humor The Grand List of Things Hasbro Won't Let a Brony Do...

[HereComesTom 2,232]

This...isn't a fanfic at all, since there's no narrative.  But since it's written, I figured this was the place to post it.

 

Long story short:  the game I have in my signature is something I've been working on for a long time, and while it might be a pipe dream, I'd someday like to submit it to Hasbro for official approval.  Having worked on it for years, I've had a long time to think about what Hasbro wouldn't let me do in that game, no matter how hilarious, and every time I think of one that's funny, I try to write it down.

 

...I've by now accumulated well over a thousand of these, and it's now a very Skippy-ish or Mr. Welch-ish list, and I've posted a chunk of it here for your entertainment  

 

EDIT:  as the first few posts indicate...well, the first draft needed work.  So I've reordered, reworded, and/or replaced quite a few of these.  I started with a hundred, but now I've gone on to 200.

 

By the by, many of these tie into other Hasbro franchises and products, like Battleship, Mr. Potato Head, and Transformers (in its many incarnations), so keep in mind that those properties are all under Hasbro's umbrella.

 

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First things first; this list is intended to entertain, not to tie anyone's hands.  As such, if Hasbro thinks some of these are actually good ideas, they (and anyone they give permission to) have my permission to use, create derivative works of, sell, and in general do whatever the heck they like with anything and everything in this list.

The only exception is an original character named "Reverend Putter" who remains copyright to me; I'm using him as part of a separate game which Hasbro may one day want to license a card came for---but let's not get ahead of ourselves....


THE GRAND LIST OF THINGS HASBRO WON'T LET A BRONY DO WHILE ADAPTING A FiM GAME:
1)  When naming OCs for the Canterlot Royal Guard, the following names are off-limits:  Cannon Fodder, Red Shirt, Brown Pants.

2)  Adding random tie-ins with other Hasbro franchises like Mr. Potato Head are okay.  Making a GLaDOS Mr. Potato Head as a boss is not, until and unless Hasbro secures the rights for a GLaDOS Mr. Potato Head toy.

3)  Pinkie-Swears aren't the kind of things I should need to bleep over.

4)  No matter how common they are in actual horsemanship, or how funny their high-pitched voices would be, I may not have geldings in the game.

5) I may not base the guards of any castle in Equestria or beyond on the playable characters in Castle Crashers.

6) Fluttershy's pet Angel Bunny doesn't have a yen for Trix cereal.

7)  Making a level where Canterlot Castle is attacked:  okay.  Making part of that level entail galloping through the servant's quarters and/or the royal chambers:  okay.  Changing the background music to an instrumental version of the viral "Bedroom Intruder" song upon entering these quarters/chambers:  NOT okay!

8)  Sorry, but a scene where Scootaloo rides on Arcee is out of the question.

9)  Rainbow Dash doesn't have a pot of gold at the end of her tail or mane.

10) No matter how adorable or epic, I can't base the small, furry critters Fluttershy cares for on the cast of Hamtaro.

11)  Not allowed to have a background pony say "Wilbur!" all the time and name him "Bamboo Harvester" while sitting in a pastiche of a Studebaker.

12)  She-Ra, Princess of Power, is Mattel's IP.  Therefore, her flying unicorn "Swift Wind" or anything named similarly cannot appear or be mentioned in the game.

13)  Not allowed to depict unicorn blood as silver---in fact, not allowed to depict any blood at all, unicorn or otherwise, even if Harry Potter showed unicorn blood and still qualified for a family movie.

14)  Killing a unicorn is a terrible crime that will get me cursed forever by Hasbro's attorneys.  Whether there is a curse on the fictional character who killed the unicorn, however, is optional.

15)  Not allowed to deliberately misspell "unicorn" during a narration and have the Transformer "Unicron" make a brief cameo, only to vanish when Twilight says, "Actually, the 'o' comes before the 'r'..."

