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(edited)

*Obligatory twenty characters*

Edited by Twilight447

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I remember critiqing the first piece. So...

 

Here's the second. 

 

Ok...

 

It's an ok listen, however, you limited yourself to the I and the IV knowing that this piece is in the key of G Major. Use a solid four-chord progression so you could a lot more with the piece. It became very repetitive. 

 

Here are some suggestions for chord progressions

 

I-IV-vi-V

 

I-V-vi-IV

 

ii-IV-I-V

 

vi-IV-I-V

 

There are many more choices you can do. 

 

The piano line could use some arpeggios instead of moving back and forth from fifths and fourths. I like the string sound. They could be moving a little more. Some flutes would be perfect for this piece. 

 

All in all, it's a beginning, but it could use quite a bit of development in the long run. I'm here if you have any questions. 

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(edited)

Hello all! Just letting you know that I have a new song online. See my original post for the link. Enjoy!

 

And many thanks to Thunder Dash for his super detailed feedback!

Edited by Valiant Venture

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The Burden of Immortallity

 

Ok. 

 

Good, you used a four-chord progression. Thumbs up for that. However, now you gotta take it a step further by performing what is known as linking. Take a chord progression and change the last chord so you can link it to start a new progression. Just be sure that it is a reasonable chord. It can't be any chord...

 

Here's what you have:

 

vi-IV-I-III7

 

Once you complete this progression 3 times, on the 4th go, change the last chord to a V. Since you're in the a minor, the relative key of C, using the V would link you to C, like this:

 

vi-IV-I-V

 

Then, you can do something like this:

 

vi-IV-I-V-IV-vi-ii-III7-vi-IV-ii-V...

 

Notice how I put the III7 back in there. The III7 is actually the v of a minor. However, rather than switching scale degrees to reflect a minor, best to keep them in C major. 

 

I like those sweeping filtered and sliced air vocals. They give this piece that spacey feeling. However, I'd remove the slice and percussion at one point and just let the vocals resound as the progression goes though. The repeated percussion kills the personality of the piece after a while. Speaking of your percussion, it could use some fills. Dividing your percussion into bars of 8 would help you fix the repeating percussion problem. Take a look at this simple diagram of bars for your percussion phrases:

 

1-2-3-4|2-2-3-4|3-2-3-4|4-2-3-4|5-2-3-4|6-2-3-4|7-2-3-4|8-2-3-4|

 

In bar 4, a light fill should be present to add a little spice to your percussion. Snares are the common fill element, but use toms. They offer a more melodic feel to the fill. Bars 7 and 8 are for major fills, which often end up in big changes to the percussion, such as a build up to a drop, or a noise rise into a complete percussion fade. Either way, experiment with different fills and elements using this diagram. Sometimes, people go as far as putting very light fills on bars 2 and 6. 

 

For a simple ending, you could just resolve to the one with a nice piano arpeggio up to the second highest C, instead of hanging it on the V. 

 

Some strings would work perfectly with this piece.

 

All in all it's a decent piece, but it could be developed much further. This piece has soooo much potential. I'm here if you need help with understanding anything I said. 

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(edited)

The Burden of Immortallity

 

Ok. 

 

Good, you used a four-chord progression. Thumbs up for that. However, now you gotta take it a step further by performing what is known as linking. Take a chord progression and change the last chord so you can link it to start a new progression. Just be sure that it is a reasonable chord. It can't be any chord...

 

Here's what you have:

 

vi-IV-I-III7

 

Once you complete this progression 3 times, on the 4th go, change the last chord to a V. Since you're in the a minor, the relative key of C, using the V would link you to C, like this:

 

vi-IV-I-V

 

Then, you can do something like this:

 

vi-IV-I-V-IV-vi-ii-III7-vi-IV-ii-V...

 

Notice how I put the III7 back in there. The III7 is actually the v of a minor. However, rather than switching scale degrees to reflect a minor, best to keep them in C major. 

