Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[Will Guide 21,325]

Owl 1: Who

Owl 2: Who

Owlicious (Twilight's Pet): Whom?

 

[CypherHoof 26,479]

<Discord snaps his fingers and two mares appear and fawn over Starswirl>
Starswirl: I don't need your fantasy mares!
Discord: Oh, you're so stolid! You weren't like that before the beard

 

Pharynx: Wow, so you're BOTH losers
Starlight: Well, OK then. Once I get my wings and take over Equestria, I know which list YOU are going on
 

 

[KH7672 1,604]

DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT READ ANY OF THE MOVIE SPOILERS SO ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE ACTUAL FILM IS A COINCIDENCE

[Princess Skystar is hanging around after the celebration at the end of the movie. She is approached by Starlight. They begin to hit it off and Pinkie notices]

Pinkie: Awe, you're so cute together, I shall call this ship SkyStar!

Skystar: But that's just my name...

Pinkie: Oh um, how about StarSky?!

Skystar: My name backwards?

Starlight: Doesn't that also just spell out "Skarsky"

Grubber: Oh, can I be Hutch?!

Pinkie: NOPONY SHIPS YOU GRUBBER!

[Single tear on Grubbers eye]

Pinkie: Um...um SkyLight

Starlight: Yeah, I try to avoid having "light" being in my ships to differentiate from Twilight.

Pinkie: Ah, Skymmer!

Skystar: Eh, sounds gross.

Pinkie: GlimStar?

Starlight: That sounds like you're shipping me with myself.

Pinkie: GlimSky!

Skystar: Awe, Glimsky sounds cute

Pinkie: It's not pronounced "Glim-skee!" But what...uh...SkyGlim!

Starlight and Skystar: eeeehhhhhhh.........

Pinkie: AAAAAHHHHH! Why must your names be so unshippable!

[Singe 2,109]

Starlight Glimmer: I think our discussion with Pharynx went well.

Trixie Lulamoon: Sure if you mean him calling us losers then you put a bubble around his head making him gasp for air while yelling, "Do you like it?!" repeatedly.

Starlight Glimmer: They look insectoid, I thought they could breath through their whole body.

 

Thorax: Pharynx, what happen to you?

Pharynx: I tried to capture these two ponies but I got swatted repeatedly by a giant fly swatter.

 

Pharynx: You seen what by brother Thorax has done to the hive.

Trixie Lulamoon: He made them docile so they don't have to drive to rebel against him.

Pharynx: What do you mean?

Trixie Lulamoon: Well if you were there, Thorax was made the leader by Princess Celestia and not the choice of the hive. You should at least have an election to pick your leader than letting a foreign leader put in someone of their choosing.

Pharynx: You're right. I need to think about this. *Flies away.*

Starlight Glimmer: Trixie, what are you doing?

Trixie Lulamoon: A little spice of dissension.

 

 

 

[Luigi 7,868]

Here are more Metal Gear Solid smash taunts.

Let's start with Twilight Sparkle.

Snake: So this is Twilight Sparkle, the princess of friendship herself.

Colonel: That's correct. Be extremely careful here, Snake. Her alicorn magic is very powerful.

Snake: Will modern weaponry work against her magic? Do I even have a chance?

Colonel: Sadly I think not. She not only knows how to use that magic, but she's also very good at controlling it.

Snake: Sounds hardly appropriate for a beloved princess.

Colonel: Save the smack talk for later and get out of there. That's an order, Snake! She could seriously hurt you.

Snake: Got it. (He runs away, but not before being seen by Twilight)

Twilight: Where do you think YOU'RE going? (She fires a spell at Snake in fear that he's with Foxhound, and Snake is knocked unconcious)

Colonel: Snake. Do you copy? SNAKE! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(Now for Pinkie Pie)

Snake: This pony has just gone one hundred percent bonkers.

Mei Ling: You'll have to excuse her. She needs an excuse to burn off all that sugar. 

Snake: A grown pony on tons of sugar. Give me a break.

