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Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.


Singe

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(Shining Armor is streaming "Death Road to Canada" with Thorax, Soarin, and Sunburst co-commentating)

Shining Armor: (Reading text) Mystery of the Ghost Fart: It's just another day on the death road when someone farts in the car. Drama and mystery consume the team. Pick someone to blame. Sunburst tells everyone to cool it, or Rainbow, Cadance, or Big McIntosh. Do we blame one of those three or does Sunburst yell at everyone? (Sunburst laughs)

Soarin: I think Sunburst DID IT!

Thorax: Yeah, Sunburst needs to step up here.

Sunburst: Well here's the thing, apparently I can't be blamed for this.

S.A.: (Laughs) It's true, you're not a blame option. You just tell everyone to cool it.

Thorax: I agree.

Soarin: Honestly, it's just a fart.

S.A.: Here we go! (Reading text) Sunburst tells everyone to cool it. Beads of nervous sweat roll down Sunburst's face, yet nothing can be proven.

Sunburst: So was it me?

S.A.: I dunno, but Big McIntosh's morale somehow fell to garbage, my wife's went down, everyone's morale went down a lot.

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Rarity: I met this cute colt and he invited me to his place. So I went yada yada and left in the morning.

Rainbow Dash: Well there was this one Pegasus that wanted me to show him a few tricks. So we got together for a training session yada yada and he's improved over time.

Applejack: I had a visitor over at my farm and I gave him a tour. We made a stop at the barn yada yada and he helped me with some work on the farm for the day.

Twilight Sparkle: I was curled up in bed with a good book until it got to this one part yada yada, that was an amazing moment.

Pinkie Pie: I can't hold this any longer, Fluttershy do you yada yada with those animals that stay at your place?

Fluttershy: What?! NO!

Starlight Glimmer: What are you all going yada yada on about?

 

Edited by Singe
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(There is a Vulpix asleep on a picnic table in Canterlot. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy go to take a peek)

Rainbow Dash: What do we have here?

Princess Celestia: I don't know what type of fox he is, but he somehow found it's way into the royal palace. Isn't he cute?

Rainbow Dash: His tails are beautiful, Princess Celestia!

Fluttershy: I love it's hair! I wish my mane was as shiny and soft! (Picks up the Vulpix)

Princess Celestia: DON'T TOUCH IT!!!!!!

Fluttershy: You're just about the cutest animal I've ever se.... (Vulpix feels provoked and breathes fire in Fluttershy's face, then jumps back onto the picnic table and goes back to sleep)

Fluttershy: Very cuuuuuuuuuuu..... (Falls over)

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Pinkie Pie: Applejack, why did you kick me in the face?

Applejack: Don't go around doing what you just did.

Pinkie Pie: I was only showing them your cutie mark.

Applejack: And you could do it without squeezing my flank and burying your face in it like some Hollywood sleaze.

Pinkie Pie: Okay....maybe I went a teeny overboard.

 

 

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Soarin: Hey S.A., want to play Chess?

Shining Armor: No thanks, Soarin.

Soarin: Go visit the Comic Book Store?

Shining Armor: No thanks, I'm good.

Soarin: S.A., I know what you're thinking, but don't worry about it! Your sister being dispatched doesn't mean you'll never see her again.

S.A.: But why would Celestia dispatch my sister? She's not the type that would do anything wrong.

Soarin: Do you even know where the Princess sent her?

S.A.: She was sent to Ponyville if I remember correctly. That's a four hour train ride from here. Not to mention it's near the edge of the infamous Everfree Forest.

Soarin: Wouldn't you think she's too smart to go into that hellhole?

S.A.: I hope so. Nopony's ever been into the forest and returned.

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Fluttershy(I’m sorry Flutters! It has to be done!): psh! Whatever! Animals are so retarded. *leaves all her animals and moves to Manehatten, joins a gang* NOW THESE ARE MY KIND OF PONIES.

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Twilight: friendship is chaos

fluttershy: I don’t like animals

pinkie: parties are lame

rainbow: yay! I lost

applejack: lies are good

rarity: generosity is pain

starlight : I give up

celestia:  I raise the moon and once got banished 

luna: I raise the sun and banished my sister to the moon

 

 

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Twilight Sparkle: Princess Celestia is over 1000 years old.

Rarity: She must be hiding so many wrinkles with her magic.

 

Rainbow Dash: Pinkie you need to stop coming around the locker room yelling about me eating your pie.

Pinkie Pie: Why?

Rainbow Dash: Every time you do that, they joke about you being a jilted lover.

 

Rarity: Mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all.

