Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[bluseymoe 258]

Pretty much any character on the show: "Right after I stick this red hot poker in my eye I'm gonna go chop my own legs off and rub salt in the wounds!"

 

That was easy. I garuntee you that's a line you'll never hear out of any characters mouth. Actually I don't think anyone who has ever lived in the history of the world has ever said that sentence right there. Well, maybe GG Allin, but literally no one else.

[pnylvr 185]

 

 

Actually I don't think anyone who has ever lived in the history of the world has ever said that sentence right there. Well, maybe GG Allin, but literally no one else.

I can see someone saying that sarcastically, in response to being told they should do something they'd find unpleasant.  Maybe preface it with, "For my next bit of fun..."

[Sparklefan1234 161,858]

CMC: We don't want to find our special talent today.

 

Big Mac:  I'm indecisive. 

 

Fluttershy: I'm allergic to animal fur. 

[Singe 2,109]

Spike: Excuse me.
Dragon Lord Torch: What the hell is this?
Spike: Hi, my name Spike.
Dragon Lord Torch: Okay, who the hell abandoned their kid? You know the rule, parents aren't allow to abandon their children until they're teenagers. Come on fess up, who is this whelp's parents?

Rainbow Dash: I just set up my account on Twitter. Here is my first post, "Ain't I awesome."
Tweet 1: Totally overrated.
Tweet 2: The biggest thing about her is her ego.
Tweet 3: I'm on her team. She hogs all the balls and still doesn't have a boyfriend.
Tweet 4: Unless I see a gold medal from the Olympics. Rainbow Dash is just talk.
Tweet 5: *Offensive censored image.*
Tweet 6: I'm on Twitter. Yea.

Tweet 7: Was that pic, Flash Sentry?

Tweet 8: Better save a copy for Twilight on those lonely nights.

Tweet 9: Stop talking about me. My sister borrowed my phone and started posting my....selfie.

Edited September 14, 2016 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Twilight Sparkle: I've been erasing your minds for over a year now. It was just to keep you all in line and not let you have any stray thoughts that could threaten the stability of friendship. 

 

Trenderhoof: Who is that?

Rarity: That's Applejack. She's a farmer.

Trenderhoof: See looks amazing.

Rarity: You definitely won't be able to win her. *Whisper* She's a lesmareian.

Trenderhoof: Mares.

Rarity: *Nod.*

Trenderhoof: Who?

Rarity: *Whisper.* The rainbow one.

 

News Anchor: In breaking news. Six teenage girls, the winners of the Friendship Games from Canterlot High School were arrested for arson involved in the recent burning of Crystal Prep Academy. Most of the school was destroyed and Principal Cinch ended up in the hospital after suffering serious burn injuries. One of the girls said to police that they did it to bring closure for their friend and to ensure Crystal Prep Academy never got another win.

Edited September 17, 2016 by Singe

[Luminance 2,181]

Coco Pommel: Hi um...Rarity, where do you get your jeans?

Rarity: Darling, I got them from Gene from my mother's fashionista side of the family dear.

Coco Pommel: ...I meant "Jeans" not DNA, Rarity.

Rarity: Oh... Sorry Coco, I've though you wanted meet my lovely Aunt Gene who resides in Fillydelphia.

[Singe 2,109]

Starlight Glimmer: Twilight, sometimes you take this friendship thing too far that it sounds fascist.

 

Big Mac: *Crying* Forgive me Princess Celestia for I have sinned.

 

Apple Bloom: Gabby is just too good at everything.

Scootaloo: She's making us all look like one trick ponies.

 

Gabby: Can you tell me my purpose?

Sweetie Belle: You like to help others.

Apple Bloom: That will be 50 bits.

 

Sweetie Belle: Can't you just use magic to give her a Cutie Mark?

Twilight Sparkle: Magic won't work. You know what happened when you tried magic to get your Cutie Mark.

Apple Bloom: Twilight, she's a griffin. Not a pony. Your argument is flawed.

Twilight Sparkle: Ah, touche.

 

Scootaloo: We just find her purpose and Twilight out of sight just magically puts a cutie mark design on Gabby's flank.

 

Gabby: How am I doing?

Sweetie Belle: You're doing great.

Scootaloo: Next up is that colt over there that has a fancy for girl griffins.

 

 

 

:

Edited September 18, 2016 by Singe

[cmarston1 5,951]

Rarity: Pinkie, the girls and I have been meaning to mention something to you for quite a while.

