Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[Lunar Glow 674]

On 7/5/2015 at 2:09 AM, cider float said:

Rainbow Dash: I'm a lesbian and I'm gay for Applejack

I feel personally attacked. My ship has been bombed.

 

 Big Macintosh: **Anything with more characters than a Twitter post between ten minute periods.**

[Thorgir the Mighty 736]

Rarity saying “Bend Over” on live tv. Good thing that’ll never happen 

[Singe 2,109]

Sunset Shimmer: I asked Princess Twilight Sparkle to come over.

Rarity: That's great. Just tell her to leave that perverted dog of hers at home. I'm tired of him always following me like some letch.

 

Princess Celestia: Twilight I learned something new about you from your school and this play. You're terrible at managing anything since you've became a princess. If you were in charge of a kingdom like for real, it would be chaos in a day.

 

Princess Celestia: Oh please, you just flitter around and give them happy dreams.

Princess Luna: Those dreams requires a paid subscription.

Princess Celestia: You charge ponies for good dreams.

Princess Luna: Not just good dreams. I also take requests to give others nightmares, for a price. Take Starlight Glimmer here, she hired me to give Twilight and her friends several weeks worth of nightmares.

Starlight Glimmer: *Embarrassed grin.*

 

[RDDash 18,848]

Rainbow Dash flies into Twilight's office: What's the hay is this?

Twilight raised an eyebrow: What do you mean Dash. Those are the Teacher evaluation worksheets

Rainbow Dash: I know what those are, I am asking you because it says that I am the worst teacher ever.

Twilight: Ouch, yeah, about that. I am afraid I have to put you on the probation.

Rainbow Dash: What, no fair.

Twilight : First, you skipped classes without even asking me for approving the substitute teacher, and second of all your reckless behavior endangered students of my Celeastia's bleeep friendship school.

Rainbow Dash: i can explain that, wait what was that?

Twilight: We are in the TV-Y children's cartoon

Rainbow Dash: uh gotcha.

Twilight: I can't punish Applejack, even though both of you went on my nerves on the field trip, so I am punishing you instead.

Rainbow Dash: Wait what are you going to do?

Twilight; It's very simple, I am using my Princess powers to call Captain Spitfire all the way from the Cloudsdale.

Rainbow Dash: Well, bleeep.

Spitfire flies in the room: Language.

 

 

Edited May 13, 2018 by R.D.Dash

[The MegaBrony 218]

Pinkie (pre-series finale): I don't want to fight this last villain. His defeat could mark the end of our series of adventures.

[cmarston1 5,951]

Thorax: Ember! Um, I Just happened to notice that there's an old movie festival playing at the film firm this week.  Wanna go?

Ember: Sure.

Thorax: Cool! Awesome.  There's a bunch of movie options.  I'll probably just go with something classic like Citizen Kane.

Ember: Citizen Kane is terrible.  Pick a good movie.

Thorax: Good call.  Smart.  I'll do it.  I'll pick a better movie than Citizen Kane.

[Will Guide 21,325]

Spike: As a Dragon Charade master, I am appalled by Celestia's poor attempt to do charades.

[Singe 2,109]

Starlight Glimmer: We still haven't figured out the friendship problem.

Sunburst: Maybe we missed someone.

Baker: It's you two that are the "problem".

Starlight Glimmer: Us, how are we the problem?

Smelly Book Seller: You both were real jerks to your parents.

Scent Sales Pony: I've never acted that way to my loving parents. You two are insane.

Sunburst: Looks like we now know where to fix the problem.

Baker: Yeah, you better hurry before your mom hits the bottle.

Sunburst: My mom is a alcoholic?

Baker: Oh yeah. Said having been ignored by her son and no husband driven her to the bottle.

Starlight Glimmer: Then what has my dad been doing.

Smelly Book Seller: You don't want to know.

 

[Singe 2,109]

Applejack: Today you're all going to learn teamwork by building an Apple shed together.