 

Trixie: I'm tired of being a goody good. Let's do something bad.

Starlight Glimmer: Like what?

Trixie: I know, let's join up with Flim and Flam to scam an insurance company by burning down a bar.

 

Applejack: I'm the world kickboxing champion.

 

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Starlight Glimmer: I like Maud, she's weird.

Pinkie Pie: Hey!

Starlight Glimmer: Weird in a good way. Unlike you, you belong in an insane asylum.

Pinkie Pie: Okay, let's just focus back on Maud.

 

Rainbow Dash: The doctor said I can never fly again. *Cries.* What's the point of living anymore?!

 

 

 

 

Edited by Singe
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(Big McIntosh has had a couple off beers and starts pissing off the management of an irish pub in Ponyville)

Bartender: HEY, BUDDY! RELAX!!!! YOU OKAY?? YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME????

Big McIntosh (is so drunk, he says this): AM HAVING A GREIT TEIM!!!!!!

(He gets kicked out of the bar, the next morning he wakes up in the hospital still a little bit drunk. Bright Mac, Buttercup, and Granny Smith are visiting)

Granny Smith: Are you all right, Big Mac?

Big Mac: (Nnnnnggggggghhhhhhhh) Mama, I..........

Bright Mac: Didn't ah tell ya not to drink too much beer, Junior?!?!?!?!?!?!

Big Mac: (He manages a weakened sigh) Ee........................................yup.

Buttercup: (rubs her son's forehead with a cold wet towel) We'll be back sometime this afternoon. Can you hold out until then, sugarcube?

(Tears begin to fill Big Mac's eyes as he tries to say something, but the alcohol level is still taking it's toll)

Buttercup: Little Mac, Ah promise Ah'll be here for ya all night when Ah come back this afternoon. Don't give up on me.

Big Mac: Mama................. I'll be................ fine...................

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(edited)

Twilight Sparkle: We defeated all our enemies with the power of friendship except for one.

Starlight Glimmer: How?

Twilight Sparkle: He said six on one was unfair and called us cheaters. I said, you win this one and we left.

 

Edited by Singe
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Princess Cadance: Is there even a way to break though this web to get into the lower levels?

The slingshot worked on the other spiders, why isn't it working on this one?

Jesus! How do I even get out of this room?

I'm trapped in here, and Shining Armor's going to be home soon! I can't let him see me playing his 64.

What the heck am I supposed to do?

(Princess Cadance is consumed by fear and confusion, just before S.A. comes into the room, she panics, turns off the television, and throws a sheet over it)

Shining Armor: How was your day, honey?

Cadance: Kinda boring.

S.A.: Oh, I'm sorry to hear tha.....What the?

(S.A. wonders why the sheet's covering the TV, pulls it off, and hits the power button)

S.A.: You've been playing my 64 while I was gone? 

Cadance: I'm really sorry, darling. I only wanted to try the first level, but I got stuck.

(S.A. hugs Cadance)

S.A.: It's okay. I beat the entire game, so if you need my help, all you need to do is ask. Even Twilight had trouble with this room when she started.

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(edited)

Spitfire: Lightning Dust decided to use a tornado to clear out the clouds, lost control of it, and nearly got some ponies killed. Do you have anything to say?

Lightning Dust: It is my opinion that we lost control because Rainbow Dash could not perform at her full capabilities because of a wing injury. If Rainbow Dash informed me of her wing being injured prior instead of after this event, I would not have went with the tornado maneuver. Sir.

Rainbow Dash: What she's throwing it back on me?

Spitfire: When you were in my office you didn't mention your wing getting injured. Did you withheld having an injury from Lightning Dust?

Rainbow Dash: Well, I did mention it to her after the event.

Spitfire: Did you see the medical staff about it, cadet?

Rainbow Dash: No, sir.

Spitfire: So you're just as reckless as you claim Lightning Dust and a liar. I'm going to ground both of you pending a decision.

...........................................................................................

Starlight Glimmer: And that's how I think it should have happen.

Rainbow Dash: That's ridiculous.

 

 

Edited by Singe
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Rarity: Twilight......help.

Twilight Sparkle: Rarity what happened? You're pale.

Rarity: My element of generosity is too strong. It made me give away all my money, my clothes, my home, my business and my BLOOD. *Faints.*

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Starlight Glimmer: Twilight, I found out the reason why Stygian may have become the Pony of Shadows.

Twilight Sparkle: Really, what could it have been?

Star Swirl the Bearded: He only did it because he was jealous and wanted power.

Starlight Glimmer: Actually, it turns out that Stygian was chasing tail trying to impress Mage Meadowbrook and Somnambula.

