Wouldn't mind some feedback on my Dragon Pony

[Crystal Vision 583]

Disclaimer: Please, no straight up rude comments. Constructive criticism and kind comments are welcomed.

 

(Art Credit)

 

Pic refs
Made by me:
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Made by others:
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Name: Crystal Vision

Height: Slightly taller than Celestia

Body Shape/Type: Celestia’s body shape, but buffer.

Age: 28

Birthplace: Unknown, yet she says Canterlot

Hair colour, length, style: Light blue with darker blue spots. It drapes over to the right and sits long and wavy.

Cutiemark: Her cutiemark is blue dragon scales. They run down her back legs.

How did they earn the cutiemark?: She earned her cutiemark by protecting two ponies from a pack of Timberwolves. The ponies ran away, ungrateful for their rescue but all was not a loss as she earned her mark.

Cutiemark Meaning: As dragon scales/hide is hard to damage or penetrate, it represents her defensive instincts and skills. They are dragon scales to be a constant reminder of what she is.

Race: Dragon pony hybrid

Accent: (include voice, style of speech, slang, signature phrases or words): She speaks formally, like Luna but has a slight slur on her accent due to her native Dovahzul language. She doesn’t know how she knows Dovahzul. (Dovahzul is native dragon language. Yes it's from skyrim)

Marital status (Married, Single): In a relationship with a Unicorn named Katisha - But she can be written as single

Scars or other notable physical attributes: She has a damaged tail, bound in bandage. Hurt by a knife throw from a bounty hunter. She has freckle-like scales on her cheeks.

Athletic? Inactive? Overall health? She’s pretty athletic, loves to go for a fly.

Accessories? None, unless the bandage counts.

Favourite colours: She likes soft, cool colours.

How does the character feel about his/her appearance? She is sometimes embarrassed of her appearance, scared she will scare ponies with her size and dragon features. Other than that she is pretty selfless about herself.

Brothers/sisters: She has a fire dragon pony sister named Flare Shot. Flare Shot being dramatic

Relationship with parents: Did not know her parents.

Memories about childhood: She and her sister were dumped in a box, abandoned. Resented by those around them, she and her sister raised themselves. They took care of each other until they were old enough to go their separate ways.

Educational background? (Street smart? Formal? Does he/she read?): Formal in speech. She is pretty good at modern language. Can't read English very much, only knows a few words. She has no clue about modern gestures such as booping, but hugging she knows very well.

Occupation: Unemployed

Where does the character live now? Describe? She lives up in the cave system of the Canterlot Mountains. Her ‘main’ cave is filled with quartz stalagmites and stalactites; it also has a pure water pool. (Kinda like the mirror pool cave from the show)

Is he/she neat or messy? She’s somewhere in between, she likes to be clean but eats like a messy carnivore.

Sexual preferences: She’s Pansexual, open to all.

What sex of friends does she/he prefer? Mares or Stallions?: She just wants anyone to give her a chance, so she doesn’t mind what gender.

Pets? No pets, she can barely control herself so a pet would make it even worse.

Enemies? Why? She doesn’t have any known enemies, but there are ponies that resent her presence due to her looks and traits. Bounty hunters can be counted as enemies.

Basic nature: Pretty hostile toward people who judge her immediately (in a negative way) or try to hurt her, but she does have a curious and gentle nature.

Personality traits (shy, outgoing, domineering, doormat, honest, kind, sense of humour): She is rather outgoing and smart. When you get to know her, she is kind, curious and can be rather humorous by how oblivious she is to modern day gestures and sayings.  

Strongest trait: Despite her hostile appearance, she is extremely kind and gentle to those who are the same back to her. Like a gentle giant.

Weakest trait: She can lose control of her emotions and get hostile toward others, even to the point of hurting them… badly. She calls this state of mind the ‘beast’. (explained later)

What does the character fear? She is scared that the ‘beast’ inside will hurt or kill her only friends or she will be alone for the rest of her life.

What is the character proud of? Crystal has been very proud of somehow achieving her cutiemark. She never would have thought of getting the chance to discover her true talent.

What is the character ashamed of? She is ashamed of multiple things. Her race, she sometimes wishes she was born a normal race. She has also (in a rampage from the ‘beast’) eaten ponies. She regrets her actions but knew that she couldn’t stop herself.

Outlook on life (optimistic, pessimistic, cynic, idealist): She is optimistic on life as she hopes it will get better. Yet she sometimes is pessimistic as she feels she may be alone for the rest of her life.

Ambitions: She wants to be a mercenary, hired to protect whoever or whatever the employer desires. She hopes to work for the royals but isn’t certain that wish will come true.

How does the character see himself/herself? She sees herself as a gentle and nurturing pony. She can be hostile at times but that’s only to protect herself or others.

How is the character seen by others? Crystal has different opinions from different ponies, most see her as a dangerous, hostile half breed and is incapable of camaraderie. While others see her as a misunderstood, graceful creature whose curiosity can sometimes get the better of her.

