Does a person's body or personality mean more?

[Phill 1,285]

Both. You could have a great personality, but if I'm not attracted to you physically, then it's not going to work out. But you could look great physically, but if you have a crappy personality, then it's also not going to work out. 

[CheeryFox 23,811]

If personality isn't first on your checklist...you're gonna be single longer. If you seen some of those movies...a lot of it is true. Believe me or not... 

 

[Snow 5,305]

I have to agree with Stormfurry on this one, I'm not sure about how it correlates with being single longer per se but I definitely know what it's like to fall for a personality.

Edited June 27, 2018 by Snow
Typo

[Silenz Veritas 171]

I respectfully submit that you could talk to someone on forums like this for months, perhaps even YEARS and never have an inkling of what they look like.  So, you get to know them through the conversation. You like the way they put sentences together. Their ideas make you think.  Maybe in your mind you have a mental picture of them.  Then, by chance, you get to meet the person and find out that girl you've fallen in love with is a 45 year old guy who is 5 foot 2 and the last time they exercised was a PE class back in High School. Do you not even want to be friends (fair cop IF the person intentionally deceived you...)  Or the guy who wrote you love poems for 2 years and who you envisioned yourself marrying is missing a leg and lives with his parents because he'll never be able to hold a job due to PTSD (related, perhaps, to that missing limb) and he looks nothing like the guy you fell in love with in your head. But the reality is, the beautiful person you fell in love with is still inside that imperfect body.  Do you walk away from two years of friendship/courtship because all you care about is finding someone who is going to make other people envy you when you're out and about, or do you realize that what you really want in life is someone you can have an intelligent conversation with?

Even if someone shares a picture, you don't know if it's really them, or how old that picture is. Fall in love with some's mind, with their wit, with their kindness and compassion.  Looks can fade or be changed in the blink of an eye via tragedy.  Physical expressions of affection can be impacted by so many factors. If you decide who to love based on someone's physical presence, what happens when you're 65 and the person you're with is a boring old twit who doesn't really give a shit about you?

Cultivate friendships, find people who truly care about and support you, and if one of those people ends up being the love of your life, so much the better.

[Invincible 2,090]

Well, it goes hand in hand.

I personally would have never formed any relationships with shallow people. I also wouldn't have formed any romantic relationships with anyone i wouldn't be at least slightly attracted to. You see where I'm going with this?

Personally, i would say personality is more important, but i wouldn't date an ape just because it can tell the most clever jokes and happens to be a really nice person.

As for the bonus question - sure! If I was in the market, I wouldn't date someone just because they're super hot if they wouldn't be able to at least keep it interesting for me for a while. If they're a total knockout, then sure, that's a nice incentive.

[Jedishy 3,542]

One cannot deny that looks matter. If you are repulsed by a person its far harder to find the desire to get to know them in the first place. However, people get with someone who looks good but after the "honeymoon phase" end up repulsing them on a personal level all the time. 

[chili 120]

Personality. Of course a HOT AF person is a plus but I've never really fallen in love with anyone based on appearance. EVER. I am demisexual. Which means.. I can only be fully sexually attracted to people I know. I could never fall in love at first glance or w/e, I can't be sexually attracted to someone I don't know. That doesn't mean I'm sexually attracted to everyone I know because of this, just to make things clear. I only fall in love with ONE person and currently that one person has been my partner for over 6 years. I got to know her through internet and it had nothing to do with looks. Now we live together and have lived happily ever after and will do for a long long time to come.

Appearence doesn't mean shit to me as long as the person is wonderful. My partner and all my friends that I love are beautiful to me. 

But most of all, if you fall in love with someone, they BECOME attractive to you no matter how you think they look at the very beginning. So, in conclusion... Personality matters most and everyone who says otherwise are shallow fucks.

Edited June 28, 2018 by chili

[Princess_Bellalatanya 1,052]

Personality of course

[Guest]

Both actually imho, of course personality is more important, alteast for me.

But I also have some standards when it comes to looks too, though I don't value looks as much as behaviour.

If a person I like has a shitty personality then, regardless of the looks, I would immediately change my opinion about that person.

