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Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.


Singe

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(edited)

Applejack: A certain blue haired pony loving sicko was looking for you.

Twilight Sparkle: Flash....wait.

Sunset Shimmer: I don't get it. It's not a problem for us.

Applejack: To us it is. We don't do romantic cross species relationships. It's even against the law to be in a loving relationship with an actual horse. Otherwise, Fluttershy would be walking around with a new animal boyfriend every day.

Fluttershy: It's true, I would.

 

Trixie: It seems we have a couple of neighsays here.

Neighsay: What do you want?

Trixie: I didn't call you.

Neighsay: You said my name in a badly grammar plural format. So why did you call me?

Trixie: I was just responding to the hecklers.

Neighsay: *Huff and walks away.* Ignorant fake magician calling my name and making me waste my time.

 

Rainbow Dash: I'm just waiting for the day when Rarity comes up with a fashion concept that someone else already beat her to it. The drama  will be amazing.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Starlight, I've decided I need to send you on a journey. Which is why, you're going to Tartarus to reform the prisoners.

Starlight Glimmer: What? You're sending me to that *bleep* hole. Do they even feed the prisoners? Or at least clean them or their cages?

*Everyone looks at Celestia.*
Celestia: I don't know.

 

Twilight Sparkle: I'm opening the doors to Tartarus.

*Doors open releasing a rush of the most foulest air imaginable.*

Fluttershy: My word, it's horrible.

Applejack: I can hardly breath.

Rainbow Dash: This stench is going to be on me for a while.

Pinkie Pie: I think Rarity just died.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Spike today we are rearranging all the books.

Spike: Twilight, did you think maybe you might have a problem?

Twilight Sparkle: No and it has nothing to do with my brother obsession. Now stop trying to weasel out.

 

Starlight Glimmer: I made this spell so we can play our favorite game when we were young.

Sunburst: This spell is amazing. You could make a fortune off of older ponies able to relive their youth.

Starlight Glimmer: Screw this. Mama has a castle to buy.

Edited by Singe
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Twilight Sparkle: We're here to solve your friendship problem.

Pony: Friendship problem. Don't you have an actual job to do rather than making my problem be your personal diversion?

Twilight Sparkle: Personal diversion? Ha. You're funny.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Applejack the element of honest.

Applejack: To be honest, I find all this friendship wild goose chase to be minuscule and a major waste of our time. We could be doing bigger and bolder productive things instead.

Twilight Sparkle: We'll just have to find Applejack a different element of harmony instead. I'm already despising this one.

 

Sunset Shimmer: I finally got your crown and I will take over this school.

Pinkie Pie: Hey that's not nice.

Sunset Shimmer: Nice. *Puts on crown and turns into a demon.* I'm *bleeping* evil!

 

Rainbow Dash: The best part of my prank rainbow cookies. Rainbow in and rainbow out for days.

Everyone else: Rainbow Dash!

Rainbow Dash: Hey, not my fault you all ate them to prank me back.

 

Flim: Applejack is trying to monopolize the cider market.

Flam: Why she's just as bad as those drug dealers.

Crowd: *Boos Applejack.*

Rainbow Dash: Boo! Boo!
Applejack: Oh, come on Rainbow Dash!

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Rainbow Dash: I am the fastest thing in the Equestria

Twilight Sparkle: No you are not. (Taps a hoof on the tail of a jet fighter)

Rainbow Dash: Oh yeah right...Hey! Since when we do have those?

Twilight Sparkle: Since when we do have rocket boosters powerful enough to launch a small little orange filly into orbit?

Rainbow Dash: Ahh...

Twilight Sparkle: Exactly.

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Trixie: I want to try teleporting something.

Starlight Glimmer: Maybe not something that is living.

Trixie: Too late. *Blasts Spike.*

Starlight Glimmer: Ah! No. No. No. Why would you do that?! We have to find him before....

Discord: Excuse me Starlight. I believe this monstrosity mess I've found in my toilet belongs to Twilight.

Starlight Glimmer & Trixie: Ah!

 

Spike: Rarity I worked hard to get this ring. Will you marry me?

Rarity: Oh, how cute. Little Spikey is trying to propose to me with a toy ring in got out of his box of cereal.

Spike: You're not taking this seriously.

Rarity: Oh I just love playing pretend with you Spikey.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned the same thing again for the sixth time. *Sigh.*

 

Twilight Sparkle: If there are no friendship problems then I'll have to make one. *Pulls out a crowbar.*  All I need to do is help some poor unsuspecting pony to the hospital. Then I can visit them everyday until they recover. It'll sustain me with friendship material for weeks. Brilliant.

 

Starlight Glimmer: I've been wondering. Have you read anything other ponies have written about friendship?

Twilight Sparkle: No, because everything they write about psychology and social interaction comes from a bunch of quacks who don't know a single thing. I'm the only true expert and authority on friendship.

 

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"Pinkie, if, um, it isn't too much trouble, can I have extra bacon with my pancakes?"

