Are Funerals Pointless?

[Dreambiscuit 8,024]

3 hours ago, Altastrofae said:

If I died, I don't won't to see people crying about it. Have a Bon Voyage party, make a Death Day Cake, make an altar in my memory, be happy about it. Just the thought of my departure causing so much ill-will upsets me. I don't want the people around me to just stop being happy after I'm gone, is all. Imagine being at your funeral and just seeing people crying about it like a bunch of wet noodles :/ I wouldn't want that

I've always hated funerals for that reason. I get so confused when people get pissed at me for not crying at funeral. I just don't see a reason to stop being happy. We're all gonna die at some point, and I'm not gonna mope about it every time it happens.

It really kills my mood, and I find that counterintuitive. Are you not trying to get over the loss? I think a celebration would be more fitting :/

I honestly agree with all of this. It may be nice to honor someone's memory by sending them off with a demonstration of loss for their passing. But it really should be more a celebration of the good times experienced with that person in life, and the happiness for that person moving on to a better place. I wouldn't want to know that my loved ones were going to be miserable after I died; it would make me miserable too, and who wants any of that? I wouldn't feel honored by it. What would make me happy is seeing my loved ones throwing a bash and celebrating being together while sending me on my way with a champagne toast and maybe some nice loud fireworks. Funerals are a cue to grieve, and while I don't hold it against anyone who can't help but be sad, I'd encourage them to see the positive side instead. When I bid someone farewell when they leave on a long trip I don't break into tears. I know I'll see them again and this is no different. If we made a point of showing our misery at every parting in life we'd never be happy, and that's no way to live. 

Edited May 31, 2018 by Dreambiscuit

[Longhaul 6,470]

Funerals are more for the living than for the dead.  A funeral is a way to provide closure, say a final goodbye to the deceased and realize that, yes, they are truly gone.

Beyond that, I don't see a point to a funeral except as final bragging rights, a way to show off how many friends you had in life that will miss you now that you're gone.

[The Kaeya Simp 13,953]

They're sad, yes but it'd be sadder if you didn't have a funeral as even though it's a sad moment, seeing someone (who you didn't want to die, obviously) is a little bit of a social event, Sometimes you'll see someone that you may have not seen in years.

 

Sure, everybody is (most probably) mourning but still....

 

Feel free to disagree with me!

[Venomous 18,813]

I have to agree with @meme

I don't believe that funerals are pointless but I do feel they are overly expensive. I don't feel that a family should have to pay nearly $9,000 just to remember someone who has passed away. I feel it is a scam(?)

When my grandfather passed away, I did not cry. Was I upset? Of course. Just because I did not cry does not mean I did not care. 

[King of Canterlot 9,588]

No funerals are not pointless, because of these two reasons here-

4 hours ago, Sherbert Music-Guard said:

Sometimes you'll see someone that you may have not seen in years

 

11 hours ago, Longhaul said:

Funerals are more for the living than for the dead.  A funeral is a way to provide closure, say a final goodbye to the deceased and realize that, yes, they are truly gone

In the past two years I've been to two funerals, both of my Grandpa's parents (My great-grandparents) passed away within a year or two of each other, and at both funerals, there was crying yes, but after the coffin was lowered into the ground and we went back to the church we had lunch, and we got to talk with relatives whom we hadn't seen in years. That was fun, by then the crying had stopped, sure we were still sad that they were gone, but we shared photos taken in the 1920's of when they were just kids and my grandpa shared funny stories he had with them in life. It was both a way for us to say our final goodbyes to them and have a big family get-together, even though it was for the loss of a family member 

Edited May 31, 2018 by King of Canterlot

[Stone Cold Steve Jobs 22,410]

I think funerals are more for the bereaved. They help provide a sense of closure and can help bring people who once drifted apart together again. If only for a time. I believe funerals are very much helpful. It may be easy to say "have a party for me" but it's not so easy for the ones you leave behind. Unless they don't like you. I heard somewhere that people gathered around the prison Ted Bundy was executed in and sang "Nah nah nah nah hey hey hey hey goodbye." 

[kaiser5578 340]

Ey dig a hole

fill it with petrol 

drop me in it

toss a match in after

that is all the funeral I need, s'mores anybody?

[Patty Thundersnow 4,129]

Funerals ARE NOT pointless. It's the last time we get to see our dearly departed loved ones. It's a celebration of the live that that person lived. It's not a pointless ceremony.

[Silenz Veritas 171]

It is a ritual that can move the grieving process along.  That being said, I've had several family members pass and no funeral was held primarily due to the expense of the funeral itself and not wanting to inconvenience others with travel expenses and whatnot.  I suspect that there will be no funeral when I pass. There's really no one who would attend and I just can't justify spending money on a ceremony. Which is also how I feel about weddings. 