Mei Ling: It's how she makes a living, Snake. Pinkie Pie works at the ponyville confectionary and party place Sugarcube Corner. She hosts parties for young fillies and colts. They all really seem to like her.

Snake: (Groans)

Mei Ling: Snake, what is it?

Snake: If you ask me, I don't think you can make a living hosting childrens parties.

Mei Ling: You don't plan on having children, do you Snake?

 

(Think I might also do one for Chrysalis)

Snake: Otacon, what the heck is THIS?

Otacon: That's Chrysalis, Snake. She's the overthrown queen of the changelings. She's the one who tried to sabotage Shining Armor and Princess Cadance's wedding.

Snake: So she failed, huh? Have Twilight and her friends reformed her?

Otacon: Nope. They're still at it. Ever since her failure at the wedding, she's tried time and time again to conquer Equestria, but she's failed every single time.

Snake: Geez, heaven knows what she's gonna try to do next.

Otacon: Honestly, Snake. Her career may be finished. She was overthrown by a good changeling named Thorax. Ever since then the Changelings were never bad again. Ever since she was overthrown, she was never heard from again.

Snake: I guess I better kill her before she joins Foxhound then.

Edited September 17, 2017 by Baby Dashie

[Singe 2,109]

Scootaloo: I want to learn everything about Rainbow Dash.

Bow Hothoof: Well then you're in for a treat. How about our first video of Rainbow Dash?

Windy Whistles: Honey?

Scootaloo: Yes.

*Video of Rainbow Dash's birth.*

Scootaloo: *Jaw drop*

 

Edited September 19, 2017 by Singe

[Luigi 7,868]

(Phone rings, Moe answers)

Moe: Moe's Tavern!

Rainbow Dash: Is Twilight there?

Moe: Who?

Rainbow Dash: Twilight Sparkle.

Moe: Hold on, I'll check. Uh, is Twilight Sparkle here? 

Twilight: (Is drinking a Pepsi) Uh-Oh. This can't be good.

Moe: Hey, EVERYBODY!!! TWILIGHT SPARKLE!!!!!!!!!!!

(Patrons laugh)

Moe: Listen to me you little brat. When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna.......

Twilight Sparkle: No, wait! I'm Twilight Sparkle!

Moe: Telephone!

Twilight: Hello?

Rainbow Dash: Twilight, is it really you?

Twilight: Oh, hi there, Rainbow! How did you know I was at Moe's Tavern?

Rainbow: Spike said you were in Springfield, so I thought I'd warn you about something. The atmosphere over there is pretty dangerous. Don't cast any flammable magic. It could be disasterous. 

Twilight: Got it! Anything else?

Rainbow: Yeah. Don't go too close to Evergreen Terrace. There's a very crazy fat guy over there.

Twilight: Gotcha. See you when I get back.

[Crimson Fire 30]

Spoiled Rich: You know, I actually feel bad for the way I have treated the other ponies around me based on my social and financial status. I think I am going to donate a large portion of my riches to charity and help out the ponies in need. And I am going to pay more attention to my daughter and show my husband how much I love him.

[Singe 2,109]

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: The elements of harmony make no sense. How is Rarity generosity when she doesn't even once give to charity in this book.

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Rainbow Dash has loyalty. What is she a lapdog? *Imitates Rainbow Dash.* What do you need? *Poof.* What do you need? *Poof.* What do you need?

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Kindness? That's just generosity without the need of material wealth.

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Honesty, come on it's already against the law to lie on a number of things.

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Laughter, someone has to be the joke of the group.

Random Friendship Lesson Book Reader: Magic, sounds more like a badge for an egotist to rub in other unicorn faces.

 

Twilight Sparkle: I haven't seen a crowd this bad since the Countess Coloratura fans razed Sweet Apple Acres to the ground.

 

 

 

Edited September 20, 2017 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Twilight Sparkle: Any pony that has an imaginary friend must be crazy.

