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DQ: Is forgiveness really possible without reconciliation?


Tranquil Claw

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DQ stands for "Daily Question", it is a theme me and SugarfootWillie came up with.

 

     I'm honestly not sure it is possible. Every time I forgive someone, I try to see their view, so from personal experience I would say it has never happened.

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 A person could theoretically forgive someone for their faults without expecting change. It's the difference between forgiving a mistake and forgiving a character fault. If an apology was needed for a character fault however, it would imply that the person receiving the apology found the fault particularly distasteful. Since the fault is rule rather than exception, reconciliation might be required for the relationship's continuation.

 

In summary (tl;dr), a person could theoretically forgive someone without expecting any change, but this degree of acceptance is hardly reasonable to expect in anything less than a utopia.

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I don't think forgiveness is genuine when there isn't reconciliation. The only experience I have with this is when I cut ties to my oldest/best friend. I can't say if I've forgiven or accepted circumstance, but considering how things are now I'd say the latter. The synonymous use of forgiveness and acceptance like I mentioned is what separates real forgiveness from something of a lower caliber. 

 

Reconciliation is difficult sometimes, but when it is done the relationship is strengthened, making reconciliation the ideal method of forgiveness.

 

Does anyone define forgive different than the dictionary? I like the dictionary version, but there is something missing I can't quit pinpoint.

 

 

I think it just depends on what it takes for you to forgive, I'v forgiven people with just sympathy.

 

Can you explain your method? I would like to learn from it.

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I don't think forgiveness is genuine when there isn't reconciliation. The only experience I have with this is when I cut ties to my oldest/best friend. I can't say if I've forgiven or accepted circumstance, but considering how things are now I'd say the latter. The synonymous use of forgiveness and acceptance like I mentioned is what separates real forgiveness from something of a lower caliber. 

 

Reconciliation is difficult sometimes, but when it is done the relationship is strengthened, making reconciliation the ideal method of forgiveness.

 

Does anyone define forgive different than the dictionary? I like the dictionary version, but there is something missing I can't quit pinpoint.

 

 

 

Can you explain your method? I would like to learn from it.

Simple I just stop caring about it if it wasn't something that was that big of the deal.

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Assuming the offending party has wronged you willingly and displays no remorse, I hold true forgiveness is impossible without some form of reconciliation. How could anyone overlook a blatant absence of justice?

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  • 5 years later...

No, I need people to show me that they can reconcile and the effort they put in it for to me forgive.

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  • 2 weeks later...

This is quite a good question and had some pretty good discussions going on five years ago when this thread was made. Fascinating read tbh. This made me think quite a bit. I absolutely love thought provoking questions and it honestly makes me wish I was active here  5 years ago lol.

Anyway 

Originally reading this

I wanted to say yes. Reconciliation isn’t a requirement. I don’t have to speak to who hurt me and work things out to move on.Heck one of the people that wronged me passed away a few years ago. We certainly can’t talk things out. I can’t hear their side of the story.

But I have internally went through forgiveness process to free myself from the pain of those situations so they don’t eat me alive forever. 

Or so I thought

Rereading one of the older replies in this thread it does have me wondering if this was genuine forgiveness I went through or just acceptance of what had happened. 

Have I truly forgiven and moved on. Or did I just accept it and move on because at some point I have to. 

The more I sit and think on things the more...I honestly don’t know. I honestly don’t know if it is possible.

Either way this is a pretty fascinating and thought provoking question that I’ll probably still be thinking on even after I log off. 

 

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I think you need to reconcile before you forgive someone. So no, it isn't possible for forgiveness to happen without reconciliation.

Edited by Magic Note
I misread the post
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Of course it's possible. I can forgive someone for something they did years ago even if I haven't seen or heard from that person since the offense occurred. They may never even know it but if I forgive them and move on, that's all it takes. Holding a grudge is an offense on my part and I can always grow up and leave the past where it belongs. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I don’t have to have someone apologize to me in order to forgive them. I don’t like to hold a grudge; it takes too much energy, and does too much damage to stay angry over anything. If someone upsets me it only makes it worse when I continue to feed that negativity. I’d rather just blow it off and forget about it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

It is, I think. I don't really need an apology to forgive someone for something. Conversely, reconciling something doesn't always mean I've fully forgiven it. It all depends on the situation and the people involved.

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Depends on how stubborn the "forgiver" is. Sometimes they don't want to forgive and move on with their life and do other things more important.

I think it's possible, but not if the person has evil in their heart.

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