[kaiser5578 340]

I mean there WAS meaning to it before it became an industry

[Earl Grey Ghost 444]

Okay, so let's ask a Mortician this question shall we? *cracks knuckles*

While it is true without funerals I technically wouldn't have a job---putting that aside, I first want to address something mentioned earlier about "Depends on if your Christian." That my friend, has absolutely zero anything to do with anything. Many Non-Christian dogmas have funerals. It's how the funerals are performed that makes the difference.

Now, moving on from that, my opinion on the matter is:

Funerals are not for the dead. They are for the living. They are there to give honour and remembrance to the person who has passed on, and meant to be a sense of closure. Now, everyone religion does their funerals differently. Some are more sombre in nature, others are a bit more lively and focus more on the deceased life and who they were and celebrating that.  Grief is a natural phase and emotion people go through in life, in fact, it's quite healthy to experience grief and work through it. It's all part of the human condition and experience. No one likes  it, but it's a neccessary emotion you must process. In a healthy manner. I am aware that they are many who take grief, twist it, and instead of growing, coming to terms, healing and moving forward... they turn it inwards and regress. I've seen both things happen.  And trust me, it's obvious, the latter isn't pretty and it can be one of the most difficult things someone has to deal with not only personally, but to be a friend or family member and watching someone else spiral like that.

Anyway, funerals are meant to be a catharsis---they are meant to help you tie up those loose,ends, grieve, cry and then heal and move on. That's why it's very popular (though remember, not in all cultures, and dogmas) to have a body viewing. Seeing the deceased once more, adds to that sense of closure. (Unless it's one of those unfortunate situations where the deceased was in an accident that horribly mauled or disfigured them and ya know, as Morticians we can only do so much, and thus a closed casket funeral is suggested and even urged.) Even those that choose cremation can opt to have a body viewing before we cremate them.

So while I understand everyone has their own opinions, and you are entitled to it, just please take it from someone who's in the business, that I have seen very, very very many benefits to Funerals (of all kinds,) that are very much not pointless. If you personally have ANY questions at all on funerals, what they do, the good they do, or just the process in general, or even the psychology behind it, please, feel free to ask here or message me.

Edited June 3, 2018 by Memento Mori

[Altastrofae 933]

18 minutes ago, Memento Mori said:

Okay, so let's ask a Mortician this question shall we? *cracks knuckles*

While it is true without funerals I technically wouldn't have a job---putting that aside, I first want to address something mentioned earlier about "Depends on if your Christian." That my friend, has absolutely zero anything to do with anything. Many Non-Christian dogmas have funerals. It's how the funerals are performed that makes the difference.

Now, moving on from that, my opinion on the matter is:

Funerals are not for the dead. They are for the living. They are there to give honour and remembrance to the person who has passed on, and meant to be a sense of closure. Now, everyone religion does their funerals differently. Some are more sombre in nature, others are a bit more lively and focus more on the deceased life and who they were and celebrating that.  Grief is a natural phase and emotion people go through in life, in fact, it's quite healthy to experience grief and work through it. It's all part of the human condition and experience. No one likes  it, but it's a neccessary emotion you must process. In a healthy manner. I am aware that they are many who take grief, twist it, and instead of growing, coming to terms, healing and moving forward... they turn it inwards and regress. I've seen both things happen.  And trust me, it's obvious, the latter isn't pretty and it can be one of the most difficult things someone has to deal with not only personally, but to be a friend or family member and watching someone else spiral like that.

Anyway, funerals are meant to be a catharsis---they are meant to help you tie up those loose,ends, grieve, cry and then heal and move on. That's why it's very popular (though remember, not in all cultures, and dogmas) to have a body viewing. Seeing the deceased once more, adds to that sense of closure. (Unless it's one of those unfortunate situations where the deceased was in an accident that horribly mauled or disfigured them and ya know, as Morticians we can only do so much, and thus a closed casket funeral is suggested and even urged.) Even those that choose cremation can opt to have a body viewing before we cremate them.

So while I understand everyone has their own opinions, and you are entitled to it, just please take it from someone who's in the business, that I have seen very, very very many benefits to Funerals (of all kinds,) that are very much not pointless. If you personally have ANY questions at all on funerals, what they do, the good they do, or just the process in general, or even the psychology behind it, please, feel free to ask here or message me.

I totally agree with you, but I don't do either of those two things. I just never really cared. We're all gonna die, and there isn't a anything we can do about it. It's morbid, but it's the truth, and I find it naïve to try to tell yourself otherwise. It would be like not started a video game out of fear that you'll beat it and never play it again. I think that just the journey you traveled on with the person would be satisfying enough. I have grieved, however, when the death makes others upset, or more so when I regretted how little time I spent with the person.