16)  Porting the game to the Nintendo 3DS is okay.  Adding a minigame in the process that makes heavy use of the 3D features is also okay.  Naming the minigame "Agh!  My Eyes!" is not okay.

17)  The mayor of Ponyville is named Mayor Maire, not "Geri Mandering"!  (Say it out loud.  I'll wait.)

18)  Fluffy Ponies are not to make an appearance, even if I have a logically-flowing plotline where Twilight's magic accidentally causes hair growth.

19)  None of Twilight's spells involve the words "Azarath metrion zinthos"

20)  In all and any Battleship product placement, I cannot assume that the battle is taking place in the Bermuda Triangle.

21)  Twilight Sparkle, as she is now a princess, has authority, not "authoritah".

22)  If anyone utters the phrase "prince consort", the project is cancelled.

23)  Having a minigame where Fluttershy gives veterinary treatment to animals is okay.  Making a part of that treatment involve lancing a cyst is not.

24)  Having a variety of gems as collectible items is okay.  Naming one variety of gems the "Dosh Garnet" is not.  (Say it out loud.  I'll wait.)

25)  Bringing back the Smooze from G-1 as a boss is okay.  Defeating him by packing him into a magical steamer trunk is also okay.  Having someone ask "What'cha gonna do with all that gunk?  All that gunk inside your trunk?" is not.

26)  "Human repellent" is not the ponies' natural musk.

27)  Adding product placement for other products Hasbro makes is okay.  Adding product placement for products I wish Hasbro would make (e.g. "Nerf Arenablast II for Wii U:  the First Family-Friendly FPS") to try to pressure them into making them is NOT okay.

28)  Even the omnivorous Spike, after claiming something vehemently and being proven wrong, is not allowed to literally "eat crow" for a visual gag.  Even if he caught them trying to steal Applejack's corn.

29)  Not allowed to have someone spoof Monty Python by having them complain that Twilight shouldn't be a princess just because she wrote her own magic and grew wings by saying "Making startling advances in a field of study and growing new appendages on account of it may be no small thing, but it isn't a reason to weild supreme executive power!  I mean, if I went around saying I was emperor because I discovered the Higgs Boson and grew a prehensile tail, what would they do?  They'd lock me away!"

30)  Not allowed to incorporate any of Lauren Faust's trolling tweets into the game, especially not the ones about ponies' large intestines and the products and contents thereof.

31)  It's Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor.  Not Mi Amore Credenza and Shining Armoire.

32)  Giving Fluttershy a spread-shot that involves birds is okay. Stealing Angry Birds sound effects and images for this attack is not okay, regardless of the fact that they are angry and they are birds.

33)  Mac Tonight is not Princess Luna's court jester, knight-champion, or any other member of her royal court.

34)  Spike is not an Amway salesman, and may not become one.

35)  Fluttershy may not get her hens to be obedient by threatening them with the following phrases:  "Jiblets", "McNuggets", "Chick Fillet", "buffalo wings", "extra crispy", "The Colonel's Secret Blend of Spices".  (This is regardless of the fact that there was a Mr. Potato Head Show with a character named "Jiblets".)

36)  There's an ancient legend that a unicorn will walk right up to a virgin girl sitting in a meadow, allowing hunters to then catch the unicorn.  I am not allowed to incorporate this into the game in any way whatsoever.

37)  Teaching kids about various subjects of science to make it an educational game is okay.  Focusing entirely on medicine is not a good idea.  Focusing entirely on proctology is right out.

38)  As a demigoddess, Twilight may smite the wicked---but she's not allowed to say she's doing so in so many words.

39)  Having money as a collectible item is okay.  Having certain events unlocked when you collect enough is also okay.  Making one such event "Buy Zecora a house in Ponyville, pay for her moving expenses, and then burn Everfree Forest TO THE GROUND, BABY!" is not okay.

