug me everyday about this.

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I think I will post my ambitious but specific plan for today. I am going to spend 3 hours doing maths papers, 2 hours making physics notes, and an hour to reacquaint myself with playing music (half an hour for each violin and piano). I am also going to go for a roughly half hour jog as I currently excercise a lot less than I should. That leaves about 4 hours for all the other stuff eating/internetting/reading etc.

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I'd like to read at least five Bible chapters a day. Honestly that is not so hard. Even just a cursory reading of the entire Old and New Testaments in the, uh  "Protestant" canon (altho I'd like to be more open-minded and read all the Catholic canon and study it and question it) can be done in one year. The Bible is not that large. The whole thing can be tackled in less than a year, really. It is inexcusable to be ignorant of it and the other world texts when I have free time.
 

 

I don't know if I can help you with this since I am not much of a reader myself, but for over 15 years me and my parents have read the bible everyday maybe just one chapter or more a day and we read it together and not in our minds, we read it out loud.

 

I haven't participated the readings for about 5 years now but they read it still and I can hear it. We had read the whole book about 3 or 4 times at that point when I didn't participate anymore. 

 

I don't know if I can be mentor but I can give you some tips on what I noticed that kept my family reading.

 

1.  Don't read too much in one day because if you read half the book in one day and then take a long break I don't think its helpful

2.  Try read about the same amount everyday

3.  Don't read the book because you want the reach the end of the book, read it because of its content, think about the content imagine it close your eyes and travel in the worlds

4. It would be a help if you could discuss about the things with some people.

 

I hope this helped

 


 

Also my goal is to learn Japanese =)

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I think I will post my ambitious but specific plan for today. I am going to spend 3 hours doing maths papers, 2 hours making physics notes, and an hour to reacquaint myself with playing music (half an hour for each violin and piano). I am also going to go for a roughly half hour jog as I currently excercise a lot less than I should. That leaves about 4 hours for all the other stuff eating/internetting/reading etc.

Despite spending a fair amount of time talking to the friendly people I've just met here on mlpforums, somehow I've actually managed to accomplish what I set out to do today! I did have borrow some time off the end of the day I would normally spend reading/listening to audiobooks, though I don't think I would have done as much had I not posted something here first.

I'll try doing this more often to see if it works long term or if it was just the novelty that made it work for me this time.

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@@ooBrony, ohhh, Japanese! I tried learning that once upon a time, but only got so far as Hiragana/Katakana/some Kanji. Good luck!  :lol: It's tricky, but I know you can do it!

 

Sorry, just found the Japanese bit interesting, haha.

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(edited)

Well. I'd like to use this thread right now to confess that I've allowed the Internet, and largely these forums, to distract me and squander my potential this night.

 

It is 141am right now, and I have had the night entirely to myself since 839pm.

 

I could've used that time for some meaningful stuff, but I got caught in commenting on here about stuff.

 

starting tomorrow, I will try to read actual books.

 

I have Basic Economics: A Common Sense Guide to the Economy, Fourth Edition, by Thomas Sowell

I also have Tunnels by Roderick Gordon and Brian Williams. I read the first nine pages on Friday afternoon after reading it for a few minutes.

 

I also want to get serious about Bible reading, and stop being so complacent about it. I am on 2nd Corinthians. I probably began  with the New Testament months ago.

 

 

It would be fantastic if I could arrange some buddy (I wouldn't mind several) to bug me everyday about this.

 

Try writing up an I promise statement on this thread.  Most people take their promises seriously.  Even if you don't have an active mentor even just the idea of promising all of us, that you are going to do what you said you will do might be motivational.

 

This applies to all goals.

 

I promise that I will complete my Ancient Greek Assignment and finish acquiring all the necessary knowledge for me to do well on my exams, which are in June.  I promise that I will acknowledge when I've failed to meet this criteria, and I ask my fellow Bronies/Pegasisters not to be too soft hearted; but rather to give me tough love.  I don't want to hear "aww it wasn't your fault" or "aww better luck next time" but I do want to hear "You made a promise to us  and a promise is meant to be kept.  We are here to support you, but we hope that as you keep striving for your goals that you become better and better at achieving those goals/keeping your promise to us.  Best of luck with any future evdeavours."

 

If fellow ponies are too soft.  Why then would I fear breaking my promise? It needs to be critical enough to be supportive and respectful but not too critical that it's offensive.  And yet not to soft that breaking a promise would become so easy to do.

 

And if any pony tells me they failed to meet their goals I will give them the same criticism I expect them they give me.  Respectful and honest criticism.

Edited by Kyralina
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(edited)

I think this table (taken from wikipedia) on SMART criteria may be of interest for anybody on this thread:Edit: copy pasting a table directly from wikipedia didn't work as well as I'd hoped, so here's a link:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_criteria#Other_definitions

 