When my grandfather died of lung cancer, I had never really spoke to him all that much, not until the time when he was really sick. After he died, I tried to tell myself how it was just the way of life like I always did. But the regret haunted me for weeks upon weeks. I had aweful nightmares for the longest time. Eventually I just forgot about it.

Just writing it now brings back some sad memories.

[Earl Grey Ghost 444]

6 minutes ago, Altastrofae said:

I totally agree with you, but I don't do either of those two things. I just never really cared. We're all gonna die, and there isn't a anything we can do about it. It's morbid, but it's the truth, and I find it naïve to try to tell yourself otherwise. It would be like not started a video game out of fear that you'll beat it and never play it again. I think that just the journey you traveled on with the person would be satisfying enough. I have grieved, however, when the death makes others upset, or more so when I regretted how little time I spent with the person.

When my grandfather died of lung cancer, I had never really spoke to him all that much, not until the time when he was really sick. After he died, I tried to tell myself how it was just the way of life like I always did. But the regret haunted me for weeks upon weeks. I had aweful nightmares for the longest time. Eventually I just forgot about it.

Just writing it now brings back some sad memories.

Of course we are all going to die. Heck, I look forward to my Death. ^-^ And to me, it's not morbid at all, but again, this is my work, this is my life, my passion. It's Death. That's what I do. There are more corporate aspects of the job I am not happy with, but as a whole, it is what I have devoted my heart and soul to. While the journey you took with that person is a great thing to keep with you, not everyone functions that way. Everyone has their own way of dealing with grief. The way you do it, is actually not that uncommon, and people's views are constantly in flux as they get older and experience things through life. I'm not sitting here sagely saying "yours will change", I don't know if they will or won't. In fact, I'm not trying to convince you to change anything.   I think that everyone's personal views and experiences help them cope (or not cope in some cases) with life and the pains that come par for the course. It seems his death did effect you and there was some remorse there. That's' why a lot of people hold funerals in a high esteem because it gives them that chance to let it all out, then usually at the wake, is when people eat, sit down and share stories and memories of that person. 
We all experience life differently, we all deal with death differenlty. You're no exception, and I think its the differences that make the whole experience interesting.

Edited June 3, 2018 by Memento Mori

[Kyoshi Frost Wolf 40,274]

I personally never seen the point. It simply adds to the tragedy, at least to me and it doubles as an additional potential debt on the living. If it was someone close to me, I will have plenty of crying in my own time. This stuff tends to get to me deeply and as such I don't exactly go to these things anymore. I just cannot handle it.

If I died, I would prefer no funeral just so I don't continue to burden people even in death.

[Jeric 46,834]

This is one of those topics that is curiously and understandably individualized, yet seems to conflate and connect multiple issues (death, grief, and funerals). Funerals are only one element of the grieving process, something that in and of itself is extremely individualized. The last month of my wife @Just Jessi's life carried with it the entire spectrum of emotions, as did the months that followed it. I lay here typing this in the same bed that we once shared. When I would get wrapped up in work with my laptop, and we were both relaxing, she would try and get my attention for myriad reasons. If I was so focued on what I was doing, I might actually not hear her. To rectify that she kept some rubber bands my her side table and would shoot them at me snapping me out of my tunnel vision. I have thousands of little memories like that, ones that will never occur. I think about my kids who also have personal little touches that they shared with mother, and they too find the absence of these shared moments a loss that is difficult to bear. That's part of grief. Missing the presence of someone. Of course, I smile, I laugh, I live .... but missing someone and missing that part of your life is okay too. It doesn't have to be a soul tearing sadness either, just that whisper of memories echoing through your head -- and vanishing into a future that won't be. 

Now, regarding funerals. Tears came in the months leading up to her passing. They came that night as she took her last breath by our living room bay window as the cool Florida January breeze was the only reminder that we were still awake. They came as that fractured part of my mind comprehended the poetic nature of her passing at the exact moment that civil twilight passed into night. Her funeral, wasn't a normal funeral though. She wanted as little tears as possible (as some of you apparently agree with that, you might approve of this part). If you can say you had a favorite moment in a loved ones funeral, you are doing it right. Mine was when Time Warp from Rocky Horror Picture Show queued up, and her friends joined me and my kids in doing the obligatory dance moves, laughing every step of the way. We got misty eyed at times, sure, but there was almost always a smile there. No, her funeral was a celebration of a short, but amazing life lived. The funeral isn't the sad part or the hard part, it is the living that comes afterward. And that's fine. There is a point to that part of the grieving process after all, it is to remind you that the person you miss ... is worth missing. 

