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Backstory for my first OC


Totally Nyx

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(edited)

Edit (3/24/2017):

Touched up the backstory (short version is unchanged).

Updated his picture to better reflect his current appearance.

Added a picture of his cutie mark.

 

Thunder Gust is my first OC I've ever made. I'd love it if you took a look at the backstory I made and give any suggestions you might have.  I haven't fully settled on what he looks like or exactly what his cutie mark looks like yet, I'll do that after I'm finished with this.

 

Apologies in advance for the length. I started writing and I feel like I wrote a book, so I made a shorter version if you don't want to read the long version. If you see something that's not well enough explained in the short, I might have it in more detail in the long.

 

Oh, and I mention Aqua Flare, she'll be my next OC when I get around to making another. No guarantees the name will stay the same I think.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this! /)

 

 

Long version

Thunder Gust was born to two unicorns.  His mother came from a family of unicorns and was very skilled in the use of magic, though she never tried to show off or even stand out in any way.  His father came from a long line of mostly unicorns and earth ponies with very few pegasi.  Thunder Gust’s family expected him to be a unicorn with very strong magic, so much so that they worried what disaster his strong baby magic might cause.  They were surprised to find that not only was he a pegasus, but he also did not fly as a baby at all.  They gave him time, but after a couple months of not seeing any flying feats that baby pegasi are able to perform they took him to a doctor to see if something was wrong.  To the great dismay of Gust’s parents, the doctor found that the bones in his right wing were thinner and much weaker than they should be for a foal that age.  The doctor told his parents that unless Gust worked with his wings frequently and tried to slowly strengthen them he might never be able to fly well.

 

Throughout his foalhood, Thunder Gust’s parents encouraged him to practice flying.  They made sure he at least tried regularly.  His attempts were always halfhearted at best.  Gust never really wanted to fly, so he didn’t even care that he might not ever be able to.  He didn’t see his lack of flight as a weakness, but rather as a part of life that he didn’t need.  After all, earth ponies and unicorns didn’t have wings, his parents didn’t fly, why should he need to fly?  However his parents never gave up on him, they kept on trying to get him flying, even though the results were lackluster on the best of days.

 

When Thunder Gust started going to school, he still hadn’t started caring about flying.  Most of the pegasi in his class could fly well, and those that couldn’t were still able to lift off the ground.  When his classmates found out he couldn’t fly they started to pick on him about it, which didn’t take long to turn into bullying.  A unicorn in his class, Aqua Flare, was in a similar situation.  She wanted so much to be able to use magic well, but all that her attempts ended in was a faint glow of her horn.  She too was bullied by some of the more talented members of their class.  Gust and Aqua were drawn together and became friends because no one else would be.  Throughout their school years, they were there to support each other when the bullying got bad.  Gust continued to not care about his flight, but he tried to help out Aqua with her magic after school most days.  Over time she began to get a little bit better, she could get a full glow out of her horn and even grasp small objects with her magic, though she couldn’t move them.  Even when she began to improve however, the bullying didn’t stop.

 

Over time, Gust was able to almost entirely ignore the bullies’ ridicules toward him.  He couldn't fly but he still considered himself a strong colt.  But it bothered him when they picked on Aqua.  She was trying to improve her magic and was making progress, but they didn't even care.  The bullies noticed that it got to him more when they targeted Aqua and directed more of their attacks toward her.  Trying to prove how useless she was as a unicorn that could barely use magic, they dared her to spend the night deep in the Everfree Forest.  Knowing that there was no way Aqua could back out without being seen as useless and a coward and also not wanting to see her have to face the Everfree alone, Gust accepted the challenge for both of them.  Maybe after they came back the bullies might even finally recognize their strength and courage enough to stop picking on them so much.  When he stepped forward to help Aqua, she thought she had noticed a small flash of blue on his flank, but then nothing.