Pinkie: What is it?

Rarity: Well...

Rainbow Dash: You really need to go on a diet.  If you keep eating like this you are bound to get type 2 diabetes.

Pinkie: As if!

 

Two weeks later

 

Doctor: The results are in.  You don't have diabetes.

Pinkie Pie: Phew.

Doctor: You have super-diabetes.  You only have two weeks to live.

Pinkie Pie: 

[Singe 2,109]

Fluttershy: We need to help fix Flim and Flam friendship problem.

Applejack: Or we could just bag one of them, buck the bag a couple of times, and chuck it off the clouds. Problem solved.

Fluttershy: Applejack.

[Sidral Mundet 1,666]

Any character ever now: So yeah I know you apologized and are really heartbroken over what you've done but I don't care, I'm not going to forgive you so easily. The stuff you pulled...no you just don't do that and them get to make everything better just by saying sorry.  Maybe I might forgive you later but right now, get the heck out of my sight. 

[Singe 2,109]

Applejack: What I don't get is why Gladmane had to deceive his employees rather than sign them to a lucrative contract?

Fluttershy: Maybe because he wouldn't be able to do all these awesome deals and freebies.

 

Gladmane: These Equestria Got Talent runner ups wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for me.

 

Gladmane: I am impressed that you both were the only ones to notice my trick.

Applejack: Please, they're as stupid as compost.

Fluttershy: And you didn't try to buy us off.

 

Fluttershy: Now that we know Gladmane has been deceiving them, we can fix this.

Applejack: Or we could milk some free stuff out of Gladmane.

 

Applejack: Flim Flam, you know me. I always tell the truth, also that I want to tear you both up and feed you to the Timber Wolves.

[Luminance 2,181]

Fluttershy: Hey!

Marble Pie: Umm...hi.

 

Fluttershy: Why you gotta be so shy, Marble?

Marble Pie: I'm cuter when I'm shy.

 

Fluttershy: WELL FORGET BEING SHY AND UNLEASH YOUR INNER BEAST, C'MON!

Marble Pie: Well...

 

Fluttershy: Well what?

Marble: Big Macintosh thinks I'm cuter when I'm shy.

[heavens-champion 1,893]

Fluttershy: I'LL SQUASH YOU INTO JELLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rarity: You have disturbed the dirt!

[Castle Bleck 19,166]

Zecora: "Listen to the street beat! / Hear the sound pound! / Plug your ears! / Mask your fears! / Something weird's going down! / So listen to the street beat! / Listen to the box shock! / Listen, or I'll kill you!"

 

Brohoof if you get the reference.

[GreenGreenWhirlWind 161]

Luna: "i regret nothing!"

Applejack: "Eh i'll do it later."

Pinkie Pie: "I don't feel like doing anything today."

Spike: "Do it yourself, Twilight!"

[Heartprint 33]

Big Macintosh: Yes.

Big Macintosh: No.

[Singe 2,109]

Twilight Sparkle: Princess Luna, you've changed so much.

Princess Luna: Of course, it's all thanks to my number one supporter Lyfe Coach.

Lyfe Coach: You're doing great Luna. Remember.

Princess Luna and Lyfe Coach: You must love yourself before you can love others.

Twilight Sparkle: I've never heard that before.

Princess Luna: Of course, he helped me overcome my regrets and become a better me. Now I see myself as a leader.

Lyfe Coach: Lead ahead Princess Luna, I like what I see.

Princess Luna: *Playful* Oh, stop.

Twilight Sparkle: What was that?
Princess Luna: It was a flirt.

 

Twilight Sparkle: You're Midnight Sparkle.

Midnight Sparkle: Of course, I crave power and will have all the magic.

Twilight Sparkle: Oh my God, what was I wearing?

Midnight Sparkle: Huh, what's wrong with what I'm wearing?

Twilight Sparkle: It's gaudy and skimpy.

Midnight Sparkle: No, it's not. I am covered just enough.

Twilight Sparkle: You fly and that skirt is open enough for everyone to see.

Midnight Sparkle: *Blush.* I wear shorts, okay.

Twilight Sparkle: You're lying.

Midnight Sparkle: That's it I'm done. *Leaves*

[Singe 2,109]

Rainbow Dash: My head is pounding hard and I didn't even snort.