40)  Not allowed to create a pony version of Lwaxana Troi from Star Trek: the Next Generation.  Even if the pony version of Q went well.

41)  Applejack may not commit insurance fraud, even if it is a plot point about depowering her Element of Harmony.

42)  If I can find a way to make math fun, then I'm not only allowed, but encouraged, to add an educational math/calculator minigame.  However, if I do so, I may not allow Pinkie Pie to divide by zero.

43)  If I make a veterinary game with Fluttershy, not allowed to include enemas.

44)  Add "Pistol Shrimp" to the list of forbidden royal guard names.  Especially if he'd end up a caricature of mexican banditos.

45)  Not allowed to create product placement for products that I know Hasbro will never license, e.g. "Mr. Potato Head's Microwave Seppuku"

46)  Even though Mr Potato Head originally began as accessories you stick into a real potato to make a doll, not allowed to invent Mr. Potato Head's Microwave Seppuku as a minigame.  Not even if I end with an aesop about playing with your food.

47)  All the characters in the show are strictly herbivores.  As such, none of them may ask "Where's the beef?"

48)  None of the characters may say "Up yours!" even if it follows "Make 7".

49)  Even if they're both bipedal reptiles with green bellies and purple everywhere else, Beast Wars Megatron cannot stand in for Spike, nor can Spike stand in for Megatron.

50)  Not allowed to recreate the famous "butchering cow no comparison" scene from the Red Green show where they are discussing how disgusting it is to butcher a cow, and Red says "The cow is not an animal in the wild, it's...well, it's like a crop; it's like that apple.  This is harvest time, that's all," to which Herald replies "There is no comparison!  I didn't have to murder this apple first before I ate it!" and Red's snappy, gross-out reply is "No, with the steaks, we're doing the humane thing, which is to kill the cow first:  you're eating that apple alive!"

51)  Yes, Celestia is white.  Yes, Luna is blue.  Yes, Cadence is pink.  No, I may not use this to recreate Charlie the Unicorn scenes.

52)  Not allowed to kill a villain by dumping a large number of pogs in the ton-range onto them, just to make a gag about remembering them.

53)  Spike, and any songs about him or starring him, are not and may not be allegories for marijuana as a reference to Puff the Magic Dragon.

54)  The following technologies do not exist in Equestria:  any forms of nuclear energy, the space program, matter/antimatter reactions, torpedoes, "rods from God", and socks.

55)  Eddie Murphy won't be voicing any donkeys.

56)  Bird is NOT the word!

57)  The following creatures do not exist in Equestria:  Slithy Toves, Morogoves, Mome Raths, Jabberwocks, Jub Jub Birds, and Bandersnatches.

58)  Add "Hula Hagula" to the list of forbidden names.  It's not just forbidden as a name for characters; it's also forbidden as a name for islands.  Especially with what looks like one blue dancer introducing it, only for two more to pop out behind her.

59)  Making that tennis player from the first episode featuring Apple Bloom appear again is okay.  Having him say "Nothin' but net!" is not okay.

60)  Not allowed to have "Beating a dead horse" be mentioned or acted out as a visual gag.

61)  In real life, a horse's broken leg will often never be able to heal, and horses whose legs get broken are generally euthanized.  I may not incorporate this fact into the game in any way whatsoever.

62)  Unicorn magic is ~not~ unicorns using their horns to prod the laws of physics into submission!

63)  First of all, the Weeping Angels from the Doctor Who series won't be in the game.  Secondly, "Weeping Angel polish" is a terrible, terrible idea.

64)  Even if the only recognizable lyrics are "Need more candy cane" and "The power is yet unknown", can't use a remix of Twister from The World Ends With You as background music for the help-Pinkie-Pie-fill-orders minigame, no matter how fitting.

65)  When Luna was stuck on the moon for a millenium, she was not whaling.

66)  Not allowed to use Tiptoe Through the Tulips by Tiny Tim as a form of torture, for the player OR characters.  Even if it sounds like it's not real (it is real).