- Fluttershy

 

"Ya'll hurry and wring a couple hen's necks, Big Mac! I'm a fancyin' to make up a batch a my famous fried chicken tonight!"

- Granny Smith

 

"I have to get back to the Human World soon. Spike, what was that dish I liked so much called?"

- Twilight

 

"Oh, you mean liver, smothered in bacon and onions. That was good, but when I caught up with that kitten...Boy, that was tasty!"

- Spike

 

"Twilight, I was only in the Human World for a short time, but when you visited, did you ever make time to take the tour of the glue factory? It was fascinating!"

- Starlight Glimmer

 

 

 

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"I ate your mom's head for breakfast."
- Pinkie Pie

 

"Do you like scary movies?"
- Rainbow Dash

 

"Sorry, I'm late, I was just practicing CPR with Trix--...Uhh..I mean helping Trixie with a magic trick."
- Starlight Glimmer 

 

"You're naked. You have no clothes on. Why don't you have any clothes on?"
- Anyone


 

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(Ring Ring Ring)

Twilight Sparkle: Hello?

Rainbow Dash: Reporting in, Twilight!

Twilight: Rainbow Dash? Where the heck are you? Have you found anypony?

Rainbow: Yes. I'm in Pewter City in Northwestern Kanto right now. Just to the east of here I found Fluttershy.

Twilight: Is she okay?

Rainbow: Yes, but when I found her, she was asleep and had marker drawings on her face. 

Twilight: Is she there?

Rainbow: Yes. Hang on just one moment.

(Fluttershy takes the phone away from Rainbow Dash)

Fluttershy: Hello?

Twilight: Fluttershy, what happened?

Fluttershy: I was taking a walk when I heard a beautiful voice singing. When Rainbow woke me up, she brought me to a mirror, and I saw marker on my face. 

Twilight: Did you happen to see what was singing?

Fluttershy: Why no, I didn't.

Twilight: (sighs)

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Zecora: The dead shall rise! (Plays the Organ) And the living shall be their SLAVES! (Plays the organ some more, but then sees Twilight) SHE MUST BE STOPPED!

 

Shining Armor: Do you see anything?

Twilight: Yes. OH MY! Princess Celestia has been captured!

Nightmare Moon: YOU ARE MY PRISONER!

Flash Sentry: You think you can just do whatever you want?

Nightmare Moon: SILENCE!!!!! Trixie! Keep that pony in chains!

Trixie: Yes, master!

 

Twilight: Trixie looks pretty dangerous.

Trixie: Ready? Am I here, or here, or here?

(Shining Armor hits Trixie with one magic shot)

Trixie: Ouch! 

Shining Armor: You there! Take her away!

Royal Guard Pony: Yes, my leige.

 

(Shining Armor and Twilight rescue Flash Sentry)

Flash Sentry: Captain Shining Armor! King Sombra betrayed the Princess!

Shining Armor: Really?

Flash Sentry: Hit the head of the portrait to enter Sombra's chamber!

Shining Armor: Thanks. Let's go, Twilight!

 

King Sombra: Don't hurt me, Shining Armor! I'll tell you the secret way into Trotsong Palace!

Shining Armor: You better talk fast!

King Sombra: Go all the way left and move the rock. This key opens the gate.

Flash Sentry: I'll make sure he doesn't get away!

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(edited)

Twilight Sparkle: What's this? There's technology all about. What's this? I have clothes on now. Oh look a door. I can't use my magic. What is this?!

 

Starlight Glimmer: You shouldn't dismiss Twilight. She's finished your spell.

Starswirl: My spell? *Looks over the spell.* What did you do to my waifu spell?!

Twilight Sparkle: Waifu spell?

Starswirl: Yes. The spell that would allow me to create any kind of waifu I wanted without having to waste time on all that romantic non-sense. I'm busy and straight to the point.

Starlight Glimmer: Oh, boy.

Starswirl: Look at this work. It's terrible like some bad fan-fiction. She completely warped it to screw with reality and ascend like she's some goddess.

 

Starlight Glimmer: Do you think I care if Sunburst doesn't pay any attention to me? I can be friends with any guy. Heck, I will mind control all the colts in this town and make them my harem.

Trixie: Wait even the old ones?

Starlight Glimmer: I don't have standards!

 

Trixie: I think we should do something naughty.

Starlight Glimmer: I'm in.

*Starlight rings Twilight's doorbell and hides.*
Twilight: *Opens door.* Hello. Huh, no one here. *Looks down to see a paper bag on fire.* Really?

 

Edited by Singe
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"Stop bugging us! You'll get your darn Cutey Mark when you're ready, Not a second sooner!"

- The CMC (In unison)

"Rarity, I can't thank you enough for framing Wind Rider for sending that fake letter from Spitfire's mom!"

- Rainbow Dash

"Darling, it was nothing. After one date with me, Wind Rider was willing to say anything I wanted hi to say. You keep paying the bits, and I'll keep my mouth shut about you also having a scarf with Chocolate Ganache stains on it!"

