critique wanted Can I have an outside opinion on this character I'm making?

[Sarge Sixteenbit 287]

I'm making a character that I plan on using in both fanfiction and roleplay. I need an outside opinion to make sure I'm not making him too overpowered or uninteresting as a character.

 

Argil/Kamen Rider Golem

 

Race: Shape-shifting soil creature, resembles an earth pony

Gender: Technically genderles, but appears Male

Age: unknown, but has the mentality and appearance of a young adult

Homeworld: Human Realm, however resides primarily in Equestria

 

Transformation Device: Metalizer

-The Metalizer, when used, transforms Argil's outer skin into a metalic, pill bug-like exoskeleton that is heat resistant and defensive against most conventional means of attack.

 

Motorcycle: Blitzkrieg

-Blitzkrieg comes equipped with tires that adapt to multiple terrains and turbines necessary for underwater travel. It also sports both radar and sonar capabilities.

 

Personality:

Impressionable

Reckless

Loyal

Curious

Proactive

 

Powers/weapons/abilities

Without armor

His body parts, when cut off, can be re-attatched, but not remotely controlled

Using soil that he absorbs, he can change shape, however his skin is much more penetrable without his exoskeleton

 

With armor

Shape shifting is limited to Argil's rolling ball ability and hand whips in exchange for a tough exoskeleton

His exoskeleton is heat resistant and can protect against conventional means of attack

Can roll into a ball for defence or attack, but still vulnerable to rolling phisics

Can burrow underground, coordinates underground with his antenae

 

Weaknesses

without enough hydration, Argil's body will petrify, thus become vulnerable to attack

In his rider form, he is considerably heavier, which is why he relies on his motor cycle for extra speed

If the exoskeleton is damaged too much, it will retract to repair itself

 

Bio

           Argil began as a meteor in space. The meteor took an new form when it hit the earth and sank beneath the ground. The mound of soil began to look like, move and speak like a human being.

He, with the help of the team of scientists and engineers that discovered him, protected his new home,Canterlot City, from magical, other-worldly threats that have been over-looked by even those who went to canterlot high.

However, during a time when he was defending his home on Earth, he followed a strange creature into an other-worldly portal, trapping himself in the land of Equestria and changing his form. Now, Argil, as Kamen Rider Golem, with his powerful exoskeleton and high-tech motorcycle helps to protect the harmony of two worlds.

Edited May 29, 2016 by PathfinderCS

[Hypn0ticD 1,213]

Hi @Sarge Sixteenbit!

 

I've moved your character from the Mentoring, Tips, Tricks and How Tos thread to Original Character Help in Octavia's Hall, as I feel you'll get the advice you seek here.

 

What I see so far looks pretty solid, and Argil would work best in a Power Rangers/ Power Ponies style roleplay, but best of luck to you!

[Illiad Easle 2,973]

@@Sarge Sixteenbit,

 

As to your questions, I think you have a very interesting character so far as backstory and abilities, and those abilities are not quite overpowered as I can already see where weaknesses would be, so don't worry about that.

 

As to personality, I'd have to see him in action to really determine if they were interesting as an individual, but that is more reliant on your own ability to write him than anything you can put on a character sheet.

 

In all I think you're good to go, best of luck to you.