(Don't) Rate my 1st attempt at an OC

[DixonTheAdversary 1,631]

Okay, so this is a bit over-due. By a little over a month. I just want to know what people think and what I need to change/fix. I'm expecting that my OC is going to be rated very poorly since it was my first attempt at an OC. But enough of me talking, I want to hear what you guys think.

 

I will no longer be looking at this topic, so do not bother commenting.

Edited October 20, 2016 by cpl_dixon

[Blaire D. Lycan 91]

that is awesome! if you keep it up you'll be writing a fanfic lol (all my oc have powers so i love when somepony has there own idea like that) well i was going to put a link to crystal ocean but it got deleted. the jist of it was she was a earth pony that could freeze others because of a storm the almost killled her, when she used ice her heart froze over and she became immune to pain but not death.

[Black Sabbath 2,484]

I'm not a fan of the whole "his parents left him to freeze to death because he was ungrateful" thing but other than that it is really good.

[Zeal Crown 194]

I like the whole ice/winter theme here, but I feel as if the colors are a bit too bland for that. I would like to suggest you to add some sort of light blue (even just a tiny hint of it outside the cutiemark and the eyes)

 

The backstory could use a bit more work too. You've got a nice idea right now, but it feels unnecessarily dark. I would love to know why he acted the way he did when he was younger. What drove him to not care for other ponies? And what caused his parents to ditch him rather than take him to a professional who could fix his kind of attitude? If you can explain or alter these, I believe you would have a great idea for an OC!

 

I love the idea of a pony who has adapted to the chilling north weather! I think that was a good idea on your part. Having to try to survive in the snow would be a fun story to read too! I want to know what he ate and what he did to pass the time. Frigid Wind has potential.

[DixonTheAdversary 1,631]

I like the whole ice/winter theme here, but I feel as if the colors are a bit too bland for that. I would like to suggest you to add some sort of light blue (even just a tiny hint of it outside the cutiemark and the eyes)

 

The backstory could use a bit more work too. You've got a nice idea right now, but it feels unnecessarily dark. I would love to know why he acted the way he did when he was younger. What drove him to not care for other ponies? And what caused his parents to ditch him rather than take him to a professional who could fix his kind of attitude? If you can explain or alter these, I believe you would have a great idea for an OC!

 

I love the idea of a pony who has adapted to the chilling north weather! I think that was a good idea on your part. Having to try to survive in the snow would be a fun story to read too! I want to know what he ate and what he did to pass the time. Frigid Wind has potential.

Yeah, I know that the backstory could use some work, and I'll do some touching up and add finer details this weekend. As for the color scheme I think it'd just be way too complicated for me to change. Plus the whole point of him being white was to blend into the snow and I think any extra blue would kinda' defeat the purpose.

[Zeal Crown 194]

I'm glad you are taking my critique into consideration! As for the color scheme blending with the snow, I believe that would be something nice to mention about him in his story. It definitely makes a lot of sense.

[Memory Lane 131]

Okay dude, I have a few questions for you.

 

Question 1. What's up with Frigid Wind being so hostile? You said he "critically wounded" multiple ponies. That's pretty intense. What did he do exactly? And how is he not in prison?

 

Question 2. Why would Frigid Wind's parents come up with this ridiculous plan to abandon him in a tundra instead of sending him to therapy? I understand he's a troublesome child, but that's kind of illegal.

 

Question 3. How did Frigid Wind survive in the Frozen North? It's an unforgiving tundra up there. An ordinary pony wouldn't last longer than a day, let alone multiple years.

 

Question 4. What's his cutie mark story? And shouldn't his special talent be more obvious? The symbol looks good, don't get me wrong, but I had no idea what it symbolized.

 

Question 5. Why isn't he able to fly?

 

Regarding his design, I'm cool with it. (No pun intended) Frigid Wind has potential, no doubt.

Edited March 30, 2016 by Keyclipse

[DixonTheAdversary 1,631]

Okay dude, I have a few questions for you.

