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Are there more bi/bi-curious women than men?


Olly

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It's probably that societal pressures close men off more to kissing/touching each other casually or calling each other attractive than women. But we do see far more "straight" women in all contexts kissing/touching other women or calling each other attractive, and expressing bisexual curiosity than men, even in more private settings. What do you think?

Edited by Olly
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Well, it's been known for a long time that behavior is not so simple that only social pressure determines it. Animals don't live in 'societies' yet they somehow know how to attract mates for reproduction and act upon their desires, then raise their young in often very sophisticated ways.

That said, I just don't think men find other men attractive, in general. However, I've yet to meet a gay man that was afraid to show affection openly...take it from me, they are very often not afraid.

Anyway, as for curiosity, I think men are probably less so because testosterone is competitive, not affectionate. Men by their nature are brutish and competitive, and this is often a good and healthy thing for his own survival, as well as his loved ones. And so rather than kiss and hug the stud, men tend to compete with and outdo the stud.

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1 hour ago, Mirage said:

I think men are probably less so because testosterone is competitive, not affectionate. Men by their nature are brutish and competitive, and this is often a good and healthy thing for his own survival, as well as his loved ones. And so rather than kiss and hug the stud, men tend to compete with and outdo the stud.

My knowledge of this subject tells me that's probably not the case. Ancient societies had a near over-abundance of homosexual culture. Male Bonobos (the very closest species to ourselves, genetically) tend to resolve conflicts with each other through intercourse rather than violence and the like. We can say men are competitive, but that doesn't prevent attraction.  Maybe I have already answered my own question, and it's all down to the society we find ourselves in.. but I still wonder. 

1 hour ago, Mirage said:

That said, I just don't think men find other men attractive, in general.

What do you base that view on? Just curious. 

Edited by Olly
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And my knowledge of ancient civilizations is that a vast majority of them failed completely.

In my experience, men are not generally attracted to other men. As a bi myself, I can tell you that men long for feminine intimatacy...even if that must come from another man.

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1 hour ago, Mirage said:

And my knowledge of ancient civilizations is that a vast majority of them failed completely.

What does that have to do with anything  :mlp_confused:

 

1 hour ago, Mirage said:

 As a bi myself, I can tell you that men long for feminine intimatacy...even if that must come from another man.

I don't think there's such a thing as "feminine" intimacy but if there were, how would you get it from a man?

Edited by Olly
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It might have to do with women being more aesthetically appealing. Not attractive, appealing. Guys like how girls look and girls like how girls look. When we think beauty, we think in terms of the feminine form. And "beautiful" men are typically effeminate. 

The ideal attractive man to both genders isn't a big, burly, rugged and bearded man's man, but someone who's kempt, trim, immaculate, and smooth in appearence. This could be considered the stereotypical gay look but it's also one many women favor and try to encourage in their own men. The closer to a youthful, effeminate, even androginous look a man has, the more appealing they are to both genders. 

And most guys tend to go the opposite of this aesthetic. 

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3 minutes ago, Denim&Venom said:

The ideal attractive man to both genders isn't a big, burly, rugged and bearded man's man, but someone who's kempt, trim, immaculate, and smooth in appearence. This could be considered the stereotypical gay look but it's also one many women favor and try to encourage in their own men.

I more or less agree with what your post is saying, but it's still fairly common (even standard, I would say) for women and men to prefer "big, burly, rugged and bearded" men, as far as I'm aware. Although it could be down to a difference of experience. 

7 minutes ago, Denim&Venom said:

The closer to a youthful, effeminate, even androginous look a man has, the more appealing they are to both genders. 

I'm an androgynous male and I do have some friends who would fall under that category as well, but being bisexual I've found that women aren't particularly more interested in me or them, and among bi and gay men there's even a "no fems" creed.  Although maybe there's a goldilocks zone here, and if you're too androgynous or not enough, this observation doesn't apply. 

 

I think the most important word you used is "youthful", since people are hard-wired to find youthful traits attractive. 

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2 hours ago, Olly said:

I think the most important word you used is "youthful", since people are hard-wired to find youthful traits attractive. 

To clarify, I don't just mean a lack of wrinkles, but also things like beards and long hair, things that contribute to a manly look. The smoother the features, the more neo-natal features one poses, the more they would be deemed more appealing and desirable. 

In other words, the type of things that would turn a man into a cute guy. 

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As a bi-curious male myself(I'm quite sure I'm straight, though), this seems like a very interesting topic to think about. Men sure tend to be less interested in relationships with other men, often weirding out men that do.

I'd say it's mostly because of culture. Boys holding hands is viewed as something weird, when it's perfectly normal for girls to do so. While I do think one's sexual orientation is decided mostly at birth, I think bi-curiousness is something completely different.

If you think about it, there's no reason anyone would hate cuddles and affection, even boys. It feels great to know that there's someone else who cares about you. I think most men don't like to show these kind of intimacy just because they grew up thinking it's bad or embarrassing. As for me, I came across some comics about romance between boys while in high school, and that was when I learned that those were a thing. The interesting thing is, I still cringe about being intimate and cuddly with male friends I made before that point. I think it's because boys I met before then were already imprinted in my brain as 'people who I cannot be cuddly with'. My brain is just refusing to change the first impressions it has on my friends. This kind of shows that what you know and think can really change what you like.

Edited by qwerE
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  • 4 months later...

I honestly don't know about that...hard to say.

All things aside, I WAS once bi-curious, and I'm female, so...

Edited by Lucky Bolt
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I don't get how people can be bi-curious. Isn't your supposed sexuality determined by which gender(s) you are - or have been - attracted to? Like, if somebody has always liked the opposite gender, they're straight; if they've always liked the same sex, they're gay; and if there's been a mixture of both, they're bisexual? How can one be confused about their sexuality?