 

As luck would have it, shortly after they went into the Everfree that night a storm started to form, a storm that would be unlike anything anyone had seen before.  As the storm grew worse, they searched franticly for a cave or something else they could use for shelter.  The lightning had started and was getting worse when they finally found a small cave.  Aqua bolted for it but Gust couldn’t help but find himself watching the sky, almost mesmerized by the storm.  The bolts of lightning were much larger than any he’d ever seen.  He was about to snap out of it when the ultimate lightning bolt appeared, streaking from one side of the sky to the other as far as the eye could see in either direction.  A couple seconds later came the ear-shattering thunderclap, leaving him dazed and reeling.  He didn’t even care about the rain pouring down on him anymore, he’d just seen something no one had ever seen.  He had seen Rainbow Dash perform a sonic rainboom before, but even that didn’t compare to the speed and majesty of that single lightning bolt.  When he joined Aqua in the cave he was filled with determination.  If a pegasus could fly so fast that they cause a rainboom, could it be possible to fly as fast as that lightning bolt?  He had to try it.  No, he had to do it!  Gust didn’t notice but at that moment when he saw the lightning bolt and knew what he had to do, his cutie mark appeared on his flank.

 

When Thunder Gust and Aqua Flare got to school the next day the ponies that had been bullying them showed them a bit more respect.  They had heard about the storm that they themselves would have run terrified from, yet these two ponies had stood their ground and stayed the night.  The bullying didn’t entirely go away but it was minimal.  When they got out of school and Aqua started practicing her magic, for the first time in his life Gust started actually trying to fly.  It wasn’t the half-hearted attempt that his parents had gotten out of him, but rather a show of spirit and determination.  His right wing was still weak and wouldn’t lift him off the ground, but he knew that it would eventually if he tried hard enough.  After a week of working with his flight Gust was able to lift himself off the ground for a second.  It was amazing progress but he wasn’t satisfied with it and kept pushing himself harder.  Over the next couple months he started making some real progress, he could lift off the ground and slowly fly around for almost a minute.  His right wing wasn’t able to keep up with the progress he wanted to make and held him back.

 

One day a couple months later, after working with Aqua on her magic for a while, Gust got tired of letting his weak wing hold him back anymore.  He decided to fly as high and fast as he could and not let his wing slow him down.  Right off it was painful and he wanted to ease up and relieve the strain on his wing, but he couldn’t give up.  If he stopped trying when things got hard, how would he ever get strong enough to match the speed of that lightning bolt that night in the Everfree Forest?  After flying quite a ways into the air, Gust turned and flew diagonally downward to see how fast he could go, but as he got lower and tried to ease up his dive the strain got to his wing and it gave out on him.  It went straight out and he couldn’t move it.  He was still a ways up in the air and gliding down but couldn’t control his descent, which was unfortunately picking up speed.  His descent was taking him out of the field he’d been practicing in and straight for a forest, straight for a tree in fact.  With his one good wing he tried desperately to alter his course and miss the tree.  He moved a little left but not quite enough as his outstretched right wing slammed into it when he flew by.  His wing snapped and the pain was more intense than he’d ever felt or even imagined was possible.

 

It didn’t take long for Aqua to get to him but she didn’t know what to do to help.  Between his cries of pain, Gust begged her not to tell anyone about what just happened.  His wing would heal if he took care of it, but the bullying would be back stronger than ever if everyone found out.  He didn’t want that to happen when they were so close to being out of school in a couple more months.  Aqua reluctantly agreed, but when Gust passed out from the pain and the wing showed signs of swelling in more places than just where it had been broken, she chose to get help whether he wanted it or not.  His parents got there as fast as they could and, seeing the condition he was in, rushed him to the hospital.  There they found out, to their great dismay, that Gust’s wing had been shattered by the impact.  The doctors couldn’t fix it because there was almost no bone structure left to fix.  Leaving the wing as it was would lead to more problems, which left one option, as awful as it was.  They had to remove the wing entirely.

 

When Thunder Gust finally woke up, he was devastated.  He had been hoping his wing could heal, but when he looked at it he found something else entirely: nothing.  He only had one wing, which brought his dream of flying to a crushing end.  His parents and Aqua tried to cheer him up but nothing helped.  When he was released from the hospital and went back to school, the bullies left him alone completely.  Not even they could bring themselves to make fun of him in this state.  Aqua asked around and found out about a doctor that specialized in installing mechanical limbs, including wings.  Gust was willing to try anything at that point so they went to see the doctor.  The doctor was able to give him a mechanical wing that would hopefully be as good as the one he lost.  When he tried using his new wing he found that it didn’t work as well as he was hoping.  He could move it but it didn’t work the same way he was used to his wings working.  He didn’t even have the coordination to flap both wings in unison.  Still, to Thunder Gust this was a dream come true.  It didn’t matter how hard it would be or how long it took to do it, if the smallest chance existed to fly again then he would take it, and one day he would fly as fast as that lightning bolt so long ago.

