wall of text My AMA

[Soma O))) 30]

First off ask me anything, I have no secrets.

Now the wall of text:

This will serve as a general overview of my life up until this point as I see fit to reveal it. I am displaying it here for your inquiry and scrutiny.

So a wee little me right? Like 1 years old it was 1998 and my ma is starting school to become a teacher in public schools. She is a foreigner on a green card. Her husband is a Chicago born 80s man who parties and loves his family something fierce. Their stories alone are actually extremely revealing as to my own but that will be seen as we go on. But yeah when I'm like 1, mad money is Rollin in. It's just baby me, my older bro is like 3 and ma is maybe 24, Pa maybe 25. They deal. They party a little. Ma is in college. Pa works for his dad's construction firm.

2 years old ma has a bad car accident and lives in an odd show of events. She lived because of not wearing her seatbelt at a heavy cost. She ran her car around a deer and into and a ditch, propelling it into the air and twirled and landed on it's roof (that's how ma tells it. Pa confirms.). Ma flies through the windshield and tumbles to the ground and my older brother, 4 years old is in his car seat in the back. This car skids on it's roof for another 50 meters or so before hitting a retaining wall for a curve and sliding downhill into a ditch. Interesting enough, my brother is fine. Just a bruised chest and a scraped knee. Ma is severely injured and lacerated by glass. The police were aware soon after and she was flown with my brother to the hospital. She was there for a few months and left barely able to walk. Took her the next year to get back to normal. 

So now I'm what, 3? Same stuff just no one getting hurt. Pa gets busted on a minor drug offense and gets probation. No big deal to be honest.

So 4! Here we go, this is a good one. My 4th birthday. I wake up and open presents and I recall ma making an angry phone call. It's july 23rd 2001 (not a big deal the date but that's the date nonetheless). After presents ma breaks out a cake and me and my bro eat cake. My pa arrives around noon. Kinda like busts through the door, intoxicated to some degree (how certain varies by accounts). Ma n pa have a spat that becomes a fight that becomes a fist fight til ma stabs him with scissors. He throws her and drives off. Turns out he was back into dealing as well. Cops picked him up and he went to prison. Ma divorced him and took me and my older brother. She was still a drug addict and heavy alcoholic. A real 80s kinda chick. She still is in a way.

So after that I won't see my dad til I'm 5 almost 6 and he's at a rehab center and I'm there for Easter egg hunt stuff. It was a religious event. I was actually rather religious as was my home at this time in my life. So i got this big basket full of eggs and i see this girl with no eggs and i give her some of mine and my pa never forgets it. It's odd to me actually.

6, so I'm in school in first grade. I'm a good reader and interested in art. I also like archaeology because dinosaurs. Ma has straightened up and married a sober dude who flunked out of the army. Spoilers: this guy is a bad dude. Regardless, I'm a weird little redneck kid who never wears a shirt and has super long polar bear blonde hair with all my baby teeth still in my head. But I'm also really good at school work, but terrible at interacting with people. They say I'm adhd. This'll be important later. So they give me Ritalin. Minimal dose for now. I am a rowdy kid. Sometimes violent. I do well in school though.

7, I continue to excel in school but have a slew of behavioral problems as I continue to have my dosage increased ever higher to 500mg twice a day. I also had bloodwork done. They think maybe I'm not adhd but they'll keep looking. The marriage between ma and this dude is crumbling already. This is a religious issue. Ma is a Christian, ex orthodox Catholic, from communist Hungary. This dude is an American bro with bad luck who hates the religious. 

Now lemme settle this right here: this is important to understand for my take in this whole thing. I am not religious. I would consider myself an anti-theist if anything but I do not intend for anyone else to adopt this method of thinking. One ought to be as they please. I do not necessarily loathe religion. However I do loathe them all equally as they are all virtually destructive devices in lieu of my goal of preparing humanity for the future as I see it. Regardless, I love people. And people are not humans in a sense, but for our intents and purposes are. Now I don't hate the religious, though I do find their willingness to be lead rather concerning as that is not a favorable trait for our species to keep in the coming years. We should seek to unify and be free rather than to conquer and be destroyed.