[Nightfall Thunder 1,937]

18 minutes ago, chili said:

I am demisexual. Which means.. I can only be fully sexually attracted to people I know. I could never fall in love at first glance or w/e, I can't be sexually attracted to someone I don't know.

 

Wait, there's a phrase for that? And it's an uncommon thing? I didn't know that was unusual... another thing to make me "weird" I guess.

I would say that looks are inconsequential - If you love someone for having an amazing personality but didn't know what they looked like (for example an internet relationship), that will prevail over any problem you may have had with their looks. To me, someone's personality is much more important.

Edited June 28, 2018 by Nightfall Thunder

[chili 120]

22 minutes ago, Nightfall Thunder said:

Wait, there's a phrase for that? And it's an uncommon thing? I didn't know that was unusual... another thing to make me "weird" I guess.

I would say that looks are inconsequential - If you love someone for having an amazing personality but didn't know what they looked like (for example an internet relationship), that will prevail over any problem you may have had with their looks. To me, someone's personality is much more important.

It is a thing. http://wiki.asexuality.org/Demisexual
I'm some kind of demisexual/pansexual mix I guess. I could definitely date trans people and what not. Honestly I usually think trans people look better than normal cis people, in their former gender stereotypes.. Moving ooon.. XD But yeah! Maybe then you're demisexual like me. Ya never know, I guess. There are a lot of sexualities out there to explore.

And I couldn't agree with you more. Personality is waaaaay more important.

[Br O N Y 382]

@Twilight Luna kinda said what I always thought. I think that you can't say one factor is more important then the other. I also can't say that I have a standard for looks or personality where I would 100% no. What most people don't think about is that there is no bottom, you can always be uglier, or have a even more horrible personality. And the lower you are in one factor, the higher you have to be in the other factor in order to compensate that. So even if a person looks like Gollom, it's still not impossible that they could compensate with their personality, but it would have to be unrealisticly amazing in order for this to be the case. Another thing I've noticed is that whenever I get attached to someone, even if they aren't super good looking, I kinda start to find people who look similar to them more attractive. 

It's extremly complicated, and we still don't know completely how people choose their partner. There are also sooooooo many more factors then looks or personality, like their voice, body odour, social status, clothing, chance of becoming succesfull and many other, and then also on the personal preference of the person who chooses. There are studies that say that people tend to choose a partner that looks similar to their parents. So I would even say that looks, and the other factors are to some extend in the eye of the beholder, but obviously not completely. I think we are still faaaaar away from understanding it completely.   

Wow, that got sooooo deeeeep and philosophical lol

[Patty Thundersnow 4,129]

Personality means so much more than looks. Beauty is only skin deep, and the personality is what you should love about someone, not their looks.

[Lucky Bolt 34,914]

Definitely personality, but I'm not gonna lie, I pay attention to looks too. Someone with an equal mixture of good personality AND good looks. 

 I fell in love with my boyfriend long before I even knew what he looked like. It was his personality that won me over. His good looks are just a nice bonus. 

Edited July 19, 2018 by Lucky Bolt

[Pr0m4NV14 837]

It’s better to know a person before starting a relation ship than just going 

“Oh hey, you look nice. Now be with me, please.”

[Here No Longer 5,270]

I admit I do pay attention to looks, but I care a lot more about personality. 

 

I fell in love with my most recent ex before I had any idea what he looked like (We dated online, in fact it was on here on my old account [I'm not saying what his username so I don't have the off-chance of upsetting him]). But when I broke up with him (because the relationship died down a few months down the road, because of a lack of communication), I was accused of being shallow and superficial. I'll admit, he was unattractive looking, but that was far from true. It fell apart because the love was lost. He was with another guy, but I didn't care about that, and it had virtually no effect on the relationship.

 

 

Edited July 21, 2018 by A Cynical Millenial

[Br O N Y 382]

On 7/19/2018 at 7:22 PM, Lucky Bolt said:

Definitely personality, but I'm not gonna lie, I pay attention to looks too. Someone with an equal mixture of good personality AND good looks. 

 I fell in love with my boyfriend long before I even knew what he looked like. It was his personality that won me over. His good looks are just a nice bonus. 

You know that could have ended badly tho, cause often when someone sees the other person they are really into for the first time, they dislike their looks so much that they lose the attraction to them. Luckly it never happend to me, cause I imagine the guilt you feel must be insane, but my sis told me that happend to her.