67)  There are no microwaves in Equestria, and I'm not allowed to introduce them---even to teach kids never to put metal in the microwave.  Especially not if the metal is pins stuck into a voodoo doll.

68)  Having certain obstacles require inventory items to overcome, such as a special lock that only one, magical key can open, is okay.  However, if one of the obstacles is water full of pirahnas, the item to get past it may not be bleach.

69)  No plot points where Celestia sues a solar power plant for a cut of their profits.

70)  In real life, foals are sometimes taken from their mothers at birth and raised by humans instead, a practice called "imprinting".  Not allowed to incorporate this practice into the game in any way whatsoever.

71)  Neither Rainbow Dash nor Fluttershy digivolved from Patamon and the digi-egg of hope.

72)  Not allowed to name ANYTHING "Scrotch"

73)  Using lasers as a weapon is frowned upon.  Having the Baby Sea Ponies from G-1 pop in after using one and sing "Shoop da woop, shoop-shoop-da-woop!" is out of the question.

74)  It's okay to tell kids not to mix certain chemicals, like bleach with ammonia or peroxide with nail polish remover.  However, I am not allowed to tell them why with any level of specificity beyond "It's very dangerous", because if I tell them they can make poison gas and high explosives at home, they'll do it!  (Bronies, don't try this at home---seriously, DON'T!!)

75)  Not allowed to have any pony realize that they're all technically miniature horses, not ponies.

76)  Furby may NOT be a boss!

77)  Nor may Furby be a regular enemy, nor an NPC that threatens the player.

78)  Having Rarity complain about "The Fickle Masses" when she's trying to sell clothing is okay.  Having Pinkie Pie misspeak it as "The Fecal Masses" is not.

79)  Equestria has no need for a High Lord Executioner, nor for a High Lord Everything Else.

80)  I may not have any plot points that change #79.  And even if I could, I wouldn't be allowed to have a thank-you letter from the school, showing gratitude to the Princess for giving them free glue.

81)  Yes, there are three Cutie Mark Crusaders.  Yes, they are from school.  Yes, they are little.  Yes, they are female.  No, I may not give them Gilbert and Sullivan's "Three Little Maids From School" as a theme song!

82)  Not allowed to drag God into the MLP franchise in any way, even if I hilariously refer to Him as "The Whatever From High Atop The Thing".  (Especially not then.)

83)  There is no "human cage at the zoo", and even if there were, it wouldn't be at maximum stinkage during feeding time.

84)  The ponies aren't all speaking Korean.

85)  Applebloom's catchphrase is not "Destroy, destroy, destroy!"

86)  Provided the result doesn't offend anyone's sensibilities and fits with the fantasy setting, I may flesh out the ponies' religion.  However, baptisms may not be performed with a Super Soaker, even if Super Soakers are Hasbro IP.

87)  Cranky Doodle Donkey doesn't have chainguns, a green robotic alternate form, nor a rhino alternate form.

88)  Nor does Cranky Doodle Donkey have a sword that he just plain never uses, even though he HAS it!

89)  Not allowed to recreate the "Sunny Muffins" sketch from Robot Chicken.

90)  Babs Seed's catchphrase cannot be any of the following:  "Fer bootin' up cold!"  "We're all gonna die" "SLAG!"

91)  Add "Hookah Bazooka" to the list of forbidden royal guard names.

92)  In real life, a stallion will fart loudly as an alarm signal to his herd.  (I'm not making this up.)  I am not allowed to incorporate this into the game in any way, shape or form.

93)  Electricity doesn't exist in the Ponyverse, and I'm not allowed to introduce it.  Especially not if I'm going to show Pumpkin Cake electrocuting herself because her parents didn't foalproof the outlets.

94)  In real life, the unicorn myth originated because of medival-period misunderstandings in a traveller's description of a rhino.  (I'm not making this up.)  I am not allowed to incorporate this fact into the game in any way whatsoever.