So 7, normal stuff. Ma finishes school and starts substitute teaching. She also has ran a daycare since I was 5.

Did I forget to mention that...? I did.

Anyways, she finished school for now. This dude she is married to but hates works for a...

Wait a...pro-pr..propane company. 

This has got to be a joke...but no he does. They have a baby girl and that's my first little sister.

But yeah 7 they switched my prescription from Ritalin to concerta which is just cheaper Ritalin from India. Same dosage.

Oh yeah and that made bad stuff happen. See I'm actually schizoaffective. My ma is bipolar type 1. Pa is bipolar type 2. So uh, they gave a kid with bipolar speed and alot of it for a few years. And down the line along with things to come that ends up with me being schizoaffective. We will see how that all goes down. Btw, at this point ma is drinking again and is depressed. 

8, the bad stuff happens. I'm in 3rd grade and I'm all hopped up on medicine. The marriage is at its breaking point. In their desperation and totally by mistake they have another baby girl. I now have 2 sisters in 2 years. This is getting ridiculous. So one day after breakfast I walk to the bus stop and sit down. I dig around in the back pack for a ruler that I sharpen on the sidewalk. The bus arrives and I put it away, get on, go to school. I get to class, the teacher collects homework and I don't have mine. He calls me a few names as he often did, much like most authority figures prove to have done to many. I don't exactly remember the turn of events in question but some kid got slashed by the ruler and I got hauled off to a local psych ward by cops. It was then that I spent an hour or two in isolation until my ma arrived and took me home. They wanted to evaluate me but ma said no. They then countered with a court order for me to receive mental care or she lose all her kids. So the same clinic saw and tested me positive as early onset bipolar type 2. They had my dosage lowered and began to ween me off of the speed. I met with doctors and they declared I was a highly intelligent and sensitive young rascal with no grasp on the concept of self. This is important. So i get kicked out of that school and go to another one. At this point I should mention I've hopped schools alot cuz ma moves alot and she still does to this day. 

9, ma divorces the weird dude. She drinks and drinks and drinks. She becomes abusive and neglectful whilst trying to get back into school. She has 4 kids and a daycare and that's it. All of her kids are and continue to seem to be special needs to some extent. She is a broken women as the childhood she lost and never confronted beguile her with misery and woe. She is ready to end it all...if only she never had kids. This is basically her to this day. I'm doing well in school though. I'm unmedicated for now, being in gifted classes, reading at an 8th grade level they said. My older brother is often playing video games. My little sisters are very young and are just as abused and neglected as me and my brother but not to the same extent. It's honestly a snapshot of lower middleclass America.

10, doing well in school, reading at 12th grade level so they say. I'm in the recycling club, I dump out all the campus recycling bins with other students. I know the school resource officers and shrinks rather well as I have my bouts if erratic behavior. They now have me taking abilify. It kills my appetite and my weight drops to 45lbs. Nothing is done about it and this continues to cause me problems like back pain, stomach cramps, vertigo on occasion, the usual. I get involved with public speaking and this continues to get important. I compete with the whole school and get 1st in my class and 4th for the school and it makes me mad that I didnt get a prize so I cried and cried. That's about it.

11, I'm in middle school. I went to a concert with my older bro and ma is married to a religious right wing tea party dude. She still is. I like metal, girls and anime. 

Kill me.

Anyways, I dated and what not and it sucked. Ma had another baby girl. I have apendicits and go the hospital. It screws up school for me forever. I weighed maybe 60lbs. I was and am a small man. I did end up dying during surgery due to an unexpected incident involving an adverse reaction to anesthetics. Clinically dead for 7 minutes and to this day I can still recall the lack of sensation for what seemed to be that amount of time. The ego death. I recall it quite clearly. I learned that death is final and the soul is a mere figurative manifestation of life or it's essential parts. Absolute lack of sensation. That is death as I perceive it. But basic CPR revived me and they go on with the basic appendectomy. I spend a month in the hospital and also have an abcess removed. Slowly I recover and begin to gain weight and confidence as my medication is increased.

12, I date this weird chick, it gets me questioning my sexuality. But it also gets me questioning the idea of god. This is still relevant. But beyond the thoughts nothing comes of it. I love around schools alot as my meds make me act agressively when manic.