 

I like those sweeping filtered and sliced air vocals. They give this piece that spacey feeling. However, I'd remove the slice and percussion at one point and just let the vocals resound as the progression goes though. The repeated percussion kills the personality of the piece after a while. Speaking of your percussion, it could use some fills. Dividing your percussion into bars of 8 would help you fix the repeating percussion problem. Take a look at this simple diagram of bars for your percussion phrases:

 

1-2-3-4|2-2-3-4|3-2-3-4|4-2-3-4|5-2-3-4|6-2-3-4|7-2-3-4|8-2-3-4|

 

In bar 4, a light fill should be present to add a little spice to your percussion. Snares are the common fill element, but use toms. They offer a more melodic feel to the fill. Bars 7 and 8 are for major fills, which often end up in big changes to the percussion, such as a build up to a drop, or a noise rise into a complete percussion fade. Either way, experiment with different fills and elements using this diagram. Sometimes, people go as far as putting very light fills on bars 2 and 6. 

 

For a simple ending, you could just resolve to the one with a nice piano arpeggio up to the second highest C, instead of hanging it on the V. 

 

Some strings would work perfectly with this piece.

 

All in all it's a decent piece, but it could be developed much further. This piece has soooo much potential. I'm here if you need help with understanding anything I said. 

 

Thank you once again for your feedback, Dash. Unfortunately, I'm pretty limited with changing anything I do in the 4beats app. It's all pre-made loops that can't be modified outside of things like reverb and volume. Thankfully, I just purchased a new app called Music Studio 2, which pretty much requires me to build tracks from scratch. It's daunting, but I need the challenge.

 

But seriously though, thank you for your feedback. Ever since I first posted here, you've provided extensive and super-detailed musical tips and tricks for every one of my songs. The fact that you go the distance that you do is something special, and it really means a lot that you take the time.

 

Have a good day/night, sir.  :)

Edited by Valiant Venture

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Thank you once again for your feedback, Dash. Unfortunately, I'm pretty limited with changing anything I do in the 4beats app. It's all pre-made loops that can't be modified outside of things like reverb and volume. Thankfully, I just purchased a new app called Music Studio 2, which pretty much requires me to build tracks from scratch. It's daunting, but I need the challenge.

 

But seriously though, thank you for your feedback. Ever since I first posted here, you've provided extensive and super-detailed musical tips and tricks for every one of my songs. The fact that you go the distance that you do is something special, and it really means a lot that you take the time.

 

Have a good day/night, sir.  :)

Hey no problem. The best thing if you really want to push yourself is finding the right software that gives you loads of freedom. I suggest saving up for a small end midi keyboard/workstation that can be hooked to a computer. Once there, you can at least record using your keyboard as a midi controller working with the sounds built-in to the software.

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Hello all! Got a new track online, dedicated to Fashion Horse. You can find it in the original post. Thanks for listening and have a great day/night!  :)

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Well here I am again...

 

Elegance...

 

Ok...

 

I see you were using a new app, but this one...I must say the following. 

 

This piece really does not reflect the elegance and style of Rarity. What you need is an electro-classical fusion, not just straight electro. Right now, it's sounding more like a "Vinyl's First Beat" type of song. To get to the Rarity feel, some warm synth strings would fit very well with this piece. Remember, as stated in my thread for getting the best out of your synths, you can always transform a preset into another type of instrument. 

 

In terms of chords, you stuck to the tonic key of a minor. To be honest, a major key suits Rarity better than a minor key. A minor key makes this piece sound darker than it should be. Perhaps use the key of Eb (like Art of the Dress and Becoming Popular) or something like C#. Either way, it should be a brighter key. 

 

I'm here if you need any help with more developments. 

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Got another song online now! This one's for Dash. You can find it up top. Hope you all enjoy it! :)

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Got another song online now! This one's for Dash. You can find it up top. Hope you all enjoy it! :)

I remember critiquing that one on My Little Remix.