95)  Even if Twilight makes a mistake and upsets the populace, no one is allowed to say, "Hey, Twilight ascended to godhood---let's take HER name in vain!"

96)  Have Derpy Hooves (possibly renamed "Derby Hooves") become an investor is okay, as long as I don't make any insinuation about the fact that her cutie mark is bubbles.

97)  Pinkie Pie may not work as a collections agent.

98)  Sweetie Belle is neither a robot nor possessed; she is a normal unicorn.  (That's right, we did just say the phrase "normal unicorn".  Get used to it.)

99)  Applejack doesn't use a curling iron to cook bacon for her dog.

100) If the plot involves a rainy day with no school, then I am not only allowed, but encouraged (perhaps even required) to depict colts and fillies playing with Hasbro-created toys and games, even ones from the past.  However, if I do so, I may not have anyone dump Beast Machines toys into the garbage just because I didn't enjoy the Beast Machines Transformers cartoon as a kid.

101) In addition to #100, no "TRUKK NOT MUNKEY!!" debates allowed.

102) No matter how appropriate it is for the Apple family to play it or how much fun I think it is IRL, "Apples to Apples" is Mattel's IP, and I may not have product placement for it.

103) Sweetie Belle can now use magic because of practice and just plain getting older, not by "taking a level in Wizard".

104) In real life, horses who are kept in a stable become pathologically bored and develop "stable vices"---things like "cribbing":  biting a hard surface and sucking in air, which can damage their teeth.  As such, there are real-life inventions that deliver a minor shock to the horse when he or she "cribs".  ...I may not depict ANY of this in the game.

105) Even though Equestria is a pastiche of pre-electric America, and even if my own grandfather lived in that time and did this himself as a prank, not allowed to have anyone throw a cake of yeast into an outhouse.

106) Add "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to the list of forbidden royal guard names.  For so many different reasons...!

107) Not allowed to include the Bristol Stool Chart in any way, shape, or form.  Even if I were allowed to do so, and even with the magical nature of Equestria taken into account, said charts wouldn't burst into flame when someone especially ugly passes by them!

108) Not allowed to have product placement for discontinued toylines from companies that used to be Hasbro's competitors, but were later bought out by Hasbro.  Even if they ARE Hasbro's IP.

109) In the spirit of #108:  Transformers are NOT a ripoff of Go-Bots!

110) In a Dungeons and Dragons sourcebook, it says only females may use a unicorn as a mount.  I may not incorporate this into the game in any way whatsoever.

111) There may be "dire" versions of unicorns and pegasi in Dungeons and Dragons, but not allowed to have them in the My Little Pony universe!

112) Singing the "Modern Major General" song from Pirates of Penzance is not part of the promotion ceremonies in Equestria.

113) The Bagger 288 may not be:  a level, an end boss, a regular enemy, a neutral NPC, or a playable character.

114) Nor is the Bagger 288 feuled by hate the way the Elements of Harmony are fueled by friendship!

115) Not allowed to have the Cutie Mark Crusaders performing any behavior that would make the Stallions watching them want to geld themselves to avoid having daughters.

116) Giving Hasbro the idea of licensing Friendship is Magic breakfast cereal is okay.  Doing so by creating product placement for it before they actually license it is not.

117) Even if Friendship is Magic breakfast cereal existed, and even if the mane six were eating it, not allowed to have any characters point out the disturbing implications of them eating themselves.

118) If I need to say "Kids, don't try this at home!" more than twice in the same conversation, I'm not allowed to have that conversation.

119) Even if the word just means "rumors and gossip", I may not introduce the word "scuttlebutt" in the game.

120) Princess Cadence is NOT Shining Armor's "Battle Axe"!

121) Even if it IS legal, not allowed to have "Salvia" as part of a pony's name.