Star Swirl the Bearded: Well that would explain how he acted like a servant around those two.

Twilight Sparkle: You're kidding. That sounds like Spike.

Spike: Hey! I'm right here.

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(edited)

Princess Celestia: Congratulations for putting an end to the Pony of Shadows. Guards take Stygian away and book him.

Guards: Yes, princess.

Stygian: What? I thought we were friends?!

Star Swirl the Bearded: Good bye, friend.

Princess Celestia: It's been a while since we had a public punishment like the old times.

Star Swirl the Bearded: Do you still use that one contraption?

Princess Celestia: Oh no, I got something new in the works that will be spectacular.

Starlight Glimmer: What just happened?

Twilight Sparkle: I'm baffled as well.

Edited by Singe
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Princess Cadance: Okay, I think I'm ready for this!

Shining Armor: Uh, first thing's first, Cadance. You're gonna want to change to the hylian shield.

Princess Cadance: But it doesn't fit me! How am I supposed to use it?

Twilight Sparkle: You don't want to go into Dodongo's Cavern with a Deku Shield equipped. There's too many things here that can burn up and destroy it. Fire Keese, Dodongos, Flame Pilllars, even the boss.

(Few minutes later)

Cadance: What the heck? Is there seriously another flame pillar?

S.A.: Yup!

Cadance: That's stupid. How do I get rid of it?

Twilight. From where the first one was, look left.

Cadance: Oh.

(Later still)

Cadance: JESUS CHRIST!!! THAT DODONGO'S ON ANABOLIC STEROIDS!!!!!

Shining Armor: It's also a total pushover. Just chuck a bomb in his mouth and hack at him.

Cadance: Okay.

(About two minutes later)

Cadance: Did I do it?

(On the screen, King Dodongo rolls into the lava after the fight)

Shining Armor: Does that answer your question?

Cadance: That's nice. Hopefully I can go after the next spiritual stone tomorrow morning.

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(edited)

Starlight Glimmer: There's an article in the newspaper mentioning you.

Rainbow Dash: Really. Let me see. *Grabs newspaper.* Lightning Dust!

Starlight Glimmer: She says you were a failure as a wing pony who wanted nothing more than to have her crash and burn. You were involved in an out of control tornado stunt that nearly killed your friends. Lightning Dust says she was setup to take all the heat for the tornado. You got off free and promoted because Spitfire showed favoritism to you. Wow, she makes it sound like you're a bad pony.

Rainbow Dash: Lies! They're all lies!

 

Apple Bloom: Sis, what's your favorite knot?

Applejack: I always like a good noose.

 

Rarity: Spike could you rub lotion on me?

 

Pinkie Pie: Do you want some cake?

Twilight Sparkle: No, because you were in it and that's a health violation.

Ms. Cake: Shh. Please don't mention that....

Health Inspector: I heard a pony say health violation. *Looks at Pinkie.* Why is that pony in an actual cake instead of a fake cake? 

 

Applejack: You can try to be friends with Big Mac.

Starlight Glimmer: Are you trying to set me up with your brother?

Applejack: You caught me. He's very desperate.

 

Starlight Glimmer: I can make a cake too. *Makes a cake.*

Ms. Cake: Are you trying to put me out of business with your magic?

Starlight Glimmer: Oh, so it's wrong for a unicorn to use magic. Are you a racist?

Pinkie Pie: Now hold on.

Ms. Cake: What?! No!

Starlight Glimmer: Pinkie, I can't be friends with a racist. And yes, I will open my own bakery and put your racist bakery out of business. *Leaves.*

 

Sunburst: So I was thinking we needed a bigger version of the game. What do you think?

Starlight Glimmer: I already gotten over it and found someone else to hang with. So go feather yourself. Glimmer out. *Teleports.*

 

Edited by Singe
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(Cadance is still playing Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time on Shining Armor's N64, when suddenly she is eaten by Jabu Jabu)

Princess Cadance: What the heck? Are you serious?

S.A.: (Comes home after work) Honey, what's wrong?

Cadance: I just got eaten by Jabu Jabu. 

S.A.: That's part of the game. You're looking for King Zora's daughter who's also been eaten.

Cadance: You think she's okay?

S.A.: She wrote that letter, didn't she?

(Few minutes later)

Cadance: What the heck is this thing? Is it like a Giant Octorok?

S.A.: I usually wait for it to turn it's back, then nick it with the Boomerang.

(After Cadance defeats the Big Octorok)

Cadance: Oh! Where's Ruto?

S.A.: She must have gone ahead.