Backstory/Bio:
Crystal and her fire dragon pony sister, Flare Shot, were dumped at the edge of a village. Ponies peeked into the box to see what was inside, only to be scared out of their wits by two hungry dragon-like foals. No one wanted to take them in, not even the orphanage, so Flare and Crystal grew up homeless and fighting for survival. As they reached young adult-hood, they parted ways as they each wanted to have a future. Crystal used to live in the cave systems in Canterlot's Mountain/cliff face, occasionally going into the city to eat and try make contact with any ponies willing to give her a chance.

About her beast state:
Her beast state can be triggered by immense anger, extreme hunger and sometimes when she just lets go of herself. In the beast state she will attack anything she sees, hears or smells. Due to her strength, speed and ice spitting abilities it can be rather hard. Crystal can and majority of the time will extremely damage or kill the victim. She may or may not eat it.
She can be rescued from this state by ponies reminding her of her true self. In time, it can differ depending on how she got to the state. Or if she does something extremely horrible to someone she holds dear.
She will punish herself afterward or isolate herself if she is truly distraught on the way her beast state made her act.

[PROJECT: Simon 3,953]

So it's kind of Gnar xD

 

 

The backstory is really sad and depressing.. I love it ^~^ <3 

[Crystal Vision 583]

So it's kind of Gnar xD

 

gnar.jpeg

 

The backstory is really sad and depressing.. I love it ^~^ <3 

 

Eee thankyou so much <3

I was aiming for something kinda meaningful but without sounding "Mary-Sue"

[Widdershins 9,955]

How do I put this?...

   Well, let's start off on a strong note! I simply ADORE dragonponies! Actual dragons, I outright worship, hee! That's sort of what I love about the hybrid species! It implies relations between something huge, fierce & threatening, a veritable symbol of power & avarice and joining that with something small, soft, kind & easily squishable. The biological functions alone that would result in something this...wonderful, just implies that in that huge beast lays something thoughtful & caring enough to settle down with something that in worse times could have easily been its dinner! A sort of dichotomy, split yet same, of natures both violent but caring. But then again, I've not seen other examples in other mediums that  likely do it more often.

   Though that's sort of...well, where this falls short. There is a lot of......self-hatred. And I get that, I really do.

Trust me...

   Alot about her seems focused to a great deal on her shortcomings and...well... I can't abide by that. I can't stand watching another soul hurt, even if that pain is self-dealt. Dragons aren't monst-...uh, let me reword that!

   A character isn't intrinsically bad. So few in our lives is. Dragons in MLP aren't carnivores, or at least they aren't outright described as such. They're shown hording gems as a food source, so if anything rocks are primarily their chief energy source. But they DO have fangs & claws for a reason, eh? One of her parents clearly was a dragon that curbed its primal instincts well enough to mate with a pony, so it stands to reason her rages aren't something natural to her. There seems to be the recurring theme that being a dragon means hurting those around you. That doesn't just go against what I believe, but what Equestria as a place is centered around. Just because you are a monster, doesn't mean you have to be a monster.

   Equestria is an open country, were many species can mill about in their cities. Think it's said somewhere that even Manehattan has its Dragon Quarter. The land has just recently opened up again to the griffon kingdom, and there's a species that's both likely to be in town often associating with ponies and very libel to pick violent fights, heh! There seems to be a lot of focus on her losing control, but not much on what causes it. As she seems willing enough, it sort of seems like these bestial rages are something outside of her, like a curse or somesuch. I very much doubt she'd be caught by a stray poachers blade or treated as an outsider or outcast in a world where mutants basically already run rampant. A scaled pony with firebreath hardly seems less acceptable then how horn-magic horses & bird horses are lumped together into the same species.

  But onto other things!

 Think you can get away with just not having anything cutie mark related about her. She's a half-breed right? Would make sense if she just didn't get one because of her genetics, that's what I've done. Or maybe just leave it up to interpretation.

   I find myself being habitually confused as to whether a dragonpony would have a coat of fur or scales. That of course, varies according to the artist, though your Lil' tail tuft throws me. It's still adorable, don't get me wrong! I just get confused easily! Also...that....that part about "constant reminder of what she is"...that's...just quite dour. That's only said if your aiming for edges. If nothing else, remove just that line...but, heh, I'm trying to be positive! Don't you let any of my criticisms get you down, I'm trying to sound well-intentioned!

   They were found in a box?...that's it? No, no, not gonna keep on that lest I start sounding like a jerk!

  Maybe she could do with a bit more positivity, eh? Like, how does she like to have fun, or how does she hang out around others? Just so much of her seems based around expecting others to hurt her in one way or another.

         In short, I...I just want her to love herself.

 

Besides, I can imagine a few ocs who wouldn't mind giving her a shot at friendship, homicidal rages be danged!

[Tao 6,719]

I like her and shes pretty well round and tends to stand out a bit.  I also just LOVE her design and think shes very pretty!   My oc Rune would very much like a night alone with via dragonpony.