Just some thoughts about this subject. 

 

 

EDIT: The cost doesn't have to be excessive, cremation is inexpensive. Urns can be inexpensive. Get a table and some votive candels and some pictures and have a small party with mutual friends and family at your house or a relatives house. 

[Altastrofae 933]

1 hour ago, Memento Mori said:

Of course we are all going to die. Heck, I look forward to my Death. ^-^ And to me, it's not morbid at all, but again, this is my work, this is my life, my passion. It's Death. That's what I do. There are more corporate aspects of the job I am not happy with, but as a whole, it is what I have devoted my heart and soul to. While the journey you took with that person is a great thing to keep with you, not everyone functions that way. Everyone has their own way of dealing with grief. The way you do it, is actually not that uncommon, and people's views are constantly in flux as they get older and experience things through life. I'm not sitting here sagely saying "yours will change", I don't know if they will or won't. In fact, I'm not trying to convince you to change anything.   I think that everyone's personal views and experiences help them cope (or not cope in some cases) with life and the pains that come par for the course. It seems his death did effect you and there was some remorse there. That's' why a lot of people hold funerals in a high esteem because it gives them that chance to let it all out, then usually at the wake, is when people eat, sit down and share stories and memories of that person. 
We all experience life differently, we all deal with death differenlty. You're no exception, and I think its the differences that make the whole experience interesting.

Let me just say, this is beautiful...

But I call bullshit because you used "effect" wrong. You used it as a verb when in fact it is a noun. You should've used "affect"

Sorry, I'm a total grammar snob XD

[Pr0m4NV14 837]

Of course! Ever notice how dull they are? 

[Altastrofae 933]

2 minutes ago, Pr0m4NV14 said:

Of course! Ever notice how dull they are? 

Why? Just why? *facehoof*

[Earl Grey Ghost 444]

On 6/2/2018 at 8:48 PM, Altastrofae said:

Let me just say, this is beautiful...

But I call bullshit because you used "effect" wrong. You used it as a verb when in fact it is a noun. You should've used "affect"

Sorry, I'm a total grammar snob XD

Thank you.... and also thanks again! That's one downside of my typing that always gets me! Effect and Affect! I always feel silly when I get that wrong. In fact when I was typing it I paused at that word and was doing an internal struggle. XD Got a suggestion on how I can remember the difference in usage?

Edited June 5, 2018 by King Blanketfort

[Denim&Venöm 16,503]

Well the funeral industry itself is pointless. Extorting money off those who have suffered a loss. 

 

But I think the ceremony of a funeral is more closure for those who a part of the deceased' life. How the funeral goes will depend upon how it's planned and arranged. It may be a somber and reflective affair, a place where emotions are shed and the burden of grief is shared. It could be a big party, a celebration for the life and times of those who have departed. 

Thankfully I have yet to attend one. 

In summary? This: 

 

 

[Earl Grey Ghost 444]

2 hours ago, Denim&Venom said:

Well the funeral industry itself is pointless. Extorting money off those who have suffered a loss. 

 

But I think the ceremony of a funeral is more closure for those who a part of the deceased' life. How the funeral goes will depend upon how it's planned and arranged. It may be a somber and reflective affair, a place where emotions are shed and the burden of grief is shared. It could be a big party, a celebration for the life and times of those who have departed. 

Thankfully I have yet to attend one. 

Trust me, in my job, I despise how corporate it is, I think it's disgusting how people display coffins and packages to up-sell them. I refuse to do it and my husband (who is the funeral director) actually understands it completely and agrees... but knows we also have to make money. It's a tough balance, but we try to work with families and suggest the easiest option, but we will still include the higher end stuff in the options, but we don't try to up-sell. We say it's an option, but for their price range we will suggest other things. I never want to swindle anyone, especially in times of grief nor do I want anyone going through that grief to feel like I swindled them. Not everyone agrees with cremation but I always suggest it because it is cheaper.

[ElectricityBill 121]

They aren't. It's a formal commemoration of the memory of the person who passed away

[PooBrainHorse 10]

They are only pointless if you don't make them special to the specific individual

[Br O N Y 382]

If you speak about how the funerals are now, yes, but I think a cerwmony is neccessare to get over the shock, but all this other expensive stuff, and wasting soace on a grave yard is kinda pointless in my opinion. I would be okay if they just bury somewhere, no need for a coffin and stuff like that. I think it's nessecary to accept that someone has to dissapear at some point so that they become part of something new.

[Kings&Hooves14 616]

Yes. Everything is pointless. Except rocks. Rock lives matter...

Spoiler

...except rocks aren't alive. They still matter.