AlicornSpell

General Is it very rare for a pair of childhood friends to fall in love with each other as teenagers or adults?

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Posted (edited)

A big romance plot device that often happens in fiction is that 2 characters who have been friends since childhood end up developing romantic feelings for each other as either teenagers or adults. But however in real life, that rarely seems to be the case.

People who been friends with someone since childhood will most likely think of them as a sibling figure rather than a mate.

So I think that TV shows and movies and books and comic books and video games need to stop having "a pair of characters that have been friends with each other since childhood who then end up becoming more than friends later in their lives" happening as much as it does, since that seems like a rare thing in real life.

Edited by AlicornSpell
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Posted (edited)

Seems the most logical conclusion. Your intellect on this subject is unparalleled sire.

Edited by The Whiteraven
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I don't know how common it is, but it happened to me. It happened to a few friends of mine too. In fact it is probably more common in small towns, which is why it probably seems rare to people who live in micropolitan and metropolitan areas. There is also something to be said about story telling needing the extraordinary to highlight the ordinary, so creating relative stories may lead to more a more boring and less aspirational and inspirational narrative. 

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I have fallen in love with two of my childhood friends, one of them I actually dated. Not one of the wisest things to do as we're no where nearly as close as we use to be. I can see it being more likely to date someone who isn't close to you, than your best friend but not to the point of it being very rare. I'd say a good few of us has had secret feelings towards a close friend at one point, but didn't want to risk their friendship. But then again research and evidence trumps personal experience.

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14 minutes ago, BronyNumber 2nd Amendment said:

The guy will get friend zoned.

Heh. Actually she got friend zoned by me for years. :P

 

It wasn't until college that things changed.  

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I don't know how common it is, but I don't know anyone who has fallen love with a childhood friend IRL,

I have fallen in love with a couple of my friends, but ones I have made when I was a teenager (or almost a teenager in the case of my ex).

I don't live in a small town though, infact I live in the biggeSt city in all of Scotland's suburbs so I really don't know how common it is, considering I lost contact with all of my primary friends almost entirely.

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I think it's a charming idea. Most people who are close when they're young may drift apart because of life taking them in one direction or another. Parents move their families to different cities or states, kids change schools, and many other factors can apply. But those who are lucky enough to stay close seem perfectly primed to become romantically involved when they reach the age for it. They already have the history, friendship and understanding that is so difficult to form with a complete stranger. So I don't see why they couldn't fall in love if there's something between them that they respond to. I wouldn't assume they'd just be like siblings because they aren't; it's an entirely different dynamic. 

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7 hours ago, BronyNumber 2nd Amendment said:

The guy will get friend zoned.

Literally, there is no such thing lol.

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2 hours ago, Key Sharkz said:

Literally, there is no such thing lol.

Beg to differ.

I think it's more likely for you and a friend to date when you've met in middle or high school because if you knew each other all the way through elementary school you might view each other more like siblings but I think this is dependent on location as well.

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True, you can argue that it never happens. Although, half my friends who are married got married to their childhood sweethearts. Now, the exception to this is that they were kinda predestined to become childhood lovers, since they all had 3 things in common:
the person who was there the most when it counted
the person lived in the same town or neighbourhood
and the person who already knows the parent.

In the modern age, it is more of a Disney-esque fantasy. Mainly due to the large amounts of dating apps made available to the youth.

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I guess no one checked out my statistics link, which answers a lot of questions here.... <___<

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2 hours ago, King Blanketfort said:

I guess no one checked out my statistics link, which answers a lot of questions here.... <___<

Well not all websites are accurate you know? 

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Truthfully I don't think I've ever been so close to any of my childhood friends that I'd consider them similar to a sibling. 

I haven't experienced it myself but I don't think it's rare, just uncommon at most as I feel most of the time you tend to lose contact with childhood friends depending on how far back you go and how close you was in the first place. With me for example, I'm not really close with any of my childhood friends from elementary school, we split off years ago and most of them I don't even really talk too.

Also I'm not sure if it's just that I'm strange or something xD but I often find it hard to imagine going out with a close friend, especially a childhood friend. I've been asked out by close friends before but I turned them down since the idea of being romantic with them just... doesn't work with me considering I've known them for so many years as a friend and always treated them as a friend. So to then suddenly become affectionate towards them just doesn't work in my mind. 