[Lord Midnight Madness 1,542]

I mean this one girl I liked she was hot I mean real hot great personality. I turned her down though worst mistake of my life. If a woman good personality and good looking comes your way give her a chance don't screw up like me. I do think personality is good and hey if your good looking even better. I kick myself in the ass everyday for turning her down. 

Edited July 21, 2018 by Lord Midnight Madness

[Ziltoid the Omniscient 286]

Id rather you have and ugly face than an ugly heart.

[Starry Moon 51]

Personality is more important to me, however, I'm kinda picky about how someone looks. Not in a sense that I would only date someone who's skinny or something. My boyfriend looks kinda weird, and he's pretty chubby, and I absolutely love him. ♥ His personality and his body is perfect in every way to me! ♥ I tend to like the bodies of people (no idea how to say this), that a lot of others don't find attractive, or what a lot of society (?) doesn't deem attractive.

On 6/27/2018 at 12:18 AM, Twilight Luna said:

If you care more about one than the other, then you are not being honest with yourself. Say you favor personality over looks, would you date someone with a great personality but weighs over 400 lbs because of a medical condition? Most people would not. We tell ourselves that we are not shallow but physical attraction is part of the equation. If you found someone with a great looking body but they were your total opposite, would you date them? Probably not. For me, it’s a balance between the two, they both have to be there in some way. There are also little variables to determine if someone’s personality will work with yours. Their quirks may be something you can live with or something you can’t. Other than that, this is my best answer.

Yeah, I agree with what you're saying. Attraction is a mixture of both. 

[Twisted Cyclone 🚓 6,221]

Personality means a lot more to me. I'd rather date someone who has a nice personality and is a good person than someone who looks good but then is a jackass.

[Lucky Bolt 34,914]

8 hours ago, Br O N Y said:

You know that could have ended badly tho, cause often when someone sees the other person they are really into for the first time, they dislike their looks so much that they lose the attraction to them. Luckly it never happend to me, cause I imagine the guilt you feel must be insane, but my sis told me that happend to her.

Well, I have answer for that...I  guess me and @Cyclone 1066, Princess of Tractor Pulling were simply just meant to be. 

[Cyclone 1066 3,616]

2 hours ago, Harper said:

You guys are together?! I never knew! Congratulations   

But personality is way more important but looks are important to.

Was that sarcasm or............

I had the opportunity to fall in love with @Lucky Bolt's personality before I even knew what she looked like. The fact that she is a blonde "Brazilian" bombshell is just an amazing bonus. But I just knew she was the one before I even saw what she looked like.

[Cyclone 1066 3,616]

1 minute ago, Harper said:

No not at all, why would you think that?  

Cause for the last 5 months every one of our posts have been about each other or racing.

[Iam 525]

This question may be 0-1 type, but I will answer simply as that: 0.5

========================

STORY TIME (click the spoiler)

========================

Spoiler

 

I will give an example (rather a looong story, because it was very emotional for me and I remember it incredibly well), what had happened to me and my relationship with pretty girl, just because I analyzed the girl in the terms of personality not enough and too much in the terms of appearance. That was a beatiful girl, skinny girl with dark brunette hair, two years younger than me. It happened 2 years ago.

What first magneted me to her was her beatiful appearance. However I had already experiences with not successful relationship, because of not pairing types of personalities (introvert vs extravert in my case), so I waited some time (about six weeks of thinking of all possible consequences after asking her to be a friend), I found good occassion, because the corridor was completely empty and there was pretty late, so only a several pupils were still in the school. I asked her "Where's the psychological gabinet?" (because I had no other idea how to start a conversation with unnknown person). She was sitting on the wooden seat, while I was asking. I don't remember what she was doing, I think she waited for some teacher, but I remember that it happened exactly on 26th of October 2016 at 2:37 PM, it was Wednesday. After asking the question she passionately standed up and started to showing me up all rooms and what subjects we are learning where, finally after 40 seconds of showing she even more passionately said "Follow me", then I followed her thru second, parallel corridor to the first (in which I met her in four eyes). We got to the gabinet quickly, althought it was already closed. And that was part of my no-risk plan, because aftewards I introduced myself in words exactly like this: "Hi, I'm Arek, I have Asperger Syndrome". Just like that. The words "Asperger Syndrome" acted like a trigger, she started to introduce herself also as a person with Asperger. "Oh, I also have that syndrome! By the way I'm Victoria, nice to meet you". Then we started to talk, while going out of school, because our lessons had came to the end. We mainly talked about that Syndrome and about our interests and families. We have got the same family situation (biological father not living with his child, instead stepfather living with biological mum), the same problems with controlling emotions, just different interests and hobbies.