Rainbow Dash: More like your farm needs another shed so you're trying to solicit free labor out of our students.

Applejack: Do you have a problem Rainbow Dash?

Rainbow Dash: Yes I do. Hire some workers you bit pincher.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy, wins not an official certified teacher of the month again.

Pinkie Pie: I'm surprised she keeps winning.

Rarity: Well I for one am jealous because she has the male students vote locked down because they're crushing on her.

Twilight Sparkle: Luckily I asked a follow up poll question and they seem to like watching her lay on the desk cuddling with animals. *Sigh*

 

 

Edited May 21, 2018 by Singe

[RDDash 18,848]

Derpy: due too the box missing the return address and the send to address I have no other choice but to return it to you Big Mac, the good news is you at least managed to put a post mark on it. Good job.

[The Blueberry Writer 278]

Luna:  You shall fear the Princess of Uranus!!!  (Stygian raises an eyebrow in confusion)  yes, "we" were demoted from being the Princess of the Night... Flurry Heart... does a better job   

Rainbow Dash:  Needs to be 1/5th sweeter! 

Applejack:  Apples are Gross, I prefer Green Beans, thems the best fruit ever!  

Celestia:  Everything is much better now that I sent Luna away too Uranus, sit next to me Flurry Heart, let me teach you how to raise the Sun and the Moon

Twilight Sparkle: Print is dead, I now collect "spores, molds, and fungus." 

Rarity: I want to bring to the world the most fabulous of fashion lines ever conceived, I present to you my "Uranus Princess" line, DOBIS P.R. helped fund my work for this line.  In honor of Luna being re-stationed to Uranus, along with all the Bat Ponies, Snail Ponies, and Scootaloo, I have created a fashion line that celebrates their heroism. It's functional as well, it's very rugged and sheik, everything needed for exploring all those places in Uranus you wouldn't think possible. 

Moon Dancer: Where is Uranus?   (Luna Frowns)  It's where we are all going

Fluttershy:  I am pregnant, it's not because of who you think    https://pre00.deviantart.net/7b36/th/pre/i/2012/089/9/9/my_little_homer_by_supergirl1984-d4udy3w.png

Pinkie Pie:  I actually being meaning to tell you all this, the origins of how I got my "Pinkie Sense"   A long time ago in a Galaxy Far away... I was riding a bike when I had radioactive waste splashed into my eyes, I was blinded and ran into a truck that was full of angry radioactive spiders that were biting me, all the while after being hit by a gama bomb to kill the spider, Odin came down and told me he was my Father, also Darth Vader from the Planet Vulcan told me I was his Father too,  I never missed a day of school after that!  

 

Princess Candence: Honey do you know where my favorite lipstick is? 

Shining: You let Luna borrow it...

Cadence: What?!

Shining:  Yup she took it with her to Uranus, also she took the whole kingdoms supply of toliet papper too Uranus too.

Candence: WHAT!!!?

Shining: All the tolite papper went too Uranus, but thats ok, Luna traided it for three sea shells.

Luna : SUCKERS!!! 

 

 

[Singe 2,109]

Twilight Sparkle: I want to open up a school about friendship between ponies with the other creatures.

Princess Celestia: A cultural exchange program. We've had that for years.

Twilight Sparkle: You're kidding?

Princess Celestia: Nope.

Twilight Sparkle: *Sigh*

 

Pinkie Pie: Are you sure you want to leave these students in the hoofs of Applejack and Rainbow Dash? Especially Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash: What did I do?

Pinkie Pie: I don't know. Try to kill us with your twister.

Rainbow Dash: Lightning Dust.

Pinkie Pie: You blew up the weather factory!

Rainbow Dash: Again, that was Tank.

Pinkie Pie: See, she'll be reckless and absolve herself of any responsibility.

Applejack: Ah, there is no way I'm going to be Rainbow Dash's scapegoat. You can pick some other pony.

Twilight Sparkle: Fine. Starlight Glimmer it is.