 

Rainbow Dash: Scootaloo, I only hang with ponies that can fly. If you can't fly, you're a groundling and they're mostly losers.

 

Fluttershy: When one of my poor animals die, I get them stuffed and stored in my secret museum.

 

Applejack: Dang caterpillars, having their way with my apples!

 

Pinkie Pie: Wanna know my secret of keeping my shape? Hoof goes mouth.

[Singe 2,109]

Spike: I can't believe I've been chosen as the dragon ambassador for the Equestrian Kingdom.

Twilight Sparkle: Well it's just a symbol, not a real position.

Spike: What, but I'm friends with Ember?

Twilight Sparkle: Being friends doesn't mean you can handle politics and foreign affairs. Besides you're a screw-up to every princess.

 

[Kaneki 1,072]

Big Mac: Maybe.

i'm bad at this don't judge

[Singe 2,109]

Zecora: You made the mistake of using the magic cleaner instead of the shampoo.

Rarity: I should sue you for not labeling your products.

Zecora: Try if you might, I have a doll with your hair and a spare nail over there.

 

Rarity: Everyone looks down at me because of my ruined mane .

Starlight Glimmer: It's because look like an addict trying to get a fix, we call them loco horses. You look like a loco horse.

Twilight Sparkle: Starlight.

Rarity: *Snort*

 

Rarity: So how does it look.

Rainbow Dash: Like a very desperate addict trying to pick up a sugar colt in Canterlot.

Applejack and Fluttershy: *Stare.*

Rainbow Dash: What? She does.

Rarity: *Snort*

 

Pinkie Pie: I made this silly string super extra sticky.

Rarity: Could you go into the kitchen and bring me a metal pan?

Pinkie Pie: Why?

Rarity: I need to smack some sense into something.

 

Rarity: Can you please use your magic to fix my mane?

Starlight Glimmer: Don't you have spare wigs?

Rarity: I didn't think of that. My mind was lost in this chaos of misery.

Starlight Glimmer: Just get a wig, stay away from drugs, and don't bother me about it anymore.

 

Edited September 23, 2017 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Fluttershy: I'm glad we could help Zecora.

Twilight Sparkle: Even better news, I told Princess Celestia and Luna about our adventure.

Fluttershy: And?

Twilight Sparkle: *Hoof claps.* They approved my plan to have extermination squads of all the trees and flowers that cause it.

Fluttershy: Good.

 

Edited September 23, 2017 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Sunset Shimmer: I'm glad we take efforts to give our foes a chance to reform.

Rainbow Dash: The alternative would be like those Megaman X games where we label them as Mavericks and have to put them down for good.

 

Fluttershy: You were really close to turning into one of those trees.

Zecora: Thank you, for saving me.

Fluttershy: Beats the alternative of having to burn you to ashes to prevent the spreading.

 

Rarity: The government came and took my baby!

 

Twilight Sparkle: Spike, I'm impressed that you didn't freak out about Rarity.

Spike: I've been blind for the past week. What's this about Rarity?

Starlight Glimmer: Her mane and tail fell out.

Spike: WHAT?!

 

Random Student: What's up stereotypical cardboard cut out pretty boy?

Flash Sentry: Funny, hardy har har!

Random Student: You still trying to chase the skirt of that was never going to happen anyway girl?

Flash Sentry: Funny, hardy har har!

Random Student: Hey, it's that one who made the other relevant characters look bad to get a chance with was never going to happen anyway girl.

Flash Sentry: Funny, hardy har har!

Random Student: This guy got shot down quick with our world's was never going to happen anyway girl.

Flash Sentry: Funny, hardy har har!

[Singe 2,109]

Applebloom: Welcome to Cutie Mark camp.

Scootaloo: Who's ready to be indoctrinated?

Blank Flanks: We do! We do!

 

Sweetie Belle: You ungrateful blank flanks! How dare you turn your backs on us!

Applebloom: Okay, they get it.

Sweetie Belle: I will burn your cutie marks into your hides!

