adventure Falling From The Skies - My First MLP Fanfiction!

[TwilightPomegranate 324]

Falling From The Skies  - Chapter One

 

"ALRIGHT PONIES. LISTEN UP." Commander Spout shouted with anger. I was one of his soldiers, Crimson Cap. But he called me C.C instead. He hated my guts the day I arrived. Why am I here you ask? Well, the two sisters Luna and Celestia split apart and had two sides. Solar and Lunar. Luckily, my parents moved to the solar side. And I was glad. "WE GOT A SQUAD OF LUNAR SOLDIERS COMIN' OUR WAY. AND WE START TRAINING NOW." After that word, everypony ran through the training course. With me being lazy, I went last as usual. No friends, no nothing for me. After the course, we had breakfast. But it sucked, we got oats and carrots with a little glass of water. Once I got my tray of disgust, I sat down at one of the tables. The one far off from everypony else to be exact. But then, a pony comes over to sit with me. His mane was a dark orange, his fur a light yellow, and eyes a tan color. He than sat down and finally spoke.

 

 

"Hi, I'm Sandy Shores. Your name?"

 

 

Full silence was in control at this moment.

 

"..Your na-"

 

"CRIMSON NAP! I MEAN, NIMSON CAP! I-"

 

"Oh, so you're Crimson Cap? The pony Spout hates? I seen you in training today. "

 

"..Yeah? " I said. How did he know my name?

 

" Well anyways, I came to sit by you because my friend Flame got infected with.. THE DISEASE. "

 

I made a confused look. " What do you mean..? "

 

" Oh, the Lunar general had something called Chaos Control and started going crazy. Now my friend Flame has it. I don't know what the deal with it is.. " 

 

 

" Yeah, me neither. " I replied. 

 

 

A huge siren was heard. That meant a lunar attack was underway. I grabbed Sandys' hoof, running to the battle field. This wasn't good news.

[Lunarpalette 2,175]

This is good so far! Nice military style setup, though it is sad that Celestia and Luna split up. Though for feature updates, could you add a bit more detail? And at some point it would be nice to know exactly what happened between Luna and Celestia. Also the time period. Keep it up! I can't wait for feature updates!