 

Thunder Gust has since gotten out of school and gotten used to how his wing works, but he’s still working on trying to fly with it.

 

Short version

Thunder Gust is the pegasus son of two unicorns.  He was born with a weak right wing.  He never wanted to fly but his parents made sure he practiced at least a little bit.  He was bullied in school because he couldn’t fly.  A female unicorn in his class, Aqua Flare, was also bullied because she was unskilled in magic.  They became friends and supported each other through their years at school.  The bullies dared them to spend a night in the Everfree Forest.  There was a severe thunderstorm that night in the Everfree.  One massive lightning bolt went across the entire sky.  Thunder Gust saw it and wanted to fly across the sky as fast as that lightning bolt did.  In that moment of inspiration he also earned his cutie mark, a lightning bolt.  The bullies showed a little more respect after hearing about the storm that Gust and Aqua had endured.  He started practicing flying after school and made slow progress.  After a few months he was tired of his weak wing holding him back so he decided to fly as high and fast as he could, regardless of how much it strained his wing to do so.  Just after flying far in the air his wing gave out on him and he tried to glide down at an angle to ease his contact with the ground.  It didn’t work out as planned and he slammed his right wing into a tree and shattered the bones in it.  His wing had to be removed, but a doctor specializing in mechanical limbs was able to give him a new wing.  He’s currently finished with school and has finally gotten used to how his wing works, but he still hasn’t been able to lift off the ground with it yet.

 

I have a couple drawings for what his wing might look like and what his next one when he gets a bit older might look like but I don't know how to put the images in here. Found out how to add them and I'm also adding a screenshot I took on the 3D Pony Creator. This isn't exactly what he'll look like, but just an idea created with the settings allowed. I'm no artist after all so this is the next best thing.

First wing

post-37989-0-98934100-1462160185_thumb.jpg

 

Next wing

post-37989-0-67717800-1462160189_thumb.jpg

 

Screenshot

A couple additional details I couldn't add in the pony creator, he has a very thin streak of gold in his mane but not his tail and he wears a lavender scarf on the base of his new wing.

post-37989-0-86221400-1490390338.png

 

Cutie mark

This will be touched up/remade eventually so it's not super pixely, but will essentially remain the same.

post-37989-0-21195700-1490390386.png

Edited by Totally Lyra
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That's actually a very good backstory. You used the disability to base the story on it and make it interesting. It wasn't too insistent though, and that, as well as showing the character with flaws (both physical and mental), is for another plus. I don't see any major or especially annoying mistakes really. The story is solid.

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  • 10 months later...

Ok so I reviewed your back story. I think it is absolutely wonderful, especially considering it is very unique. My back story is not that detailed, but you get the jist of it. You should read it if you haven't yet, maybe even critique it because I'm open for ideas.  For your back story, the only thing I saw was that, well i didn't see anything lol It was great! You can view mine beneath my sig.

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Sorry it was long, I just started writing and kinda never stopped. xD

 

Thank you so much for giving it a read. I checked yours out and I like it. Short and to the point, and still a solid pony. Awesome!

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Overall it's good, though a few spelling errors like "decent" instead of  "descent" are present. A bit depressing though, I feel bad for both of them.

Edited by Foxy Socks
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Overall it's good, though a few spelling errors like "decent" instead of  "descent" are present. A bit depressing though, I feel bad for both of them.

Thanks for the feedback.

 

I actually checked over the entire thing when I rewrote it and corrected the "decent", but when I changed it on here I only changed the parts that required rewriting. I forgot about the spell checking I did. xD I'll fix that asap.

 

Yeah it did get a little darker there toward the end. Once I came up with it I knew I had to stick with it, but it was also painful to write it out. Not gonna lie, I was cringing a bit, imagining the pain he went through. I don't like that he had to go through that, but in the end he's all the stronger for it.

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