Scootaloo: Time to go.

Sweetie Belle: With a hot needle! A hot needle!

[Luigi 7,868]

Shining Armor: YOU IDIOT!!!!! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!?!?!?!?!

Flash Sentry: I'm really sorry, General!

Shining Armor: SORRY???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN "SORRY?????" SQUAT JUMPS AROUND THE ENTIRETY OF CANTERLOT, FIFTY LAPS, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Singe 2,109]

Movie Spoiler

 

Spoiler

 

Shadow Tempest: You have two choices, surrender or we'll do it the hard way.

Princess Celestia: You do know we out number you.

Shadow Tempest: I was hoping you would....

Princess Celestia: So we surrender.

Shadow Tempest: What?

Twilight Sparkle: What?

Princess Luna: What?

Princess Cadance: What?

Princess Celestia: Why is everyone so surprised? Don't you all remember the past year, about most of us are completely useless.

 

Rarity: Can't fix a mane or a broken horn, I swear medicine is racist against unicorns.

 

Twilight Sparkle: So you're just going to leave.

Shadow Tempest: There is no place for me here. Also seeing the ire of those princesses, losing a horn is small compared to what they might do to me.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Spike, have you seen the pieces of the Storm King? Celestia wanted me to.....

Ember: Oh wow these rocks are the best I've had in a while. *Nom nom.*

 

Pinkie Pie: We're your friends.

Twilight Sparkle: Friends? I was only using you all to protect Equestria.

 

Princess Celestia: Twilight, you have all the magic you need.

Princess Luna: Lord, knows you need any more magic to make us look more useless.

 

Pinkie Pie: Songbird Serenade the biggest name in the music industry.

Applejack: Shame we couldn't get Rara to play but she fell on hard times since Coloratura was no more. That's the music industry for ya.

Pinkie Pie: What?

 

Pinkie Pie: While Twilight tried to steal, she was using us as a distraction. We're not filler episodes!

Applejack: Just because you read every Daring Do book doesn't make you a proficent at being a thief.

Rainbow Dash: Hey!

 

Twilight Sparkle: They're after me, because I'm a princess. Though I kinda wish it was Fluttershy.

Fluttershy: Me.....why?

Twilight Sparkle: Because Discord would give two sugar cubes to be here to help out.

 

 

Edited October 8, 2017 by Singe

[Yakamaru 3,076]

"Murder should be legal".

"I mean, it's only someone dying".

"I like mass murder".

"I hate you. May you forever burn in Hell".

"Magic is overrated".

"WITCHCRAFT!"

"Yeah, I have a cure for this illness. A bullet to the head works wonders".

"If only I had an axe to murder you with.."

"I LOOOOOOVE Poptarts!"

"Pinkie Pie. Shut up, will you?"

I got plenty more.

[Singe 2,109]

Twilight Sparkle: Congratulations, Star Tracker! Enjoy your prize! Uh... Oh. I'm sorry. I don't have the prize.

Iron Will: Congratulations to Star Tracker, who wins the grand prize – a date with Princess Twilight Sparkle!

Twilight Sparkle: What?

Star Tracker: A date. *Happy laughing.*

Iron Will: And a kiss!

Twilight Sparkle: WHAT?!

Star Tracker: A.....a.....kiss!. *Happy laughing and faints.*

 

*Twilight Sparkle walks backwards into Star Tracker's face.*

Star Tracker: Best moment of my life!

 

Shining Armor: Wow. He may be pushy and manipulative, but nopony can say that minotaur isn't prepared.

Twilight Sparkle: He wasn't prepared for this. *Magic blasts a hole in the parachute.*

Ironwill: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! *Plummets to the ground.*

 

Twilight Sparkle: I have something to tell you. All of you. I'm glad you all got to do the things you wanted, but I should have been more Rainbow Dash and not be too much like past Fluttershy. [to Star Tracker] It wasn't fair of me to lash out at you but you've been acting to much like a creeper, I should have called you creeper sooner. I'm sorry, you creeper.