I will stand by a opinion though that relationships formed from close friendships such as with childhood friends are the best types of relationships. You're already very close, have bonded over all those years and likely share many interests considering you stayed close so it's extremely ideal to go out with a childhood friend. Truthfully you'd be quite lucky to have that opportunity  

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I was thinking of something similar actually, like what if you knew your neighbors for a while and someone in particular you eventually grew close to... but wouldn’t they be more like family at that point? Not literally, but in a way. I wouldn’t forbid it but I’d understand such feelings :wacko: .

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Posted (edited)
11 hours ago, Key Sharkz said:

Literally, there is no such thing lol.

But figuratively there is. ^_^

Edited by BronyNumber 2nd Amendment

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7 hours ago, AlicornSpell said:

Well not all websites are accurate you know? 

Indeed, but taking a look does no harm, and it would give you a decent idea of where to springboard your thoughts from. Multiple sites come up with the questions you seek, and their validity can be checked. There are many scientific works done in the field of relationships and human interpersonal connections. While some of these things are subjective, as in, some people experience "Yes! Best friends can be lovers!" because they had a positive experience, while others can go, "No! That's a bad idea, it ruined a friendship of mine!" it all comes down again to that individual. However, scientific basis such as these act as just that, a basis. This is a statistic to show you the overall percentages and experience of a wide variety of peoples. It's called a "control" group, in scientific experimentation and does serve as a great starting point for more studies to branch off from, which are usually the results of anomalies that they wish to investigate further.

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I have found the chances of falling in love with a childhood friend are actually less, I knew this girl since I was about 6 years old, when I was about 16 / 17 I finally popped the question and she was like ''Oh hell naw, I've known you for too long, it would be weird''! :P  

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I have many childhood friends who are the opposite gender, and they're too much like siblings to me. I never have and never will have romantic feelings for them.  So in my opinion, it's rare, but certainly isn't impossible for other people. Everyone's different. 

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I've never had feelings for any of my opposite gender friends (and after I met Lucky I realized I didn't really have feelings for my ex) but one of the YouTube channels that I watch, one of the guys started dating his wife when they were in 7th grade and never broke up from that day on.

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On ‎6‎/‎21‎/‎2018 at 8:24 PM, King Blanketfort said:

Indeed, but taking a look does no harm, and it would give you a decent idea of where to springboard your thoughts from. Multiple sites come up with the questions you seek, and their validity can be checked. There are many scientific works done in the field of relationships and human interpersonal connections. While some of these things are subjective, as in, some people experience "Yes! Best friends can be lovers!" because they had a positive experience, while others can go, "No! That's a bad idea, it ruined a friendship of mine!" it all comes down again to that individual. However, scientific basis such as these act as just that, a basis. This is a statistic to show you the overall percentages and experience of a wide variety of peoples. It's called a "control" group, in scientific experimentation and does serve as a great starting point for more studies to branch off from, which are usually the results of anomalies that they wish to investigate further.

But still aren't people not attracted to those they grew up with, as an evolutionary safety mechanism to prevent a lack of genetic diversity? Have you ever heard of the "Westermarck effect"?

Here's the tropes page that is about the Westermarck effect: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LikeBrotherAndSister

Here's some sentences from the "real life" section of the tropes page that I linked:

"A particularly nasty example of this trope occurred in 16th century France. At the time, marriages among royalty were arranged, and some of the unions were less than joyous. As a result, someone got the bright idea that if the young princes were raised with their respective fiancées from an early age, they would become accustomed to one another and grow up to form stable marriages. Unfortunately, since the couples weren't too closely related by blood or adoption, no one counted on the Westermarck effect described above. Thus, when it came time for the couples to grow up and get married, they saw each other as this trope, and the process of trying to produce heirs squicked them so much that they did so as little as possible, if at all. The nasty part comes in when, due to lack of heirs, the ruling Valois dynasty died out, and the resultant Succession Crisis led to civil war."

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I've seen to many friends fall in love with each other and they wind up ruining the friendship they had in the first place because of their relationship failing. I've had this happen personally with me and a girl and now she wants nothing to do with me now I wish I still had her friendship just so I could still be with her in a way. But it is possible usually the guy gets friend zoned and doesn't want to be friends. But like I said before I would rather have her as a friend and regret daily for even asking. I doubt I will ever here from her again :blush:

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Posted (edited)

Not rly, I hung out a lot with one girl in elementary school. When I was at her place, I remember her trying to do some inappropriate stuff with me, but I was like 6 or 7, and I still didn't feel it at this time, it just grossed me out lol.

Now I think she is in a relationship with someone. I've also known a neighbour girl for very long, she gives me tutoring lessons. But I wouldn't date her, since my family also knows her for so long, and they prolly know her better then me, so it just would be really weird.

Edited by Br O N Y

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