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Just put up another track up there in the list. It's another track for Luna, but this time its a lot more relaxed. Lol. Enjoy!

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#6 - Luna's Realm - released September 14, 2016   https://www.ponytube....h?v=rBoUnxx_FnQ  This track is a very simple ambient instrumental dedicated to Princess Luna and the stars. Can you tell who Best Princess is to me yet? Lol. This track was originally published under Strat Attack. Hope you stallions like it!

 

I also remember critiquing this piece too.  

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#7 - Chasing Butterflies - released September 17, 2016   https://www.ponytube....h?v=fCDj7q-55OQ  Another track dedicated to the wonderful Fluttershy. This one contains real guitar played by yours truly. Also, this was originally published under Strat Attack and was featured on Equestria Daily's Music of the Day about a year ago.

 

Ok.

 

This one is nice and catchy! However, repeating the I-I(1st inversion)-IV-V cadence makes it become stale and dull after a while, even though you're doing different stuff on the guitar. Perhaps you could've added some interludes and bridges revolving around the vi, which is the relative minor. Also, maybe you could've had a slower part, where you cut the distortion and ran a nice and watery chorus on your guitar to simulate a break. Then, pick it back up and maybe modulate up to C# using the vi of C# which is Ab, unless you're ending on the V of C, which then you'll have to use the iii of C#, which is E#, then pull a quick ii-V-I to end up in C#. Personally, I prefer to modulate from the I, but the V adds more drama, but it is harder to pull off. What kind of electric piano was that? It sounded like a Rhodes Suitcase.

 

For the ending, instead of fading it, perhaps you could've slowed it down and pull a IV-ii-V-I followed by a light shred ending with the root of C#.

 

All in all, it's a nice driving song, but it could be developed more. I'm always here if you need help.  

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Ok.

 

This one is nice and catchy!

Did...did Thunder Dash just enjoy one of my songs? I never thought I'd see the day! :)

 

I kid, I kid. Thank you for your comments and tips, as always. They encourage me to experiment more.

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Her Glorious night and flutter are so calm and relaxing they have like an Evening Star Vibe to it and Dashes fight theme is so upbeat good job. :)

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Hello again. Just letting y'all know that I posted another track up in the original post. Enjoy!

 

Also, thank you, Dabmanz! I'm glad that you enjoyed them! :)

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#8 - Flight - released September 24, 2016   https://www.ponytube....h?v=yV4e5Olh2rU  This is another very simple ambient instrumental, this time for Rainbow Dash. Ever wonder what it would be like to soar high above the clouds as a Pegasus? This song is kind of a soundtrack dedicated to that experience.

 

Ok. I'm getting a little bit of it, but it's more like a rhythmic trance through hyperspace. I see you used the common blues progression for this one, which became repetative. The sliced sawtooth plucked leads could've been varied more and cut at a certain point. I liked those sweeping choir-like pads. They added that gliss and ambience to the piece.

 

All in all, this piece could use quite a bit of development, as it still lacks the feeling of flight. I'm always here if you need help.  

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Just added another track to the list. This one's a "cinematic" track inspired by the "Reflections" comic book arc. Headphones are recommended. Hope you all enjoy it! :)

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#9 - Sombra's Sacrifice - released September 30, 2016 - previously featured on Equestria Daily's Music of the Day   https://www.ponytube....h?v=eXkVxFsTEWE  After months of searching, I finally found it! I never thought I'd see this one again. This "cinematic" track was inspired by events that took place in the "Reflections" comic book arc in the MLP mane series. This was also the first of my songs to make it to Equestria Daily's Music of the Day, something that blew my mind when it finally happened. This was originally published under my previous artist name Strat Attack. Hope you all like it.

 

Ok.

 

It's a decent track. However, you could use a ton more development with this track. It hung around that progression way too long, which sadly caused your track to stale out after a while. I see you added strings towards the end, but that still wasn't enough. 

 

All in all, this piece could use a lot more development. I'm here if you need any help. 

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