13, so this is kinda where the meat starts to fill in. The good parts are beginning. My brother is dating the same girl he has since he was in 8th grade at this point and I've been dating a redneck girl who like anime and Music. She's a little chubby but that's why I liked her I suppose. Point is, we were both like the same person and 2 years later it becomes a problem. I'm really coming into my own and want to be an army doctor. I like to build legos and robots. I also decide that God is fake and not for me.

14, 9th grade. What a year <3~ me and the girl are together and happy. Ma is sober and teaching at middle schools. Her husband is a groundskeeper who was in the navy for 16 years. He brought 2 kids (technically 3 but I don't wanna get into that unless asked). I'm exploring my sexuality a bit and have become a brony. I'm edgy as all hell and my meds are now Xanax. Ma just gives me the bottles and naturally I abuse them. I do well enough in school and am active in Jrotc. I meet a man who is older than me (I was 14 he was 17 ). We talked and were good friends. This is important later.

15, the best year of my life so far. I smoke cigarettes now. I drink when I can. Whatever drug I can find I'm on. I'm edgy. So edgy. I am little kurt cobain and grunge becomes me. Kill me was my mantra. Me and the girl split up and I get together long distance with the guy I mentioned earlier. This leads to problems later.

16, I've switched schools and made new friends, some of whom I still have. I'm mostly off of drugs other than cigarettes which I scramble to save and ration like food. I'm having bouts of night terrors that persist to this day. I have stomach problems and jrotc has broken my back. We live in the woods outside town in a big nice house on land. We've got animals. My mind at this point is in utter disarray. I began to look into myself and ask the big questions and day by day I found out more and more. At this point I've lost contact with the bronies. Life is grungy. Me and ma hate eachother. She finds out I'm with that dude and restricts my access to the internet for 4 whole months in which I date a freshman as a beard for that time. Eventually I regain contact with the boy and we grow very close and commit to one another. I am now the rebel of the house...yay...

17, I'm failing school and planning to move to Colorado to be with the man. I did pass but it was a struggle as now I am frequently experiencing auditory hallucinations. To this day, although rare now, they do occur. Though most notably whilst under the influence which is obvious. So i graduate and sell lots of my stuff to afford to live in Colorado.

18, now ive graduated. I have the money and tickets and packed. I'm leaving Florida for Colorado on August 3rd, 2015. I've said my goodbyes. Saw their faces as I walked away and at the time felt so empowered by their sadness. They couldn't touch me anymore. I'd grow to miss em. I lived in Colorado with a nice young brony who was in school and worked a nice job. I lived there 7 months. The entire time he was not actually into me or even men. He wanted the trap I could've been. But i was grungy and cool. He was actually a huge freaking nerd. But that's what made him cute. He was going to school for psychology so I figured he could help me as I've seen therapist after therapist and none help. In the end, I hated him and now it's still bittersweet. Eventually after 7 months of working fast food to pay rent and living in a place with seasons, I went home and no one said I told you so. They were kind and kept me close for the following months as I went back to work with subway. 

19, for some reason I begin to think I'm trans for all of a month and then I chill. I self medicate with tobacco. Afterwards I am at the final stages of my personal development as my youth fades away. I am self aware and sympathetic. This is me now, I'll be 20 on July the 23rd.

[Venomous 18,813]

@Soma O)))

The section Life Advice is intended for users to seek guidance regarding particularly difficult or stressful situations in their lives, as sharing something such as this would be best done in a different area. Therefore, I will be moving this thread to Ask a Pony because that is the area specifically designed for AMAs. Finally, I have altered its title to give it a bit more prioer context.

[Maple Bat 3,568]

@Soma O)))

So you where edgy while a brony yea?

How many people knew you where a brony and why did the show catch your attention? 

[Soma O))) 30]

9 hours ago, Maple Bat said:

@Soma O)))

So you where edgy while a brony yea?

How many people knew you where a brony and why did the show catch your attention? 

Yeah I was pretty open about it. Everyone from family to friends to random classmates knew I was into mlp.

The show really stuck with me as it was a wholesome and fun experience that sated my teen angst.