- Rarity

 

 

 

 

 

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Applejack: You STOLE that?!

Rarity: I didn’t steal it, darling, I just borrowed it!

Applejack: ...

Rarity: ...Without any intention of return

Just now, DragonMind said:

Applejack: You STOLE that?!

Rarity: I didn’t steal it, darling, I just borrowed it!

Applejack: ...

Rarity: ...Without any intention of return

Oops, early send ;-;

rarity: Without any intention of returning it.

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Pinkie Pie:  Twilight and Spike you and him... Eeeew

Twilight: We are not related!

Rainbow Dash: What's going on?

Pinkie Pie bounces over to Rainbow and whispers in her ear.

Rainbow: Eeeew Spike that gross

Twilight: I just said, we are not related.

Pinkie Pie: Wait, I thought Spike likes Rarity.

Twilight slams her head into the floor.

Edited by R.D.Dash
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Twilight [to Spike]: "Move up, motherfucker! Take up the slack!"

Rarity: "Bake me a fucking loaf of bread! A couple of corn muffins, a jelly donut, I don't give a shit! I'm in the market for quality baked goods!"

Marble Pie: "Ratshit, batshit, dirty old twat! Sixty-nine assholes tied in a knot! Hooraaaaaay, lizard shit, FUCK!!!"

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Flash Sentry: Here's the traitor, Princess Celestia!

King Sombra: Please, your highness. Have mercy!

Princess Celestia: After you've scrubbed all the floors in Equestria, then we can talk about mercy! TAKE HIM AWAY!

Shining Armor: Yes, my leige. 

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Bow Hothoof: How would you like to see Rainbow Dash's birth certificate?

Scootaloo: Yes!

Bow Hothoof: Here it is.

Scootaloo: Wait, why does it have Rainbow then the second word is scratch out and has Dash written above it?

Bow Hothoof: Oops. I forgot I had the original. Okay, so the real truth is that her name was really Rainbow Rain.

Scootaloo: Rainbow Rain?

Bow Hothoof: Like an uncontrollable rain cloud she was a flood that hit her room every few nights.

Scootaloo: Oh my gosh. I have to take a note of this.

Bow Hothoof: Just promise to keep it between us. We had to pay for therapy to get her out of the habit, and the therapist said that any mention of the name could trigger an episode.

 

Lightning Dust: If you were going to back out, I would have done the stunt. Stupid kid making me look like a fool while wasting my time and money. Those rockets were not cheap.

 

Flim  You're a bunch of ponies that want to learn about friendship.

Flam: Right. but you must also feel lousy and pathetic.

Flim: Well of course. I would too, if I needed a princess to tell me I'm bad and have her hold my hoof.

Flam: Making friends isn't that hard. Just turn to the pony next to you and greet them.

Flim and Flam: Then pay us, 50 bits.

 

Fluttershy: You need to apologize to him now.

Pony: No way. That bear was going to eat me and I was right to use my bear pepper spray on him.

Fluttershy: He was just saying, hello.

 

Applejack: I can't believe it. Flim and Flam got me arrested for violating a restraining order. Is there no justice in this kingdom?!

Edited by Singe
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Applejack: Rarity, why did you call the cops on me? I was just trying to fix the mess I caused for the fashion show.

Rarity: Kidnapping and holding them against their will is not what I call fixing.

 

Rarity: Spike, why don't you tell everyone how much you love me?

Spike: Well every night before bed....

Rarity: Okay, that's enough. I'm sure most get the idea of what boys do in that scenario.

 

Lightning Dust: You make this jump, you can call me what ever you want.

Scootaloo: Cool. I'm going to call you *bleep* *bleeper*.

Lightning Dust: You swear?

Scootaloo: I learned it from Rainbow Dash when she's alone letting off steam.

 

Rarity: Sassy, what part of I'm running a boutique and not a sweat shop you didn't get?

 

Princess Celestia: A letter from my faithful student.....*snort*. Just another complaint about Twilight again. I swear she can't do anything right.

Edited by Singe
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Starlight Glimmer: When I was in the human world, I found this really cool book series called the Foundation series, and there was this one character, the Mule, that really spoke to me.

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@Baby Dashie

 

Twilight Sparkle: Spike, would you come here for a moment please? :adorkable:

Spike: Sure, Twilight. What's up? :ooh:

Twilight Sparkle: I've hired something called a "Yoshi" to help you with your chores, isn't that wonderful? :ticking:

Spike: Awesome! B)

 

Edited by Sparklefan1234
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Pinkie Pie: Grr! No! You're not understanding me! I want you to confess!
Spike: Confess?
Pinkie Pie: Confess!
Spike: I'm the one who spilled juice all over Twilight's copy of "Magical Mysteries and Practical Potions"!
Pinkie Pie: And?
Spike: And I'm the one who used up all the hot water in Ponyville yesterday when I took a seven-hour bubble bath!
Pinkie Pie: Aaand?
Spike: And I was the guy who thought killing off Adam in Voltron was a good idea.
 
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