Post A Quote From Your Day, Without Any Context.

[Will Guide 19,413]

It's like an oven here.

[Cyclone 1066 3,592]

"I'm gonna pitch a tent in your backyard."

"What the hell did you just say? *looks at tent bag and air mattress* Oh! You were being literal. That's not perverted, that's wholesome."

[Bullet Bill OReilly 10,552]

"I can't believe how nice you look in that dress."

[cuteycindyhoney 11,637]

"I'm trying to dress cool!"

(Running late, with husband being his clock watching self!)

 

[Denim&Venöm 11,694]

"To quote a line from his favorite movie:

'I'm the pizza man.' " 

[Scrubbed user 3,400]

"I now pronounce you legally dead."

"Can I get a 2nd opinion?"

[Denim&Venöm 11,694]

"I saw a strip club across the street from a mini-golf place and I'm liberal but that's too much for me. What if you're trying to have a nice afternoon with your family, then your kids look across the street, and have to see a bunch of losers playing mini golf?" 

[Inspector Clouseau 72]

“As in all things, that which is hidden shall be revealed. That which is in darkness shall come to the light.”

[Tao 5,509]

"Ok someone kill the song birds!"

[The Hawks Simp 13,063]

"Happy birthday da!" - Me, about maybe 2 or so hours ago

[Cyclone 1066 3,592]

"Let's see which cat will stay in the box the longest."

[no_longer_here 33,502]

"Alright I get it, I'm a smartass. And you're a dumbass. There's a huge difference." 

Edited July 8, 2018 by Lucky Bolt

[PonSky 24,621]

"Am I weird for having my wisdom teeth on my desk?"

[Kronos the Revenant 1,850]

"That boy's gonna smash you hard."

[Cyclone 1066 3,592]

"Rollin' in my 3.0 with t tops off so my hair can blow."

[epiccuttlefish 112]

"What direction?"

"All of them."

[Brobot 1,435]

Its gonna give you rabies

[Oblivion 20,227]

“I’m sexy and I know it! Oh wait I was drunk last night never mindddd!”

[Stolas 5,056]

"There's s#!^ all over the back porch"

[Prospekt 10,674]

Random little kid in the grocery store: "Blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins, blueberry muffins!" 

[Snow Frostflame 3,553]

Manager: Hey [Name] instead of Tom and Jerry we have Tim and Gerry.
Me: Heh, yeah but instead of it being about a cat and mouse chasing each other its about two cooks working together.
Manager: Two fat cooks.
Me: Heheh.

[Twilight Luna 27,455]

"Are you sure it's going to fit?"

[Brobot 1,435]

oh man rip toys r us

[Kevin Tang 2,367]

A sale is a thing we don't need with a price we can't resist.

Is "sale" the correct word? Idk

Edited July 9, 2018 by Kevin Tang

[Shadow Nightwing 24]

"Sorry, the whole black widow thing was .my bad"