122) Nor will "Saliva" be allowed to be part of anyone's name!

123) Not allowed to make a running gag where a character says that the word "Unicornia" sounds like an eye disease.

124) There is a real-life fairy tale called "Seven Foals" where the foals are really the bewitched sons of a king, and they are turned back into humans by having their heads cut off.  I may not incorporate this fairy tale into the game in any way whatsoever.

125) Lunar Eclipses don't turn Princess Luna invisible.

126) No matter what fan-theories may say, Pegasi and Alicorns don't have their wings stand up and become stiff when they are madly in love.

127) No creature in the Everfree Forest has boogers made of C4!

128) There was once a My Little Pony named "Pillow Talk".  (No joke, it really once existed.  Check the wiki.)  She's not allowed to make a comeback.

129) Snips's special talent will NOT be gelding other stallions!

130) In real life, apples can make people gassy.  I may not mention or imply this in the game, especially not from a rival fruitstand that's trying to ruin Applejack's business.

131) The game is a promotional piece and a community outreach, not a vehicle to pitch my ideas for Nerf: the Series!

132) Not allowed to quote Lord of the Flies.  Especially not the hunting chant.

133) If a given problem's optimal solution is "pee on it", I'm not allowed to have that problem come up.

134) The name of the clergyman who was presiding over the funeral is "Mr. Waddle", not "Reverend Putter"

(Note that Rev. Putter is a character copyright to me, used in a different game...which Hasbro may someday want to license a card game for, but let's not get ahead ahead of ourselves)

135) No one may open diplomatic relations with King Friday the 13th from Mister Roger's Neighborhood.

136) Any additional fantastic hooved creatures I want to add to Equestria must pass inspection.  Centicores (creatures who are more or less to goats what unicorns are to horses) are okay.  Heithrun, the goal of Valhalla from Norse myth whose teats produce mead instead of milk, is not okay.

137) Red Bull cannot turn earth ponies into pegasi, nor can it turn unicorns into alicorns.

138) Rainbow Dash cannot excrete Skittles.

139) First of all, not allowed to discuss mating, being in heat, or the estrous cycle, no matter how educational it might be.  Second, even if I were, pegasi do NOT molt when they're ready to mate!

140) If rampant pollution is going to be present, it must be treated as a serious problem:  NOT as a hilarious solution!

141) In the early 2000s, the Beast Machines Transformers toy line had a Maximal robot that transformed into a unicorn.  (I'm not making this up.)  This "Battle Unicorn" Maximal transformer may not be a character in the game.

142) While I am encouraged to have product placement for other Hasbro franchises like Mr. Potato Head, I am not allowed to create a legal nightmare by including both Superman licensed Mr. Potato Head parts and Captain America licensed Mr. Potato Head parts.

143) And I'm especially not allowed to have Superman Mr. Potato Head fight Captain America Mr. Potato Head.

144) Nor am I allowed to mix and match parts from the Superman Mr. Potato Head and Captain America Mr. Potato Head:  not even if I call it a tribute to the big Marvel/DC Crossover Comics!

145) In reference to #143:  if there's a fight between two Mr. Potato Head superheroes with a major difference in power levels between them, I'm not allowed to have anyone take bets on whether the one with less power will end up mashed or au gratin.

146) First of all, there are no telephones in Equestria.  Secondly, it's not in Twilight Sparkle's character to flaunt her royal wealth by prank-calling 900 numbers.

147) Even if I were allowed to base a story arc on Ragnarok from Norse myth, not allowed to call it "Twilight Sparkle of the Gods"

148)  The rays of a red sun do not sap Celestia's power.

149) The name "Robin Hoof" is taken.  Besides, with more than one good princess on the throne, it shouldn't be necessary to rob from the rich and give to the poor.

150) Rarity's tail cannot be used as a spring to jump to higher locations.