[Flutterstep 46,209]

Twilight: I actually hate Fluttershy... 

Rainbow: Oh my gosh! I know, right? She's so annoying. 

Pinkie: I hate her three! We should cut her up into tiny little pieces and set her on fire! 

Applejack: Ah wouldn't go that far...but I agree. Ah do dislike her. She's such a waste of air. 

Rarity: Certainly! She is a real cu- oh darling...you were standing there this whole time? 

Fluttershy: You were all looking at me while saying it...

[Singe 2,109]

Twilight Sparkle: Oh, boo-hoo. You lost your horn. Just get a prosthetic you big traitorous baby.

 

Ember: Garble the way I see it. You pick on this pathetic runt Spike, because you're just an inferior dragon trying to look dominate in front of the others. Deep down, you're making up for a lot of your inadequacy.

Spike: You didn't have to call me....

Ember: Shut up runt or I'll punt you.

Spike: Yes, dragonlord.

 

Twilight Sparkle: So after a few weeks of running this school. I've received a lot of complaints from their guardians about you all not actually being legit teachers. *Sigh.*

 

Spike: Ember you would protect me.

Ember: Yeah, because you're my friend. Except against other dragons. If they want to beat the gems out of you, I can't do anything about that.

 

Cheerilee: Princess Twilight Sparkle with her fancy school giving out an Oscar every month to the best pony that plays a teacher.

Edited May 27, 2018 by Singe

[BlackPony 77]

Spoiler

Chrysalis: Ugh.. these elements of disharmony idiots are ruining my plan... maybe I should've let Starlight befriend me.... maybe... just maybe, I'm taking this revenge stuff too far....Nah, she did something way worse than what I did. 

Element of Disharmony Applejack: Uh, no she didn't. What she did was actually nice and kind-hearted of her. 

Element of Disharmony Fluttershy: Oh Boo hoo, she lost her precious friend, suck it up.

Element of Disharmony Rainbow Dash: Yeah, Sunburst was so right to leave her. Who needs friends?

Element of Disharmony Rarity: Sunburst should've taken all those books that almost killed Starlight with her!

Element of Disharmony Pinkie Pie: I'm with Rainbow Dash. Who needs friends anyway?"

Element of Disharmony Twilight: Will you girls stop talking about this Starlight girl and focus on the plan, which is, you know, capturing her?! 

Element of Disharmony Fluttershy: Aw, are we wasting your precious time? 

Chrysalis: *whispering to EOD Twilight* Wanna ditch them?

EOD Twilight: I'm right behind you.

 

 

[Castle Bleck 19,163]

Filly!Starlight: "But Daddy, being a time-traveling cult-leader sounds so crazy and tedious! Why can't I just go to Princess Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns with Sunburst?"

 

Firelight (who forgot to refill his happy-pill prescription): "My little prodigy's gonna be the bestest, cutesy-wootsiest supervillainess ever, and that's final!"

Edited May 28, 2018 by A.V.

[The MegaBrony 218]

FiM's final villain in the second-to-last episode of the series: So the magic of friendship cannot be defeated? Well, no matter how powerful it is, Twilight still isn't an experienced fighter. Let's confront her physically so she can't use the magic of friendship. (Said final boss then has two goons restrain Twilight, knock her out stone cold, suppress her magic with a horn ring, and carry her to an unknown location. Unfortunately for him/her, popular action-oriented fandom interpretations of all other ponies ultimately save the day afterwards.)

Princess Celestia at the start of the final episode: Equestria is not a place; never was. Equestria is a community. Any place can be Equestria. Only Ragnarok: Equus can stop this last villain and the rest of the ancient evils on this planet.

Pinkie Pie at the end of the series: Good show! Jolly good show!

 

[Singe 2,109]

Princess Celestia: Chancellor Neighsay, I would suggest you think your words carefully in front of my presence.

Chancellor Neighsay: Pardon me, my princess.