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1 hour ago, BulkyBright said:

I don't get how people can be bi-curious. Isn't your supposed sexuality determined by which gender(s) you are - or have been - attracted to? Like, if somebody has always liked the opposite gender, they're straight; if they've always liked the same sex, they're gay; and if there's been a mixture of both, they're bisexual? How can one be confused about their sexuality?

Pretty goddamn easy to be confused. It is not that black and white and never has been. Boiling it down to that shows a complete lack of understanding of the human psyche and what people experience. While I didn't catch any flak for it, I turned out to be bisexual after a long time of thinking I only liked girls. Then I started liking men a lot more and that was an odd revelation and extremely confusing for a long time. So yes, it's easy to be confused about your sexuality.

On the topic at hand, this primarily boils down to societal pressure and actual toxic masculinity. Society says men aren't supposed to like each other too much or they're just total fags. It's a severe problem that honestly handicaps men from really having greater friendships, at least in the US. Not sure about everywhere else but in the US, men aren't supposed to show affection to other men and must not take their feelings seriously. Major hindrance for men everywhere. Honestly, it's really sad. I had to break away from some of those chains before I started transition since I fell into that trap a bit myself. I don't have to worry as much about it now, thank Celestia.

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47 minutes ago, The Historian said:

I turned out to be bisexual after a long time of thinking I only liked girls. Then I started liking men a lot more and that was an odd revelation and extremely confusing for a long time.

But, like, you still knew that you were bisexual after starting to like guys more, right? You didn't suddenly just think to yourself, "Oh, I might be gay," or, "I might be bisexual."

52 minutes ago, The Historian said:

Society says men aren't supposed to like each other too much or they're just total fags. It's a severe problem that honestly handicaps men from really having greater friendships, at least in the US. Not sure about everywhere else but in the US, men aren't supposed to show affection to other men and must not take their feelings seriously

I wouldn't say that the US has that kind of view on homosexuality anymore. Sure, back in the 20th century, there was a lot of stigma regarding it; but, here in 2019, the SJWs will pretty much castrate anybody that disagrees with homosexuality. It's ironic, actually, that so many people in the US complain about how many homophobes there are in their country but the only people in the US I hear talking about gays are the ones complaining about how many people are against it.

Take a look at the Urban Dictionary's definitions for the word "homosexual." I think that it's pretty safe to assume that at least half of the people writing these definitions are from the US, and I had to scroll through 46 definitions in order to find a remotely negative definition: "These people are great! I mean sure, they like making out with their own sex, but they're still awesome." In order to find a definition that was actually hating on gay people, I had to scroll through 109 definitions. Coincidence? I don't think so.

That being said, worldwide, homosexuality definitely is viewed in a less-than-positive way. In many countries - and even some states in the US, yes -, same-sex marriage is illegal, with some countries even punishing gays by extremely violent and inhumane means. But, for the most part, the US is accepting of gays.

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14 minutes ago, BulkyBright said:

But, like, you still knew that you were bisexual after starting to like guys more, right? You didn't suddenly just think to yourself, "Oh, I might be gay," or, "I might be bisexual."

I wouldn't say that the US has that kind of view on homosexuality anymore. Sure, back in the 20th century, there was a lot of stigma regarding it; but, here in 2019, the SJWs will pretty much castrate anybody that disagrees with homosexuality. It's ironic, actually, that so many people in the US complain about how many homophobes there are in their country but the only people in the US I hear talking about gays are the ones complaining about how many people are against it.

Take a look at the Urban Dictionary's definitions for the word "homosexual." I think that it's pretty safe to assume that at least half of the people writing these definitions are from the US, and I had to scroll through 46 definitions in order to find a remotely negative definition: "These people are great! I mean sure, they like making out with their own sex, but they're still awesome." In order to find a definition that was actually hating on gay people, I had to scroll through 109 definitions. Coincidence? I don't think so.

 That being said, worldwide, homosexuality definitely is viewed in a less-than-positive way. In many countries - and even some states in the US, yes -, same-sex marriage is illegal, with some countries even punishing gays by extremely violent and inhumane means. But, for the most part, the US is accepting of gays.

It took me a while to figure out what the hell was really going on, before I really understood it. So yeah, there was a lot of mights and maybes, and confusion about what that actually meant for me as a person. Acting like confusion doesn't exist is a severe disservice to everyone who struggles with it. Mine wasn't bad, thankfully, but I didn't not have a moment where I went, "yep, I like guys too" and a switch was flipped. That just doesn't happen.

You're missing my point entirely. What I meant has nothing to do with actually being gay. Rather, I meant the social stigma that straight men have for showing affection towards fellow straight men, among many other things. There is still a large section of society that states men must keep everything to themselves, cannot show emotion, cannot show affection to anyone except a spouse or their children, must never show fear, must never admit to failure, etc. While this is slowly being dismantled, there is still that pressure on many, many men and even on boys. It's these things that put up a barrier for more guys to explore things a lot more. Men exploring is looked down upon but women exploring is just fine. It's a product of genuine toxic masculinity and it hurts men everywhere.

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I think a lot of women are more open with their affection (which isn't always sexual in nature) than men are. Women are emotional and affectionate beings, and we show it in our own ways without really trying to fit it into someone else's template. I'm straight but I'm very affectionate with my female friends; we hug, hold hands, mess with each others' hair and it's all completely fine and natural. If any of my female friends wanted to suggest anything of a more 'bi-curious' nature, they'd have no difficulty making themselves understood. None of us really overthinks the differences between what we mean and what others may think because we don't care as long as it's clear to us

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