Star Tracker: Yeah, I deserved that.

 

Edited October 9, 2017 by Singe

[Ganondorf8 11,118]

Spoiler

Storm King: I should have gone into the toy making business.

 

[Singe 2,109]

Twilight Sparkle: There is one thing I learned from this adventure. Equestria really has a problem of children running away from home.

 

Pinkie Pie: Could you help us?

Stranger: If I help you, what's do I get in return?

Pinkie Pie: How about *whisper* the white one with the purple mane for five minutes.

Stranger: I might be able to help.

 

*Cake crashes on top of Twilight Sparkle*

Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie!

Pinkie Pie: You've been covered in worse stuff like that time at that one party.....

Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie!!!

 

 

 

[Singe 2,109]

Pinkie Pie: Why are all the kids running away from me?

Rainbow Dash: Oh, that's because A.K. Yearling friend Scary King heard about you and put out a novel that's a big hit.

Pinkie Pie: Really, what am I like?

Rainbow Dash: Uh.....you're a monster party pony that eats kids.

Pinkie Pie: What?!

Rainbow Dash: Oh yeah, in the first scene with that one filly.

Pinkie Pie: *Tearing up.* What.....did I do to him?

Rainbow Dash: You were in a hole giving him back his toy that went down in it.

Pinkie Pie: That doesn't sound so bad.

Rainbow Dash: You ate him the way you eat cake.

Pinkie Pie: *Cries.*

Twilight Sparkle: Spoilers, Rainbow Dash! I haven't read it yet.

 

Edited October 14, 2017 by Singe

[Luigi 7,868]

Flash Sentry: We've captured the changeling!

Shining Armor: Bring him in. We turn him over to Celestia at sunrise.

(Thorax is in chains, and is crying)

Princess Cadance: Playtime ends here. At sunrise you're off to Canterlot for execution.

Thorax: (Crying) Please, I never ment you any harm. All I wanted was to have friends!

Shining Armor: Why should we believe you when your leader attempted to sabotage our wedding!

Thorax: (Still crying)

Princess Cadance: What reason do we have to trust you?

Thorax: Just hear me out! Switching to Geico can save you hundreds of bits on car insurance!

Shining Armor: Hmm.......

Princess Cadance: That actually does sound promising. Flash! Undo the chains! 

Thorax: What are you doing?

Princess Cadance: Welcome to the Crystal Empire, Thorax!

Princess Celestia (Offscreen): Geico. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance.

[Singe 2,109]

Rarity or Rainbow Dash: I love being popular!

 

Random Pony: Princess if you needed some time to yourself, you could have told us to *bleep* off. It's what Princess Luna does.

 

Pinkie Pie: Hi, Pipsqueak! Aren't you gonna say hello? Come on, bucko. Don't you want a balloon?

Pipsqueak: I'm not supposed to take stuff from strangers. My dad said so. 

Pinkie Pie: Very wise of your dad, Pipsqueak. Very wise, indeed. I, Pipsqueak, am Pinkie Pie, the Party Pony. 
You are Pipsqueak. So now we know each other. Correct? 

Pipsqueak: I guess so. I gotta go. 

Pinkie Pie: Go? Without this?

Pipsqueak: My boat! 

Pinkie Pie: Exactly! Go on, kiddo......take it. You want it, don't you, Pipsqueak? Of course you do. 
There's cotton candy, rides and all sorts of surprises down here. And balloons, too, all colors. 

Pipsqueak: Do they float? 

Pinkie Pie: Oh, yes. They float, Pipsqueak. They float. And when you're down here with me......you float too!

Rainbow Dash: Then you was all like Pumpkin Cake on Pip's arm.

Pinkie Pie: I don't like this story.

Twilight Sparkle: Spoilers, Rainbow Dash!

 

Applejack: Is there anything else you've been lying about?

Rainbow Dash: I may have given Winoa a chocolate pie.

 

 

Edited October 16, 2017 by Singe