Writing The Facility Chapter One *GrimDark*


2 members have voted

  1. 1. Was this a good story?

  2. 2. Do you want more of this story?

    • Absolutely!
    • No thanks. I really didn't like where it was heading.

Recommended Posts

Disclaimer: This first chapter of my story (which is based on a dream I had back in 2013) is EXTREMELY disturbing and can be considered extreme grimdark for some. If you hate these kinds of things, do not read this story. However, if you do read it, I'd like some feedback please!


It happened back in August of 2013. The walls were orange, and the lights flickered...
Everything seemed normal that Friday night. Everyone was laughing, carrying on about how they got their garbage recycler to finally work for once after a couple of months. It was "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day" that night. They were asked to keep an eye on their children and make sure they don't wander off into any of the dangerous machinery. Sally, who was only 6 years old, decided to wander off from the crowd. She was curious, as to what the machinery did, so she climbed into the machine, and it started. A blood curdling scream echoed through the entire building, startling everyone. The machine had severed her in half, compressing the rest of her lower body into a cube. They rushed to her, but it was too late. When they got to her, no remains were found, except for several pieces of entrail and muscle on the machine's teeth. They turned the machine off, and looked inside. Nothing but that cube of flesh. Her father turned around and saw her: she was staring at him, and had a creepy smile. She was grey-blue through out her body. She crawled over to the coworkers, and cried. She hugged one of their knees and sobbed. One of the coworkers jumped back, falling down. She got angry, and lunged at him while he was down, taking a bite out of his throat, causing blood to spew everywhere. She preceded to literally eat his face off, until his face was nothing but skull and eye. After that, she jumped into a vent with a trail of blood with her. Everyone panicked as the lights went out, "Just what in the heck happened?!" the one man says, running into the poorly lit hallway. She came down, and bit his throat out, leaving him to die instantly. "Okay, everyone, just stay where you are. Avoid the vents." One man says, carefully navigating his way along the wall, away from the vent. She plopped down behind him and began to sing a lullaby in a voice that would chill anyone to the bone, "Hush little baby, don't you cry. Mamam's gonna make sure everything's alright..." He turned around, and looked at her and felt sorry for her. If he would've been paying attention, none of this would've happened, "Baby...I'm so sorry...I didn't mean for this to happen to you..." he says, getting down on one knee and began to cry. She slowly crawled towards him, and screamed in his face, causing him to pass out. 

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's a concept.

You'll need to fill it out and build the suspense to make it work right. It reads too fast.

Looking at the fandom so far I can't see half a demonic foal having a problem with reading numbers.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.