151) If boorish behavior triggers an embolism or aneurysm in Rarity, that is a reason to remove that behavior from the story:  it's not a segue to explaining the science behind an embolism or aneurysm to make it an educational game!

152) Adding a minigame where Twilight transmutes hay, fruit, etc. into meat to make food for pets is okay.  Setting the game up so that she accidentally transmutes the hay/fruit into a cartoon bomb if you goof too many times is okay, too, provided it is of the black-ball-with-a-fuse-sticking-out variety:  anything with fins, pineappling, biological payload, or radioactive material is out of the question!

153) Rarity's gem-finding magic can neither find nor accidentally detonate energon crystals or dilithium.

154) There was a villain from the Mr. Potato Head show named "Donkey Waddlefoot", who was never on-screen, except for a pair of hands with socks over them.  Making a shout-out to him by adding a Donkey character is only okay if he loses the socks.

155) Remember how #86 says I can expand on the ponies' religion if it doesn't offend anyone's sensibilities?  If they worship Unicron from Transformers, it offends sensibilities.

156) Rarity may not sell pea coats if I'm just going to make urination jokes about them.

157) Not allowed to open diplomatic relations with the King of Town from Homestar Runner, nor with Strongbadia.

158) Not allowed to make jokes about marijuana when I say the ponies eat grass.

159) Fluttershy's pet bunny, Angel, does not scoop up field mice and bop them on the head.  (Thanks for stealing that joke for Fluttershy's chapterbook, G.M. Barrow!)

160) GIJoe names aren't rejected My Little Pony names, nor are MLP names rejected GIJoe names.

161) The pet falcon Rainbow Dash rejected from "May the Best Pet Win" may not be named "Captain Falcon", nor may he have a Falcon Punch or Falcon Kick.

162) The demonic spellbook "Ars Goetia" doesn't exist in Equestria, and even if it did, it wouldn't be in Twilight's character to use it!

163) If I keep using the term "frisbee" in the game, the result will be that Hasbro will make me change it:  NOT that Hasbro will decide to acquire Wham-O Toys to make the use of the term legal!

164) Even if a monster is about to eat some ponies, he's not allowed to call them "HORSE d'oeuvres".

165) If any story in the game has the moral "Never bring magic to a gunfight," I may not have that story.

166) Real-life livestock diseases, e.g. Hoof-and-Mouth Disease, Founder, and Mad Cow Disease will NOT be issues!

167) Having Snips and Snails playing with Nerf guns is okay.  Having the victim of a large amount of nerf ammo being compared to World of Warcraft Retribution Paladins is not.

168) Even if the original 1980s Transformers cartoon did it, I can't depict ponies getting drunk on energon.

169) Starswirl the Bearded and Alpha Trion are two different characters; the issue is closed.

170) Not allowed to have a pony version of Taric from League of Legends.  Especially not the "Armor of the Fifth Age" skin!

171) First of all, there are no cars in the TV show's continuity, even if there are car/pony toys.  Secondly, when the toy's description says "Applejack drives her truck into town", it did NOT mean she crashes her truck through buildings in town!

172) Not allowed to use Bagpipe Music as a form of government-sanctioned torture, even if the 1998 Mr. Potato Head Show used it as a form of torture.

173) Snips and Snails aren't allowed to "melt stuff".  Especially not Beast Machines toys.

174) When told there's no point to what they're doing, Snips and Snails aren't allowed to say "Points are for mares and fillies!"  Reverse-sexism is still sexism.

175) When any character is called out on their "sexist attitude", the comeback may not be, "And you're a very sexy pony!"

176) Not allowed to give Spike the same verbal tic that Beast-era Megatron had---No.

177) Rarity's mother is not named "Hildebrand".

178) Yes, the Appaloosa episode implied salt overdoses from a saltlick were akin to being drunk.  No, I cannot capitalize on this by having Pinkie Pie EAT a whole saltlick!

179) Diamond Tiara may not become the spokespony for the new "Rebelle" brand Nerf guns for girls!  It must be a HEROIC character!

