Art critique requested

[ChamberCheck 10]

Hi all

 

Just wondering what you think of my most recent pencil piece. It's Mercenaries' Guild officer Nomen Sacrum and her adopted son Ambry, in his kilt-and-hooded-vest private school uniform. It didn't turn out great, but Nomen's red dress is rolled down and tied around her waist like you'd see mechanics or other types like that do. Sorry I don't have a scan. The only scanner I have access to is part of an old fax machine and is in greyscale.

 

Just to note, in my sci-fi universe, all "Equines" can use telekinesis.

 

I haven't drawn anything on paper in a few months, so I'm really rusty, but I like how this turned out, for the most part. Could've used some shading here and there, come to think of it, and her grey MLP season 5 finale-esque bodyglove under the jacket and red dress looks ever so tan. The hat also looks more tan than I wanted it to, It was supposed to be a moonstone grey. I don't know why they turned out that way.

 

I always have fun designing fictional sci-fi weapons for my characters. Nomen's revolver is a self-cocking top-break design burnished in color case hardening. As I describe it in the story I'm writing for these two: "... her main weapon, a large combination revolver, a Hammer to Primer Tool and Die “Beati” pattern. Ten rounds of eight-mil surrounded a central mag-barrel, firing directed magical energy. It had been tuned and customized by Gallishome House’s finest gunsmiths and the grips replaced with something very special indeed. Last Imanuel’s Day, Ambry had pried off the generic wooden grips and replaced them with a gift from her parents and himself, Data Moon Whale scrimshaw grips, made by her family. She had grown up in the whaling business, amid the cathedral-like interiors of the whaling submarine docks, and the swooping arches and finery of the front-end shops which sold the ivory, while the meat went on to buyers throughout the subsector. Set into the center, encased in resin, was a plastic charm, an officer of the Void Navy, saluting in his finery. It was a charm like this that had brought them together, Ambry and herself bonding over a board game during interviews at the orphanage...."

 

The solid-round barrel is at the 6.00 position, like a Mateba or Chiappa Rhino.

 

The other pistol, being reloaded in the shot, actually uses en-bloc clips in its handgrip instead of removable box magazines, with magical lifters in the magwell walls rather than springs feeding the cartridges. I gave it a bunch of high-end modifications like stippled grips and a double-undercut trigger guard like you'd see on custom Glocks. I always saw her as someone who would employ the best tools.

 

Ambry's glasses are a factory error pair he kept anyway, with one half of the frame being gold-colored, and the other copper.

 

The lettering below is their names in the Equine alphabet.

 

I'm currently working on a book featuring these two, as I mentioned above. I debated whether or not I should look for a beta reader here or on a generic sci-fi writing forum. I specifically want to appeal to the Brony community with the book, although it's more of a noir supernatural thriller than anything. That's for another post, I guess.

 

Cheers.

Edited March 10, 2018 by ChamberCheck

[Shadow Beam 1,179]

Moved into Photo Finish's Magics, as that's the space better suited for critique. ^^

[Voseerie 28]

Hi ChamberCheck! 

First off id just like to mention that since im right handed; i flipped the canvas for a more comfortable drawing experience on my end.
To give you a better visual of my critique i 'redlined' over you canvas and added a few notes in my messy scribble.
Please note that these are just my opinions and dont reflect everyone elses here on this forum and feel free to ignore
or accept my critique as you wish.  Please also take note that m redlining is in my style and im not trying to say that my style has the correct anatomy as im
still learning anatomy myself, but rather how i would place the limbs in my style and sketch phase.

First of all id like to give you very high praise for such interesting characters and their designs. In my opinion, they
have alot of thought and effort put into their creation down to the accessories they wear. Their faces and expressions are strong,
and they show good form and structure.   What i feel the drawing lacks is a better understanding of perspective and an
understanding of the MLP styled anatomy mostly in the leg placement and joints.

Legs in mlp is something i still struggle with too as they are more flexible than a horses joints would be in real life but keeping the basic
proportions with just some pose or style tweaks can keep your ponies looking more anatomically correct. 
As for perspective; i personally feel as though Ambrys pose is in two different perspectives as seen in the top left hand side of 
my redline. Other than those two points nothing else stands out to me as an error in my brain. 
As i dont know anything about guns or weapons in general im afraid i cant comment on their design.
 

Hope to see more drawings from you, these 2 have a very interesting story that id like to see continued <3
-Voseerie