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"I do like to make jokes about homeless people." 

(yes I actually texted this) 

“Coffee without caffeine is like water without ‘wet’.” 

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He had been turned off animal documentaries on television because they always gave animals pet names, for example, 'Here comes Betty', and onto the screen limps an antelope, say, which has been rejected by the herd, and ten to one it is going to be eaten before the end of the program by some other creature that he cynically believed the film makers had let out of a cage to speed up the process. 

 

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