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Artimis Whooves

Critique Wanted So whaddya' think?

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Whoa...where do I start...okay...

 

I think...this track needs A LOT of work. 

 

First off, the structure is weak. You've limited yourself to a foundation of three 5ths: C-G, F#-C# and Eb-Bb. This is really limiting what you can do with the piece. You need a solid progression so you can hold the piece together. It seems like C Major would be a good key to start in since you don't have to deal with sharps or flats. So, if you were to make a progression, solely based off the 5ths you've got, you'd have this

 

I---V--IV--I----

 

The hyphens represent each individual beat. Still, this progression limits you. You will need at least 4 chords to hold a steady progression. Besides, with four chords, there are 24 possible ways you can order them. Think of factorials from math. 

 

4!=4x3x2x1=24. 

 

You can find more details about progressions in this thread here: https://mlpforums.com/topic/136619-chords-progressions-modulations-a-guide-to-composing-music/

 

So, here are some progressions you can play around with: 

 

I-V-vi-IV

 

IV-vi-I-V

 

vi-IV-I-V

 

I-vi-V-IV

 

I-vi-IV-V

 

Try those out. 

 

Now, onward...your transitions need tons of work. In fact, it's like you just jumped to whole new section of the piece each time. You're lacking the flow, which is what's holding me back from liking your piece. You could use sweep-ins and sweep-outs at the end of phrases. In electronic music and some other genres, a phrase is 8 bars, each bar consisiting for 4 beats. So, at the start of the 5th bar at a certain section of the piece, you could start to sweep the whole thing into a filter and do a little bit of staccato on a plucked lead, preferably a plucked sawtooth lead. As you progress through the next phrase, at the start of the 5th beat of the following phrase, you can slowly start to sweep it back out and make the plucked sawtooths sound a bit more sustained. At the beginning of the following phrase, everything should be back to normal.  

 

However, if you want to change to a different percussive beat, you must pull what is known as fill-in change. This means, you will make a percussion fill-in that hints that a new rhythm will come about in the next few phrases, instead of just jumping around, because that's what this piece sounds like it's doing. 

 

In terms of key usage, I suggest staying around the C Major ark. Around the middle of the piece, you jumped to A# minor, which was a very awkward change. What could've been better was to play around the IV, which is F Major in this case and maybe alternate to the ii, which is d minor. In fact, d minor is the relative minor to F Major. 

 

All in all, I feel that this piece needs to be done over...it just seems too unorganized and lacks a foundation. Don't be discouraged. Just keep at it and remember, I can answer any questions you have regarding this critique. 

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This is my first music track, what do you think of it?

https://soundation.com/t/d3797

First track, so it's not the worst I've heard. (I myself have done worse :D) But in a general point of view, I'd say the song is too basic and doesn't really have good fades (ins or outs). The song is maybe a little to low pitched... If ya know what I mean. I just think you should contrast your sounds, instead of making it all inside the same frequency range.

What genre were you even going for? That could help those editing, to know what you wanted. I'm guessing some sort of Electronica, I myself love Dubstep. :) I don't know if I helped at all... But the guy above me might be better to listen to.

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@overlord0909 It was supposed to sound as if it was a bgm piece from ratchet an clank....

@C. thunder dash Sorry but i'm new so, I have no clue what that means. Thanks though! I'll try harder and harder until I get it right, so could you explain the basics?

 

Thanks for the honesty guys.

Edited by Artimis Whooves
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The mixing needs work, like everything just sounds too loud.

 

But hey, it reminds me of acid house, and I really love acid house.

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Where then?

@jjbluesam what is acid house?

It was one of the earliest genres of house. An iconic instrument used to get that iconic squelch/distoted bass noises in that genre was the Roland TB-303.

 

All nerdiness aside, it was basically just a minimal genre that would have a few (or mostly one) synth over a simple drum beat. Look up some acid house mixes or Da Funk.

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It was one of the earliest genres of house. An iconic instrument used to get that iconic squelch/distoted bass noises in that genre was the Roland TB-303.

 

All nerdiness aside, it was basically just a minimal genre that would have a few (or mostly one) synth over a simple drum beat. Look up some acid house mixes or Da Funk.

This DA Funk do you mean?

 

https://youtu.be/ZPShbge87hY

 

:) Just kidding. BGM you say... I don't listen to that, so I have no idea what it should sound like... But you have someonee else helping anyway. Hope you learn more!

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Where then?

@jjbluesam what is acid house?

Skype? Would that be a good place?

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This DA Funk do you mean?

 

 

:) Just kidding. BGM you say... I don't listen to that, so I have no idea what it should sound like... But you have someonee else helping anyway. Hope you learn more!

Who the hell takes a Daft Punk song and makes a dubstep remix out of it?

 

They took a piece of art and ruined it.

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Skype? Would that be a good place?

My computer won't support Skype, so does Google hangouts work?

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My computer won't support Skype, so does Google hangouts work?

I think that could work...perhaps I can set up a private room...

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I think that could work...perhaps I can set up a private room...

Ok, umm what is your local time? I'm asking so that I don't message you and you are asleep or something like that...

(where I'm at it is 9:18 pm currently)

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Ok, umm what is your local time? I'm asking so that I don't message you and you are asleep or something like that...

(where I'm at it is 9:18 pm currently)

 

I think we're in the same time zone, EST

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Ok, whenever your'e ready.


?It glitched

Edited by Artimis Whooves

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