I promise that I will complete my Ancient Greek Assignment and finish acquiring all the necessary knowledge for me to do well on my exams, which are in June. I promise that I will acknowledge when I've failed to meet this criteria, and I ask my fellow Bronies/Pegasisters not to be too soft hearted; but rather to give me tough love.
I think you've got most of it down here, but the underlined part is a bit vague and quite hard to measure (you will only really know if you have succeeded in this after you get your results). Also, if you fail to meet your promise and we want to hold you accountable for it so that you can improve in the future, it will already be too late by then if your exams are over!I think it is easier for others to hold you accountable if your promise can be measured on a weekly or day by day basis. This could also have the benefit of being a motivation boost each time you follow through.Hope this helps!As for me, I promise that this week:I will spend at least a solid 40 hours this week on making physics notes, and practising maths and physics exam papers. I plan to do this by spending 6 or more hours a day towards this goal when possible (today I will only be able to fit in 5).As I have many upcoming exams that are early in the morning, I also promise to improve my sleeping habits by going to sleep no later than 10pm every day and turning off all electrical devices so I can't be distracted at this time.I promise to go jogging on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.Finally, I promise to practise at least half and hour of piano and violin every day with the end goal of being able to play Chopin's 'Prelude No 4' on the piano and Kreisler's 'Midnight Bells' on the violin fluently by the end of the week. Edited by Nice_Watson
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I don't know if I can help you with this since I am not much of a reader myself, but for over 15 years me and my parents have read the bible everyday maybe just one chapter or more a day and we read it together and not in our minds, we read it out loud.

 

I haven't participated the readings for about 5 years now but they read it still and I can hear it. We had read the whole book about 3 or 4 times at that point when I didn't participate anymore. 

 

I don't know if I can be mentor but I can give you some tips on what I noticed that kept my family reading.

 

1.  Don't read too much in one day because if you read half the book in one day and then take a long break I don't think its helpful

2.  Try read about the same amount everyday

3.  Don't read the book because you want the reach the end of the book, read it because of its content, think about the content imagine it close your eyes and travel in the worlds

4. It would be a help if you could discuss about the things with some people.

 

I hope this helped

 


 

I totally agree with the notion that if reading something (or watching or viewing something) is something you do just so you can get the monkey off your back of being previously ignorant of that thing, and you ultimately consider it a chore, then you aren't gonna get much out of it.

 

Anyway, on May 24, yesterday, I read....

 

One measly Bible chapter first chapter of 2nd Corinthians.

 

and pages 9 to 43 of Tunnels, by Roderick Gordon and Brian Williams. Pitiful.

 

Officially my only goal that I officially set was to book-read and Bible-read to any degree, so technically I met my goal.

 

It is now 825pm where I am now. I promised myself, and on a Skype group chat with Nice_Watson and ooBrony that I would read a minimum of five Bible chapters.

 

I am home alone now and can easily do this.

 

I stupidly got involved in comment vollies on this very website both yesterday and today. I must retire from those.

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Hello there, I'm reporting in on what I did on May 25 and 26. I have a Skype Group where I report... sometime everyday before the day ends in my time zone, reporting what happened the day before. I guess I didn't do that over here yesterday,
MAY 25:
Five Bible chapters, 2nd Corithians 2--6.
However, I must admit, the only place where I even declared that as my goal was to Nice Watson's personal Skype account.
 
So technically, I met my goal.
 
On the morning of May 26, I stepped it up to this goal:
Five Bible chapters, AND five chapters of the novel Tunnels by Roderick Gordon and Brian Williams
this means, from beginning to chapter five to end of chapter nine.
Chapters 5--9, from page 44 to 77.
I will try and be here in the morning, as early as possible, everyday to detail my goals
I also plan to make them larger. Currently they are paltry.
 
 
 
But as for what has happened on May 26, and so far on May 27:
I must admit something, I intentionally avoided reporting in this morning of the 27 (Including on my Skype group, which this whole message is just a copy-paste of with the timestamps backspaced)
 
...because I am a bit of a coward. I did not accomplish my five Bible chapters last night or my five Tunnels chapters last night...
 
But today I just did ten Bible chapters, and five Tunnels chapters...so, just five more Tunnels chapters to go tonight, the night of May 27th, and I'll be on pace!!
 
Yeah, so it was like 9pm last night, and for the past few days I've been staying up way too late... being on some... serious threads on MLPForums.
You see, it was 9pm, I was ready to start reading, and I got an email notification... the purple LED light blinked on my mobile device. I had the Wi-Fi turned on,
so that blinking light indicated a new Yahoo Mail.
 
Ugh, someone quoted me in an online forum post and... the nature of it was a bit... libelous... so I felt it was really important to clear that up before everyone jumped down my Internet-reputation throat, and for me to prove the issue wrong factually by just copy-pasting a PM I made before publicly.
 
But I'm pretty sure I am done with that.
..So, anyway, this book is really interesting, Tunnels, by Roderick Gordon and Brian Williams.
 I actually coulda kept on reading, but once I officially met my goal that I said I'd do last night, I needed to report in that I at least did it one day late.
and I am on track for the one today.
already reached the end of 2 Corinthians, turns out it only had thirteen chapters.
chapters 7--13 is seven chapters,
plus first three of Galatians equal ten chapters. Two days worth. much of this section of the New testament are just letters written by Paul to the early church.
So, I am eating two scrambled eggs, fried them up real quick.
I am going to read more of Tunnels now.
 
...also, this post is long-winded and bloggy, but most of them usually won't be so.
 
I'm not sure if I'll report in here since I am also in a Skype Group with ooBrony and Nice Watson..
 
But I also want to keep this concept alive over here and potentially improve more people's lives.

I think this table (taken from wikipedia) on SMART criteria may be of interest for anybody on this thread: Edit: copy pasting a table directly from wikipedia didn't work as well as I'd hoped, so here's a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_criteria#Other_definitions

I am going to take a look at that myself sometime this week, to encourage me to direct myself more specifically and boldly.

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