 

The first conversation lasted 2 hours on the bus stop, not only I was already very late to the home, but also in the meanwhile she claims that she has lots of problems with orientation, so I feeled, that I need to help her travelling by tram, few tram stops and then to the public library, in which there was another psychological gabinet, she was attending to extra psychological lessons. Just after one day we were the best friends (at the time).

 

The friendship had been evolving just 3 weeks. The consequences of such evolve were very very quick: just after 4 days first hug, just after 7 days we were spending with each other all breaks between lessons, at the cost of not spending time with other friends and buddies. But that cost was fine, we were happy, because we could understand each other, especially about Asperger Syndrome and boy-girl relations. In the third week of friendship she became the self-proclaimed teacher of extra subject that she thinked of spontaneously - mixing of Polish language subject with mythology, ortography and later... knowledge about her and even complete off-topic (for example, which polish cell phone operator used subliminal messages in their ads), which wasn't even close to those subjects meant in the previous part of the sentence. The time was flowing, day by day, weekend by weekend and then at the about the 10th of November, that was Thursday, when I was escorting Victoria to her home more than 12th time, she asked me something very sensitive question: Would I like to be her boyfriend? After sending the question, she had started to beg me incredibly, by spamming constantly saying "Please! Please Please!" and smiling almost as much, as Starlight Glimmer here:  

I agreed to be her boyfriend which equalled she agreeing to be my girlfriend. I didn't know that such an interesting relation between 2 Aspergers could bloom into a partnership.

 

However, second stage of the relationship starts. It has so many details in it, so I will say only about a few of them. First of all, she had changed significantly. She had been appearing as a girl which not only was listening always her older boyfriend (beacuse he's smarter, more inteligent, wiser and stronger), but also she appeared to be my property (!), at least at the least used corners of the school. That's crazy somebody will say. And I will agree with that! So, how she appeared to be my property? At the long, 20-minute breaks we were going to the least used stairs in the school, also almost nobody during the break would want to see the stairs, to make it better, those stairs were the only one, which monitoring couldn't see. So Victoria was changing into the imaginary robot and I could click here whenever I wanted (literally). However I wasn't using this "Robotic Prototype Victoria version 3000" (as she like to call herself during that special breaks) for pervert purposes... yet. Overall the purpose of the whole Victoria The Robot was to make me happy and pleasured (and she said so one month later). How this "robot" worked? Whenever I clicked or touched her, a fuction/mode had been triggered. For example touching the arm activated remembering mode. Touching her hair activated atlethic mode and other touches activated other things. However the most interesting one was for me Fulfilling Wishes function. On her face it was written, if even if I touched her in the wrong place, I would be happy, but I wasn't that rude. I only wanted hugs, for the first few weeks, then kisses up to the May. But in those months many other things happened. For example, mean rudes things (boys from the I grade, I was in the III, the last one) started to get jealous over time. They started to interrupt our school meetings at breaks, firstly by innocent ways, such as interrupting someone's speech, but then they got to a higher level of bastardness. I was sitting one day with Victoria on the same stairs, when 4 boys appeared suddenly, one of them had in his hands some flowers. I was very suspicious about that, I didn't have enough patience to wait over, so when he gave me the flowers and asked "Do you won't to be my wife" with full of laughness, I took those flowers then immediately I throwed at him those flowers straight into face. In the meanwhile the other 3 mean personas was standing in random places across the stairs. Suddenly, Victoria slipped on the stairs (she was also standing, but "more inside" ot them. Boys started to laught, I started to get fury, I started a short chase to beat 'em up, however the run away quickly and I was in very akward situation with Victoria, because instead of helping her, because her leg for "horribly aching" and she couldn't stand up, I wanted to fight against bois.