 

Starlight Glimmer: I'm really sorry for what I did and there is no way I could take it back. But I can with a mind wipe spell or maybe travel back in time to stop myself from doing it in the first place.

Group: You're missing the point.

 

Pinkie Pie: Anything you say Starlight Glimmer?

Starlight Glimmer: Really. Stick your head in your flank.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Baking a cake with Pinkie Pie freaks you out.

Starlight Glimmer: I'm sure you haven't noticed it but she's *bleeping* insane.

 

Starlight Glimmer: Well since they'll do anything I say. *Magics up a camera.* I'll make them do something naughty.

 

Fluttershy: Now I have fleas.

Edited October 2, 2016 by Singe

[cmarston1 5,951]

Rarity: Luxury cruises never sink.

Applejack: I'm gonna tell her.

Pinkie Pie: Don't you dare!

[Singe 2,109]

Starlight Glimmer: *Sigh.* Twilight, your friendship lessons are terrible.

Twilight Sparkle: What?

Starlight Glimmer: You try to make me be friends with ponies I have zero interest in. What about looking for ponies that work for me? They have similar interests like me.

Twilight Sparkle: Well, what are you're interests?

Starlight Glimmer: See, you're too busy to notice anything about me. I like to do magic.

Spike: She got you there.

Twilight Sparkle: Shut up Spike or so help me I will turn you back into an egg! Look Starlight, you need to expand your interests beyond simple magic. We don't want you to live out the rest of your life as a deranged unicorn hermit who will never find their special some pony, now do we.

Starlight Glimmer:....No.

Twilight Sparkle: Good. Now if you finish these friendship lessons, we'll look to getting you you're own non-pony servant that you can dump all your gripes on.

Starlight Glimmer: What about some friends interested in magic?

Twilight Sparkle: We live out in the boonies. Good luck with that unless you want to move to Canterlot. It costs a fortune to live there. Rarity went broke in just one week staying there.

[Singe 2,109]

Maud Pie: Boulder gets hot and sweaty every time he watches me make pottery.

 

Pinkie Pie: Anything you say Starlight Glimmer?

Starlight Glimmer: Really. Stick your head in your that hot oven. *SIZZLE*

[Victoria Sponge 1,014]

Twilight Sparkle - What does this word say?

 

Fluttershy - I can't stand animals, they're so dirty and smelly.

 

Rarity - *burp* I'll wash my mane tomorrow, or maybe the day after that, or maybe the day after that.

 

Pinkie Pie - Come to your party? No thanks.

 

Rainbow Dash - Don't worry, I'll let you win.

 

Apple Jack - I'm tired of farming apples.

 

Starlight Glimmer - Magic is boring.

 

Princess Celestia - I hate everypony.

 

Princess Luna - I wish the morning would come faster.

 

Cadance - I should have married somepony else.

 

Big Mac - The average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow is approximately 11 meters per second, however this could vary quite a bit as there is around 74 different species of swallow, some found in Europe and others found in Southern Africa.

 

Granny Smith - I think I'm going to retire and sell Sweet Apple Acres.

 

Sweetie Belle - I hate her mane

 

Apple Bloom - Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are my least favourite ponies.

 

Scootaloo - Rainbow Dash was so last week.

Edited October 9, 2016 by Battenberg

[cuteycindyhoney 13,283]

Applejack - "Ohhh, ma belly hurts! I et too many apples, and now I got the colic."

 

Granny Smith - "By gum, it sounds ta me like a simple obstruction. Big Mac, get the dang hose! It's about ta get messy!"

 

Rainbow Dash - "Wait! Fluttershy and I can produce a small tornado and lift a pony size column of water."

 

Twilight Sparkle - "I have just the spell to bring the aim down to pin-point accuracy!"

 

Starlight Glimmer - "Twilight, we can combine our magic and just teleport the water in!"

 

Pinkie Pie - "How exciting! I never saw a pony get washed from the inside out! I'll get the popcorn!"

 

Rarity - "Thank goodness I brought over examples of my new line in rain-wear."

 

Applejack - "Celestia help me!"

 

 

 

(Google colic in horses, or watch the episode of M*A*S*H where BJ calls his uncle when Colonel Potter's horse gets sick)

 

 

 

[The Mint Pone 2,292]

Celestia: Don't worry ponies i will deal with this villain!

[pnylvr 185]

 

 

Celestia: Don't worry ponies i will deal with this villain!

 
Well, she tried that in A Canterlot Wedding...