making christmas merrier $2750 Stretch Goal - Pirate's Roasting!

[VengefulStrudel 1,486]

No, this isn't about his Friday dinner.

 

We've reached $2750, and you know what that means! It's that time of the year that we gather round to spend time with our family and friends - and what better way to spend some quality time than to make fun of our dear friend @PiratePony! Remember to keep it friendly, after all, he does have a pirate cannon and is not afraid to use it. (Trust me on that one.)

 

With that said, let's get this started! *grabs some popcorn*

 

[Derplight Sperkle 1,013]

How come no one has yet to roast monsieur pirate in three hours!

 

I cannot let this stand!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVKxtIvjLJo

[Mesme Rize 15,681]

Piratepony was never a real pirate. The treasure that he has in his basement, is only a chest full of spoons. And his cannonballs are nothing more then medicine balls.

[PiratePony 8,473]

You guys can do better than that!

[GrimGrimoire 4,970]

I was not going to say anything, because I am sure "Pirate" wants to keep his past a secret.... but I think it needs to be said what he he was doing before he became the eyepatch wearing Rarity we all know today to hide from his "crimes".

 

Or should we call you by your real name... Abraham Smollett?

 

 

I could overlook the hammy acting, but seriously... I am so damn glad you did not get any singing parts in any of the Christmas songs just because of this disaster right here.

 

 

Does "Mrs. Pirate know about this "past relationship"?

 

You should be ashamed of yourself. I hereby ask Mr. Smollett... NO! DEMAND YOU STOP LIVING THIS FACADE! I understand this is a pony forum and not the usual Muppet or frog forums you normally abide in, but at the very least update your avatar to at least begin to try and make peace with your past and be honest with all of the people here putting their trust in you.

 

 

 

 

You can keep the Rarity avatar, but you need the palette adjusted. I know, it is not easy being green... but no one said life would ever be easy.

 

Just don't sing any more songs you monster.

 

We know where you live.....

 

 

[Randimaxis 8,633]

*walks timidly up to the microphone*

 

>tap tap<  Is this thing on..?

 

*clears throat*

 

Mares and gentlecolts, we are gathered here today to pay homage to one of our own; a fine crew member who always seems to be right where you'd expect him to be... with his hoof in your pocket, trying to get a grip on your booty.

 

Hey, he's a PIRATE, remember?

 

But really, we've all borne witness to the many antics of our dear, dastardly and despicable host before (The Internet is FOREV-ARRRRR...), but this year he seems to have gone all sorts of out of his way to donate a chunk of cash, just show us that he has quite a lot of generosity... either that, or the IRS was finally catching wise to the fact that he hadn't claimed a single chest of gold yet.  

 

Dude... they took down CAPONE for that; give 'em their share, before they take it all!

 

Now, I'll be honest - I have a LOT of faith in this guy; he's pretty much RUN HARD with this entire water project, and with his sea legs, that's one HELL of an amusing sight.  But I have faith in him because he's always loyal, and loyalty is not only a key component of ANY staff, but one of the Elements of Harmony, to boot.

 

Of course, the fact we have half of EVERY treasure map he's got tends to ensure he does what he's damn well told.

(Thank you, Raider Viking Jonas!)

 

But truly, I have seen quite a number of other folks rally 'round him and align themselves to his cause, as he has that kind of charisma to him.  That, and I think he got a little confused when he called for volunteers...

 

Pirate, my friend, I don't CARE that the bribes are from your 'secret stash' of plundered gold - you can't circulate flyers promising 'FREE BOOTY', man.  Folks get the wrong idea QUICKLY... and you think you know what 'butthurt' means NOW?  *chuckle*

 

Honestly, I can't say that I've truly ever seen someone with my own two eyes work the kind of magic that Pirate has brought to us all this year.  Technically speaking, HE never will - not with TWO eyes, anyway.

 

Did I ever tell you I discovered WHY he wears that eye patch, by the way?  

 

Well, his mother always told him 'if you clop, you'll go blind'... so, he only used one hoof.  Problem solved, right?

 

It's okay, all in fun.  Really - there's never quite been anyone like this persnickety pirate, and there never will be another... I mean, really - when they saw how he came out, they scrapped the mould; learning from mistakes kept the riff-raff out.

 

Except Pirate.  Who is quite the scurvy dog - or at least, he looks like one.  Wait, I take that back; the ASPCA would sue me if I called him a dog... cruelty to animals.  They'd be right, too.

 

At least he and Lightwing have some interesting ship battles - though they have yet to agree on what KIND of ships to use.  LW uses cute lil' relationships that sound kawaii... and Pirate has a rusty tug.

 

Aaaaaaaand just like that, we're back to the clopping jokes again.

 

But with all of my heart, I would like to take the time to thank Pirate for all he's done for this charity event... and for the site in general.  Good sir, you may not feel as though you've done much, but the ripples of your actions have touched countless others here, and has made your presence here felt through us all.

 

And we're filing a class action suit; no means no, ya perv.

 

To my friend Pirate Pony: Keep those barnacles off your booty... so you can prove to folks that your ship don't stink.

 

*steps back from microphone, bows, exits stage right*

[VengefulStrudel 1,486]

Alright Pirate, prepare to get roasted!

First you preheat the even to 350 degrees, then you place Pirate in a roasting pan, season with salt and pepper. Sprinkle onion powder on top and then place 3 tablespoons of margarine. Bake for 90 minutes in the preheated oven - remove from heat and baste with melted margarine and drippings. Cover with aluminum foil and let Pirate rest for 30 minutes before serving.

And voila; Roasted!

Now where are all those Pirate and Rarity puns? C'mon, let's do it for Team FiM!

 

Maybe we should ask Pirate to sing a song for us. I hear he can hit the high Cs very well. Sorry, I'm just hooked to these puns. Pirate also likes 'em, we see aye to aye. By the way, have you seen his favorite movie, Booty and the Beast? It's Arrrr-Rated, though.