There's also a couple more of these. This time III-graders, they were rolling empty plastic bottles into the stairs, where we were sitting, so I was rolling them back. Shortly after in move had run alluminium balls, I had enough of that and was one alone against 7 people, I was almost provoced to fight, but Victoria ran silently to the psychologist and told about the situation, the "support" appeared just in time, it could end fatal. Or this: I was pensive while walking to the library to meet with Victoria again, however the ring ringed and we had to go on lessons. I am just before the doors to the library, when they open, Victoria appears and says loudly: "Why you didn't come earlier!? I was waiting the whole break!" - nothing would be uncommon here... if she wouldn't hit me 4 times with her bidon into my head. Or the worst nightmare of junior high school: I am sitting on the seat at the break, playing Geometry Dash on phone, Victoria is walking around, but ignoring me, because she wants to spend her time alone, I understand. That's not the issue. The issue starts, when I feel something thrown at my head. It appears to be the orange peel, which was throwed by some random I-class guys. They almost threw in the Victoria, but luckily they missed. So, back to me: I've got the first time with orange peel - I've ignored; second time - I looked dangerously (without effect); third time - I've said with lots of swearing what I think about them throwing peels at random people, I also said that they will have a problem, if they will throw at me once more, theirs cheeky answer was "You will have a problem, if you will stay here". Then just one more sentence and: 4th time, as promised, I threw myself on one of the guys, he counterattacked, he threw my glasses on the floor, My boots had took off somehow during the fight. I had been knockbacked few meters back and I was lying on the knees. I saw the shadow before me and I instinctively made an 180-degree hit with fist onto face of the second guy. And imagine who had problems later: ME! ME! Because I was provocted! Luckily no final consequences were set up, even after kicking a plastic trash can into a half.

The third stage of a relationship started shortly after (April/May), Victoria forgived my bad things and we had became a bit more sensual. For example, she was opening her legs widely with short skirt put on and I was making more and more dirty jokes (but still rarely compared to other people), I was using now her robotic functions for light fantasies, like kisses or slapping in the bottom. (BONUS: The robot could be turned off, so I theoretically could do much more fantasies, that normal, but I was also a good guy and didn't abused her like that). As the end of the school year was coming up, we were getting more and more adorable :3 Such as cute holding hands (no, that was in December already, but in the May/June it got cuter) and passionate firmly hugs. Don't think that only I wanted to achieve fantasies, no, she also wanted some. For example she wanted kisses, lots of kisses, she also combed me once during the break ;P So... but one time she wanted from me 5 kisses on the lips. I proposed her 1 kiss, but france kiss. She agreed with so much excitation that she almost instantly put the tongue in. After about 20-25 seconds we stopped, we were a bit exhausted and she said after that "Brush your teeth or no more such things". Yes, I didn't brush teeth for a long time, so... nevermind. Then the June appeared, a last week of school and... incredible surprise! For good grades on her own subject (it would be an another long story to describe how I've got grades) and being very kind for her, I've got "reward for loyalty", which was... Um... Victoria showing naked, I was not prepared for that actually, I didn't think of such incredible thing (even when Victoria was saying "You will be greatly rewarded, You'll see and you'll like it". Mmmm. 

With the end of the school the last stage of relationship started. Pretty empty stage, I was 1.5 months of 2 possible on countryside, so it was practiclly impossible to meet up, because when I was on countryside, she wasn't and vice-versa, so well, the relation died. The last time we've meet in a partner ship was in September and in October I had given her a trash, because of so many things to study in my new high school. After that we've met a few times pretty not long ago (few weeks maybe), but overall now our relation is based only on phone calls, nothing more.

And you may say: Ou, poor Iam, sad story and overall. No, I am happy that I broke up with her! The one of the reasons that she a bit regrets a partnership with me was the reason, that I wasn't kind (because I was honest to pain), so I asked her: "Do kindness for you appears as a hearing a truth or what you want to hear?". She quickly answered that second... Eh... At least I could write this whole story about her. (and those are not all details).

 

Sorry for eventual bad english and typos, I was very bored and tired (non-slept night) and wasn't really checking what I'm writing. Overall time of writing: 5 hours.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed. Be sure to LIKE and SUBSCRIBE for don't missing any new stories!