(Few Minutes Later)

Cadance: We're at the boss and still no sign of Ruto.

S.A.: It's scripted that way, just fight Barinade as planned.

(After beating Barinade and acquiring the last spiritual stone)

Cadance: That means I head for the Triforce at the Temple of Time, right?

S.A.: Yup!

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Bright Mac: What do you mean we ain't married?

Mayor Mare: You were underage and pear butter didn't have her parent's permission - you aren't legally married

Bright Mac: You were there and married us! Couldn't you have mentioned that at the time?

Mayor Mare: I didn't know how young Pear Butter was - It was only when I went to register Apple Bloom's certificate that the clerk pointed it out

<Pear Butter cries>

Bright Mac: So now what? we get married again?

Mayor Mare: No, sorry, but the law is the law, and you two have been living in sin and claiming a legal status you aren't entitled to. I am afraid you are both going in the dungeons in the castle, and your foals will be full grown by the time you are let out again. It's the only way. Guards!

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Princess Cadance: What the hell happened? There are ReDeads everywhere!!!!!

Shining Armor: Yeah, the Castle Town's pretty much destroyed.

Princess Cadance: I'm outta here!!! (Few minutes later, she's acquired the Hookshot, saved Epona, and learned the Song of Storms)

Princess Cadance: WAH!!! Why are there monsters all over Kokiri Forest? Is Saria all right? First the strange cloud over Death Mountain, and now THIS!!!

Shining Armor: Been like that since the Deku Tree finally died out.

Princess Cadance: I'm going to that secret spot in Sacred Meadow.

(Few minutes later)

Princess Cadance: So this is the Forest Temple? How do I get up there?

S.A.: Cadance, remember when you first met Shiek, and she said "Equipped as you currently are, you cannot enter the temple?"

Cadance: OH THAT'S RIGHT, THE HOOKSHOT!!!! I've seen you use it like THIS in Smash before. (Enters the Temple)

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Princess Celestia: After some serious thinking, I believe we don't need a princess of friendship that strongly.

Twilight Sparkle: But, friendship is very important.

Princess Celestia: Friendship tends to serve as a solution to the problem, it has never prevented any from happening to the Equestrian Kingdom.

Twilight Sparkle: So then, what does Equestria need?

Princess Flammaria: We need a princess who is adept at a strong military presence. 

Princess Celestia: Ah, Princess Flammaria. How has the efforts gone?

Princess Flammaria: Nearly satisfactory except for one rainbow Wonderbolt that has an ego. She was punished and demoted.

Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash. *Shakes head.* Who is this princess?

Princess Flammaria: I am Princess Flammaria. Princess Celestia adopted me into her fold to take charge over all the military aspects of our kingdom. It is my duty to put this kingdom back in shape to protect itself before being desperate like usual to run to you to save it.

Princess Celestia: Straight to the point, but ouch.

Twilight Sparkle: Friendship can still be an important tool to the defense of Equestria.

Princess Flammaria: Even with friendship, the only nations will not respect us if we aren't capable of protecting our selves. We can't always rely on the help of others when we fumble ourselves too often.

Princess Celestia: Carry on with your efforts Flammaria.

 

Fluttershy: Listen buster, you think you can just come up and pet me like I'm some animal that likes to be petted? Without offering for me to sit in your lap or lay in your bed. How dare you not offer?

 

 

Edited by Singe
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Princess Cadance: What the heck? Those ghosts stole the fires from those torches!

Shining Armor: The object is to get them back by defeating the poes.

(Cadance goes into another room)

Cadance: I can't use my Slingshot as an adult. What do I do?

S.A.: Hit the first two with the Hookshot. I usually use a Bombchu for the third Skullwaltula.

(Few minutes later)

Cadance: Shining Armor, why is this hallway twisted.

S.A.: You'll find out soon.

Navi (On TV): Watch for the shadows of Monsters that hang from the ceiling.

Cadance: Oh, do I have to straighten it out to get tha.......

S.A.: CADANCE, GET OUTTA THERE!!!!!

Cadance: Why?

(On the TV, a wallmaster comes down and grabs Link, and he ends up at the start of the Forest Temple)

Cadance: What the hell?

S.A.: That was a Wallmaster. Navi tried to warn you about it.

(Few minutes later)

Cadance: Okay, we got past that, is this one of those ghosts?

S.A.: Yeah, but you can't do anything yet. Just ignore it for now and go on.

Cadance: Okay. (She goes into the next room) OH GOD, MORE SKELETONS!!!

S.A.: You beat them earlier. How hard can it be?

(To be continued)

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