Anti Jokes

[Thorgir the Mighty 736]

What did the boss say to one of his employees?

Your fired.

[Stone Cold Steve Jobs 22,410]

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Get in the car.

[Wannabrony 11,638]

What do you call a bird that floats in water?

A bird.

[Meson Bolt 2,647]

32 characters (0 is the maximum)

Edited July 8, 2018 by Meson Bolt

[Stone Cold Steve Jobs 22,410]

Hey I just met you

And this is crazy

But I have Alzheimer's 

Hey I just met you

[Brony Number 42 9,897]

I met a time traveller from the future who said he would give me the winning lottery numbers. But it turns out he was just a crazy homeless guy and he kicked me in the nuts. 

[Sunny Fox 5,929]

Q: What happens if you drop a hat in the Red Sea?
A: It gets wet.

Q: What is yellow and dangerous?
A: Shark-infested custard.

[A French Derpy full of Salt 404]

What's worse than stepping on a lego?

Stepping on a landmine.

Edited July 8, 2018 by A French Derpy full of Salt

[Stone Cold Steve Jobs 22,410]

Why was Six afraid of Seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus, he shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's- it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think; sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... in the jungle... in the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

[A French Derpy full of Salt 404]

A. What's green, sits in a bathtub and whistles?

B. I give up, what?

A. A salami.

B. A salami's not green.

A. You can paint it green.

B. A salami doesn't sit in a bathtub.

A. You can put in a bathtub.

B. A salami doesn't whistle.

A. Ah, I just put that part in to make it difficult.

[CypherHoof 26,479]

So, a typical set for Maud Pie then?

[Dan. 1,825]

What's White and Black and Red All Over?

 

I stepped on a ketchup bottle.

[A French Derpy full of Salt 404]

A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide...

Spoiler

The librarian says "Do you have a library card?" The man says "no" and leaves.

 

[MangoFoalix 24,898]

What do you call a corpse?

Dead

[A French Derpy full of Salt 404]

What did one Japanese man say to the other?

I don't know, I don't understand Japanese.

[Stone Cold Steve Jobs 22,410]

What did the robot say to the centipede?

Stop being a centipede.

[The Recherche 29,965]

How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

364.

[Stone Cold Steve Jobs 22,410]

How do you confuse a blonde girl?

Dress up as a clown and throw forks at her.

[The Recherche 29,965]

What did the postman say to the cashier?

Hello!

[Dan. 1,825]

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

 

What?

[TBD 17,228]

your mother is so round that it's hard for her to get around.

 

[Arkadios 91]

On 7/7/2018 at 9:38 PM, A French Derpy full of Salt said:

What's worse than stepping on a lego?

Stepping on a landmine.

What’s worse than stepping on a Lego or a land mine?

Spoiler

A land mine made of Lego.

 

[Stone Cold Steve Jobs 22,410]

50 minutes ago, Arkadios said:

What’s worse than stepping on a Lego or a land mine?

  Hide contents

A land mine made of Lego.

 

What’s worse than a land mine made of lego?

Genocide.

[Arkadios 91]

1 hour ago, Stone Cold Steve Tuna said:

What’s worse than a land mine made of lego?

Genocide.

You know what's better than genocide?

Chocolate cake.

[Kronos the Revenant 1,971]

If Timmy had 30 chocolate bars and ate half of them, what does he have left?

Diabetes. 

 

I like my women like i like my coffee.

Without man parts on them. 

 

 

Why did the little kid cross the road?

To get his ball, but he got hit by an 18-wheeler. 

 

 

Knock knock

Who’s there?

FBI, OPEN UP!!!!!!!!

Edited December 7, 2018 by Kronos the Revenant