180) The ponies are not nudists---scratch that:  I must not CALL them "nudists".

181) No city in Equestria is really the transformer Metroplex in disguise!

182) Nor are any coral reefs around Equestria Metroplex's beast form!  (WHY would anyone have friggin' CORAL for a beast form?!?!)

183) First of all, there's only one moon.  Secondly, Luna cannot transform the moon into a planet-buster weapon!

184) There is no relation whatsoever between Mini-con Twirl and Pinkie Pie.

185) The Vok will not make an appearance---they were scary enough for boys, not foisting them off on girls!

186) The Autobot Matrix of Wisdom cannot substitute for the Elements of Harmony, nor vice versa.

187) Shining Armor may not sing "You've got the touch!"

188) Having Rainbow Dash convert a cloud into a Rebelle Nerf "Stratofortress" is okay.  Trying to add product placement for said "Stratofortress" as if it were a real product is not.

189) #136 said that any fantasy hooved creatures I want to add must pass inspection first.  "The Devil's herd" of cattle from the "Ghost Riders In The Sky" country song is out of the question.

190) Quintessons, five-faced alien monsters who built the Transformers in the G-1 Transformers cartoon, have no place in a My Little Pony adaptation!

191) I can't get revenge on Hasbro for cancelling toylines I was looking forward to as a kid (e.g. a TransTech continuation of Beast Wars/Beast Machines) by having product placement for them and then tacking on "coming...never!" to the end.

192) Not allowed to make jokes about glue.  Especially not implying that sniffing ponies can have psychoactive effects.

193) There is no tendancy for dog food factories and/or glue factories to appear in the vicinity of retirement homes, hospitals, prisons, and/or cemetaries.

194) Add "Public Execution" to the list of forbidden royal guard names.

195) Yes, Risk is Hasbro's IP.  No, Equestria may not be a combatant in it.

196) Not allowed to have a giant ramhead crash Applejack's tractor.

197) Censors are human beings who ensure the content of a video or game is appropriate, but the word "censor" can also mean "a metal container that holds burning incense".  I may not confuse the two.

198) If ponies are captured by some hostile force (e.g. trolls or goblins) and kept in cages, not allowed to label the cages "Live Glue" or "Live Dogfood".

199) The song "The Old Gray Mare", despite being horse-themed, is NOT appropriate for 6-10 year old girls.  Or most bronies, for that matter.

200) Johnny Rottenapple from the 1998 Mr. Potato Head Show and Applejack's Apple Family do not and may not have anything to do with each other, and I may not base a pony character on Johnny Rottenapple, either.

 

 

There are plenty more of these, but posting everything all at once...is probably not such a great idea...

Edited December 20, 2015 by HereComesTom

[Lucky Shot 232]

This reminds me of Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do, except that that was funny and this is just crude. Too many zoophile jokes.

[Gestum 2,493]

101) Making a game about their products.

[HereComesTom 2,232]

 

 

This reminds me of Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do, except that that was funny and this is just crude.

 

Shoot...when I tell people some of these IRL, they're funny enough...

 

I think I see what I'm doing wrong here:  when I tell someone one of these IRL, I tend to pick the good ones, so if I want this list to be enjoyable humor...I have some sifting to do...

 

Help me out, here:  were none of these truly funny?  Or did I make the mistake of putting too many gross or obscure ones too early, which made you want to quit reading them?

 

 

 

 

101) Making a game about their products.

 

Actually, 101 was "No TRUKK NOT MUNKY debates."  I have a lot of references to other Hasbro franchises in the list, like these:

 

205) Equestria's currency is gold coins called "bits":  NOT Monopoly Money!

 

1075) Strawberry Shortcake's origin story is not that she came out of an EZ-Bake Oven.

 

1082) The submarine in Battleship cannot be attacked by giant squid.

 

...Any good...?