 

Question 1. What's up with Frigid Wind being so hostile? You said he "critically wounded" multiple ponies. That's pretty intense. What did he do exactly? And how is he not in prison?

 

Question 2. Why would Frigid Wind's parents come up with this ridiculous plan to abandon him in a tundra instead of sending him to therapy? I understand he's a troublesome child, but that's kind of illegal.

 

Question 3. How did Frigid Wind survive in the Frozen North? It's an unforgiving tundra up there. An ordinary pony wouldn't last longer than a day, let alone multiple years.

 

Question 4. What's his cutie mark story? And shouldn't his special talent be more obvious? The symbol looks good, don't get me wrong, but I had no idea what it symbolized.

 

Question 5. Why isn't he able to fly?

 

Regarding his design, I'm cool with it. (No pun intended) Frigid Wind has potential, no doubt.

Like I've said in a previous post, I'll be working on the story and I'll be adding finer details. Consider the story right now as a rough-draft. Also, for question 1, the answer is actually in his theme song of his past. The lyrics for said song can be found here.

 

EDIT: For question 3, Have you heard some of the survival stories that you thought were fake but were actually true? Like the guy who survived 32 days in the antarctic with little to no resources? Yeah, how he survived is sort of like one of those stories, which I might write, but for now how he survived so long, will only be a mystery.

Edited March 30, 2016 by cpl_dixon

[Kimi Vulpine 219]

Cutie Marks really shouldn't be obscure/have obscure meanings, but ok.

I like the simplicity in the design, even though it may change since it's for now it's a pony creator avatar. Anyways, me likes monochromatic ponies!

I really don't like the "pegasus who hates flying" or "unicorn who hates using magic" trope. If you're not going to use their races' potential, why not just use an earth pony instead? Because earth ponies are "boring"? Sorry if this is coming off as harsh, I just despise the cliché and want it to die.

I guess I can't really comment on the backstory, since I personally never cared about that stuff.

It needs some improvement, but be proud for making an OC that isn't just a black and red alicorn!

[DixonTheAdversary 1,631]

I really don't like the "pegasus who hates flying" or "unicorn who hates using magic" trope. If you're not going to use their races' potential, why not just use an earth pony instead? Because earth ponies are "boring"? Sorry if this is coming off as harsh, I just despise the cliché and want it to die.

First off, He prefers not to fly. I didn't say he absolutely hated it. I made him a pegasus for a reason, which I will explain now. In my little brain, I imagine him using his wings to cover up his cutiemark, so he practically blends in to the snow. As for the obscure cutiemark, It's a little too late for me to change it.

[El Duderino 878]

Holy sh** his parents were a bit extreme. 

 

Solid character. I like the appearance. Simple, yet still not too generic. The cutie mark is very good. Original and simple.

I would recommend making his backstory less dark, but I like that you tried to show character development from mean to gentle. Good work.

[SilverStarApple 849]

I posted on the OC. By the way, you get points for not using some generic snowflake or icicle as a Cutie Mark. The Hot Wheels symbol is somewhat obscure, but obscurity isn't always a bad thing. Have a brohoof!

 

Still... would Hot Wheels exist in the mlp world? Why was that symbol chosen, does it mean ice in some ancient language, or was it simply constructed to look cool?

Edited April 23, 2016 by SilverStarApple

[DixonTheAdversary 1,631]

Still... would Hot Wheels exist in the mlp world? Why was that symbol chosen, does it mean ice in some ancient language, or was it simply constructed to look cool?

A little from column A, a little from Column B. I chose it because it looked cool, and I assume that it was a part of an ancient language from the Hot Wheels show. Although, I don't know 'cause they never finished it, just left it off with a cliff hanger...

[Moon Sugar 532]

I like his colors, I like pale ponies. 

 

I'm not a fan of hot wheels, so I was a little confused as to why his cutie mark would be a roman numeral. 

[DixonTheAdversary 1,631]

I'm not a fan of hot wheels, so I was a little confused as to why his cutie mark would be a roman numeral. 

I don't believe that there is a roman numeral with the line just on the bottom.