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In the Rainbow Factory


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Many of you know about the popular MLP creepypasta "Rainbow Factory", but I've decided to change it up a little bit to make it less terrifying.

The episode starts with the mane 6 getting a strange invitation to a place called "Rainbow Falls". When they get there, they see a run down yet still working factory. Then they all breathe in a green gas and fall unconscious. They all wake up inside the factory, each inside a glass cube dangling from a mechanical railing on the ceiling. A Pegasus in a white uniform with multicolored stains greets the heroes and introduces himself as Swirly, the head of the rainbow factory. When asked about the factory by Pinkie Pie, Swirly explains that he lures ponies into the factory and uses the " Pegasus device" to extract "color matter" from them, a certain essence that gives ponies their colors. PInkie starts to yammer on about how "this isn't how rainbows are supposed to be made", which irritates Swirly to the point where he uses the Pegasus device on her. When her color is removed, she becomes zombie like and works in an assembly line for the factory.

After Swirly leaves for a coffee break, the rest of the mane 6 get broken out by an old stallion. When they escape, the stallion introduces himself as "Old Grapes", and was the founder of the rainbow factory. Originally, they used fruits and vegetables for rainbows. However, when Swirly took over, he created the Pegasus device and kicked Old Grapes out. Eventually, they sneak in and discover that by pouring color matter onto ponies who lost their color, they turn back. They do this to all the other zombie like ponies, but Swirly can't be found. They find a note signed by him that says "you have beautiful eyes, Rainbow Dash"

Tell me what you think!

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Well, I don't really see the point in making a less terrifying version of the Rainbow Factory fanfic, since the entire point of it is to be as terrifying as possible. It'd be like making a version of My Little Dashie with a happy ending. 

But even if you ignore that, there's more holes in this plot than in Swiss cheese. Like, why is Swirly so open about using the pegasus device? In fact, why even use it in the first place if the same result can achieved by much less cruel means? And why did he even bother to kidnap them?

And the ending doesn't make much sense either. I mean, from this short summary the only one of the many six who plays an important part of this episode is Pinkie Pie so it'd make more sense if the note was addressed to her rather than Rainbow. 

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