Rainbow Dash: Yeah, put that crazy pony in his place.

Princess Celestia:  Be silent.

Rainbow Dash: Sorry.

Twilight Sparkle: Why are you strongly against me running a school to allow other creatures in?

Chancellor Neighsay: I'll start off a list. 1. I'm paranoid, fearful, and distrusting since this kingdom has had a sudden spike of falling into disarray within a two to three year span. Some drastic changes need to be made mostly having some kind of defense force. 2. You don't know anything about running a school. I mean look at your staff, they're your friends. No professional career staff with the time taken on how to properly teach and watch over students. 3. Some ponies over there nearly got killed. The fact that you don't even acknowledge one of your students nearly killed some ponies shows where your priorities lay. That is why your school must be shut down so you can assess your flaws and find a way to fix it.

Twilight Sparkle: I understand and I will work hard to fix this.

Chancellor Neighsay: No you wont. The first thing in your mind is to weasel out of this and make your own rules.

Starlight Glimmer: Whoa. He's got you good.

 

Twilight Sparkle: I've started this meeting to discuss about the recent budget cuts across the school. Apparently I forgot about the ponies one of our students nearly crushed to death. They hired a lawyer and sued the school, we lost the case. The changelings can't help because they have no form of currency.

 

Fluttershy: You should have seen Rainbow Dash when my brother tried to ask her out. She was like I already have a boyfriend. Then flies to the first guy that came into view. Rainbow Dash was all over him. Hugging him. Nuzzling him. Kissing him on the cheek. Calling him cutesy names. Going on about can't wait to settle down and raise the next generation of Wonderbolts. My brother flew off crying.

Rainbow Dash: Ugh. You don't have to tell everyone that story.

 

Rainbow Dash: If I have kids and none them have wings, they'll be put up for adoption as soon as they pop out.

Edited May 29, 2018 by Singe

[Sci-Twi 15]

Twilight Sparkle: I’m going to start a garden today!

Applejack: I need to get some of the latest trends

Fluttershy: I’m going to go on a blind date!

Rainbow dash: I’m going to memorize the dictionary in under 15 seconds!

Rarity: I need to become one with THE PIGS!

Pinke pie: I need to start collecting rocks with Maud!

[Sparklefan1234 161,664]

Anypony: *I* am "best pony"! 

[Twilight Luna 30,917]

Applejack: "I've had it with apples. I'm gonna change my name to Strawberry."

[Thorgir the Mighty 736]

Celestia: Twilight as my most successful pupil I would like to make you a full member of the council.

Twilight: REALLY?

Luna: Isn’t that extreme Sister?

Cadence: It seems pretty extreme...

Shining: What’s so extreme?

Luna: *Whispers*

Shining: You ponies DO THAT?!?

Twilight: What?

Celestia: *Grabs Twilight* Oh Nothing! Just sign this that you agree to sell your soul to the Equestrianatti.

twilight: What?!?

Celestia: DO IT.

 

[Will Guide 21,325]

Spike: All I'm missing now is a horn on my head.

[Singe 2,109]

Princess Luna: Time for me to raise the moon. *Stands up.* Another job well done.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Starlight Glimmer, why do I see a different colt leaving the castle every morning?

Starlight Glimmer: I'm still working off that revenge energy. It should be out of my system soon.

 

Spike: By the way, will that skeleton pony be there?

Discord: She's a one dimensional cardboard character.

Spike & Discord: Like some guy we know.

*Meanwhile in another world.*

Flash Sentry: Achooo!

 

Garble: Spike is a pony lover.

Spike: Well yeah. I mean they're easy on the eyes and have you seen the flanks of those ponies. *Whistles.*

Garble: Well, I can't argue with that.

 

Spitfire: Rainbow Dash, if I wanted a reckless flier I would have kept Lightning Dust instead of you.

 

 

Edited May 30, 2018 by Singe

[lua 105]

Rainbow Dash: I'm not even that cool.