[Rap] Rarity Day

[Supremussy 11]

Hey guys!

As soon as I saw the announcement on EqD about Rarity Day, I got right down to business, as she is my favorite pony of the mane 6. However, this song was sort of rushed and the mixing, sound, lyrics and vocals aren’t too great, in my opinion. I think I might've even gotten some static in the recording as well.

 

However, I still hope you guys enjoy the song, and Happy Rarity Day!

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxpG_DD335c

 

Lyrics

 

Art of the dress so prettay 

Fashionable like Gucci (ay)

French pony with a beret 

Eating hourderves so gourmet

 

She's lookin fine

Eyes sublime

Always in the center where the spotlight shines

 

Leavin me speechless as a mime

And guiding my hand to jot down my rhymes 

 

Cutting, sewing, selling, girl is the game

Can't walk out the door without somepony calling your name

Look at her style

Look at her mane

It's no wonder she rose up to a greater acclaim of fame

 

Woo

You can't compete

Too sleek too chic 

Body's too weak to ever reach the unique antiques that you hear the ponies speak of the carousel boutique, oh please

 

---

 

When the day seems to be blackened

And all the ponies are saddened 

I just tell them to give somepony a visit to have their demon days gladdened

Just take a trot down manehattan

To the bathing ape of pony rapping

Where she'll make you feel anew as platinum

You'll say, "wow how the hay did that happen?"

 

The rules of Rarity

With TLC

Showin to the scene with a brand new dress for me

You need to be an inspiration 

But not cause another big manifestation 

 

With that book

Now look were getting to the hook

And I feel a little shook

And full of dismay

But I can't think of a better time to say the cliché 

Eh buck it Happy Rarity Day

[Kozmos 129]

I liked this track!

He instrumental was interesting, in a good way

The vocals were ok, even though they were rushed, they weren't out of place

And the lyrics were ok as well

 

All in all, still a good listen!

[Jeric 46,834]

You get my stamp of approval Kinryoku. Awesome contribution to Rarity Day

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

Ok. 

 

It's a decent listen. 

However, you told too much again and didn't show the beauty and elegance of Rarity. Showing every detail of Rarity's beauty is the one thing that would really make this rap shine. Show how Rarity can turn a piece of cloth into something beautiful. Show how her generosity shines to make Rarity who she is. As I said before, taking the winding and longer road, rather than the shorter road. 

 

Also, the quotes seem a little out of place. I like the "Idea!" quote right at the start, but the others just seem thrown in there. Best if you keep the first and exclude the rest of them. 

 

In terms of the beat, I see you tried to incorporate the baroque harpsichord style into the beat. Perhaps I can help you with that. You had a basic idea going on, but it was broken up into bits and pieces. Perhaps you can try a Fugue style with your accompaniment. I can teach and help you how to do a fugue-hop type of piece.

 

All in all, it's a decent piece, but you still need to work on showing more and telling less. I'm always here if you need help.  

[Supremussy 11]

I liked this track!

He instrumental was interesting, in a good way

The vocals were ok, even though they were rushed, they weren't out of place

And the lyrics were ok as well

 

All in all, still a good listen!

Thanks for the listen and feedback! Hope to maybe collab later on

You get my stamp of approval Kinryoku. Awesome contribution to Rarity Day

Thank you very much! Glad you liked it

Ok. 

 

It's a decent listen. 

 

However, you told too much again and didn't show the beauty and elegance of Rarity. Showing every detail of Rarity's beauty is the one thing that would really make this rap shine. Show how Rarity can turn a piece of cloth into something beautiful. Show how her generosity shines to make Rarity who she is. As I said before, taking the winding and longer road, rather than the shorter road. 

 

Also, the quotes seem a little out of place. I like the "Idea!" quote right at the start, but the others just seem thrown in there. Best if you keep the first and exclude the rest of them. 

 

In terms of the beat, I see you tried to incorporate the baroque harpsichord style into the beat. Perhaps I can help you with that. You had a basic idea going on, but it was broken up into bits and pieces. Perhaps you can try a Fugue style with your accompaniment. I can teach and help you how to do a fugue-hop type of piece.

 

All in all, it's a decent piece, but you still need to work on showing more and telling less. I'm always here if you need help.

 

Thanks always for the critique!

 

I still know that I'm pretty bad at writing lyrics and this piece was rushed so that made it even worse haha. I really need some more practice and I'm sure I'll get it soon.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

 

 

Thanks always for the critique! I still know that I'm pretty bad at writing lyrics and this piece was rushed so that made it even worse haha. I really need some more practice and I'm sure I'll get it soon.

 

You know I'm always around to help in any way. No problem dude.